Confusion "Single"&pregnant

topanga815

Just want to start with I'm sorry this is so long.
I'm currently 24, my bd and I have been off and on for the last three years, almost four by the time DS is here in December (if not earlier due to some medical problems)
When things between us are good, they are really good and everything goes ...good lol.
But when things are bad, we typically have an argument and then won't talk for x amount of days (typically no more then 3)
But the reason we fight is because he gets on "meetme" and "pof". He swears up and down that he only talks to people on there and not often, that he doesn't exchange numbers or inappropriate conversation. Now considering I've been through his phone and can never find ANYTHING, and when I look at his messages on those sites -there isn't anything inappropriate I try to not argue with him, as he feels we shouldn't be together because or the arguments. He doesn't want us arguing around DS which I totally agree with. But I feel like if he's truly not doing something messed up that he would just get rid of them? We currently are not living together as well so I constantly find myself thinking any time he doesn't have me over there spending the night that he's doing something "bad".
I also just wanted to add a few things he's said to me during these arguments. One being that he didn't want to have kids (this was an "accident" to him obviously) but that he wants to be in his sons life and etc. but that he doesn't even think about sex with other people (we still have sex) because he defiantly does not want two kids with two different women. -but yet he won't commit because we argue about the dating websites...now am I crazy or does that just look like a big ass excuse?! It keeps us fighting cuz I'm on edge all the time but he won't get rid of them to stop the fighting...? It's seriously the ONLY thing we argue about.

Side note. Part of me honestly thinks he's just "trying to work things out" (even though clearly he can't be with the dating websites) so that way I don't go through courts and we just handle things ourselves. I'm going no to be taking him to at least mediation because I just feel deep down I can't trust him unless he proves himself.

I read through some threads and couldn't find anything similar to this stupid limbo he wants to play. Any advice? Or similar stories?

20thirteen

Hmm... I'm not sure I have any advice.  A relationship without trust is not a relationship anyone should be in.  If you suspect something, and he denies it and you then have to search through to find evidence, it's probably a sign that the two of you aren't a great fit.  Snooping will do 1 of 3 things:  1) Make you feel horrible because you found nothing and are now feeling guilty about looking, 2) Make you feel horrible because you found something that you honestly don't want to see, or 3) Make you feel horrible that you can't trust him enough to not go through his stuff.

Before BD and I broke up for good, I snooped in his facebook and saw messages from a girl who had been saying weird things on his wall.  Those messages from her were about how she loved him, how she wishes she lived closer so that they could be together, and his responses were "oh, yeah, love you.".  And when I confronted him, he said he was trying to keep her from... Hmm... I don't really remember (this was about 6 years ago), but it was some backwards logic along the lines of "this was his way of keeping her from moving closer" which was ridiculous.  I felt awful when I saw those messages, I felt awful that I felt that I couldn't trust him, I felt awful that I had to confront him to see WTF he was doing, and after that situation was handled (by me because BD doesn't have one backbone in his body), I felt awful for snooping because I saw a part of him that confirmed he was a POS.  He thought I was cheating on him, but he was constantly cheating on me. So. That.  If you two can't trust each other, it might be time to call that relationship quits.  And the two of you can handle the LO and parenting and all that outside court, there is no rule that you have to go to court to get things handled.  I feel like court is where you go if you and him just can't agree.

I hope that helped a little bit...  Sending love your way.