In-laws REFUSE to get flu shot!

RRC216

Pretty angry at the moment. We are moving in with my in-laws because they are having financial problems. They will be around the baby everyday. My doctor advised me that anyone living with the baby "HAS" to have a flu shot. My mother in-law refuses because she gets sick from it and my father in-law is refusing just because he thinks were forcing them. STUPID!  They said "You can't tell us we can't handle and kiss the baby if we don't have a flu shot". I said oh yes I can!!! It's child. I will do what I please! My mother in-law wants to kiss this kid like crazy. Those lips wont get near my baby unless they get a flu shot!!! Anyone having a similar issue? Any advice? My husband says he will deal with it. My husband is the only child so this is the first grandchild. You'd think they'd want to prevent any illness in the baby.Also they seem to be sick often. My father in-law will have a cough for months! SO MAD TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!

Achae

Flu shots here get given in November timeframe mainly, LO will be born sometime in February which I'd think is the tail end of flu shots? I could be wrong, I just know we get them for free in November as that's when they push it for start of flu season. Personally I don't think a flu shot is a big deal, in the past when I have gotten them I've gotten the flu and when I haven't I have been fine. But if it is important to you then stand your ground.

I will say I get a cough for months (currently have one since May!) that doctors say is allergy related.

Anyway, hopefully your husband can get them and you to reach an agreement!

yeahbaby2016

You should be able to get a flu shot when you are pregnant which will help protect the baby the first few months.

I'm sorry to hear your inlaws don't understand the importance to you. I am a strong believer in flu shots and protecting a newborn baby in anyway I can.

Mrs.Aaron

We don't vaccinate so this is a non issue with us, but I'm just wondering if there is a reason your doctor is saying that anyone around the baby must have the flu shot? Or is it just a precaution?
I would think that proper hygiene/hand washing and common sense ("if you've got a cold please keep your distance") should be enough.
Unless of course your doctor is anticipating a weakened immune system in your baby or some other complication.

Ultimately you are the parent, but you also can't force people to get a flu shot. So if you plan to be in close quarters with your in-laws and they refuse the shot, you'll have to find a way to deal with the situation or not move in.

purpletulip

Wow, I'd be angry too. The flu can be extremely serious for a newborn, resulting in hospitalization (or worse...). And then there's the issue that they aren't respecting your wishes as the parent.
My mom has needle phobia and even she gets a flu shot before visiting my babies.
Maybe they don't understand the seriousness of the situation? I'd ask your doctor for information you can give them to hopefully change their minds.

AdventureMama

I don't think the flu shot is as big of a deal as the Tdap, at least when I had my son, it was the latter my doctors told all of us and our parents to get.

I hope you can get through to them about how important it is to you to keep your baby safe and healthy.

BabyHope2013

I think you should have you DH have a serious conversation with them about how you both feel. Does he feel the same way as you do?

For what it's worth---I never have gotten the flu shot while pregnant or since DS was born. DS has also never gotten the flu shot. Knock on wood but we haven't ever gotten the flu either. And we are up to date on all other vaccinations.

tdoswell1

This is a touchy subject for some. I personally did not allow ANYONE to hold baby (with my first child) unless they washed their hands and no kissing was allowed either. I worked to hard for 9 months to allow someone to get him sick. I can understand your frustration for sure

SoSirius

My brother is amazing and he just took my mom to get it and dealt with her objections so I didn't have to. Thankfully everyone was up to date on vaccines otherwise that would definitely have been a reason to keep them far away.

MamaFroFro

If it means that much to you, don't move in with them. Even if baby is born at the tail-end of flu season, you will be living with them until baby is born and your immune system is weakened. I'd request just for that reason alone.

wineaddict

Mrs.Aaron said:

We don't vaccinate so this is a non issue with us, but I'm just wondering if there is a reason your doctor is saying that anyone around the baby must have the flu shot? Or is it just a precaution?
I would think that proper hygiene/hand washing and common sense ("if you've got a cold please keep your distance") should be enough.
Unless of course your doctor is anticipating a weakened immune system in your baby or some other complication.

Ultimately you are the parent, but you also can't force people to get a flu shot. So if you plan to be in close quarters with your in-laws and they refuse the shot, you'll have to find a way to deal with the situation or not move in.

