What You Want to Teach...

MercyC1130

I'm a FTM, naturally I've been thinking a lot about things I want to teach and do and I instill in my child.
I want them to be their own person, and so I will try and be flexible (not forcing my own diet, religious beliefs..ect). However there are simply some things I know for a fact I want to make sure my child knows and we both try and live by.
Have you thought of anything similar or actively are doing for your children now?

For me, I grew up in a house where parents were always fighting. They said horrible and hostile things to each other and to us about each other. I don't ever want to talk negatively about my SO to our kids, no matter what happens, I am the adult and he is their father. If we fight in front of them, I want them to know we are going to make up.
Also, this is especially if I have a daughter/s, I don't want to speak poorly of other woman/people in front of them. Like, to an extent, lol.
I think a lot of self-esteem issues start early and are contributed to the early notion that there are "levels" of quality in a person. Even if you tell a little girl one day that they are prettier than another and that may seem like a compliment, then the next day they may wonder if they are prettier than the others. I want my kids to try and appreciate qualities without having to compare.
These things are just my opinions, and what I want to aim for. It may seem simple to some or silly to others but I've been thinking about it a lot lately!
I'm interested in hearing what are some things you guys might have on your mind

rubirubi89

I love my mom to pieces and I know she loves me too. We just never actually say it to eachother. The only person I can say "I love you" to is my husband. I don't want that for my son. I will teach him to be able to express his love with words.

solitude1984

I'm having a little boy, and I'm hoping to teach him to be a gentleman. I also want him to know that he can play with any toys that he wants, even if they are "girly, " because I want him to be himself. There are other things, bit those are 2.

thegingeravenger

I want to teach love and acceptance almost above all other things. I dream of a day where discrimination of all kinds is non-existent and while I may not live to see that day, I want my grandchildren to see that day. I may not see it but to get there, it starts with us.

thefithuntress

I will praise my daughter's intelligence and talents. I don't want her growing up hearing that she's always cute or pretty because I want her worth to be determined by something far more substantial.

MercyC1130

thefithuntress said:

I will praise my daughter's intelligence and talents. I don't want her growing up hearing that she's always cute or pretty because I want her worth to be determined by something far more substantial.

Oh yes.
I want them to explore their talents too. If that means piano lessons from a young age on or hopping from one thing to a next, I want to be really supportive and give them what they really need to pursue any of it.

modanz1

I want my son to be a good man who is a kind and considerate gentleman like his father. I want him to know that the majority of people are still good, even if all we ever see in the media is bad people doing bad things.  I want him to know that he is capable of anything and should grab all of life's experiences. (unless they involve moving away from me, that's not allowed.  ( )

rubirubi89

thefithuntress said:

I will praise my daughter's intelligence and talents. I don't want her growing up hearing that she's always cute or pretty because I want her worth to be determined by something far more substantial.

MercyC1130

rubirubi89 said:

thefithuntress said:

I will praise my daughter's intelligence and talents. I don't want her growing up hearing that she's always cute or pretty because I want her worth to be determined by something far more substantial.

I love this!!

poupoule

Something I always lived by, and I don't even know where it comes from, but never say/do something to someone else without putting yourself in their shoes first. If you would not appreciate to be on the receiving end, then it is wrong to say/do it. Everybody is different, some are more sensitive than others. Respect them. There is always things you don't know about them, so you can't judge. Mistrust any "first impression"/prejudice you have against others. Listen to other people needs behind their words. Be aware of your own needs behind your feelings/actions.

The rest is of course love, communication, patience, and enjoy your life. Trust yourself and what you can accomplish. Don't pull yourself down. Respect yourself, respect others... 

And a lot more of small details ahah

kmkrushi

On top of trying to teach my daughter love, acceptance and empathy I've also been trying to teach her to be tough and fearless. When she trips and falls we've always encouraged her to get back up, brush it off and try again. I also try to instill independence and pride in her individuality.

semulcahy

This seems really stupid, and I'm a FTM, so I'm not sure how practical it is, but I'd love all of my kids to take at least a year of music lessons. I don't really care what instrument. I took piano lessons for about ten years, and I think it really benefitted me in a lot of ways. If they don't like it, then they can quit after the year mark, but I'm hoping to give them a love for music, as well as a desire to work hard and dedicate time to practice in order to be good at something. Obviously there are other things, like teaching respect for himself and others, honesty and compassion, but music lessons are one of the tangible things I'd like to give them to build on.

