April 2014 Moms

Need suggestion on what to do - BIL being an a*****

Hi Ladies

I have a big problem with my BIL, which is becoming bigger by the day.

I have nothing against him. Actually, I think he's a good person, sometimes with a bad personality, especially if alcohol is involved.And I think he's pretty smart too.

He is 51 now.

Once he and his wife were at dinner at our place. He said some profanity, and I immediately said that I don't tolerate any profanity when our little girl is present (she is 16 m.o. now). I should have said I don't tolerate any profanity ever, but I tried not too sound too judgey.

He got offended and pouted for the whole evening.

Then, at another event, he gave my little girl some beer, when I had clearly stated more than once that she is not allowe alcohol at 16 months.

Lastly, we went to a restaurant with him, his wife, my MIL and my SIL, and for the Whole night he shouted and was totally inpleasant. When my MIL said that little girl was tired (which was true), he said something like "what the f... are you saying" to her. Shouting in a restaurant. When his wife sent a message to her mom, he started with the profanity b/c she shouldn't use the phone while at the table.

He said to the waiter to bring a glass wine for the baby too, at which point I said something like "this is not happening".

And the cherry on the cake: after dinner, while we were in the parking lot near the car, he called us (me, husband, MIL and SIL) , turned his back at us, took down his pants and released a huge fart. I just can't believe I am writing this.

I didn't say anything that night (besides the wine thing), but told husband to talk to him and say if he wants to be around the baby girl he has to stop profanity and stop with the wine to tha baby.

Fast forwrd to yesterday, at my husband's granmother funeral. After the ceremony I came to work and they went to have lunch.

After lunch husband approached him about the wine and the profanity stuff. He got burned, and replied that I am impolite too: I wasn't shaking hands with their relatives when introduced to them.

He never introduced me to any relatives. I had shaken hands countless times, but he couldn't know b/c he came in at the last min. I said "hi M." when I saw him and he didn't reply. And I am impolite? He was looking for something to say to husband against me, and found something totally fake.

What am I supposed to do with this guy? I don't want to have anything to do with him ever again, but he is husband's Brother, so that's nearly impossible.

I said husband that it'll be a long time before he's invited at our place again, but I can't avoid seeing him in other circumstances...


Re: Need suggestion on what to do - BIL being an a*****

  • Yikes what a tough situation. Is it possible your BIL has issues with alcohol, and that's the main reason he acts out like this? It could also be the reason why he isn't admitting to his behavior, and instead trying to deflect onto how you were "rude." I would try to find a time when he hasn't been drinking and sit down calmly with him to explain why his behavior makes you uncomfortable and to let him know you guys are there for support. What a tough situation, sorry you have to deal with it.
  • Wow. That is awful behavior on his part. I'm glad your husband was willing to talk with him about it and I hope he'll try again when, as suggested above, there's no alcohol or anything else involved. So sorry.
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  • I don't think he really has a problem with alcohol, surely he becomes unsufferable when he drinks though. And husband would be happy to help for any problem he might have, but he should be the first to admit he has a problem, bring it drinking, or insecurity etc. I think his behavior is a way to mask insecurities, and I am sure he thinks he is funny. When criticized, then, he can't take any critics and bites back. But those are problems he needs to solve with some good therapy, husband has suggested it in the past, but it's not like he can drag him to the therapist.
    The saddest part is he is actually good with childrens. His niece and nephew adore him. But he can't tone it down when necessari.


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