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November 2015 Moms
seelwood
member
Best Advice for First Time Mom
seelwood
member
Hi Ladies !
I was lurking on O15 and they started a thread on the best advice that a STM+ can give to a new mom. There have been some really helpful points and I wanted to see what the N15 ladies had to contribute.
Since it seems some of these babies are impatient and arriving early, I figured why not ask now.
So lets have it, whats your best advice? Whether is be related to L+D, recovery, the first few months or even the first year.
Re: Best Advice for First Time Mom
*WILL make mistakes. It is fine just learn and move on do not dwell. Do what you feel is best not anyone else. Everyone does it differently.
*Take date nights for you sanity even if it's for 1 hr.
*if your baby is constantly crying for what seems no reason and you are getting frustrated. Lay them down in a safe place and walk away take a breath for 2 min and try again. This will help with PPD and help you not take it out on baby. They will be okay crying on there own for a couple min just gives you time to reset.
L&D
*choose the method that's best for you and baby. One person method might work for them and not for you.
*don't feel like a failure if your plan doesn't work.
* as long as baby gets here safely you did a great job
Recovery
*follow dr directons. It can cause many issues if you dont.
*rest as much as possible. At lot harder for stm+
*let your body heal
*breastfeeding takes patience and always call a specialist with any questions
That's all I have for now.
Don't judge other moms and families for their choices, you can't know what led to them. All parents want the best for their children. END THE MOMMY WARS!!!!
Take time for yourself and know that motherhood doesn't come with a magic wand. You're not going to overnight become a perfect pintrest mom. You will not have the sudden ability to cook and clean like Suzy Homemaker from the 50's. You are going to be the same you as before, just with a baby. It's all trial and error and a learning experience.
I will also add, try not to be a mommy martyr. You are not going win extra points for being miserable. Miserable probably isn't the right word. Make sure and take care of yourself and let others help you out!
Not every baby is the same, not even your own
Your house work will be ok and still there if you take a nap, it's ok
YOU are your best advocate for your child, if it doesn't feel right then question it. Stick to your guns with teachers, day care, doctors BUT please do your research so you understand where they are coming from.
If your child "gets something" (allergy, asthma, ect..). Educate yourself on it
You can always put down what you're doing for a kiss and hug from your LO, it will always lift your spirits.
MOM really is the most annoying yet wonderful word you will ever hear
Also, breastfeeding can be the challenge of a lifetime and don't be down upon yourself if your baby won't latch or won't to the breast immediately (like mine never did). I remember the tears falling down because I felt like I wasn't doing right by my baby. Formula works just as well and as long as they are being fed that's all that matters!
My finally thought are about the sleepless nights. Just remember this too will pass and you will weather the storm.
Your baby won't be up all night, every night, forever! They will eventually sleep more and ultimately so will you. Look at it as a bonding time between you and baby!
Good luck to all first time moms! You are about to experience an incredible amount of love that you've not known until you see that baby for the first time and hold them in your arms.
I remember saying to my husband, "what a miraculous thing we've created and I love him with all my heart and soul and I just met this little guy."
Wish you all the best with your new bundles of joy!
From birth to whatever age:
Take advice from others but don't feel that you have to follow it. It is your child and only you will know what you are comfortable with and what works for you both.
When you get frustrated, set them in the crib or whatever and sit for a few, crying will not hurt them while you calm yourself.
You WILL have your own break downs and "I can't do this" moments. Its normal to feel that way at times.
There will be mistakes made, learn from them don't beat yourself up over it, no parent is perfect.
DO NOT judge another mother for what you may see in public once or so. If you don't know them, and see they them self are struggling or "over reacting" or "ignoring the child, allowing them to throw fits" just know you will at some point struggle as well. It could be when theybthey are two, or when they are 16, who knows but it will happen at least once.
Delivery:
I have no experience with a natural so I can't offer much of anything.
But if you have a C-section, do not panic. It is not as bad as you think it will be.
You will be scared.
Things will happen during that you didn't expect (I started to pass out and no one told me I might fall asleep)
You may feel sick.
You may have the shakes.
You will be okay!!
Recovery:
Have extra cloths for both LO and you whenever you leave the house.
Follow Dr instructions.
Don't be afraid to ask for more pain meds
Keep up with the pain meds once your home.
If you have any concerns, don't hesitate to ask your Dr.
Sleep as much as you can.
Don't push yourself or let others push you to hard. Know your limits.
I lurk. I snark. I offer sound advice if you're not BSC. You may not like me. I'm okay with it.
You will also get frustrated with your child. It's normal. It's 2am and you've done everything you're supposed to do and this creature that you just spent the last 10 months creating with your very own body is just not sleeping or eating or doing something the way they are supposed to. You're exhausted. You're hormonal. You just want baby to be quiet. It's ok to cry. Put baby down. Walk away and have your meltdown. It's normal. When you've pulled yourself together pick baby back up and try again.
