Can the father help with a baby shower?

ralphrcr

We are 28 weeks pregnant and had zero interest from my family in planning a baby shower. My husband decided to get the ball rolling and started creating invitations and organizing a shower for me. When my family found out he was trying to set one up they became outraged that he was doing it. They said a man had no place being involved, and a shower is for the mother not for the couple. He is now upset that he took the time to try to do something nice for me, and my family just came in and kicked him out of the planning. I also was told he shouldn't have any influence in the guest list or the items on the registry. We are just wondering if this is right or if it's fair to exclude him and his guy friends entirely from the shower.

wassuphoes

As the father to be, he shouldn't be planning a shower. Not because he has a penis, but because showers are gift giving events and he stands to benefit from that. The parents to be, regardless of their genitals, should not be hosting or planning their own shower.

From the sounds of it, a "pre baby bash" or "welcoming baby party" (also known as a sip n see) once you are comfortable having guests around the baby might be best for you.

As far as societal gender expectations towards showers, theres a thread a little further down about Co ed showers. There are pros and cons to everything in life, and baby showers are no different.

CharminglySouthern

ralphrcr said:

We are 28 weeks pregnant and had zero interest from my family in planning a baby shower. My husband decided to get the ball rolling and started creating invitations and organizing a shower for me. When my family found out he was trying to set one up they became outraged that he was doing it. They said a man had no place being involved, and a shower is for the mother not for the couple. He is now upset that he took the time to try to do something nice for me, and my family just came in and kicked him out of the planning. I also was told he shouldn't have any influence in the guest list or the items on the registry. We are just wondering if this is right or if it's fair to exclude him and his guy friends entirely from the shower.

1. "You" are pregnant. "We" are expecting.

2. Your husband should not be planning a shower for you. Because he directly benefits from the gifts. If no shower is offered, you simply don't get one.

3. While co-Ed showers are more common these days, it's really up to the hostess to plan the kind of shower she wants to throw. Some people prefer women only showers and that's fine. It's a gift to you.

I don't see why he shouldn't have any input on the registry though.

MyCousinVinny

Agree with PPs.  

If someone in your family does end up hosting one, they will determine whether or not it's co-ed and most likely not because they want to exclude your DH but because having co-ed showers increases the guest list, which increases the cost of the shower.  Since the host is the one who is paying for it, if they cannot afford to invite extra guests to make it a co-ed shower, then it can't be that way.  

I see no problem with him being involved in the registry.  The items you want for your child are items you both wish to have so it's fine for him to have a say.

fwtx5815

ralphrcr said:

We are 28 weeks pregnant and had zero interest from my family in planning a baby shower. My husband decided to get the ball rolling and started creating invitations and organizing a shower for me. When my family found out he was trying to set one up they became outraged that he was doing it. They said a man had no place being involved, and a shower is for the mother not for the couple. He is now upset that he took the time to try to do something nice for me, and my family just came in and kicked him out of the planning. I also was told he shouldn't have any influence in the guest list or the items on the registry. We are just wondering if this is right or if it's fair to exclude him and his guy friends entirely from the shower.

Echoing what PPs have said - your husband should not be planning a shower because that's basically the same thing as YOU hosting a shower for yourself. Showers are gift giving events, and it is in really bad taste to throw a party where you are asking your friends and family to bring you gifts. Parties before the baby is born are meant to celebrate mom/the parents. Parties after baby is born are for celebrating the baby.

The offer of hosting a shower is a gift in itself, and as mentioned above, if nobody offers to host a shower for you then a shower is off the table. It's okay, a lot of people don't have showers. Mom and Dad are the only ones that are responsible for buying the necessities anyway.

There's no reason why your husband can't help you with the registry though, as it's basically a checklist of things that you need to buy before the baby arrives.