Feeling defeated and depressed

rachlee2010

So the short version of my story is we had my son with no issues what-so-ever..Started trying for #2 in may 2014..after 6 months of BFN's took a 2 month break..on the 2nd month trying again (so 8th cycle trying) got a BFP but miscarried at 7 weeks.  Went to an RE after that and got diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve.  Have done 2 IUI's in july and august..first with femara and gonal F had one great follicle with another small one that possibly could have hit 15 mm between trigger and IUI and then the second month we did lower does of femara and menopur, one great follicle, BFN

This month we went back to the same protocol as the first month. went today on CD for my first follicle check and have no dominant follicles.  The dr saw 2 on each ovary but none worth measuring.  Will continue with Gonal F tonight and tomorrow and go back Tuesday but both other cycles had something worth measuring by this point.  The dr is concerned (not enough to scrap this cycle yet but overall is concerned with my diagnosis)  

I am feeling so over this crap and it's so unfair.  I guess I should start getting more used to the idea of just having one child.  I hate this and hate that people who are so irresponsible and do drugs and drink can get pregnant and we who try so hard can't.  The dr on call today is not my official dr but is super nice and was actually recommended to me by someone for my diagnosis.  I like my dr but this one might know more so he did say if I want to make an appointment to sit down with him nd talk things through and have him look more inot my case we can do that.  I like my dr and don't want to "dump" her for him but if he is better qualified I have to do what's best for me..So I may see if I can make an appointment to talk with him.  

I truly don't believe I can't get pregnant again as I was just pregnant in January.  I can't be impossible that quickly..But having the patience to wait is just too hard.  I feel like I have cried so much over this I can't possibly cry more but I keep crying..ughh..

Sorry for the vent but I know you ladies get it more than anyone else 

ellebelle2384

I'm sorry. This journey just flat out sucks. Have you only been doing IUIs? You should definitely switch doctors if you're not happy and maybe a fresh pair of eyes and some new treatment suggestions will help. Hugs!

rachlee2010

So far we have only done iuis. We aren't unhappy with our dr at all. We like her a lot but I also like her partner a lot and from what I've heard he may be more knowledgeable with my diagnosis. We are trying to get an appointment to talk with him but waiting to hear back if they can get us in before his first opening in October sometime

Bperkun

I agree with ellebelle. It's a shame any of us are here and have to deal with this. I think we all know how you feel. I also think you should at least talk to the other doctor. He might have a new idea for you to try. It also might help you be more optimistic for your next step to take. Good Luck!

Flamingemu

I am sorry. The feeling of defeat is unfortunately, common around these parts. Talk to your Doc, tell her you are feeling like the process is too slow, and ask what your options are. If the other doc is in the same practice, ask her to chat with him about your options. Do you have a nurse on your service? Could you email asking questions and give them the heads up that you want to have a status/options meeting?

ellebelle2384

Flamingemu said:

I am sorry. The feeling of defeat is unfortunately, common around these parts. Talk to your Doc, tell her you are feeling like the process is too slow, and ask what your options are. If the other doc is in the same practice, ask her to chat with him about your options. Do you have a nurse on your service? Could you email asking questions and give them the heads up that you want to have a status/options meeting?

I love these suggestions.  I can't second them enough!  Also, remember that your doctor/nurse may be wonderful but they are never as invested in this as you are, so you may need to advocate for yourself if you feel "stuck".

rachlee2010

Thanks ladies. I emailed my nurse this morning with questions and we are trying to schedule a time to talk to the other dr in the practice. Possibly to switch to him or possibly to just his input

NB817

That's great! Hope you get to talk to him soon! And yes like the ladies said you have to ADVOCATE for yourself in this process!!

GK2009

I am sorry you are feeling so down.  I have DOR and a blocked tube and a bunch of other stuff and it really does feel very depressing at times... just know you aren't alone and try to cling on to hope.  I know it is easier said than done, but that is what I try to do.  Stay strong and I agree with the other ladies-- keep investigating your options and advocate for yourself-- it will help in your process and motivate you.  All the best to you!

rachlee2010

@GK2009  do you mind me asking what you treatment plan is for your DOR.  Are both your tubes blocked or just one?  I assume that might mean ivf is your best option.  

