intrusive thoughts during pregnancy

Elizabethalba · September 2015

hello this is my first post on this website

i am currently 18 weeks pregnant and have a previous history of depression and anxiety , when me and my partner decided to start trying for a baby i thought it would be the most beautiful and happiest time of my life , little did i know that pregnancy would cause more trouble with my anxiety and depression !

I have searched many websites and posted on other forums looking for support of similar stories but i dont seem to get much of a reply .

When i first found out i was pregnant i was overjoyed and excited and thankful and all the good feelings i am sure allot f us got when we saw those two pink lines on the pregancy test , but a few weeks after this short burst of happiness i started to worry about my babies life and was obsessed with the idea that i was going to have a missed miscarrage , i kept thinking that i would never make it to the second trimester and i drve myself insane booking private scans and reading all day about the statistics of miscarraige ...anyway i thankfully made it past the first trimester and was happy again for a short while ,,,,,,,then came the worry or the health of my child i was crazy about the idea that my child would have Downsyndrome or some other abnormality i was so sure that i would be that low percentage of people that will have a unwell child and although i still DONT know that i am not that percentage my mind has been over taken by a new obsession ...

now i have intrusive thoughts that the baby is not my partners and that maybe i slept with someone else around the time of conception (but then forgot about it until now ) and that when the baby is born he/she is going to be a completely different race to my partner and look nothing like him . this thought has most definately been the worse as i keep going over nd over and over the possibilities of that happening ...i have the idea that i somehow met someone and had sex with them exactly around the time of conception and then never saw or spoke to this person agan and have absolutly no idea who this person is ..and its not like i was drunk at a party and cant remember i belive that it happened at work while i was sober and fully aware bu i just simply forgot until recently !

so as you can see my mind is constantly running with thoughts and ideas that i persuade myself are true and then i get depressed because i picture my whole life falling apart .i have no idea how commen this is and maybe i am just supeer messed up in my head but i would LOVE to hear from ANYONE who has had similar crazy thoughts and ideas because i really need the support of someone right now , i just feel super alone and confused .

sorarose · September 2015

I can understand the feelings of being worried something is going to happen to your baby. However, if this isn't MUD and your "intrusive thoughts" about a possible other father are happening, please schedule an appointment with a therapist immediately and let your OB know.

contourhands · September 2015

A few things.... Wouldn't you remember sleeping with someone other than your partner? That's not something most people forget... You definitely should do what you need to to NOT read up on scary things online.... Keep busy and try not to we'll on baby... Most of what you worry about is highly unlikely... Please take care... And yes maybe it would be good to see doc about anxiety

best f luck...

jaymar9 · September 2015

Ok.... definitely not trying to be rude but I am confused. I can completely understand being scared of a missed miscarriage (as my previous pregnancy ended that way) or a miscarriage in general. I can also understand being scared of baby not being healthy. That is with any pregnancy. However, I can not understand how you would be scared that the baby was not your partners........ unless you know you slept with someone else. I mean wouldn't you remember sleeping with someone else if you were awake at work?!?!?! I'm just confused I'm not sure if anyone else has had this fear unless they knew they cheated. I know I haven't. Anyways, I wish the best of luck to you. Definitely talk to someone if you need help!!!!

saladflambe · September 2015

This all seemed within the realm of normal until it escalated to intrusive thoughts about sleeping with someone and not remembering. That is a sign that your anxiety and obsessive thoughts are bridging into non-reality, and it's a serious sign that you need to speak with a doctor. Therapy would also likely be beneficial, but in this case, I would also absolutely involve a medical doctor.

I can relate to intrusive thoughts, and I can even relate to losing touch with reality, though not in this exact way. That's why I have a psychiatrist and a therapist. They are a tremendous help to me, and I definitely recommend getting that kind of support yourself.

hailees · September 2015

I'm so, so sorry you're going through all of this, even if it's all in your mind. It sounds very overwhelming. Everything you're describing sounds like anxiety.

Like other comments have said, the very best support we could give you here is to encourage you to talk to your OB and seek out a therapist. Don't let anything convince you that reaching out to the medical community is a bad idea. They are accustomed to addressing these situations and can help you down this road. Take lots of deep breaths and keep focussed on making the best decision you can right now for you & your baby. Praying for you!

nik6499 · September 2015

I'm sorry but all of this sounds like a rather serious exacerbation of anxiety and perhaps some OCD and you need to seek medical attention.

hplunkett2883 · September 2015

@armywife8289 maybe you can help relate to this?

