Dumb things people say

rachlee2010

I am a teacher and my principal knows we are having fertility issues.  Last week she was giving me all these reasons why having 1 child was a great thing (keep in mind that she has 2 herself)  I couldn't believe some of the things she was saying.  She was saying how much money we would save, and how all kids want to be only children because they are always compromising or giving things up for their sibling.  She told me to make me feel better I should have my friends bring their kids over to play with my son and have them leave (babysit essentially) so it feels like more kids are around..does she really think watching my son play with my friends kids will make me feel like I have another child???  I have read a bunch of those articles about what not to say to someone trying to have a child or with secondary infertility and she has said them all to me.

what dumb things have people said to you??

Flamingemu

My absolute favorite and #1 answer (I get it about every other week). "At least you have 1!!!" Because I have spent thousands of dollars and undergone countless procedures after #1, for nothing. How about a simple, I am sorry, that sucks?

Bperkun

Wtf is wrong with people? Do they think they are being helpful?? I want to punch them in the face

Bperkun

Oh and I love the people who try to relate to you but their problems don't even compare to this crap.

rachlee2010

Agreed with everything and I also get the at least you have 1 all the time..Yes at least I have one..I can't imagine going through infertility when you have none and I Love my son more than anything and have thought about how lucky I will be if I end up never having a second that I have him but I don't feel my family is complete and I want a 2nd more than anything.  Having one doesn't make this easier or a breeze..it's not like I already bought new shoes so a second pair that I can switch off of is just a bonus...people really don't get it.

ErikaMG

Honestly, I get stuff like this all the time. Most commonly is "when are you gonna have another one?" Rubs my fur the wrong way every time, but I always take a deep breath and try to remember to take it in the spirit it was meant. At the risk of sounding obnoxiously zen (and I apologize if I do), we can't control our 2IF, and we can't control what people say. But we CAN control how we let their words affect us. Unless they are being purposefully hurtful or vindictive, they probably mean well. And since their words won't affect my circumstances one way or the other, they can't hurt me. Just my humble opinion and how I try (not always successfully) to react to these sort of situations.

ellebelle2384

Ugh that is really obnoxious @rachlee2010.  People just have no idea if they haven't been through it.  The worst I ever got was basically I should be thankful for my losses because "it's better than having a challenged child".  Have not talked to that person since then.

GK2009

Wow. @ellebelle2384-- I actually felt sick reading that last comment. It sounds like that person may have been a "challenged" human being. That would send me through the roof and I am basically a doormat for people's comments and opinions. Sorry you had to hear that...
I always get... at least you have one. It drives me nuts because it makes it seem like I am not grateful and everyone should know how much I love my son. Part of my motivation in doing IVF is for his future.... the other thing that drives me nuts is when people rattle off lists of people who are only children and then say... "they are all only children and they are FINE." Great.

rachlee2010

That's really horrible @ellebelle2384  I wonder when someone says that if they go home later and realize what they said and if they regret it or are they that oblivious to what they are saying?

@GK2009 of course only children are fine but none only children are also fine.  I know only children who wish they had siblings and ones who don't care they don't but the point isn't whether your child will be fine because no matter what all of our children will be loved and cared for and fine but it's what we want for our family so badly

laurenlalap

"Just relax. You must be stressed. Relax and you'll get pregnant."

I hear it all....the.....time.....