How did you go back to work?

tenna1sa

Hi folks. DH and I just experienced the loss/birth/burial of our 17w 5d baby last week. It has been very tough but having my bright eyed 2.5 yearold DD has made things a little easier. I am getting through the grieving process, but the next big thing I have to do is return to work. I'm a middle school teacher and the thought of 35 pairs if eyes staring at me 6 different times that first day just seems overwhelming. I don't even have a clue how to get back to "normal teaching". I can't see myself blabbing on about the scientific method as if this whole thing never happened... But quitting work is not an option, so I have to do it at some point. (Sounds great at the moment though!) As long as my checkup is good, I'm supposed to return on Friday. Any advice on how you managed to go back to work?

Teenie16

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's such a hard heart wrenching experience no one can understand unless they've been there. My doctor put me on disability until I was ready to go back.... I would say it can't hurt to ask for it and explain why. I don't work with children so I can't even imagine having to go through that after a loss. 

I'm so sorry again. 

aang0250

I am very sorry for your loss.  We lost our daughter at 35 weeks.  I had to have an emergency C-section so I had 8 weeks leave.  My doctors suggested taking a day and going in to get that first wave of questions, etc off your mind.  I have a great friend at work, so she arranged for a few visits in a far away office to 'break the ice'.  I did this twice and it helped so much.  Then, my first day back, I just had to worry about work and few other people.  I too would also suggest talking to your doctor.  Had it not been for the 8 weeks I had to recover emotionally, I don't think I would have healed as much as I did.  Time to yourself and family was very therapeutic for me.  Sending hugs and thoughts your way.

MamaBish

I went back on a Friday just so I could get it over with but also know that it was only one day to get through. Really helped me to get back without too much pressure.

kistra

I don't know if this varies state by state but I could have taken the full maternity leave after my loss at 22 weeks. I did not end up doing that but it took longer than I expected to feel better physically in addition to everything else. I also work with kids and ended up going back around 2 weeks and just working half time for another two weeks. It was exhausting emotionally and I came home and slept for several hours every single day. For me, as exhausting as it was going back to work did help me heal and grieve as well because I had fears that I wouldn't be able to go back to doing my job. In a lot of ways it wasn't as bad as I had built it up in my head to be.

UhBrittany

Both my boyfriend and i went right back to work after delivering our son at 18 weeks, its just the two of us and we have 2 other little ones at home so we kind of did not have a choice. But honestly, after i went back i started to feel a little bit more clear headed. I am prone to depression so i personally could not sit at home in the emotions all day. Now i go to work, busy all day and when i come home I take time out of my day to feel the loss of our baby. Today marks 4 weeks of losing him. I have some awesome friends at work that pretty much told everyone else not to ask or talk about it, unless i made the first move. I understand you situation is very different as in you work with kids and most of them don't have a filter, but i hope you find peace is finding your new "normal"...as everyone has said to me in the past month.

jkcaviness

This is a tough question! Like many others have said, I think it differs from each persons situation. As for me I had to go back to work or I would have been very depressed. I could barely be at home alone for 30 minutes without replaying everything in my head and emotionally falling apart. When I was around other people it forced me to think of other things, and work gave me something to take my mind off of my grief for a few hours. I am in no way saying that you shouldn't ever think about what happened or your loss! But for me it was not healthy to be sitting alone thinking of everything all day, every day. I do not work with children so I can't imagine how hard that must be! The hardest part for me was that my co-worker would bring her 1 month old baby to the office with her everyday. It has almost been a year and it is still hard for me to come to work knowing that he will be there in my office laughing and playing and my baby is not. But at the same time it is much easier today then it was 10 months ago. I know right now will be tough for you, but it will get easier! People always told me "you'll get over what happened in time." But I don't think you ever "get over" grief or losing a baby! You just learn better how to live and handle your grief. I hope that as you go back to work, each day becomes a little bit easier! Sending hugs!