Mixed reactions from the in laws

EvieMonster

So we just gave my MIL the big news. It's her first biological GC, she knows we've had trouble conceiving, and I expected her to be over the moon.

She was certainly surprised. Shocked. And then said she was very happy because she could see we were happy.
What?

I'm really upset. I'm already nervous about how we're going to raise a baby in a very expensive area, and now I'm thinking she isn't as excited about this GC as we had hoped. I'm really upset. Are my pregnancy hormones just making me overreact?

kbrands7

It's possible that she was just surprised and didn't choose words well-- or maybe the idea of being a grandma is exciting, but also intimidating. I'd give it time before worrying too much about it.

tgortney

I've had a similar experience, my SIL experienced a MC in August and it hit my FIL hard (it was suppose to be his first grandchild). When we announced we were expecting last month, he was not as excited as one would hope. I think your MIL will come around be more and more excited when you progress more and she realizes this is real. Maybe some parents don't want to get too excited in the event that something happens.

sarawifenow

I know it isn't easy when people's reactions are not what you expected them to be. We had a similar experience with my MIL. She already has 4 GC, though. When we called her she literally said, "that's nice" and then nothing else. I was crushed. Fast forward to a week later and she was asking for ALL the details. I think some people just don't know how to react when given news they weren't expecting.

finnybooboo

I agree with PP that it may have just been the shock and her being speechless and what came out didn't accurately reflect her feelings.

My sister is 10 years older then me and she was one of the first in our family to have a baby. This was almost 11 years ago, but I remember a lot of screams and super duper excited reactions when she announced she was preg (especially the first time). Though everyone was excited when we announced our first preg, it definitely wasn't the same. My sister was also hounded a lot about when she was having a baby, and no one really did that with us. I try not to take it personal, and that it's just "how it is" when you're not the first, but it can be hard with those pregnancy hormones raging

vinerie

EvieMonster I am sorry to hear that and I can empathize. My FIL is...eh, for lack of a better word, awkward. He's never been very warm to me (he shakes my hand when he greets me) and when we told him over face time he was like "oh, ok." And then started talking about stuff he's been up to around the house and a vacation he once took 10 years ago (what?). Even my H after was upset about it. 

What I want to say to you is "Focus on the positive! Lots of people were excited for you, I'm sure! Focus on them!" But I'm not following my own advice. I really am annoyed at my FIL's reaction. 

I hope our respective ILs warm up! 

kellypatterson

I think we will be in the same boat. We told them early in may because we had opportunity when both parents were together. And my mil frowded. Everyone else was excited. Then after miscarriage she never told me she was sorry. Now we are having twins and have not told them yet due to expected reaction. My parents know and they wish we treated them the same but my husband is adamant about not telling his parents until 12 weeks. Even just this evening he was talking to his mom on the phone and they are letting us use their mountain house for the weekend. His old roommate and family are joining and she kinda freaked when heard the kids are coming! I know that she loves us but is not comfortable around kids. My parents will be the "fun" grandparents for sure. This is first and second for both sides.

Soontobejones33

My mother told me not to have any babies. :-/ so I heard that again when we told her. Of course there are 7 GC on my side already so nothing new here. MIL was a little more excited. She has been mentioning it recently but we didn't tell her we were trying so she was suprised. It's her first GC. I think she'll be more excited once I start showing and get past the 12 weeks. I did have to tell a good friend to get the simple excited congratulations. But alas that is the nature of both our families.

chottomotto

First of all, Congratulations!!

Second, I can relate a little. This is my 3rd. I have a girl and a boy, so most people think we should be done. But I want 4 children so I'm having more. I've learned not to worry over how other people feel about my accomplishments. It's hard not to feel hurt, but focus on how happy this pregnancy makes You. Say it over and over: You're over the moon excited and you can't wait! Eventually the people in your life will take the hint, and if they don't it's really their loss. Please don't let those few grumps take away an ounce of your joy!

conrkm38

In May we announced to our parents and siblings before our loss.. We called my twin sister and put her on speaker so my husband and I could both tell her. We basically got the "that's nice" reaction and then she got nasty towards me about the fact that she was on speaker phone. This time, we're waiting until 13 weeks to tell anyone else. We'll see how she reacts. I would say- don't expect everyone to have the same reaction. My husband's twin sister has been having a hard time conceiving due to health issues so I don't expect much from her either.

call+it+magic

I am so sorry you are feeling this way.
When I told my MIL about my first pregnancy she just said: "I really hope it is a boy".
She didn't even congratulate us!!!!
As pregnancy progressed she got more excited. She loves my son but still isn't that grandparent that is super involved on our daily routine. ( and I am super ok with that)

camillaandcarson

I am so sorry! That has to be really hard. I learn a lot about what not to do someday reading MIL threads over the years.
Mine was really sweet about it and had a positive reaction.

dannay

True!

dannay

chottomotto said:

First of all, Congratulations!!

Second, I can relate a little. This is my 3rd. I have a girl and a boy, so most people think we should be done. But I want 4 children so I'm having more. I've learned not to worry over how other people feel about my accomplishments. It's hard not to feel hurt, but focus on how happy this pregnancy makes You. Say it over and over: You're over the moon excited and you can't wait! Eventually the people in your life will take the hint, and if they don't it's really their loss. Please don't let those few grumps take away an ounce of your joy!

Amen!!!!

mariaalene

With our first child dh called to tell his mother. Her response to him was "if it's ok I'd like to call your exwife and tell her. I don't want her hearing about this through the grapevine".

Whatever