Reading through I especially appreciate seeing everyone post " take time for yourself" and "don't be a mommy martyr" the dishes can wait.
I know myself and will have to remind myself not to over do it to try and be "perfect"
Keep the advice coming !!!
And a happy and healthy mom = a happy and healthy baby, do not forget to take care of yourself!
One thing I remember from the first 2 weeks and breastfeeding was how hungry I was and I had a c-section, my mom would prep snacks and put them in the fridge for me to grab on my way for midnight feedings! Having those snacks were a life saver throughout the night! I hope my mom does the same this time!!
You know what is best for your family and your baby!! As long as you listen to your pediatrician, don't worry what everyone else thinks!
(And, if you happen to cry at a random person at church who tells you you need to feed your child more when you've been nursing at least every 2.5 hrs around the clock for weeks, make your SO deal with them and their insensitivity. You will be too exhausted to give a coherent response. (... That may or may not have happened to me) )
Most importantly: perfection is overrated. Everyone's life looks perfect on Facebook. Do you, find your new center of balance and support within your life, and don't compare your life with what you think everyone else is accomplishing.
No... I hang out with too many people that have kids.. That's actually the advice my sister gave me and it so far has been the best advice I have received...
Edit to add that I was woken up from a jab so hard I jumped.. So when I post things it may only half way make sense... If you see something and have questions on any thread please do not hesitate to quote me and ask... I will very gladly answer and won't get upset.. I have been up since 6am and I couldn't go back to sleep and I can't get comfy to take a damn nap... Ok dear diary comment over lol sorry!!!!!!!
Hints why the OP was asking for advice from veteran moms who have been through it at least once.
As a ftm myself I can recognize that I am not experienced, and unqualified to answer this OP's question despite having siblings 15 years younger than me, and having friends with kids.
I understand that.. I was in no way saying that I knew how to be a parent.. This is the advice I have received from my sister and a few of my friends that have kids and I thought maybe it would be helpful advice to pass along to OP...
Edit to add that I'm not arguing.. I realized that sentence was not needed because it made me sound like a know-it-all and thank you for pointing that out so I can make sure it doesn't happen again..
Treasure every moment - even the bad ones! I know that is beyond tough in the moment but as others have said, everything is a phase and you will miss it when it's gone. There is a last time for everything our babies do. I miss DS falling asleep on my chest, but was frustrated that he couldn't sleep anywhere but on me while going through "that phase". I miss DS only wanting to be in my arms and no one else's, but in the moment I was exhausted he wouldn't let me be. I miss DS reaching up for my hand as now he wants to me Mr Independent. I miss DS letting me cradle him as now he wants space and to run around. I miss DS clinging to me at daycare drop off as now he lunges out of my arms to play.
Try to take in those little moments and don't spend all of your time behind the camera watching. Don't look forward to each milestone so much that you miss out on full enjoyment of their current development phase.
ETA: always trust your mommy instincts! You will be amazed how natural it all comes and no one will know your baby better than you. Don't be afraid to get a second opinion if your gut tells you something is off.
For L&D: relax. One of the worst things you can go for yourself and that can lengthen your labour is to get worked up or worried if something isn't going according to plan. For my second I felt I was on the clock even though no one else felt I was and it really slowed down labour. This time around I'm gonna try my best to just chill.
After delivery: don't be a super mom. If you need a nap in the hospital talk to the nurses. Take pain meds if you need them. Really try to get your rest, your body just went through a traumatic event and it needs to recoup.
Being Mom: perfection is overrated. Spending a ton of money on them is overrated. Hubby and I are not well off but my son is so loving and is happy to just go and do family outings to a pumpkin patch or get a Christmas tree. My daughter is getting into the fun of being a family too.
DO NOT lose yourself. Before becoming a mom I was an artist and a crafter and I still am. I have not given up anything about myself and I take time for myself as often as I can. I kept my sense of humor and my love of horror movies.
"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better."
- Maya Angelou
And Trust Your Gut!!!! I've had a handful of very scary situations that luckily turned out ok because I was persistent in trusting myself. It's better to be wrong than have something happen that you could have prevented.
2. Enjoy sleeping when the babe sleeps, because when and if you have another child you likely won't be able to! (Wipes tears from eyes at the thought).
3. It doesn't matter if you breastfeed or formula feed. You're feeding your child. Don't let anyone make you feel ashamed about your decision of how to feed your child.
4. (Building off of #3). I breastfed through having an abscess that required surgery. I was very lucky my girl adjusted well. It was very hard physically and emotionally to do this with a wound vac attached to me for 6 weeks. I had great support from my spouse and a lactation consultant. So if you do decide to breastfeed and are having any issues, try reaching out to a lactation consultant. They're an amazing resource.
5. I learned this last night. When trying to pick up a play room or your child's toys, it is best to do this while they're asleep because they will just throw everything you just put away on the floor.