Going to bed Asleep — The Bump
April 2015 Moms

Going to bed Asleep

Hi Moms! If this has been posted already I apologize. I just transitioned my sim into the crib from the rock and sleep thing. He has never been able to be put down for bed unless he is fully asleep. If he wakes while your laying him down you gotta start over. I have tried letting him cry until he back asleep but it's just not going to happen. My question is: how can I get him to lay in bed when he's tired and fall asleep on his own? He's 6 months. Will it happen over time? Anyone else going thru this?

Re: Going to bed Asleep

  • Around 4 months we started sleep training. You go in at increasing intervals 3,5,7 min until they fall asleep on their own in the crib. You can go in and rub their back or belly but not pick them up. It worked really well for us. The first night we had to go in 3 times, the second twice and the third he fell asleep on his own and continues to do so now!
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  • we tried that starting at 3 months when he was sleep training and it never worked on him. He has slept thru the night since 3 months so sleep training did work, just not completely i guess
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  • @lmk115 I don't post a ton, but I'm interested in this. I have a baby who is approaching 6 months and I have the same issue. Is this the Ferber method? I had been reading up on it today. Do you have a bedtime routine leading up to this?
  • It is the Ferber method. I highly recommend buying the book. Reading the research and rational behind it is huge. Also I found it gets exaggerated on websites and made to sound mean. I'm not saying it's easy to hear your baby cry, but watching my baby roll on his side, snuggle in and fall asleep o. His own is so worth it. Honestly, I wish I could fall asleep as easy as he does now.

    We do have a routine, the biggest thing that I think that helps him is he sleeps in a zipadee zip. It's made to transition babies out of swaddling. Our plan was to just use it from 4-6 months, then just go with pajamas and a sleep sack. However, I think it is his signal that it's sleepytime. Our nanny calls it the miracle suit. He can still fully move and roll around in it, but it is just enough to make him feel snuggled and safe. They are not cheap, $30-36, unless you catch a rare sale. However, I think it was worth every penny. They just had a sale and I bought 2 in the mediums(6-12 month size)
  • I'm also still having issues getting my (almost) 6 mo to sleep on his own. I've tried every method I've heard of and he's only fell asleep on his own once and it was because he was wayyy over tired and cried for a good 10 minutes first. We've tried a schedule, we've tried patting him on the back, putting him in his crib when he's drowsy, leaving him longer each night, nothing works. He just sits up and wants to play! And he wakes up once or twice a night too. It's hard because when we leave him with my mom to watch him she has to rock him or cuddle with him in the rocking chair until he's asleep, and she has other stuff to get done. However, even though it's hard and exhausting, I know it won't last forever and I have the benefit of being a SAHM besides school at night so it's not a huge deal. I just hope my next baby is easier about sleeping!
  • edited October 2015
    I JUST accomplished getting my baby to go to sleep on her own. I never ever thought it would happen. She really really needed my help to get to sleep. She was 5 months one week when she started sleeping on her own. Before that, I had to nurse her to sleep, wait 10 mins then sneak her into her crib. And I held her for naps. And I never thought it would end. Now I can put her in her crib and leave the room and she will go to sleep! And she's sleeping there for naps! And only wakes once at night at about 6am for a feeding (before she was up every 1-3 hours and I had to nurse her back to sleep. I am happy to answer any questions you have about how I did it. Really though I take no credit I believe my baby was ready and it was my husband's idea to try sleep training. I never in a million years thought it would be so easy and go so well after being so hard for so long. 

    Before we tried sleep training we got the green light from the dr to start solids. Our schedule was eat solids at 6:30 (rice cereal and either sweet potatoes, carrots, or butternut squash), bathtime at 7:00, jammies and stories at 7:15, halo sleepsack and say "goodnight" to all the room and turn out the lights, nursing (at about 7:30) and then after nursing bed. In my opinion this was the first step and I would give the advice to you that if you have a regular bedtime and bedtime routine and you are consistent with it then that is ok to establish that first until you are ready for sleep training which is the next step. I think it will help it go easier. Solids especially seemed like a secret weapon with sleeping through the night, but it honestly didn't make a difference until we also did sleep training.