Elizabethalba · September 2015

Yes I am seeing a psychotherapist and hoping this will help , but I would still really like to hear from anyone who has thought similar thoughts . I know it seems insane to some that I can think I cheated and not remember but that's the argument that's going on in my head . It's horrible to feel like I have cheated on my partner and It's ruined my relationship with him and also any connection to this baby .

tripledaggerWed95976 · September 2015

This is definitely worrisome, especially since (as u said) it's ruined ur relationship with ur partner and the baby. I don't have personal experience with this, but I just wanted to say that its really good that u are seeing a psychotherapist and trying to sort this out. Hang in there

tripledaggerWed95976 · September 2015

P.s- have u told ur partner about these thoughts?? If so, what are his thoughts/feelings about it?

saladflambe · September 2015

I don't know that you will find too many people with similar intrusions as such detached-from-reality intrusions aren't very common. The closest I can get is that one of my reoccurring non-reality intrusions is the belief that everyone can see me and knows my thoughts. It gets particularly bad when I'm having a panic attack/anxiety attack because the belief compounds on itself: belief that everyone can see me having the panic/anxiety attack, knows how bad of a person I am, and is judging me, etc. etc. What helps me is to lay on my bathroom floor with a hairdryer on. That may sound weird or insane, but the warmth, small space, pressure of body on floor, and the white noise are all comforting and help to drown out the thoughts/stop the build of intrusions.

Elizabethalba · September 2015

/ANYONE ELSE ?????

llybeck · September 2015

Elizabethalba said:

/ANYONE ELSE ?????

As others have said, this is probably not something that most people have not dealt with so I'm sorry you're not getting as many responses as you want, it's just not something that is super common with many people. Please talk to your OB about this if you haven't already.

When my sister died I had pretty severe anxiety and depression. She died in a car accident and I would have thoughts/worries that for no reason at all I would jerk the wheel of my car while driving and cause myself to die in a car accident as well. I worked with several doctors and even had to stay in a psych ward for a period of time due to the severity of my depression but that is as close as I can get to relating to the intrusive thoughts you are having.

Again, you really need to speak to your OB about this. I know you want to find others to relate to but that is not important right now, you need to seek additional help if the psychotherapist is not helping you get through this and getting you to cope better with this. I'm very sorry you're going through this but you can see how this is not healthy, you need to be advocating more for help in getting through this instead of trying to find others in the same position. I'm not trying to be rude but having a disconnect with reality like that is not okay.

Monkeybutt80 · September 2015

I am sorry you are struggling emotionally and mentally but like the pps said, I don't think you are going to find many here that has similar thoughts about cheating and not remembering. You really should speak to your OB about this, and seek further help aside from your psychotherapist because it's clearly still bothering you.

For me, with both pregnancies, I went off my medication for anxiety/ depression. Last time wasn't bad, but this time I am definitely having some illogical fears/ intrusive thoughts. Mainly the fear of something terrible happening to my husband and being left alone with two kids; I have no siblings and am not particularly close to my family; my husband is my best friend. But when these thoughts start to take hold, I at least can recognize that I am being illogical, and try to focus on something else. So you aren't alone in the sense that there are other pregnant ladies struggling emotionally and mentally, but I don't think you are going to find many that believe they may have slept with someone else without remembering.

roo1oo · September 2015

Yeah, can't say I've ever heard of such thoughts in pregnant women before. Pregnancy hormones can do strange things to people, but this is one of the more unusual results. Continue to follow up with your doctor please. This can escalate very quickly to much more dangerous thoughts.

britejoan · October 2015

Hi! I read your post around the time you posted it, but I couldn't reply until my registration was complete. Anyway, I've suffered from OCD for 4-5 years, and the intrusive thoughts you described sound very familiar. Yes, while they are not "normal" for people who don't suffer from anxiety/OCD, they are very very common (and not dangerous!) for people who do have anxiety/OCD. When I was first suffering, I'd obsess about whether or not I might stab my husband or abuse children. Although these obsessions sound very worrisome these types of obsessions are literally textbook and according to my therapist happen as often or more often than obsessions about hand-washing, etc. My younger sister also has a mild form of OCD, and has obsessed about the same thing you have in regards to cheating. All of this being said....I understand what you're going through and you're not crazy! I would recommend finding a therapist who specializes in CBT. This is standard treatment for anxiety with intrusive thoughts, and for me, it's been life-changing. Sorry for the novel! I hope you're feeling better.

