Just found out- TWINS. And I dont think I can do it. — The Bump

Just found out- TWINS. And I dont think I can do it.

Alexandra0223Alexandra0223 member
edited October 2015 in Multiples
I am having a nervous breakdown about this. We have a 2.5 yo son, and I just found out that the baby I am pregnant with (7w) is achually TWINS! 
I was never expecting this. It is such a lifestyle change. If it was a singleton we would have been fine, but now we need a new car, more stuff, etc. How do you even take care of newborn twins and a super clingy toddler? 

I really dont know if I can handle this. Thanks for hearing me vent. I know I should see it as a blessing, but I just cant. 


Re: Just found out- TWINS. And I dont think I can do it.

  • I'd say just give it a little time to sink in and give yourself one day at a time! I'm not sure how it works once they're here (I have a 3 and 4 year old with twins on the way). Be patient with yourself and it'll all settle over time!
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  • I completely know where you are coming from! I have an almost 9 month old and I am 22w pregnant with twins. It took me awhile to adjust from the shock. Being almost 6 months into this pregnancy, there are days I wonder how it will all work out. I try to just take a deep breath and stop myself from worrying. We can do this! (Well, with some help from grandma!)
    Good luck!

    Ella Rose

    1/17/15 born via IVF w/ ICSI

    Spontaneous Twins!

    Due January 2016

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  • Yes, I would just give it time to sink in. I felt better about things a few days later after finding out. They aren't coming tomorrow, so you'll have several months to plan and figure out how to be the rock star momma that you are. ;)
  • To second PPs, let it sink in. Then create a list of things you need/need to do (if this isn't too overwhelming for you). Then do one thing at a time. Delegate if you're comfortable and try and find support in your area. You can do this! Just try not to try and do it on your own
    Expecting Double Trouble, April 2016

  • Trust me, you can do this! My twin girls were born in June, and my son turned 3 in September. We would've been fine with one baby too. We had to go buy a bigger vehicle, because 3 car seats wouldn't fit in my car. We had to buy a second car seat. We had to buy 2 swings (the one from ds was shot). But, we're surviving, hell, we're thriving! Our son LOVES his twin sisters. He loves to help change them, helps daddy bottle feed them, holds them and kisses them all the time. The mommy instinct will kick in and you'll do great!

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  • Give it time to sink in. When I first found out, I was shocked and terrified. Now they're 9 months old and I still sometimes feel like I can't do this... but I can and I do. You'll make it work!
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  • When i found out i was having twins i felt the same way...as you pregnancy goes on instead of saying baby..you sat babies..its not him its them...you take things in pairs not singles ..it just became the new normal. You can do it...i am about 7 weeks away and to me it would seem weird now to only have one.
  • Like everyone said, just give it time. We found out half way through (19 weeks) that we were having twins. It was a huge shocker especially being so far along. Now, just 5 weeks later we're so used to the idea. There are still things that freak us out if we dwell on it too much; we need a bigger house, bigger car, so on so on. All of those things will be worked out in the end. It does us no good to stress about it now when we can't do anything about it. 

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  • Hi- I am new to this board and could have written this post. I have an 18 month old and I just found out that we are expecting 2. I am so worried about how I will be able to afford it (new car, new cribs, space) and how my DS will be. I am terrifed!
    Me 36/DH 46 Me: Low AMH (.21) DOR, mild endo; Started seeing RE 11/12
    Jan-March '13 3 IUIs Clomid + Trigger = BFN
    April '13 IVF 1 MDLF converted to 4th IUI due to 3 runaway follicles! BFN
    July/Aug '13 IVF 1.2 Long Lupron = 7R, 6F, 2T= BFP!!!
    Beta 1=512, Beta 2=1,368 Beta 3= 4,128
    It's a boy!!!!
    SUA, GD
    EDD 4/26/14

    He's Here! Arrived 4/15/14!!!!

    September 2015 - FET with remaining embryos
    Twins! EDD: 6/14/15

    PAIF/SAIF Everyone welcome!
  • Everyone tells me: I'm glad it's you and not me. I couldn't handle twins alone, and you have twins and a 3 year old.
    My response: I don't have a choice. I have to handle it, and it's getting easier and easier every day. If you had to do it, you could too. You have no choice.
    Everyone: Yeah, you're right. You do what you have to do.

    I'm not going to lie, it's hard as hell at first. BUT, it gets easier! I love being a twin mommy. It's amazing. And trust me, I had all those fears when I found out too.

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  • I also have a 2.5 year old and am expecting twins. I definitely cried about it for awhile and I still have days when I think that I can't do it. Once I calmed down and started to process it, we made a plan of action and now I'm starting to feel a little bit more confident.

    We're going to have my mom & mil come and stay with us on an alternating schedule for the first month and then we're going to get a cleaning lady once a month (gift cards for a cleaning service are the #1 item on my xmas list this year) and we're maybe going to try to get a mother's helper to come a few times per week for the first few months. I've also started stocking my freezer with meals for after they arrive.

