Nightmares

PetitNightingale

I am really starting to lose it because of the nightmares ladies. Am I the only one who gets them? I have the most horrible dreams almost every night now, I get next to no sleep and end up falling asleep during the day at school or in the middle of lunch. Today I fell asleep during lunch holding a burrito and woke up an hour later. Slept right through lab. I don't know what's wrong with me. 

I dream *trigger* 

That LO will be born dead, that he will be born with two heads, that I'm a terrible person and don't deserve to have a healthy baby, that LO's father will come after me...just really irrational dreams because baby looked fine at his last appointment. I will admit for the first several months I really didn't want him but now I just want him to be okay. I worry that the dreams will hurt him though I know it is probably not true. I also saw an episode of Deadly Women where a crazy woman killed a pregnant lady and tried to take her baby...absolutely evil. I'm now paranoid I'm going to dream about that too. 

Am I the only one who has pregnancy nightmares? 

coffeymg

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12573464/pregnancy-dreams

Barker2+1

Nope I have them! Mine are more delivery related mostly I have to have an emergency c section and DH is no where to be found and all the dr have no faces and they forget to give me the epidural. It's nuts. I sleep in a reclining chair for my hips and heartburn and DH has taken to sleeping as close to my chair as he can get so I can hold his hand when I have them. I kept trying to climb in bed with him when I would have them and then would be in so much pain from hips and heartburn I would wake him up and then he was falling asleep at work lol. Pregnancy hormones bring out the crazy in all of us!

oliviaann91

See symptom list.

CarrieOct15

Vivid dreams are a normal symptom of pregnancy.

If they are affecting your day to day life, however, I would suggest seeking professional help.

queenwog

CarrieOct15 said:

I would suggest seeking professional help.

Please do.

PetitNightingale

CarrieOct15 said:

Vivid dreams are a normal symptom of pregnancy.

If they are affecting your day to day life, however, I would suggest seeking professional help.

Is this an OB thing or a psychologist thing? That's the part I'm stuck on.

CarrieOct15

PetitNightingale said:

CarrieOct15 said:

Vivid dreams are a normal symptom of pregnancy.

If they are affecting your day to day life, however, I would suggest seeking professional help.

Is this an OB thing or a psychologist thing? That's the part I'm stuck on.

Psychologist. I'm not sure what an OB could do about nightmares except tell you they're normal & recommend therapy if they're getting out of hand.

VexedMommy

You said you suffer from a psychological disorder (I forget whether it was bipolar or borderline personality.) are you still seeing a psychiatrist to maintain your med schedule to keep that under control?  If not, some of your issues may be stemming from going off of or needing a change to your meds.  I would definitely seek counseling in your situation just because you have a lot of balls in the air right now and talking to a third party might help you clarify your priorities and put your anxieties into a more realistic light.  You should be able to receive counseling services through your school. 

You also need to sign up for Medicaid so that you're not dependent on your father's healthcare plan in case he decides to drop you.  It should be a fairly quick online process to sign up. 

fitmama89

VexedMommy said:

You said you suffer from a psychological disorder (I forget whether it was bipolar or borderline personality.) are you still seeing a psychiatrist to maintain your med schedule to keep that under control?  If not, some of your issues may be stemming from going off of or needing a change to your meds.  I would definitely seek counseling in your situation just because you have a lot of balls in the air right now and talking to a third party might help you clarify your priorities and put your anxieties into a more realistic light.  You should be able to receive counseling services through your school. 

You also need to sign up for Medicaid so that you're not dependent on your father's healthcare plan in case he decides to drop you.  It should be a fairly quick online process to sign up. 

Definitely this!!
Also- do you possibly have a "pregnancy network" where you live? I'm not talking about Planned Parenthood. More like a resource for pregnant mothers. You can go there and seek free counseling and support. They also usually offer classes and such.

natalknitter15

In addition to the excellent suggestions given to you by the previous posters, I'm also going to add that there's something to be said for choosing what you expose your mind to during the waking hours. The third trimester of pregnancy is not a good time to be watching TV shows about horrific crimes against pregnant women, especially if you're someone who is prone to anxiety or mood instability.

PetitNightingale

VexedMommy said:

You said you suffer from a psychological disorder (I forget whether it was bipolar or borderline personality.) are you still seeing a psychiatrist to maintain your med schedule to keep that under control?  If not, some of your issues may be stemming from going off of or needing a change to your meds.  I would definitely seek counseling in your situation just because you have a lot of balls in the air right now and talking to a third party might help you clarify your priorities and put your anxieties into a more realistic light.  You should be able to receive counseling services through your school. 