    Now that she's sleeptrained during this last nursing session of the day I do not try to have her fall asleep nursing. If she starts drifting off I tickle her or rub her back, feet, etc. so she will keep nursing. When that doesn't work, and she's really asleep I immediately carry her to her crib. I put her down gently but not overly carefully. It's ok if she wakes up a bit. Last night, she didn't make a peep I put her down and she kept on sleeping even though she seemed aware that I put her down. I know you can't believe your baby will do this but trust me, if mine will yours will. She really had a bad sleep association problem and needed me to nurse her to sleep over and over and over and was really far from being able to fall asleep on her own.
    Some tips: If she starts crying at nursing time and won't nurse, which keeps happening, I kiss her and tell her I love her and put her in her crib and say "love you baby" and then I leave the room and let her cry for 5 mins. Then when I come back and pick her up she always is ready to nurse and does a good nursing session. Not sure why but that is the case. If she cries AFTER the nursing session or when I put her in her crib I tell her Mommy loves you so much. Night night baby sweet dreams I love you and put my hand on her tummy, and then I leave. If she's still crying 10 mins later, Daddy goes in and does the same, leaning into her crib putting his hand on her tummy and saying some loving words to her. Repeat every 10 minutes until she is asleep. Happy and excited to tell you that we usually only need to do this once, or twice and sometimes not at all! We also use her "glow seahorse" which when you press it, glows and plays quiet music. We have it in her crib which I'm sure you know is NOT recommended so use your own discretion and we have it above her head at the top of the crib with the glow pointing away from her. We also have her dressed in footed jammies and a light halo sleepsack. During the last nursing session I put her "twilight ladybug" on which casts red stars and creates a relaxing ambiance. Sometimes it distracts her and then I have to switch it off and she'll start nursing again. 

    I stopped sleeping in the same room as her. I think that's part of the success, too. (Plus she started flipping herself onto her tummy at night which is helping, too.)

    For nursing, I was given advice by the author of Baby411 Dr Ari Brown that at this age, 5 months, she can go 9 hours of sleeping without nursing. So when I nurse her at night I note the time that i start. Most nights this is 7:30. That means that the time I need to remember is 4:30am. If she cries out 4:30 or later in the morning I go in and nurse her. After I nurse her she is still awake, I put her back in her crib and leave the room and close the door and miraculously she goes back to sleep and sleeps for 2 more hours. If it's before 4:30 then when she cries out I do not go to her. I stay away! After 10 minutes my husband would check on her and reassure her with touching the tummy (no picking her up!) and repeat every 10 minutes- although this is purely hypothetical she now does not wake up before the feeding time at night and if she does she doesn't cry for 10 mins. When she gets older (I think 6 months? have to check...) this changes to 12 hours.

    For napping and nursing- I note the time when she wakes up in the morning- not the first time when I nurse her at about 6am and she goes back to sleep. The NEXT time- the time that she's really up. Then I know 2 hours later is the time to put her back down. I nurse her every time she wakes up and the only time I nurse her before she goes to sleep is bedtime at night. When she wakes up from her first nap I note the time, nurse her, and I know 2 hours from the time she woke up is when she goes down again. If she wakes up from her nap before she's been in there for one hour (regardless of how long she's been sleeping) I let her cry for 10 mins and then go check on her every 10 minutes until she's been in there one hour then it's time to get up. (I've never needed to do this but if I did I would note the time she gets up, nurse her, and put her back down one hour from when she gets up as in when I take her out of the crib.) If she sleeps more than an hour, which she always does when she wakes up crying I use my discretion and either go in right away or give her 5-10 mins (she actually talks happily and plays!) then I go in and nurse her. Then I have the gap between waking up from the second night and bedtime. Yesterday I had to wake her up at 5pm. (She napped 1:40-5pm! Crazy! Awesome!) because I decided I wouldn't let her nap after 5pm. 