Our babies will not be old enough to get the shot this year. So community immunity is the only way to protect your child. Relying on others to clean wash etc is nice but not a guarantee and not fool proof anyway. The flu is everywhere and anyone can pass it on to your child. It is particularly dangerous in little babies with naive immune systems, that's why it's important. They succumb to influenza much more easily than the rest of us healthy people.

As for your in laws, perhaps appeal to their need to get the flu vaccination for themselves, not just your baby. Then it won't seem forced. They are likely "elderly", which is also a very at-risk population. Perhaps also invite them to have a conversation with their doctor about it, or at least read about it here:
https://www.cdc.gov/flu/protect/children.htm

It's not even a shot anymore, you can get an easy nasal instillation. Good luck

g8trkim

Honestly, it might prevent me moving in with them. It's not just the flu thing... though that's a HUGE deal for me. I would worry that someone who wouldn't get a simple shot to protect their grandchild against something that could be life threatening is also someone who wouldn't respect me as a parent. It's one thing if they see their grandchild on occasion but to live with you too... I would just worry they would do whatever they want with no regard for your requests. Just something to think about. Btw I really side eye the getting sick from the flu shot thing. Unless you have an illness that suppresses your immune system it's usually a load of crap.  It's a weak argument. Plus, I would rather a runny nose or whatever it might be than the flu.

Edit to agree with @adventuremama about Tdap. They should really get that as well.

jaimeruns

I've never heard that people who handle the baby should get the flu shot, but I can see this being an issue with my parents. My dad is a big conspiracy theorist and thinks the flu shot is part of the govt's evil plan (smh). My hubs and I both have to get it at work, and I'm pretty sure his parents get it. I'm not too worried though because mine probably won't come visit much at all, they don't really go anywhere. I agree with PP, if that's non-negotiable for you it might be best to not move in with them, so you don't have to deal with it.

DaisyTortilla

I had this issue with my parents and the TDap vaccine. They ultimately gave in and we're going to get it, but then we moved away. I was pretty upset, I know how you feel. Hope you can convince them, maybe try having a heart to heart with them???

wineaddict

Yes, tdap is very very important, since whooping cough (pertussis) is prevalent in many states now (due to people refusing vaccine). My daughter got whooping cough at 6 months old from a relative bc, again, babies that young aren't able to be fully immunized with it. They are helpless. They must rely on others to be vaccinated.

Miss Lilac

I'm just going to leave this here. If it makes you feel any better, spreading the flu has a lot more to do with proper sanitation than simply breathing on someone. It's also not a very effective vaccine. I agree though, if it's that big of a deal to you then just don't move in.

https://www.cbc.ca/m/news/canada/toronto/union-says-ontario-nurses-can-t-be-forced-to-wear-masks-in-flu-season-1.3222702

RissKay

So, flu shots aren't suuuuuper important to me since they aren't for sure to prevent the strands that season, but it's true too that these kids will come at the end of flu season. My OB just suggested I get it because of *potential* complications if I get the flu while pregnant, so I will.

I agree that this is a bigger issue than them not getting the shot, though. They need to learn they'll have to do a lot of respecting your rules and boundaries and starting here would be the best way to begin.

#sorrynotsorry but if you're against vaccinations completely, I have zero respect for you. There's no proof they cause any issues. UNLESS your child cannot get them for one reason or another, you not having them vaccinated is BEYOND selfish.

ohbaby714

I also side eye the "I get sick from the flu shot" a little bit. I do admit I get a runny/stuffy nose after just because my immune system is weakened a bit. But you don't get the flu from the flu shot. DD was old enough to get the flu shot last year and you bet your butt she got it. She still got a strain of influenza BUT she got over it sooo much faster and was far less sick then other kids who had the flu without the vaccine. Hers only lasted 3-4 days unlike most others who had it up to 10 days. I would have felt so terrible if I didn't get her the vaccine and she got it and was sick that much longer knowing that I could have possibly prevented it. I'll be getting the flu shot this year as well as my family.

I'm with the crowd, that if they aren't willing to do this simple thing for you and your baby what about the Tdap or other decisions you feel strongly about. Something you might want to consider/talk about before you move in. Good luck!!

VitaLuna

These replies are killing me. Guess what? You don't get to tell your parents what to do with THEIR healthcare. Yes, I think it's obnoxious that they don't want one without having a legitimate reason, but you can't demand that people make certain healthcare decisions.

