Birthday Parties

Inviting MIL for 1st birthday?

Last year I posted about my qualms regarding MIL's involvement in LO's life. At the time I wasn't speaking to her because she was very upset about how I wasn't bubbly enough towards her and after I told her thank you for greeting me happy birthday, she told H that same day that I always ignore her calls and texts. I didn't talk to her again until LO was born in December and we patched things up. Around the same time we found out that BIL, who we had taken in earlier that year, had stolen H's identity, hacked into his bank account to have H's bank mail sent to BIL's new address, and spent money on H's card. Then he opened up other cards under H's name and at the time, MIL was on our side.

She even pushed us to press charges against BIL, which unfortunately did not go anywhere. And before we even found out about all this fraud, BIL and his gf publicly smeared all of us on facebook saying what horrible people we were because H had found out that BIL had a phone account in his name with a negative balance and cancelled it. And they were mad and even managed to open that account again.

A few months later, MIL changed her tune and got very close again to BIL. And then FIL died. MIL was very vicious towards H and said BIL was there for her with FIL's death and H was doing nothing for her. She invited BIL to live with her and kept accusing me of hating her because BIL said so. And then she said I have always been jealous of her relationship of H and that I have a messed up relationship with my parents. The week we brought LO home, I already told MIL that what BIL said was not true. I don't hate her, as much as she frustrates and scares me. So we stopped speaking to her for a few months. H told her that BIL was poisoning her mind, and she said no, he is helping me. H is speaking to her again and LO's birthday is coming up. I don't think I'll enjoy her birthday if I invite MIL, but I know I will feel bad if I don't.

So I think I'm on the brink of changing my mind. I initially said I needed a year's break from MIL and not having to deal with her but I feel bad. I actually felt like never talking to MIL again because she was telling relatives to not talk to H or me when we were trying to plan FIL's memorial. And then she told her cousin that H allowed BIL to use his identity.

She says that living with BIL is a nightmare and that he and his gf smoke marijuana and she has received complaints about it. I feel bad for her and I don't know if I can trust her to not bring BIL back into our lives. He is also a former felon and we also recently found out that he has a history of peeping at girls -- H's friend told him that BIL watched his sister shower from outside the house once. I told MIL's cousin and she said he has done stuff like that before. A few years ago BIL also got arrested for touching his gf's sister who later recanted. And MIL's cousins are not on speaking terms with her because she upset them with something else. So if I invite them all it will be awkward. But again I do feel bad. I think she can be a loose cannon but I'm sure she loves LO in her own way, at least I hope so.

Re: Inviting MIL for 1st birthday?

  • To be clear, BIL would not be invited, but MIL always gets mad when BIL is not treated with love or is left out of things. I'm afraid she would just bring along BIL anyway. This is why she is not talking to her cousins right now...she has been on such a campaign to convince people that he is a better person now but most of us don't buy it and that makes her mad. Now she's saying she understands that he's manipulative but this stuff literally happens every single year and I don't expect it to change. It is a shame because BIL's son is the same age as LO but he is a criminal who so far has not reformed in my book and MIL is an enabler as is his gf.
  • edited September 2015
    Too much drama. No invite.

    You could go out to lunch you, H, MIL & LO at a different time if necessary.
  • Loading the player...
  • Agree with pp
  • kimmee1997kimmee1997 member
    edited March 2016
    My husband and I have an agreement that has worked well for us so far.  He deals with his family and I deal with mine.  So I'd leave the invite up to him and stay out of it.  It would have to be something major for me to not invite a grandmother to a birthday party.

    Nevermind.  See that this is an old post.  Sorry.
    Married in 2008.  Mom to 2 boys:  2010 and 2014
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards