December 2014 Moms

Hating On husband

my lo is 9, almost 10m, old. And I can't stand my husband. I don't know why but he gets under my skin and says and does things with our son that I either love or hate. Example: our son was super cranky tonight and he felt warm. I said I want to take his temp before his bath. So I'm taking his temp & he starts fighting and pulling away from me and my husband says why does it matter to know if he's got a temp or not? What's it going to matter, I don't think he has one. I snapped back and said I know you're a doctor and all but I want to be sure.
I wake up every morning with the intent to be more attentive to my husband and try and make love at the end of the day but it NEVER fails that he does something that pisses me off that I don't even want to look at him let alone get naked with him. I see all these families with 2 or more kids and the moms & dads look in love and like they at least like each other. I'm wondering when my love will come back. Idk if this is PPD or sleep deprivation or bc I'm breastfeeding or a combo of all but I'm starting to lose it. I want to like/love my husband again. Anyone have any advice? And yes I am the one who entertains/plays with our son every night after my 40hr/wk job and every weekend (husband does the cooking).

Re: Hating On husband

  • I'm in the same boat except I stay at home. Can't wait to see others ideas.
  • Sorry to hear this :( I'm sure you're very frustrated. Maybe marital counseling? Better to do it now before anything would get worse
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  • I feel the same most of the time. My hubby also does the cooking, but I am stay at home with 9month who's still wakin at night. I think it's sleep deprivation, nursing, being new mom, etc. I also want to feel love for hubby again. We always seem to differ in opinions too. Very frustrating. Good luck
  • I work part time on top of being the o my one that takes care f LO during the week. My husband works 5am to sometimes 10-11pm so it's hard for him to help during the week. Recently I've not been resenting him so much as we talk things out when they bother us but I've realized a lot is the lack of sleep, new mom syndrome, and differing opinions on how to raise the baby. We have cultural differences too so that leads into other issues we have to work through as well. But I think talking is the best way to get through it and understand each other's feelings and thoughts. We've gotten in a pattern of 'Saturday's are daddy's way' so dad is in charge and I lay off. It's tough but it's the only way we've found harmony. He puts baby down for naps and takes care of LO when he's fussy or overtired and during the night. Gives me one good nights sleep for the week :)
  • Yup am feeling like this now -- it comes and goes. I think the prob with me and my hubby is we are both 100%, all-in parents who are both sure that we know *exactly* what's best for the baby. And we are both offended when the other one questions us. Today we had a family date planned and I just couldn't deal with my husband's  so I just told him to stay home and me and the baby were going to have our own adventure. And it was soo much more fun w/o the two of us bickering and/or micromanaging each other. 
  • Oh its not just me thank goodness! My hubs drives me nuts, and I found myself getting more snippy as well. I have a problem with not speaking up so I try to speak up more. I think he's just not use to it. But god does he annoy me sometimes! I was laid off back in July, and I was in a depressed funk, but I've snapped out of it. It is really hard taking care of LO, house, finding a job, etc. Im waiting for him to start treating me like a maid...
  • Date night. Date night. Date night.
    I cannot stress this enough. You need to get out, at least a couple times a month, and be the people you were when you fell in love. Get mom to watch the baby and spend some time together, at dinner, a movie, cocktails. Anything to get out of the house, away from your responsibilities and have a little fun. Besides, working full time plus taking care of the baby and house? You deserve it!
  • Oddly I find date nights to be kinda stressful when we hire a sitter. It's like when they show up the clock in "ON" and then we have to try to go back to the people we were in like three hours or less! When we visit my parents in another state, we can sink into date night and it's enjoyable. But when I'm dealing with a sitter who I'm paying $20/hour for three hours, it feels like too much pressure. Even so, we usually do have a nice time. 
  • I'm lucky in that we have a good sleeper in our baby...but I'm pregnant with our second due in February, so that's definitely been throwing things off lately. I'm finding myself becoming more snippy towards my husband as well, but I've been doing my best to control it. I think a lot of it is definitely trying to recognize when they're trying to help; acknowledge it and do your absolute best not to micromanage. Unless there's a safety concern, when dad's helping just let him help his way. Occasionally, if I want to give a suggestion I try to phrase it in a way that's less accusatory or demeaning. For example, if he's having a hard time with a diaper change, instead of going in and taking over I'll pause in the doorway and say "Ugh, he's been super fidgety during diaper changes you want me to grab a toy?" Sometimes it actually ends up being that the baby reacts better when daddy does it his way than when mommy steps in and takes over. My mom always told me that if my husband is helping, not to fix it even if the diaper's on backwards! I've tried really hard to take that advice and I think it helps a ton because my husband sees I appreciate the effort and don't think he's an idiot when it comes to our kid. I also set things up so that it's easier for him to help. Before he gets home from work, if I know I'm going to want him to feed the baby or something, I'll have everything ready to go so that he doesn't have to do much prep work...that way it also seems more fun vs. work for him and he wants to do it more. 
    In terms of intimacy, try every so often finding time during the day vs. at night. By the time night-time rolls around, both of you are probably exhausted and won't find the energy for it even if you want to...on the weekend or day off maybe start something up when you put the baby down for a nap! 

  • @amylee429 I'm also expecting number two in February!
    I find it difficult to not get annoyed with my DH all the time. Being pregnant again has definitely not helped our sex life. We try to go out on a date night at least once a month but that doesn't always happen. I am a stay at home mother so o take care of our child and the house. He brings home the money so I try not to get annoyed with hi for not helping or just wanting to sit and numb his brain with the TV. I think for me my DH is not my issue. My sister has been living at my house for the last almost 2 years and she is probably what has been causing stress for my marriage. I thought I was doing her a favor by getting her out of her situation, get her back on her feet. She ha improved a lot but is still freeloading and barely does anything to help around the house. With this second child on the way we told her she has until the new one is 6 weeks of to find a new place or we'd buy her a ticket and send her back to ca. I've been counting down the days until it's just my happy little family like it should be. 5 months ...!
  • When I feel like I'm in a funk with DH I listen to our wedding playlist. I also look through our wedding pictures and past family trips. I read a poem he wrote me on our first anniversary and I fall in love all over again.

    On another note I have a hovering helicopter parenting style. I constantly hover and caught myself doing this to DH. Once I backed off and let him do his thing everything changed. It's like a light bulb clicked on and our relationship improved.
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