You can request it, encourage them to talk to their doctors (neutral party who will back you up), tell them that you won't allow LO around them during flu season (which is usually over by March)... but you can't demand and expect them to take any medication/vaccine. That's a personal choice. If it's that important to you, you shouldn't be moving in with them.

The tdap vax was more important to me. I asked my parents to get that, since they are primary caregivers. I also asked them to get the flu shot, but if they don't get it this year, it's no big deal. The flu vax has minimal to no coverage some years (last year it didn't cover the strain in my area). I get my flu shot, I have to for work. If I didn't, I wouldn't get it. My 2yr old DD doesn't get it.

VitaLuna

Back the truck up. You're moving in with them because THEY'RE having financial issues? And you're already arguing/mad about stuff with each other? This seems like a bad idea all around. I'd ditch that plan right quick and stay in your own place.

purpletulip

VitaLuna said:

Back the truck up. You're moving in with them because THEY'RE having financial issues? And you're already arguing/mad about stuff with each other? This seems like a bad idea all around. I'd ditch that plan right quick and stay in your own place.

This is a very good point.

NoelBird

I'm not touching the not vaccinating, but I agree with most posters here. The issue really is that they aren't respecting your wishes are parents, especially since you will be living in their home. This is probably going to lead to much bigger issues later on. 

You didn't mention Tdap but I assume they wouldn't get this one if they won't get the flu shot? This is a bigger deal for me since they will be around the baby constantly. I asked the grandparents to get it and explained why but left it up to them. They only see my child occasionally and don't babysit. If someone was around my child daily I would insist on the Tdap. I would really like the flu shot as well but it's not my hill to die on. I would hate to see my newborns suffer with the flu but it isn't as life threatening as whooping cough.

wineaddict

@NoelBird - Just to be clear, far more people die from influenza every year in the U.S. than pertussis. That is partly due to how more people simply GET influenza, but this just harkens back to the vaccine issue anyway. Pertussis is indeed serious, however influenza should not be minimized.

NoelBird

@wineaddict You are right that influenza is a serious illness. I didn't know the statistics off hand so I looked them up. 140 children under 2 died from the flu last year, the closest number for whopping cough I could find was in 2012, 20 children died from whopping cough. So your are right, it does look like the flu is much higher risk than whopping cough. I am in WA and we have had a large outbreak of whopping cough in the last couple years so there has been a lot of media attention on it, unfortunately you don't see the same attention for the flu.

wineaddict

Yeah, CA also has high pertussis rates currently. It's awful

wisco29

Tdap is a lot more important imo. When I was pregnant with dd I sent out an email to all of our family reminding them of the importance of the shot and how not getting it is super hazardous to babies, and toddlers etx.


But, I've never gotten a flu shot ever...I didn't get one when I was pregnant with dd and didn't get one last year when she got hers.

I am debating it this year only because we actually go out a lot more and interact with the germ filled public.

VitaLuna

wineaddict said:

@NoelBird - Just to be clear, far more people die from influenza every year in the U.S. than pertussis. That is partly due to how more people simply GET influenza, but this just harkens back to the vaccine issue anyway. Pertussis is indeed serious, however influenza should not be minimized.

I feel like comparing death rates of the two is like comparing apples to oranges. With tdap/DTaP, you're aiming for herd immunity, making the vaccine that much more important. With the flu vaccine, it's hit or miss. Until recently, it was not even a routinely offered vaccine to all populations.

How many of the flu deaths last year were vaccinated? Of the patients I has last year with the flu, all but 2 were vaccinated. I personally had 4 vaccinated deaths... And I'm just one person in one place. At least in the last 4-5yrs, I don't recall any year where the vaccine had great coverage.

(I know I'm off on a tangent from OPs original question, but I think a lot of people aren't aware of the "behind the statistics" info)

toorahloorah

I'm torn here- it sucks that your parents won't respect your wishes but you do realize that your child will come in contact with many people who haven't had the flu shot, right? I've worked in private and public daycares as well as public school. I've never been required to get a flu shot and I was with those kids for 8-10 hours a day. As much as we want to protect our kids we can only do so much. Ask your parents again, but really they probably won't. If you get a shot while pregnant your child will have it for the first six months of life. At that point they'll be old enough for their own shot.

agaicoppo

I'm a teacher and refuse the flu shot. People know their bodies and how they react. Trust them.