You also need to sign up for Medicaid so that you're not dependent on your father's healthcare plan in case he decides to drop you.  It should be a fairly quick online process to sign up. 

     I am actually in counseling right not but it's more baby related, it's part of my parenting classes because I know nothing about newborns really (save for some basic things I learned as a part time nanny in college but most of my kids were 2 or older). So I usually try to work out plans with her about what I'm going to do about LO, how to deal with his father, how to cope with the stigma (none of the yuppy rich friends I grew up with are going to want shit to do with me) etc. 

So I had a breakdown a few months ago and they told me I was bipolar, they then revised it to BPD and honestly I'm inclined to think both of those are crap and I just have situational depression/anxiety but what do I know. It's frustrating not to get a consistent diagnosis but that is the nature of psychiatry.  Thank you for your suggestions...you are so knowledgable. I'll look into Medicaid...I thought that was only for poor people. My nanny job isn't fantastic but it's enough for me right now since I'm not paying rent. I'm also in the process of applying for full time jobs and ideally I will have one by December. I do have a degree so...fingers crossed. 

@fitmama I actually just signed up for one. It's been nice meeting moms to be even though most of them are older than me and in different places it's been really helpful. 

dogsombrero

PetitNightingale said:

VexedMommy said:

You said you suffer from a psychological disorder (I forget whether it was bipolar or borderline personality.) are you still seeing a psychiatrist to maintain your med schedule to keep that under control?  If not, some of your issues may be stemming from going off of or needing a change to your meds.  I would definitely seek counseling in your situation just because you have a lot of balls in the air right now and talking to a third party might help you clarify your priorities and put your anxieties into a more realistic light.  You should be able to receive counseling services through your school. 

You also need to sign up for Medicaid so that you're not dependent on your father's healthcare plan in case he decides to drop you.  It should be a fairly quick online process to sign up. 

     I am actually in counseling right not but it's more baby related, it's part of my parenting classes because I know nothing about newborns really (save for some basic things I learned as a part time nanny in college but most of my kids were 2 or older). So I usually try to work out plans with her about what I'm going to do about LO, how to deal with his father, how to cope with the stigma (none of the yuppy rich friends I grew up with are going to want shit to do with me) etc. 

So I had a breakdown a few months ago and they told me I was bipolar, they then revised it to BPD and honestly I'm inclined to think both of those are crap and I just have situational depression/anxiety but what do I know. It's frustrating not to get a consistent diagnosis but that is the nature of psychiatry.  Thank you for your suggestions...you are so knowledgable. I'll look into Medicaid...I thought that was only for poor people. My nanny job isn't fantastic but it's enough for me right now since I'm not paying rent. I'm also in the process of applying for full time jobs and ideally I will have one by December. I do have a degree so...fingers crossed. 

@fitmama I actually just signed up for one. It's been nice meeting moms to be even though most of them are older than me and in different places it's been really helpful. 

JIC QFP

Kmohney1

PetitNightingale said:

VexedMommy said:

You said you suffer from a psychological disorder (I forget whether it was bipolar or borderline personality.) are you still seeing a psychiatrist to maintain your med schedule to keep that under control?  If not, some of your issues may be stemming from going off of or needing a change to your meds.  I would definitely seek counseling in your situation just because you have a lot of balls in the air right now and talking to a third party might help you clarify your priorities and put your anxieties into a more realistic light.  You should be able to receive counseling services through your school. 

You also need to sign up for Medicaid so that you're not dependent on your father's healthcare plan in case he decides to drop you.  It should be a fairly quick online process to sign up. 

     I am actually in counseling right not but it's more baby related, it's part of my parenting classes because I know nothing about newborns really (save for some basic things I learned as a part time nanny in college but most of my kids were 2 or older). So I usually try to work out plans with her about what I'm going to do about LO, how to deal with his father, how to cope with the stigma (none of the yuppy rich friends I grew up with are going to want shit to do with me) etc. 

So I had a breakdown a few months ago and they told me I was bipolar, they then revised it to BPD and honestly I'm inclined to think both of those are crap and I just have situational depression/anxiety but what do I know. It's frustrating not to get a consistent diagnosis but that is the nature of psychiatry.  Thank you for your suggestions...you are so knowledgable. I'll look into Medicaid...I thought that was only for poor people. My nanny job isn't fantastic but it's enough for me right now since I'm not paying rent. I'm also in the process of applying for full time jobs and ideally I will have one by December. I do have a degree so...fingers crossed. 