    I'm not sure if I'm missing any details here. When she's awake, after nursing and until next nap I give her a lot of activity. Even if she's on her back, she's got her toys and room to move around. Then there's her exersaucer, play mats, and I always do at least 10 mins of reading before naps. 

    Let me know if I've missed anything. Keep in mind a few things. First, I could never get her to do any of this before. I tried. Always "failed". Although I don't think we should look at it as failing! I think I kind of got lucky and she was ready now, wasn't before. I heard so many stories from other parents on how they did it, and I would try and it totally wouldn't work. I put her in her crib for an hour before figuring she'd fall asleep eventually but it didn't work and I felt terrible. (I didn't do the 10 mins checks, which I would now recommend.)

    BUT BUT BUT please believe me when I say my baby was a super extreme case of needing me to fall asleep and stay asleep and she wasn't even close to doing any of this before. I was just about ready to give up and just figure that she needs me and that's ok and maybe it's good for her anyway when my husband told me he wanted to try sleep training her one night. At first I was game, but then we had a crazy day so I said not tonight I can't listen to her cry all night. I was stressed about the details. He asked if he could just try. I doubted he knew what he was in for but I agreed. Baby surprised me soooo much- both of us- yes she cried but honestly not for very long! She went quiet in under an hour. "Is she SLEEPING?" I whispered to him. We couldn't believe it. We decided I would not sleep in the same room as her that night but he did. I warned him how much she woke up. Well she surprised me AGAIN by sleeping through for soooo much longer than usual. Then she cried and he comforted her and she went BACK To sleep! The first night she did it at midnight and 3 and 6. Now she honestly sleeps all night and only gets up at 6. And the first night was last Monday!

    I cannot believe that I am on this side of this issue now. If it can happen for me and my baby, please trust me, it can happen for you too! Don't give up but having said that you have NOTHING to feel bad about if it hasn't happened yet. Don't decide that you won't sleep train or try, but also don't push yourself if it doesn't feel right. And don't feel discouraged when it doesn't "work" For me it never, never worked until one day it magically did!
    "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
  • Seems like the common theme is letting them cry it out, even if it's a modified version of it. Personally I am not a fan of the method and do not make my son cry it out.. But I have tried anyway. I started with 5 min and would go in there. Then next time I let him go 10 up to 15 min. Although I only did this for 3 days I saw zero improvement or any sign hed stop crying. Any thoughts??
  • edited October 2015
    I did "cry-it-out" but I was very lucky and there wasn't actually too much crying! I wasn't sure that I wanted to do cry-it-out, I had serious doubts, but since it worked so well now I'm a big fan of the concept reminding you once again that I didn't have to hear my daughter cry too excessively.

    It's good that you're trying. I advise all Moms to try things with your baby and don't feel bad if it doesn't work. How old is your son? Did you pick him up when you went in his room? I'm sorry to hear that you didn't see any improvement. There may be some things that you can do to have more of an effect or he may not be ready. I feel like I got lucky that what I did worked and my baby was ready.
    "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
  • He's 6 months. I did not pick him up when I was trying it. Normally I put him to bed when he's already asleep and he doesn't wake up til morning. Late morning actually so that part is nice. I know it doeant last forecer but it would be nice to be able to put him down when he's just tired and have him gall asleep on his own. I've also read so many articles written by medical professionals condemning any version of cry it out so it makes an already hard thing to do even harder
  • edited October 2015
    I completely understand shrkfan. I felt same as you two weeks ago. Now I'm on the other side of it and it is glorious over here! In fact, RIGHT before we tried sleep training and it worked, I was JUST about to be ready to join the anti-cry-it-out camp and give up on the concept for my baby. I was beginning to think it wasn't right and wouldn't work anyway. My husband was the one who convinced me to at least try.