    As for the car, we may still need to upgrade to something bigger but we are going to try to see if we can fit 3 across with slimmer seats first. We just ordered a Diono radian for our son and bought Chicco keyfits for the twins. If you google 3 car seats & your car model you might be able to find a way to make it work without buying a new car just yet.

    My advice is to sit down and think about what exactly has you stressed out and then try to troubleshoot the issues one at a time. Once we started to break it down and figure everything out I started to feel much more in control and less overwhelmed by the whole thing.
    BabyFruit Ticker Follow my baby story at: http://www.nycitified.blogspot.com/
  • hayleydeeehayleydeee member
    edited October 2015
    My daughter was 3 when my twins were born, so I know how you feel. I'm not going to lie to you, it's tough. BUT that being said, it's amazing what we can do when we have to. Simply put, you will make it work.

    It's going to be different than it was with your singleton, but the bright side is that you already know how to take care of an infant(s), and you already know who you are as parent. Having had my singleton first made me a lot more relaxed as a parent by the time my boys came around. 

    Accept help, go easy on yourself, and take it day by day. You can do this :)

     ETA, about the "stuff". We made do w/ out a whole lot more. The only things we had doubles of were, care seats, rock'n'plays, high chairs (the cheap booster seat kind) and eventually cribs. Everything else we just made do with the one of that we had left from my daughter.
    Married 07.07.07. Mom to 3: Ruby 11/08 and Oliver & Austin 12/11
  • You're NOT alone!  I have a 2.5 year old and found out we were expecting twins about 6 weeks ago... it's taken me this long to get to an acceptance phase of this pregnancy for sure.

    I was so panicked and depressed that I was researching termination or fetal selection options.  I felt like no one understood the true 'burden' I was feeling.  My husband was extremely supportive, and I found that talking with my closest friends and family was the thing that helped me the most.  The outpouring of support and love helped keep me afloat.

    Now, at 14 weeks pregnant, I won't say I'm outright excited about twins, but I feel mentally ready to take on the challenge, and have accepted that it's just the way it's going to be. 

    It's OK to mourn for the loss of the life you expected for a bit, in fact I think it's a necessary step.  You can do this!
  • @Alexandra0223, I just posted my intro a few minutes ago, but wanted to let you know that I'm right there with you.  We found out a few weeks ago and at first I was terrified.  I couldn't sleep, I was worried about everything, I was physically sick, and I was a nervous wreck.  After a few days, telling our families and a few close friends, and talking about different stuff with DH, I began to feel better.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still worried about how we'll afford twins, but I'm trying to take it one day at a time.  

  • I agree that you'll need some time to let it sink in. I too felt the same way when I found out. Honestly, now that I've had a few months to let it sink in I really wouldn't want it any other way. You just kind of shift the way that you think about things. I also found a local multiples group which has been very helpful. My group also has multiple sales for members, so you may be able to find some good deals on all of those "doubles" you'll need to buy. Sometimes I still get overwhelmed, but I figure that women have been having twins throughout time and have made it work. We will all make it work too!! :)
  • I am having a nervous breakdown about this. We have a 2.5 yo son, and I just found out that the baby I am pregnant with (7w) is achually TWINS! 

    I was never expecting this. It is such a lifestyle change. If it was a singleton we would have been fine, but now we need a new car, more stuff, etc. How do you even take care of newborn twins and a super clingy toddler? 

    I really dont know if I can handle this. Thanks for hearing me vent. I know I should see it as a blessing, but I just cant. 
    I'm where you are! I'm 12 weeks along and just found out they're twins, I have a 16 month old. Twins were the one thing I was afraid of, not that there was any reason to think it would happen - but hey it did. We need a new car now, no idea where they'll fit in the house, etc...
    I'm not excited yet, just terrified and pukey
  • First, let me tell you, you CAN do this. My oldest was 23 months when my twins were born. It was hard, really hard, but we used our "village" and accepted any and all help/meals offered. It is a huge shock, but you will figure it out-that's what us mamas do. :)
    BFP 5/2/11 DS born 1/19/12. 
    BFP #2 12/29/12, EDD 9/6/13, MC 1/2/13.
    BFP #3 5/4/13, EDD 1/9/14  Twin Boys! L&L born 12/18/13
    BFP #4 10/10/15 - Surprise!  Boy #4!.  EDD 6/19/16

  • You can do it! My best advice is to find a moms of multiples group in your area- just google your city + "mothers of multiples" and I'm sure something will come up. We have a very active one in my city, we mainly utilize Facebook but also have monthly meetings & play dates, etc (not that I go to those often) and it has been a LIFESAVER for me. I have also made some very good friends there that I can relate & vent to and turn towards for advice. It is the best thing I ever did and I guarantee you will be glad you did it too. :) we look out for each other!
  • Oh gosh, I felt the same way when we found out! At the time I had a 2 year old & completely freaked out with the twin news! So unexpected! BUT! My twins are now 9 months & it's totally doable! And it's the most work ever...but you get better at it everyday! I am now the queen of multi tasking! Plus, my now 3 year old is a little helper for me. :) Just hang in there & take it one day at a time. Looking back, the pregnancy was way more difficult than when the twins arrived. Congrats!!
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