Tips on managing very excited nephew

krystal525

My nephew will be three in two weeks. He's a bit rambunctious and is always very, very excited to see his cousin. My LO is 4.5 months and is happy enough to watch him run around but gets very upset when he gets in her face. I've tried showing him how to be gentle but he's always trying to smack her head or scream at her when she's in her crib trying to nap. If she has toys, he'll grab them -- and has tried to climb into her jumperoo at Grandma's house while she was in it! His parents do intervene but only when I seem visibly upset. His mom knows that he's a handful and will only visit LO in my home without him so we really only interact with him at the grandparents or if we visit his home. It's gotten to the point where when he's really hyper or has upset my LO terribly (she's crying and hiccuping) I simply take her and leave. I try to do it without causing a scene--I'll say she's tired and pack up quickly--but he often has a meltdown because I'm "taking" the LO and has screamed some nasty things at me.

Anyway, I'm trying to keep in mind that he's (almost) 3 and still learning how to interact with others but I really get anxious for LO when he's around. I get hyper vigilant. She doesn't have a voice, so I feel it's my job to speak for her/protect her. I've never yelled at him but I'm at the edge of my nerves. I'm sure there's some jealousy happening there as he was the only "baby" for a long time. Anyone have any suggestions--either to help with my anxiety or to help me help my nephew?

saric83

I would baby-wear whenever you're there or in some other place where he can't get at her.   It's not the same thing, but neither of my BIL's watch their dogs whenever they're around DS, so we just either baby-wear or have him in his Rock n Play somewhere I can physically block the puppers away. 

Sammadden27

I have a little cousin that is 5 and I've had to start keeping my son away from her. She'll tug on his arms to the point that I feel they're going to rip off. She kisses all over his face and he gets upset. She's a "big girl" now so she thinks she can pick him up and walk around with him and if you say no she squeezes on to him and starts running WITH HIM! Even sitting down if she holds him and he starts crying I'll try to take him back and she squeezes him tight to her and says "NO NO LET ME HOLD THE BABY!"
Her parents laugh it off. He's 4.5 months now but this has been going on since he was about 6 weeks old. My son was 4 weeks early so he was really tiny then and it was so scary to me.
Baby wearing helps a ton but she cries when she can't hold him. Her and her 8 year old brother are so wild. It takes hours for my son to come down from a visit with them. I had to talk to their parents about it and now they help when their kids are getting crazy. I'd suggest talking to his parents and the rest of you family around when it happens.

krystal525

Thanks guys. I'll try the baby-wearing approach. I'm sure I seem like an overprotective mama to the family but she's so small! And he really doesn't understand how to be gentle with her. I'd rather be the mean auntie now than have something happen ...

Sammadden27

Not overprotective at all!!! Little kids just don't get it! Do what makes you comfortable.

jessi2030

When my nephews and nieces who are 2 do something to my LO I've told them not to do i smack their little hands or swat their butt. One niece i have is a honey badger so i say I'm going to hug her and she runs away it's pretty funny.

krystal525

@jessi2030 Believe me, I have been tempted to lightly tap his hand when he tried to bonk little one on her head but I'm fairly certain that his parents would have had a nuclear meltdown. I grew up in an environment where any elder I was related to could tell me to stop doing something but they have been very clear that no one can tell him anything. And they, including the grandparents, have catered to this. For example, a few times in the past I've told him no or to stop and he's responded by telling me "No, you stop" or "You're stupid" and then complaining to his parents or grandparents that I said no or stop. Honestly, in the former case of him saying stop back to me, I expect that from a toddler. But I don't expect to be called names by anyone at any age and that's behavior I'd look to correct in my LO. When he complains to the grandparents and parents they confirm his behavior by telling him "Yes, she's bad."

It's frustrating but he's not mine to raise! I'm definitely going to try wearing her.

Sammadden27

@krystal525 your nephew is gonna be some brat! That's so crazy!

krystal525

@Sammadden27 That's pretty much what I'm afraid of! But all I can do is look out for LO.

courtneylevesque

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all and I honestly don't see why your family isn't feeling the same way as you. Age is not an excuse to act like a twerp. My niece is 5 and she is VERY well behaved and calm with my DS because she knows I will not put up with anything less than behaved. I would just keep staying strict and strong. His parents really need to step in or the grandparents.

Best of luck. I think baby wearing is your best option.

CanadaMom17

Or tell them it's clearly a safety issue for your LO, and leave.  

krystal525

Thanks for the help everyone. Operation Wear the Baby has been a success so far. And the added bonus is that she took two naps in the Boba wrap.

I also didn't have random people trying to touch her.