    If you buy the book 'baby411' the sleep chapter has advice that really worked BEAUTIFULLY and it's really reassuring that you are not harming or being cruel to your baby if you do cry it out. I'm so glad I have that book.
    "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
  • Did you not pick him up all night long and he cried through until morning? Or did you have to pick him up at some point during the night? I found it really helpful for the baby AND for me to have my husband be the one to go in to do the 10 minute checks if that's a possibility for you. 

    "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
  • I went in after 5 min to try and soothe him. Then I waited 10 and then 15. After a couple days of it not having any improvement I gave up. My son fights sleep like no other so he also will scream his head off sometimes. If I put him to bed already asleep hell sleep for 10 hours. It's so ridiculous... A big reason I stopped after a couple days was seeing how hard the lack of sleep was on my husband. He didn't havf to go check on him or help but he was still up all night from the screaming.
  • shrkfan said:
    I went in after 5 min to try and soothe him. Then I waited 10 and then 15. After a couple days of it not having any improvement I gave up. My son fights sleep like no other so he also will scream his head off sometimes. If I put him to bed already asleep hell sleep for 10 hours. It's so ridiculous... A big reason I stopped after a couple days was seeing how hard the lack of sleep was on my husband. He didn't havf to go check on him or help but he was still up all night from the screaming.
    That would be so hard. My situation was different because putting her to bed asleep was NEVER resulting in her sleeping through the night and then when we started sleep training she started sleeping through the night. I'm actually so surprised to hear that your baby sleeps through the night if you put him down asleep. So your only issue is that it would basically be easier if you could just put him down and he would fall asleep on his own. But I'm sure it doesn't feel worth it for you and your husband to be up all night. I can totally imagine. 

    I'm sorry I don't have the answers for you but I think you are right to be trying to teach your baby self-soothing skills and giving the baby a chance to fall asleep on his own. Obviously, you have to do what you feel comfortable with but I do not believe it is cruel or inappropriate to give your baby the freedom to self-soothe. I used to put my baby to bed asleep too because it worked for us as well and it was really difficult to change that. I'm surprised and sorry to hear that you didn't see an improvement in 3 days. 

    I have heard that if you are consistent and stick to a good plan it won't go on longer than one week. Honestly, when it comes to sleep training everyone has a different approach. But consistency and routines seems to be key no matter how you do it. Setting up good sleep habits.
    "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
  • It would definitely be easier to put him to bed and let him self soothe. Having those extra couple hours alone with my husband at night would be awesome. Last night we tried putting him in bed with us when he was tired but awake to see if he'd fall asleep just laying in bed without being held. Him sleeping with us is not a habit I want to start (he did for a week as a newborn so we could get some sleep but moving him to his bed was actually not hard) but we thought we'd see if he could self soothe if he was laying next to us. No way! I ended up having to get up and go to couch and catch up on a TV show bc he was not going to bed and my husband was tired. Maybe he's not ready. I'm not sure what wlse to do
  • shrkfan, my advice to you based on what I've been through is to recommend that you do cry-it-out and stick to it every night for 7 nights. And also I'd say scroll up to where I described in detail everything we've been doing from when I give solids to me not being in the same room, etc. and see what we are not doing in common and you can add in anything that I've been doing to see if it works for you. Now that I've had success with sleep training when I never thought I would I want to help as many people as I can!

    Having said that, sounds like we have very different babies. Yours sleeps through the night when you put him down asleep, mine woke up five milion times when I put her down asleep. Cry-it-out worked for me in essentially one night, for you the going has been tougher. If I were you I'd feel the exact same way. So I can't promise that any of the advice I've given would work. I'm no expert unfortunately I only know what has worked with my baby. Good luck!!! I know what you mean about having those last couple of hours at the end of the day after so long of not having that. 