ReneeFaithSanders · October 2015

I too suffer from anxiety and ocd along with depression and PTSD. I can totally relate to your fears and anxietys. Many people experience these crazy intrusive thoughts in different ways and about different things. I am on my third pregnancy and with all three it has been different. My first all my symptoms were almost non existant. My second little bit worse than the first time but totally manageable. Now, on baby 3 it is completely out of control. I'm seeing 3 different doctors to deal with it. I completely understand what you are going through and hope that you find help. Don't be afraid to keep asking your doctor and to take the help offered! Good luck on the new baby!

ecwk · October 2015

So sorry you're going through this. I have limited exposure to intrusive thoughts (not mine but people I know). I echo PPs advice in saying you should contact your doctor and a therapist and possibly seek some CBT! The very best of luck to you. You mightn't find many people here who can relate but you're definitely not alone in the world. The sooner you seek help the better.

kyraaD · October 2015

Elizabethalba said:
Yes I am seeing a psychotherapist and hoping this will help , but I would still really like to hear from anyone who has thought similar thoughts . I know it seems insane to some that I can think I cheated and not remember but that's the argument that's going on in my head . It's horrible to feel like I have cheated on my partner and It's ruined my relationship with him and also any connection to this baby .

I've actually had somewhat similar thoughts. every now & then i panic & worry that this baby isn't my SO's & it'll come out looking nothing like him. but then i remember that no, i have never cheated on him & never ever would. this baby is 50% his & i calm down pretty quickly. your experience sounds a little more extensive tho.
if you're already seeing a therapist then just stick with it & be as open with them as possible about all the thoughts you're having. it doesn't sound like you've been seeing this therapist for long so just stick with it & try reassuring yourself that this baby is definitely your partner's.

Achae · October 2015

Elizabethalba said:
hello this is my first post on this website

i am currently 18 weeks pregnant and have a previous history of depression and anxiety , when me and my partner decided to start trying for a baby i thought it would be the most beautiful and happiest time of my life , little did i know that pregnancy would cause more trouble with my anxiety and depression !

I have searched many websites and posted on other forums looking for support of similar stories but i dont seem to get much of a reply .
When i first found out i was pregnant i was overjoyed and excited and thankful and all the good feelings i am sure allot f us got when we saw those two pink lines on the pregancy test , but a few weeks after this short burst of happiness i started to worry about my babies life and was obsessed with the idea that i was going to have a missed miscarrage , i kept thinking that i would never make it to the second trimester and i drve myself insane booking private scans and reading all day about the statistics of miscarraige ...anyway i thankfully made it past the first trimester and was happy again for a short while ,,,,,,,then came the worry or the health of my child i was crazy about the idea that my child would have Downsyndrome or some other abnormality i was so sure that i would be that low percentage of people that will have a unwell child and although i still DONT know that i am not that percentage my mind has been over taken by a new obsession ...

now i have intrusive thoughts that the baby is not my partners and that maybe i slept with someone else around the time of conception (but then forgot about it until now ) and that when the baby is born he/she is going to be a completely different race to my partner and look nothing like him . this thought has most definately been the worse as i keep going over nd over and over the possibilities of that happening ...i have the idea that i somehow met someone and had sex with them exactly around the time of conception and then never saw or spoke to this person agan and have absolutly no idea who this person is ..and its not like i was drunk at a party and cant remember i belive that it happened at work while i was sober and fully aware bu i just simply forgot until recently !

so as you can see my mind is constantly running with thoughts and ideas that i persuade myself are true and then i get depressed because i picture my whole life falling apart .i have no idea how commen this is and maybe i am just supeer messed up in my head but i would LOVE to hear from ANYONE who has had similar crazy thoughts and ideas because i really need the support of someone right now , i just feel super alone and confused .

Echoing pp, you need to talk this w your therapist and possibly go on meds if these are your constant thoughts.

SisterMaryNapalm · October 2015

I just wanted to let you know that I have had intrusive thoughts during my pregnancy, though not as bad as yours. I have in the past had them very severely and was hospitalised because of them, so I completely understand. These are not your thoughts but you still need to realise that it's a very serious symptom and warning sign that your mental health is suffering.

I really think you need some serious assistance with your mental health right now so that you and baby can be happy and healthy. There are lots of meds that are safe for you and Bub and there are others (class C) meds that may be prescribed in the case that your mental health is in enough need that the benefits outweigh the risk. I will caution, however, that these kinds of meds should only be taken under the supervision of a specialist. Your therapist or doctor should be able to point you in the direction of a specialist in pregnancy and mental health (a psych or an OB with specific training).