Sprinkles07

wisco29 said:

Tdap is a lot more important imo. When I was pregnant with dd I sent out an email to all of our family reminding them of the importance of the shot and how not getting it is super hazardous to babies, and toddlers etx.


But, I've never gotten a flu shot ever...I didn't get one when I was pregnant with dd and didn't get one last year when she got hers.

I am debating it this year only because we actually go out a lot more and interact with the germ filled public.

This. Exactly.

inomniaparatus

Just hold 'em down and stick 'em!

Lola2o1

My OB very strongly recommended that my husband and I get the flu shot. Anything that benefits my child I will do reguardless how I personally feel about it.

pettycrocker

This is so freaking dumb and haphazard of them. If they happen to get the flu they might be sick for a couple weeks. If a NB gets the flu, there's a good chance they will DIE from it.  This is a huge concern of mine having a winter baby. Freaking EVERYONE is sick. 

4N6s

Don't move in with them.

ldowd21016

I sense a power struggle going on here. When you have a baby your whole world changes not everyone elses.

Amazoniataya

It's not an effective vaccine anyways ...

SarahS06

So, I'll just throw this out there: the human immune system doesn't begin to develop until ages 2 to 3 months. That's one of the reasons doctors suggest you breastfeed if possible, because antibodies are passed through breast milk. This is why herd immunity is important. The healthier the group, the less likely the vulnerable are to become seriously ill.

The flu vaccine is not just for people with weakened immune systems or chronic illness. The reason it has a lower effectiveness rate is because the flu is a moving target. It is an illness that rapidly changes, meaning it is difficult to predict every possible mutation.

Obviously, vaccines are important for herd immunity. Hygiene is too.

OP- Best of luck navigating this! It sounds like a frustrating/tense situation.

PedsIsHardcore

I can't get the flu vaccine due to allergies to the actual vaccine. With that said, I have only had the flu when I was previously pregnant.
Common sense like good hand washing and not being around people who are sick is all I do. It's not hard to prevent.

ohbaby714

PedsIsHardcore said:

I can't get the flu vaccine due to allergies to the actual vaccine. With that said, I have only had the flu when I was previously pregnant.
Common sense like good hand washing and not being around people who are sick is all I do. It's not hard to prevent.

I disagree. While hand washing and not being around people who are sick helps, not everyone who is "sick" may be showing symptoms right away. DD had the flu in February this year and we hardly ever left the house the couple weeks before she got sick because it was so cold and crappy out. We literally went to the grocery store one time and I wiped down the entire cart and washed both our hands before we left the store. If it was that easy to prevent she wouldn't have gotten the flu.

Katty422

RRC216 said:

Pretty angry at the moment. We are moving in with my in-laws because they are having financial problems. They will be around the baby everyday. My doctor advised me that anyone living with the baby "HAS" to have a flu shot. My mother in-law refuses because she gets sick from it and my father in-law is refusing just because he thinks were forcing them. STUPID!  They said "You can't tell us we can't handle and kiss the baby if we don't have a flu shot". I said oh yes I can!!! It's child. I will do what I please! My mother in-law wants to kiss this kid like crazy. Those lips wont get near my baby unless they get a flu shot!!! Anyone having a similar issue? Any advice? My husband says he will deal with it. My husband is the only child so this is the first grandchild. You'd think they'd want to prevent any illness in the baby.Also they seem to be sick often. My father in-law will have a cough for months! SO MAD TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!

I currently live with my parents we are saving money for a home. Eventually we will be buying a house and my MIL wil be moving in who smokes and does not take care of herself. She used you live with my husband and I before we moved to Save money. She she refuses all the time to get the flu shot. But this time she will be forced getting one. She is no way handling my baby without one. I am depending on my husband to take care of this. I told him he had to drive her there and see it for himself. Bc I don't trust her at all. She is an ultra pain in my butt for A LOT of reasons!
Make your husband do the same or don't let them into your home.

Achae

PedsIsHardcore said:

I can't get the flu vaccine due to allergies to the actual vaccine. With that said, I have only had the flu when I was previously pregnant.
Common sense like good hand washing and not being around people who are sick is all I do. It's not hard to prevent.

I'm surprised your job still lets you work around kids. For the hospitals my sister has worked for they require the flu vaccine or you're fired.