    Maybe 7 nights in a row of cry-it-out done properly will finally work. My husband's boss told me (a few days before we tried cry-it-out) "It was four nights of hell. You won't sleep. You'll be exhausted. But after that it's all good." and I explained that she never settles down and they said "You can't just put them in a room and leave them all night to cry. You have to go in every 10 mins. Say I love you goodnight and pat their belly. Do not pick them up!" I said "Yeah, I always end up picking her up because honestly me going in and patting her belly and saying I love you has no effect. She just keeps crying." and they said "Yes that's how it was for us too. It seems like it has no effect. You just have to be consistent once you decide to do it just keep going with it." So there's another perspective for you. I was so fortunate I never had "four nights of hell" even the first night was not hell. And I can't emphasize enough how much I could not believe it. I really did not expect my baby to be able to do it. She really needed a lot of help with sleeping before, or at least that's what I thought.
    "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
  • I've read some people say their LO "doesn't have the personality " for CIO. Can you explain what they mean? My LO will STTN but i have to nurse her to sleep. She doesn't nap unless i nurse her, but lately she hasn't been falling asleep for naps after nursing. I'm wondering if CIO is sth I should try.
  • edited November 2015
    Liwo said:
    I've read some people say their LO "doesn't have the personality " for CIO. Can you explain what they mean? My LO will STTN but i have to nurse her to sleep. She doesn't nap unless i nurse her, but lately she hasn't been falling asleep for naps after nursing. I'm wondering if CIO is sth I should try.

    Some people think that it depends on the baby's personality. Some babies fall asleep quickly and sleep through the night, others are hard to get to sleep and wake frequently. Some think there isn't one recipe for all babies.

    That's great that your LO will STTN and I think it's ok that you have to nurse her to sleep. I nurse my baby at bedtime and sometimes she's passed out by the time I put her into her crib, sometimes she's drowsy, and other times she's awake and crying. She used to never nap unless I nursed her to sleep and held her, but about a month ago she has been going to sleep in her crib without being nursed and I nurse her when she wakes up. CIO worked great for us, you should try it!
    "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
  • Thank you for the encouragement!
  • @Liwo I actually just spoke to a couple child development specialists since I was curious about the "not the personality for CIO". From what I'm hearing some kids are not going to respond to it. They wont adapt to it and self soothe as well as others. CIO just won't work as well with them as other kids. It makes sense to me. Everyone has different personalities so it makes sense to me that there's not a one size fits all method. Now I'm convinced my son is one who does not have the personality for CIO. I tried a couple times with no luck. Although I need to put him to bed asleep and not just drowsy he sleeps 12 hours straight so I guess I can't conplain much. I gave up on CIO and since he's becoming more mobile I feel like he's starting to self soothe without me forcing it
  • Also, just something to think about: you don't hear of any adults who need to be rocked to sleep or any 10 yr olds who need to be picked up and have their backs rubbed so at some point we all learn to self soothe. Hang in there mama!!
  • shrkfan said:
    Also, just something to think about: you don't hear of any adults who need to be rocked to sleep or any 10 yr olds who need to be picked up and have their backs rubbed so at some point we all learn to self soothe. Hang in there mama!!
    Totally! I don't know about you ladies but when I'm having a bad day I always think about that. This baby will be 5 in 5 years, 15 in 15 years, 30 in 30 years. Whatever the issue is today, it won't be an issue for long! It does feel like it though sometimes. 

    I noticed with my baby she needed me to soothe her by nursing and holding her for a long time and I couldn't break the habit. And that was okay. And then she was ready to try to soothe herself and she did really great. She's come a long way. Hang in there and when the time is right your baby will be ready to soothe themselves too. In the meantime you shouldn't feel bad at all about comforting and soothing your baby or feel like you are setting your baby back. That's not the case!
    "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
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