Job search awkwardness

kns1988

I put in a job application 3 days before my BFP for a job that's 4 hours away from where I currently live. It's a great opportunity, but I'm feeling super awkward about interviewing while pregnant. It feels like a bait and switch if I don't tell them upfront, but I've read that it's better to wait until I have an offer because I could be putting my candidacy at risk by telling them upfront and they might not want to know because of anti-discriminatory hiring laws. I had my first phone interview today and it went really well, but I'm really anxious about the whole pregnancy thing. Plus, I don't know what their maternity benefits will be like for a new hire so there's that added stress. There's also a small element of travel to the job that could potentially cause issues if I'm further along in my pregnancy and can't fly... I would only be traveling at first to get certified in the application. Would you wait until you had an offer to tell?

This was one of those days where I really wish someone else knew that I was pregnant. Only my husband knows right now and he's out of town, so I don't have anyone to talk to about this.  

mrstmoose

This is a hard predicament. I would tend to telling them the truth only if you get the job offer, because then you won't look bad when 2 months into your job, you start showing. I definitely wouldn't keep something from them if you do get the offer. 

aamm04

I just accepted an offer at a new job today. I didn't tell them while interviewing and legally I don't have too.

The travel adds an element of stress that you should consider.

kns1988

aamm04 said:

I just accepted an offer at a new job today. I didn't tell them while interviewing and legally I don't have too. The travel adds an element of stress that you should consider.

When are you going to tell them?

Bluejay3030

If I were you I'd wait until you accepted an offer to bring it up. You're legally protected from having to share this info, and anyone in a position to hire understands that. Also, until you accept an offer, there's no reason to feel like you owe this company any particular loyalty or insight into your pregnancy.

As a hiring manager myself, I prefer not to be informed of pregnancies/personal circumstances in advance because I don't even want to deal with the possibility or ramifications of them impacting my decision.

All of that being said, if you do get the job, it would probably be best to let them know as soon as possible because of the nature of he job/travel, etc. You don't really owe them an explanation, but you can always just say you didn't know you were pregnant at the time of the interview. They won't question it.

ETA: Before you sign an offer letter you should request information from HR regarding benefits and make sure they answer any specific questions you have about insurance or leave.

kns1988

Bluejay3030 said:

As a hiring manager myself, I prefer not to be informed of pregnancies/personal circumstances in advance because I don't even want to deal with the possibility or ramifications of them impacting my decision.  

----BOX-----

Thanks, that's really helpful. I'm still weighing whether it's better to just be honest and upfront about it and let the chips fall where they fall, but I don't want to do something that's going to be taboo. It just feels like I'm giving them incomplete information if I don't tell them. Like, I know this big project I'd be working on goes live in April and I'd be leaving for maternity in May. That seems like a big omission to not discuss that upfront since I'd be out during an important support period.

Bluejay3030

@kns1988 - I get the struggle and admire your desire to be completely honest so as not to start off on the wrong foot. I just wanted to give you some perspective from the other side in case it helped. I wish you the best of luck making your choice!

DutchLucyLu

This is a tough position to be in!

I put out a lot of applications before I found out I was pregnant and I've felt nervous about that as well. I'm not sure what I would've done if I had been invited for any long term jobs - probably wouldn't have told them until after and would've said I didn't know I was pregnant when I replied. 

I just got hired on a temporary job (project that lasts from the end of October to January 2016) and I felt comfortable taking it because I'll 'only' be 5 months when that project finishes. There's a chance for people to stay on if they perform well and if they ask me to stay, I'll tell them that I'd love to stay but that I'm having a baby in May. I'm not sure if I'd tell them if they don't ask me to stay.

missnc77

Don't tell. But also decide if the position is a good fit for you considering the next 9 months. We hired someone who waited until she was showing to come clean that she was pregnant, but she worked really hard and was really sharp, we liked having her as part of the office, the timing worked out well with the budget being finalized right before she was due/took maternity leave, and everything turned out okay. She didn't qualify for FMLA because you have to be at work for a year, but she was able to save up vacation and sick leave for PTO as well as using disability.

Also, as someone else said, if you do tell them in the interview, you put them in a really crappy situation legally. And if they call you with a job offer and you tell them you're pregnant then, there's not anything they can do. It would be illegal to take the offer back. You just need to do what the example in my office did and jump in, be a quick learner, someone people like having around, then when you fess up you're pregnant, it won't be as big of a blow. But that's where the make sure this position is the right fit for you and not some huge challenging sink or swim career move comes in.

aamm04

kns1988 said:

aamm04 said:

I just accepted an offer at a new job today. I didn't tell them while interviewing and legally I don't have too.

The travel adds an element of stress that you should consider.

When are you going to tell them?

16-18 weeks. Right after Christmas. I will tell before hand if I need too though. It's in retail so I feel it's better to get through the holidays before dropping that bomb, especially as an Assistant Store Manager. The store manager from another location knows I am pregnant, she's a close friend, and I'm hoping to transfer to her store once a position opens there.

TheThornBird

I don't know if your potential new employer will do this, but at my old job people would donate PTO to women who were pregnant but not there long enough to accrue enough PTO. Might be something to look into.