Look after yourself and good luck

AlissaLee17 · October 2015

I have had similar thoughts, though not during my pregnancy. At times when my overall anxiety is high, my OCD escalates, too. I have nearly had panic attacks, convinced that I mysteriously blacked out and had sex with someone else. Intrusive thoughts are often related to harming, abusing, or being sexual in a way that you would logically never be. They can be scary, but we must remind ourselves that these are just THOUGHTS and not actions. I've had OCD since I was a young child. I've found that journaling and talking to others with similar afflictions helps me to calm down when I get too wrapped up/stuck in a mental loop. Therapy is an excellent option, though not always available for some people. You're not alone. You're not the only person in the world with these thoughts. I hope that help calm you some.

smileybabyboy · November 2015

I just read about this. I have some of these thoughts but not too bad.

https://www.ocduk.org/prenatal-postnatal-ocd

ucfgemini · December 2015

It sounds like you are dealing more with OCD than general anxiety. I'm not a therapist but I do know a lot about OCD and anxiety. With OCD you can have a whacky thought that most people would think nothing of like "wouldn't it be crazy if this baby wasn't my boyfriends?" Typically people can dismiss the thought and not think anymore of it but with OCD it sticks in your head and turns into "what ifs" then you start to question the validity which causes extreme anxiety. Therapy is definitely the best way to deal with it so kudos to you for taking that step!

ashleyrobertson0113 · December 2015

@Elizabethalba - I'm sorry you're struggling with this so much. I suffer from bipolar depression and it can be really difficult sometimes. I definitely agree with the PPs that you should talk to your doctor and look into therapy.

candicek15 · December 2015

I'll echo PPs and state that you should be speaking with your OB and your therapist about the extent and intensity of your intrusive thoughts. Does your therapist specialize in CBT? That would be the way to go, imo.

sorarose · December 2015

I hope OP got the help she needed, but holy zombie thread!

mamarusaw · January 2016

I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. I have dealt with anxiety, OCD & intrusive thoughts. Unfortunately, everyone in my family (on both sides!) has to deal with anxiety

I've been dealing with it for 6 years. I have good days and bad days but I have taught myself how to deal with the anxiety.

Definitely get your OB involved and go see a therapist. My therapist has helped me immensely!

1faceinacrowd · January 2016

I have dealt with anxiety for a long time which manifested itself into an eating disorder for years, so I can sort of relate to the unrealistic worries. I remember worrying that if I ate a single bite of anything that I'd blow up like a balloon. The fear was overwhelming and the thoughts and worries about food and weight took over my life. I also had random anxious thoughts after my daughter was born... random worries that she wasn't REALLY my partner's daughter (even though I knew with 100% certainty that she was), and worries that something bad would happen to her.

Here's what worked for me as I was recovering and working through my anxiety: You cannot always control the thoughts, but you CAN control your actions and reactions. If you're having an intrusive thought, ask yourself, "Does this thought make sense? What is entertaining this thought going to help?" If dwelling on a certain thought doesn't help anything - which I can tell you right now, it will not - then tell yourself that and move on.
Another tactic that has worked for me is going over the "worst case" scenario in my head, but following it all the way through. Here's an example: I'm worried that my husband will leave me. Worst Case: He leaves, and I'm a mom with two kids by two different dads and I'm not with either of them. After a little bit of time, I find my independence again; I work with the fathers of my children to give them the best life possible, and I find happiness by sharing time with my friends and family. Maybe, someday, I even find someone else.

It probably sounds silly, but if I can't get a thought out of my head, it helps me to get all the way to the end of any given scenario because at the end of the day, IF the worst thing possible actually happens, I'll still be alive, and I'll make it work. Remind yourself of that - you will be fine, no matter what happens, no matter how terrible any scenario may seem, you will be fine.

smount2011 · January 2016

Again? Let this thread DIE!

bmartin2856 · February 2017

I am going through the exact same thing. I had an affair last July, but I told my husband . I am only 19 weeks do I conceived at the end of September beginning of October. Within the last week I started thinking maybe I slept with someone else during that time. Which is crazy, because I remember every person I've ever had sex with. So I messaged the guy I had the affair with and he confirmed we last had sex in July. Its almost like I can't remember 2 full months. Its so weird. I know I didn't do it but it's a repetitive thought that keeps circling in my head. But I was diagnosed with OCD, ADD, anxiety and depression.