*edit because words are hard

MercyC1130

@semulcahy I would love for my children to play music. There are many benefits to learning theory and reading it and starting early. Same here though that I wouldn't want to force it.
I play music and have kind of always wished that I'd started much earlier!
Really though I don't care what they are into, as long they are passionate about something!

makeoutside7

I want to teach my daughter respect and integrity. She can be spoiled but she will not be an asshole. Also, language is important. I want her to be trilingual like I am. I see so many second and third generation kids who can no longer speak their native language and I don't want my kid to be one of them. Going to try my best to preserve it. So many things I want to teach her but I know that you ladies don't have all day.

NovemberSno

I've got two little girls and 1 on the way!! I grew up with a POS/abusive father (words can't describe). So the most important thing I want to teach (and set an example for) is that they are worth it. They are worth every single bit of being respected and loved! They are never to tolerate being disrespected and never to treat another human how they wouldn't want to be treated. My husband plays a huge role in this lesson by treating me the way he would want thier husbands to treat them, because I'm someone's daughter too.

BTW my favorite post yet, love to hear all the beautiful things our future generation will learn!

AmoLovesAud

Alcoholism, depression, and anger issues run pretty rampant in my family, so I will, most importantly, teach her the healthy ways to handle her emotions, and that she can always come to me and DH for help/advice/support/anything, no matter what, her whole life.  I want her to feel like she's always welcome back 'home', if she needs it.

I want to teach her to be a good citizen of the earth, and of her community, and teach her understanding and compassion for people who think/act differently than her.

I want to instill independence and self-reliance, but also that DH and I will always have her back.  I want her to feel its okay to try and fail, because we'll help her get up and try again.

And I agree with PPs about teaching an instrument.  Its a great thing to start teaching at a really young age, not only can start a love of music/the arts, but its very tangible proof that hard work pays off, and improves math and logic skills.  Obviously I'm not going to force the kid if she hates it, but I will encourage her to stick with some kind of instrument/music lesson for awhile early on.

dmiller1213

I want to teach him to be a free thinker. My husband and I are not religious, but we live in a place where it's almost unheard of to not believe. And you are judged so hard if anyone found out. I want him to think on his own, and not fall into the norms of where we live. Whatever he chooses we will support, but I want it to be HIS choice.

I want him to not see people for the color of their skin but for their character. It's 2015 and we should be over racism but that's not the case in the south. Quite sad. I want him to be friends with everyone, no matter the difference of their skin tones.

And I've said this before, but since it goes along with this thread I'll say it again. I want him to treat the janitor the same way he would treat a CEO. There's few qualities in life, in my opinion, that are more important than just being a nice person.

savyjohn1

I have a daughter and a son. Our baby is another boy. At our house, we do not worry about girl toys or boy toys. Do my kids tend toward one or the other, yes. But I have no problem with my daughter painting my sons finger nails, or my daughter shooting a bow. I think the more things you can teach your child regardless of gender, the more well rounded of an adult they will be become. We encourage our kids to try anything that interests them. If they try it and don't like it, we move on. If they love it, we make the investment in helping them nurture that. I guess my only advise would be don't be afraid to let them be who they will be. We all want certain things for our kids, but that is not always what will be best for them as an individual.

Favoritemandms

My husband and I both have terrible habits of using negative self talk and constantly say things like "I'm an idiot" or "I messed up as usual". We're starting now to try to kick the habit because I'll start crying the first time I hear similar words out of my child's mouth referring to himself.

rachswi

I want my son to learn integrity. I think it's something that so many seem to have lost. If he commits to something, I want him to see it through. Especially when it comes to trying new things - if he wants to try a sport or musical instrument, I'm all about him having a chance to participate in that, but he's not going to be quitting after the second week. Both DH's and my parents did this, and I'm so thankful they did - I probably never would have stuck with the violin if my mom let me quit when the calluses on my fingers hurt. Sure, there were sports I ended up hating, but I'm so glad I got a fair shot at them.

I want to instill a love of learning in my son. I want him to ask as many questions as his little mind can think of, and I want to be ok saying "I don't know - let's find out." I don't want just "because" to be an answer.

I want my son to know he is precious and loved. I know there will be days when I screw up and say the wrong thing, but I want him to know that mommy makes mistakes and is fallible. But no matter what, she loves you.

