Discussion for current parents/parents of multipes

SummerFall03

Ok, so I have my soon to be 3 year old birthdays for my twins coming up, then soon after we have Christmas. The problem we have been facing is our family is giving them 1 present... and it's normally something that cannot be shared. For example: 1 blanket, 1 pillow, 1 telephone toy, 5 random pairs of pjs- why not 4 or 6, 1 stuffed animal etc.

I appreciate the fact that they are given a gift, but they are being treated like 1 person, and they are now starting to notice it. I'm all for sharing, and they are really good about it, but I feel really sorry when they are treated like 1 person, because they are in fact 2 separate individuals who happen to be born at the same time.

With the holidays coming up, how do we approach family members without coming off as ungrateful? If money was an issue, we have suggested things that can be combined for the 2 of them, that are also cheaper. Ironically, the family members who are doing this, are actually spending MORE money on the individual present. Does this make sense?

Anyways, I'm really looking for some help/advice on how to approach the situation. I posted this in the multiples board as well, I'm just not sure about the traffic.

Thanks in advance!

ashs88

Does your family normally make Christmas lists? My family has always done this, so if you do you could make separate lists for each kid with different things on them. Maybe that would give people the hint that each kid should get their own gifts? Other than that the only thing I can think of is to talk about it with your family members and just explain that they are twins but they are two different kids who are (possibly) starting to get different interests and they shouldn't have to share everything. I have twin nieces that are now 6 and I have always gotten them a couple individual gifts each and then usually one gift to share at each birthday and Christmas. They still typically end up sharing everything anyway, but it is still nice for each of them to be able to open their own presents.

Monilee1017

My family does the same as PP, we make birthday and Christmas wish lists for the children on Amazon. But I will say a gift is just that a gift. It may stink that they aren't getting seperate gifts but you can not complain about it to them. If anyone comes out and asks you can comment on the fact that the children are noticing, or that they are confused as to whose toy it is since there is only one. But I would say it is rude to just say to guest they have to buy two presents. (But I also think it is rude to only buy one unless having talked to a parent.) I will say last year for Christmas I talked to my sister about buying one gift for her four children ages 3-11. I got a trampoline with her permission and had it shipped to her house beforehand. So on Christmas Eve the three children youngest opened a hint, like a bouncy ball with a note attached saying bounce real high, and the oldest had an envelope with a picture of the trampolin inside. Well it was terrible the three children cried thinking they just got bouncy balls and other small stuff and the oldest got a trampoline. It took over an hour to explain it to all of them. Even though I had parents permission I will never buy a joint gift again!

TTiger03

Monilee1017,
I dont think it was so much a problem of giving a joint gift as it was in the presentation. I understand it was supposed to be a cute way to give it to them, but perhaps writing all the names on one package would be better. The parents could then decide how it would be opened.

As a twin I don't understand why people would think a single blanket would be a good gift for sharing unless they share a bed.
Growing up we had some shared gifts but the biggest issue my mom faced was one person getting us each a copy of the same multi-player board game. My parents returned one and we selected a new one together.

I might suggest sending the gift givers in question one gift per house hold. It is a passive aggressive move, but it might send a message if you don't want to speak directly on it (though I think it might need to be addressed in a nice way ashs88 suggested)

We had one girl in 3rd grade tell us it wasn't fair that she had to get two gifts for us and she would only get one. In reality we always took our own gifts to parties. Maybe as they get older you will have to be ready for this as well.

Edit for typos.

Kelley421

I do not currently have multiples, but expecting them and have thought about this problem.
I really like the passive aggressive gift giving (lol), because I'm not very confrontational. But- their kids do not have birthdays on the same day, this would be difficult.
At this point I don't see our immediate families doing one shared gift, unless it is large. Distant relatives, perhaps so for birthdays but we do not exchange christmas gifts.
I have decided if my children want to invite friends/school friends to parties, we will either state "your presence is your gift" or perhaps ask for a small donation, such as a bag of cat food to donate to a shelter- instead of a gift. With DD, she cares much more about celebrating with friends than gifts, and I would hate for the triplets not have friends come because the expense of three gifts is too much.

That was long, mostly just to say I am following and hoping for future advice!

keshakdavis

As a twin I have to say, we do not like this!!! We are individual people with different tastes so we should be treated as such. I would talk to the family members that do this by telling them it's not fair they only bought ONE kid a gift. Because that is what they are doing. And because they have left a kid out you won't be accepting it. It may be harsh but it's rude to the children. Imagine if they were years apart and received one gift. It would feel as if they forgot about the other. They should understand this but you want to stop it now before they get any older. My opinion.

SummerFall03

Thanks ladies! It's nice to get a couple perspectives from twins! I actually had someone buy them 1 red wings outfit once, and then told me they would get another one if they found it... the cute outfit went unworn because I couldn't justify one having the outfit and not the other. I think we will start to suggest gifts maybe that they need? It's just a crappy situation because we don't ant to come off as ungrateful, but I want my kids to be individuals and treated as such.

Ps- sorry for the late reply, was off the last day and a half and normally I can only respond when I'm at work.

Mommyduclos

I would just be upfront that the kids are getting their feelings hurt because they feel like only one of them is getting a gift, so they either need individual gifts or a gift that will clearly work to be shared- a game they would play together, an outting of some kind or gift card, a movie they both love, a membership to somewhere, it either needs to be separate or something that can be used together at the same time. That's really tricky cause when it hurts feelings like that as grateful as you want to be for the gift it almost would have been better to not get one at all.