I still have hope, I am only 32 but I just don't know if treatments are best..sometimes I think natural might be better because I know with DOR responding to meds can sometimes be an issue..but I responded the past two months..

GK2009

No problem! I am happy to share although I will be honest and say nothing has been working for me. I have DOR and one blocked tube. I have been trying IVF with no success. I don't respond to the stims. This past cycle I used the microflora lupron protocol with Gonal F and Lo Dose HCG. I only had one lead follicle the whole time, but at egg retrieval they got 4 eggs. Only 2 were mature and fertilized. One didn't make it to blast and I just found out my one and only frosting is genetically abnormal. So, I am back to square one. I can't say I recommend what I have been doing, but everyone is different. I wish you the best of luck!

rachlee2010

Thanks @GK2009  my dr thinks we should move on to IVF and she is suggesting a high dose of meds however I don't know exactly which meds.  My husband is very hesitant because of the cost and the odds still aren't that high for us. We know I may not respond well to the sims and even if I do we probably won't get all that many eggs as my AFC is usually 4-8 but so far only my right ovary ever responds and then we know not all eggs retrieved will fertilize or make it..so do we take the gamble or not?  I think so..i know i will regret not trying it if we don't..my husband may not 

Sometimes I think we will have better luck trying naturally but at the same time I am impatient and want to do whatever we can as soon as we can

1983Lindsey2

Huge hugs!! Nothing about IF is fair. It sucks so bad and I am sorry you are going through all that you are. If I were you, I would try an all inject cycle next time, if not move right to IVF. I understand the worry of costs though with IVF and I think trying a few inject cycles is reasonable. They can get pretty expensive though too. We are OOP too and the costs are a big deal. I hope you can find something that works for you!!

GK2009

@rachlee2010 I totally understand your feelings and your husband's feelings... there is no right answer.  In my own opinion, my advice would be to go for it.  You will never know if you don't try.  Again, I have learned the hard way that it doesn't always work, but I wanted to take my shot.  It seems like you still have some doors open and you can try other methods so just go with your gut.  You can't make a bad decision, it is just a frustrating situation.  Sending you hugs and strength!

rachlee2010

Thanks @GK2009  as of now our plan is to try a clomid/injectable cycle once I get AF..I am taking provera to make it come so I have till the end of the week to finish the pills then a week give or take until AF shows.  We have a consult with another dr on Oct 7 so we will see what he suggests and if he thinks the clomid/inject is a good idea or if we should do IVF or if we should take a break and try at home.  I am also starting acupuncture today so we will see. 

GK2009

Good luck to you!  FX that all will be well!!!  Also- I got my period 2 days after I stopped the provera so it can happen quickly.  All the best!

rachlee2010

I took provera once before @GK2009 and it took a full week for AF to show but then again both times I was on crinone after stopping it took 7 days one time and only 5 the next so who knows!

Do you know what you are going to do next? Another ivf??

GK2009

My options are pretty slim at this point. I just got accepted into a study for natural IVF. It is no meds, just a trigger shot and retrieval. I have to do a bunch of extra tests for the study since the cost of everything including genetic testing is free to me. I was excited until they told me the success rate for the study has been less than 10%. So...I will probably try it, but I really won't get my hopes up. I am not sure if I can do another IVF... my case is being reviewed by the Ethics Committee since my chances of having this work in my favor are so low. I am still trying to keep my head up...

rachlee2010

I'm so sorry @GK2009  I hope you are one of the 10% that get a BFP on the natural cycle IVF. I have heard of some people doing really well with it.  If the whole process is free I would def give it a shot.  And you never know it could work. And if it doesn't you hear all the time of people who went through every treatment and didn't get pregnant and finally gave up hope and got a natural BFP 

GK2009

Thanks for your support and optimism.  It is much appreciated.  I can't help it... I still hold on to hope even when I hear the statistics.  I guess that's a good thing.  Thanks again and please keep us updated.  I have everything crossed for you!