Babies on the Brain

I don't know what direction to go in :(

So I kinda just need to talk and get this off my chest, I don't really have family to talk to about this.

As you all know my DH and I plan to start TTC in June of 2016. We aren't going to do any tracking or anything, we're just going to have me get off of my BCP if it happens it happens if it doesn't it doesn't we don't want to put us under too much pressure. He're where the I don't know what direction to take comes into place.....I have so many fears, my heart is ready but all the what if's are coming into place now....what if I miscarry again? What if I'm not going to be a good mom? What if we don't have enough money? are we crazy for TTC next year when we're still trying to pay off some bills and put money into savings? Will our pups feel neglected? (I know that sounds silly to some but our dogs are our babies.) What if we don't adjust well to having a baby? What about my work? ( I just found out that my boss will be TTC around the same time as us next year as well.) So that adds more to my work.....

I'm sorry to be venting like this but we don't have family that's really supporting us in this area nor really know about it. Our family believes in waiting five years before we have a baby. And obviously we're not doing that. I'm going to be 25 in March and DH will be 28 in June next year. He really wants a baby or be TTC before he's 30....our hearts are so there and we're so ready to be parents. Am I overreacting too much? Are these thoughts normal?

Re: I don't know what direction to go in :(

  • I think everybody has worries. I don't know if you get more checkups (even in first trimester) when you had a miscarriage. They do here in the Netherlands. I think you could talk about it at the miscarriage board. For the finance part you could talk to a consultant to make up a plan.
    If you have the best intentions with your future child, I doubt anybody can be a bad mum. And when the baby is born your family can give some advice in parenting too if you like. It doesn't feel silly to me to worry about your dogs, my cats are my family too. It'll probably all work out. Nobody knows what the impact of a child (even when you already have one) will be, but families have been able to sort it out for centuries. At least that's what I tell myself. Feel free to vent anytime ;)
    Lilypie Trying to Conceive 21 to 37 day cycle tickers
  • I think your thoughts are totally normal.

    TTC is scary, and there are just so many unknowns!!

    All you can do is let things happen as they are meant to happen, and take the challenges one step at a time.

    Also, worrying about your dogs doesn't sound silly to me at all. We have two cats, and I worry about how they will react to a baby in the house. Currently, they get tons of cuddles and attention, and are definitely very comfortable and relaxed in their environment. But, I'm sure they will adjust to the baby overtime. And I think animals can be great for when us humans need someone to talk to, or just need a hug. :) 

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  • I'm so sorry for your loss.

    I can identify with a lot of what you are saying, particularly the financial stuff.  H and I will still have student loans and a car loan when our first child arrives.  Waiting until those were gone would put us solidly into "world record" territory :-) However, for us at least, the payments are reasonable and will still make having a child doable.  What helped for me was to write out a future baby budget, including daycare, diapers, formula if needed, etc. and actually do out the math to see where we stand.  I also looked into our insurance to see how much we'd need to have on hand for the birth.  It turned out to be a pleasant surprise; we will actually be able to afford one of the better daycares in our city if we can get a spot.  Worrying is totally normal, but for me at least, having a plan really helps.   Best wishes to you and your H!
  • KaeJuddKaeJudd member
    edited September 2015
    You sound like a normal mommy to me! It's totally normal to have those fears and honestly, you'll have them all throughout your entire journey as a Mom. Most of your fears are legitimate things to worry about, however, they aren't really things you can prepare for. Motherhood is all about learning as you go. It will grow and stretch you in areas that you never realized you were lacking in. Do your best to get all of your affairs in order before the baby arrives, but don't worry about having everything perfect. There is never a perfect time to give birth. It's a big life adjustment no matter when it happens. I bet you are stronger than you think. You'll figure it all out :) 

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  • I think all those fears are totally normal-i can especially relate to the animal and finances! Our pup is our spoiled baby and it makes me so sad to think of her feeling left out or bad when a baby comes. I worry she wont get enough excercise or will feel unloved. We just put a plan in place to pay off our debts and its lookin like a few years at the rate we are going before theyd all be gone- and thats barring any disaster that usually seems to happen to us ugh-so id be closer to 34/35 and i dont personally want to wait till then to start trying. I think these fears just show how seriously you take bringing a baby into the world and how much you already care. Youll never know what/how it will all play out till it happens and its hard (for me) to accept that sometimes. I really hope it all works out for you! We are here when you need to vent too! :)
  • We're not entirely sure we're financially ready, but as my ever-conservative-yet-very-practical-in-laws have reminded me: there will never be a perfect time! What makes everything work is your willingness and effort to be flexible and make life come together. FX for you & yours for a stressless next few months before you start your next journey!
    Me: 33
    DH: 32
    Married 7/18/15
    1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
    Team green turned BLUE!
    2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 
    Team green turned PINK!
    Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green

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