Back after a break...not sure what's next!

winnie1122

Hi ladies! I haven't been around since July, needed an emotional break from ttcal and wanted to find some answers before diving back in. I had my fourth consecutive loss on July 1 at 10wks...exactly 2 weeks after seeing a sweet little heartbeat on my US. As you all know, this journey is hard and exhausting, and that loss really took the wind out of me after having so much hope. We had already gone through rpl testing back in January and I was on progesterone for the last pregnancy since that was the only test that came back abnormal from that workup. Obviously, that was not the root cause. We were referred to a genetic counselor after this loss and she sent us for another workup testing for more specific autoimmune disorders, a 3D U/S to look for uterine abnormalities, and most recently, karyotyping for me a DH. The only hint so far of any possible issues was a slightly high lupus anticoagulant something-or-other that may or may not be a concern. Everything else has come back normal. We haven't gotten karyotyping back for DH yet, but considering we've had 4 losses in a row and no successes, the genetic counselor is very doubtful that karyotyping will have anything to do with it. On the one hand, I'm glad I'm all normal and everything, but SERIOUSLY?! So frustrating. We are apparently now in like the 1% and may never know why we keep miscarrying. I'm hoping, as is my OB, that the lupus anticoagulant is the problem and that we can address it with aspirin or heparin in the next pregnancy with success, but that is only speculation, like the progesterone was. 

Anyways...all that to say...still no real answers over here. But, we have been really seriously considering turning our focus to adoption. We don't plan to quit ttcal really, we always have hope for another pregnancy, but I'm kind of over the serious mind-consuming charting and testing stuff. It is so emotionally draining. We just want to be parents. We have so much love to give a child we are practically bursting, and there are so many little ones in need of that love already in existence or about to be in existence. I feel like adoption has been showing up everywhere lately...half of our little church is made of adopted littles, and they are precious, as are their families. Adoption announcements have been popping up on Facebook out of nowhere. I can't stop thinking about it. 

That was a long post, sorry about that, but maybe some of you are in the same limbo? I'm a little worried about ttc and pursuing adoption at the same time, but I'm ready to be a mom, however that story plays out! Thinking of all of you on this crazy train! 

crob5685

Welcome back! I am so sorry for your losses, I can't even imagine! I've only had one loss but have found myself asking myself the question about how many losses I would endure before turning to adoption. I'm not there yet, but totally understand the desire to just be a parent.

winnie1122

Thanks @crob5685 !

peregrinefalconx

Welcome back. I took a break from here as well. Too much anxiety. As for adoption, there is a great website called Creating a Family.

https://creatingafamily.org/

It has many resources. I think it is lovely that you would like to adopt. That is it's own journey. And may help bypass whatever your issues are. Having MC after MC is no joke. Maybe taking a "break" (like not testing) and just enjoying your love life will take the pressure off and you can simultaneously look into something hopeful.

I completely understand being on this trajectory of trying trying trying. It is exhausting. I am ready to toss in the towel even as I am minutes away from hearing if my first DE embryo transfer worked.

GoldenTMama

Thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry for your loss. I just had my 2nd MC and it's starting to worry me. But my OB hasn't ordered any special testing for us yet, so we will just keep trying. I can only imagine continually going through losses and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your SO. 

I know someone who adopted twice and then found out she was pregnant. Now they have their family of 3 little ones and they are a happy and loving family. I wish all the best for you whether that is through a successful pregnancy or adoption (or both!). 

valleric

I considered adoption from the start of trying, before my mc after we tried for 1 year. We've been trying again for 5 months, so if nothing happens soon were going to head that way.