I think my MIL is trying to drive me insane!

ReggieBear

I NEED TO VENT!!!! 

I am 14 weeks pregnant with #2 and #1 is 6 months old - so I am not only pregnant but also living the life as a new mom.  She has an opinion on EVERYTHING and is so passive aggressive about it that I want to scream.  She comes to help three days a week (and my mom comes 2 days a week) to help since I work from home.  I have explained MANY times that I do not need her here M-W-F since my job is not that demanding but she INSISTS that this her job now and is needed.  I appreciate the help but at what cost to my sanity.  She doesn't feel my daughter should be put down if she is awake and should be spoken to constantly in a baby voice.  She will also wake her up while watching her because she thinks my daughter needs to have more attention.  There are times when I swear my daughter gives me a look like "G-Ma is crazy!" - and she asks questions constantly - do you think she's hungry, tired, etc.... she's being watching her for 4 months like this - can't she figure it out? 

I appreciate her help but I am not sure I can take three days a week of this and a family dinner on Sundays..am I crazy or just a hormonal pregnant person who needs some sleep? 

kynbar5

Have you tried sitting down and talking to her about more than just not needing her 3 times a week? Maybe if you nicely and honestly explained to her what your problems are then you could both come to a compromise of some kind?

flowerpower5838

Maybe try and frame the conversation as a need for getting some more experience on your own with just the one kid because how will I ever learn to handle things with two kids if I am always relying on your kindness? I don't doubt your abilities but it could be a good excuse to help your MIL tone down a bit.

Also, perhaps giving her a clear list of things you need help with that maybe don't involve baby might help direct her to more helpful things than waking a sleeping baby or just holding her the whole time. Would she be okay with helping with more household chores? If there isn't anything for her to do but hold baby the entire time or wake baby up from naps and it doesn't seem like she is willing to cut down on her time helping you, FIND her something else to do.

Finally, I know you're appreciative of the help she is providing so just keep in mind that while she might be driving you crazy, you are very lucky to have that kind of support.

LoA

My MIL was very intense as well... She didn't have days she helped but would randomly show up or text she was coming over and complain to my husband if I wasn't available.

I think it's kind of your husbands responsibility to talk with his mother. Maybe the three of you can sit down and go over what is concerning you and explain that your appreciative, but 3 days a week isn't necessary and that you want a day to bond and have the time alone with your daughter. Obviously it's bothering you, and it's not fair to build this resentment for this situation if you aren't going to try and let your MIL understand what you need.

You may need her all three days when the next one gets here, so I'm sure a little less time now is good for everyone
Good luck!

RoMama113

Sounds similar to my MIL, she used to come 1-2 days a week when DS was that old and some days I would lose my patience with her after just a couple hours, and I wasn't pregnant! It doesn't sound like your hormones are to blame, but they definitely don't help if you are frustrated!

It's difficult when they ask questions and don't really know how to take care of a baby, since they raised their own children and now have had months with yours. I had to be very stern with my MIL, telling her to stay on our regular schedule, and how/when to do other things like feed and change diapers. She never thought the baby ever needed a nap, since he was born! And she would never change his diaper, wth. It took a while with many reminders, but it got a little better.

So, I understand where you are coming from. Please tell her to never ever wake a sleeping baby!! I would suggest finding an excuse to drop a day with her if possible, that will give you a little break. But on the other hand, you are very lucky to have family around to help, so try to appreciate it even though it drives you crazy

shacerouge

Definitely get your husband to be a part of that conversation. It's his mother and you shouldn't have to deal with that stress alone. I'm constantly having to explain that having my MIL's "help" is more stressful for me than not having any help at all. Good luck!

ReggieBear

Thank you all so much - I talked to my husband and we are going to do away with Fridays, but we will sit her down TOGETHER and make her understand.  

However, I did give her a book today (that was from her sister) and told her that reading is very good.  Maybe I am passive aggressive too?  

Thank you for all of the support I needed some pregnant mom love... 

Christi 

ReggieBear

UPDATE: The book was a children's book of complete nonsense that her sister who is a teacher gave us!