Advice for going from 1 to 2 kids - advice on adding a second child to your family

camillaandcarson

Moms of more than 1 child, what is the best advice you have for going from 1 to 2?
If you could go back in time and tell yourself a few things, what would they be?
What were the best decisions you made to make the transition easier on everyone in the household, in particular your #1?
This applies to any age of a brand new "big" sibling, but in particular if #1 is a toddler so it able to comprehend a little bit at least. 

LizC216

It will eventually all sort itself out. When my second daughter was born, my first was 21 months. I pictured these sweet pictures and moments of my girls being happy sisters, the reality was it was anything but sweet.

My older daughter paid no attention to the baby and eventually when she did it was negative. Stealing toys, pushing her over, hitting her on the head. It broke my heart. My older daughter is very sweet and gentle, but it was something about the baby.

I stressed myself out trying to figure out why and what I could do to make things better, but then one day things fell into place. Now they are buddies and love playing together and miss each other when they are apart. It's not always perfect, but what is?

I tried to make special time for my older daughter to let her know she was loved and important. She really enjoyed that one on one time.

So I guess, just don't put too much pressure on yourself or your kids. It's a huge change and I wish I was more understanding of that in the beginning.

ETA: I was just thinking about when she came to meet her new baby sister in the hospital. The thing she was most excited about? Getting me ice from the ice machine and getting chicken tenders from the cafeteria. Not what I imagined at all...lol

somethingbluetoo

My daughter was 15 months old when our second came. She didn't seem to mind and it was almost like she didn't even notice! She gave her kisses but she mostly kept to herself. We did give my oldest a gift (baby doll) at the hospital to make her feel special. I will probably do a goody bag of some sort again. If it makes you feel any better I found that going from 1 to 2 kids was pretty easy compare to what I was expecting. I had a ton of meals/baked goods in the freezer ready to go and everything else was stocked up so I didn't have to go out unless I wanted to. My parents also watched my oldest child for a few days and then my sister watched her for a couple the following week which was a big help but I really missed her!

Copernicus08

I'm interested in this too. DS will be 5 next month, and while he talks about wanting a baby brother or sister, he didn't seem overly excited when we told him he was getting one. It will certainly shake up his world a little bit and I want to do what we can to make the transition as smooth for him as possible.

gemini2005

We had the same jealousy problems when we brought dd home from the hospital. DS had just turned two and he went after her every time he got the chance. At first I was patient and explained that he needed to be kind and gentle. I made an effort to spend a lot of quality time with him and I thought that I did everything right. Eventually, after months of random assaults I just started screaming at him and putting him in time-outs which didn't work either. He's impulsive but generally a good kid so I was completely shocked by how he reacted to his sister. They are the best of friends now and rarely squabble so I'm hoping this third baby won't upset the balance too much. I guess if I could change anything, I would have been calmer and more patient- that's my plan for this time anyway!!

Pinknights

Sorry nothing new to add, but thanks for this post! I have a toddler and he says nothing when I tell him we have a baby coming. I've shown him dolls and he smacks the face and pokes the eyes. Oh boy. Hopeing the transition is smooth.

camillaandcarson

Thanks for all the tips!  I really want to make a smooth transition as much as possible for my little one.  LO is interested in the pregnancy and has a lot of questions about it at random times.  So many changes coming up...

LizC216 that is hilarious about the ice! 

laurenmdrn16

These are all great! We have had some success with my 2 yr old son. He is certain it is a baby sister and wants to name her Elsa (ummm...no). We also do family kisses before bed and he has started kissing the baby (which is a little weird because he ends up kissing my lower abdomen, but whatever). Then he started adding baby into his "Thank you God" prayers at night so all positive. He also carries around this little pumpkin, calling it a baby. I am tempted to get him a baby doll, but I don't know if MH will be so keen on the idea.

katykatykaty

The best advice I received was that if both the newborn and the 2 year old were crying, go to the 2 year old first because she would notice if she had to wait for me every time, and the newborn wouldn't really know if I wasn't answering every cry immediately.  Obviously this isn't always possible, but it did help me prioritize things during the first few months with two.

I will also add that since newborns sleep so much, it was a nice way of easing into having 2.  When my second started moving around and wanting to be entertained, things got a lot harder! 

trisl

katykatykaty said:

The best advice I received was that if both the newborn and the 2 year old were crying, go to the 2 year old first because she would notice if she had to wait for me every time, and the newborn wouldn't really know if I wasn't answering every cry immediately.  Obviously this isn't always possible, but it did help me prioritize things during the first few months with two.

I will also add that since newborns sleep so much, it was a nice way of easing into having 2.  When my second started moving around and wanting to be entertained, things got a lot harder! 

This what I have been told as well. The toddler will remember, the newborn won't.

laurenmdrn16

Any baby wearing mamas have any advice on how that maybe helped or complicated things? I wore my son pretty much 24/7, especially when I was working as a nanny, so I plan to do the same with this one. I was able to carry two infants (my son in the sling/k'Tan and my charge in my arms/car seat), but I am a little worried about wearing the infant and wrangling a very active two year old. I just love baby wearing so much! However, it will be spring going into hot, sticky summer... :-S

katykatykaty

laurenmdrn16 said:

Any baby wearing mamas have any advice on how that maybe helped or complicated things? I wore my son pretty much 24/7, especially when I was working as a nanny, so I plan to do the same with this one. I was able to carry two infants (my son in the sling/k'Tan and my charge in my arms/car seat), but I am a little worried about wearing the infant and wrangling a very active two year old. I just love baby wearing so much! However, it will be spring going into hot, sticky summer... :-S

I wore my second constantly! It made trips to the park or the mall with my toddler so much easier. I'm a big fan and would definitely recommend that route.