BlondeMomma92

honestly there are so many things-- I want to instil or teach my daughter, and trying to list them all here I know I would forget something. I just hope I do a good job, because I see some of the scary things happening in the world now. Things that I certainly didn't have to deal with as a child, and now I have to raise one in a world filled with so much animosity towards each other. It scares me, because I want to do a good job. I want my child to grow up; and have the skills and knowledge and moral compass to get them through this world unscathed (or virtually unscathed). 

angelinthepit23

I also grew up in a toxic household and it makes me so happy to think my child will never have to witness that and grow up in that environment. I most want to encourage my child to do well in school and make something of themselves. This was the opposite in my household. I was told not to look into colleges because my parents couldn't afford it and they refused to sign on any school loans. They let my younger sister drop out of high school. I never want my LO to go through what I did.

MercyC1130

@rachswi I couldn't have been older than 11 and I wanted to try cheerleading. Just the pal league, but after a couple weeks or so I remember getting in a fight with my dad because I hated it and wanted to quit. We fought because he was actually going to let me quit too easily and that didn't seem like him at all.
I ended up not quitting and stuck out the season even though it was not for me at all I made friends and learned a lot. Definitely never did it again though, lol.
I remember being proud of myself and even though my dad didn't exactly force me, he had already raised me by then to make a good decision myself. He was also proud but really, even if I'd quit, I think he wouldn't of made me feel bad.
What you said reminded me of that

lulamagoo

If you commit to something then you commit. (If you want to sign up for a sport but decide you don't like it that is fine, you don't have to play, but you still have to be at every practice and game to support your team)
Kindness
Integrity
Standing up for yourself. (I hate confrontation so I want to empower our children to not be afraid of it)
Hard work, nothing is handed to you. No allowance, chores are a part of being a family.

lakesideknitter

My main goal is to help this person become a highly-functioning, successful adult (albeit not necessarily in the traditional sense of the word).
He will not feel entitled to anything. He will know what it's like to work hard for the things he wants. He will understand how to budget time and money. He will have the necessary tools to deal with his emotions and communicate effectively in relationships. He will feel loved and know how to make others feel loved.
All easier said than done, but those are my goals.

MercyC1130

I just thought of this one. I want my baby to be close to family. I want them to know their cousins and aunts and uncles well and know extended family. That was never much of a thing for me and I always feel a little weird at the occasional family gathering.

greyphoenix

My dad wasn't in my life until I was 15 and even now he's not a great role model. My stepfather was abusive. I have uncles but they aren't close. Anyway I was afraid to have a son because I didn't know what I could teach him being a single mom and not having role models for him. I know I can raise him to be a good man based on what I know is wrong. I want him to know his voice matters. I want him to be able to come to me with big things and little things. I want him to know crying doesn't make him weak, it means he's sensitive and emotions are okay. I want him to know no matter what life throws at you, you can still have a positive heart and mind and continue to make a difference in someone's life. I want him to be giving without giving so much he loses himself. I want him to be kind even if they don't deserve it. I want him to respect women like they are his mother. I want to have mommy son dates to show him how to open doors and treat a lady. I want him to play sports and know I will be his number one cheerleader but if he's like me he will be an artist and have no coordination with a basketball and that's okay too. I think I just realized what I want to write in his baby book, lol.

poupoule

Interesting how everybody has her own experience in life, that she wants to pass along, we all had difficulties in different aspect of life.

MRSJESSICAX

What a cute post! Living near the beach and a river i think its vital to teach babe water safety and get him involved in Nippers (Australian Surf lifesaving) which is fun activities and learning about swimming in the ocean etc.

Also want to teach him to be gentleman and how to treat people with kindness.

Falchas

What a nice thread, I love all of these thoughts!  I would basically be repeating all of these as to what I want my children to learn from me, but I'll add good manners to the mix.  There is something so wonderful about meeting a child who can have a nice conversation and use please and thank-you.  I know it's hard for some kids, especially shy individuals, but it is such an important life skill.

@MRSJESSICAX, I am so with you on the water safety!  We've had our little guy in swim lessons since he was a baby.  He's now three and is comfortable in the water and knows his limits and safety rules.  This summer while we were on the beach, I was definitely moving a lot slower in and out of the water.  It was great knowing that he had some basic skills under his belt.  He may not be doing laps quite yet, but he can handle himself enough that I felt comfortable enough being an ungainly pregnant lady in the water with him.