@fitmama I actually just signed up for one. It's been nice meeting moms to be even though most of them are older than me and in different places it's been really helpful. 

Quote fail...
I'm gonna ignore how entitled and spoiled you sound by saying you thought Medicaid was for poor people...you're supposedly going to be a single mom, I'm assuming you're going to need at least 6 weeks off of work, somehow paying for school and working as a nanny. Babies are effing expensive and you're gonna need all the assistance you can get. If I were in your shoes I would be spending much less time on the Internet and much more time researching how you're going to take care of this kid.

PetitNightingale

Kmohney1 said:

VexedMommy said:

You said you suffer from a psychological disorder (I forget whether it was bipolar or borderline personality.) are you still seeing a psychiatrist to maintain your med schedule to keep that under control?  If not, some of your issues may be stemming from going off of or needing a change to your meds.  I would definitely seek counseling in your situation just because you have a lot of balls in the air right now and talking to a third party might help you clarify your priorities and put your anxieties into a more realistic light.  You should be able to receive counseling services through your school. 

You also need to sign up for Medicaid so that you're not dependent on your father's healthcare plan in case he decides to drop you.  It should be a fairly quick online process to sign up. 

     I am actually in counseling right not but it's more baby related, it's part of my parenting classes because I know nothing about newborns really (save for some basic things I learned as a part time nanny in college but most of my kids were 2 or older). So I usually try to work out plans with her about what I'm going to do about LO, how to deal with his father, how to cope with the stigma (none of the yuppy rich friends I grew up with are going to want shit to do with me) etc. 

So I had a breakdown a few months ago and they told me I was bipolar, they then revised it to BPD and honestly I'm inclined to think both of those are crap and I just have situational depression/anxiety but what do I know. It's frustrating not to get a consistent diagnosis but that is the nature of psychiatry.  Thank you for your suggestions...you are so knowledgable. I'll look into Medicaid...I thought that was only for poor people. My nanny job isn't fantastic but it's enough for me right now since I'm not paying rent. I'm also in the process of applying for full time jobs and ideally I will have one by December. I do have a degree so...fingers crossed. 

@fitmama I actually just signed up for one. It's been nice meeting moms to be even though most of them are older than me and in different places it's been really helpful. 

Quote fail... I'm gonna ignore how entitled and spoiled you sound by saying you thought Medicaid was for poor people...you're supposedly going to be a single mom, I'm assuming you're going to need at least 6 weeks off of work, somehow paying for school and working as a nanny. Babies are effing expensive and you're gonna need all the assistance you can get. If I were in your shoes I would be spending much less time on the Internet and much more time researching how you're going to take care of this kid.

I didn't mean offense by that. I just meant I didn't think I would qualify for it yet but I haven't looked into it. I do a lot of research and I signed up for classes. If I didn't spend time on the internet I'd go nuts though, it's my only real social activity at the moment. Trust me, I'm aware that I have a lot of ducks to put in a row. 

Elyse1384

PetitNightingale said:

VexedMommy said:

You said you suffer from a psychological disorder (I forget whether it was bipolar or borderline personality.) are you still seeing a psychiatrist to maintain your med schedule to keep that under control?  If not, some of your issues may be stemming from going off of or needing a change to your meds.  I would definitely seek counseling in your situation just because you have a lot of balls in the air right now and talking to a third party might help you clarify your priorities and put your anxieties into a more realistic light.  You should be able to receive counseling services through your school. 

You also need to sign up for Medicaid so that you're not dependent on your father's healthcare plan in case he decides to drop you.  It should be a fairly quick online process to sign up. 

     I am actually in counseling right not but it's more baby related, it's part of my parenting classes because I know nothing about newborns really (save for some basic things I learned as a part time nanny in college but most of my kids were 2 or older). So I usually try to work out plans with her about what I'm going to do about LO, how to deal with his father, how to cope with the stigma (none of the yuppy rich friends I grew up with are going to want shit to do with me) etc. 

So I had a breakdown a few months ago and they told me I was bipolar, they then revised it to BPD and honestly I'm inclined to think both of those are crap and I just have situational depression/anxiety but what do I know. It's frustrating not to get a consistent diagnosis but that is the nature of psychiatry.  Thank you for your suggestions...you are so knowledgable. I'll look into Medicaid...I thought that was only for poor people. My nanny job isn't fantastic but it's enough for me right now since I'm not paying rent. I'm also in the process of applying for full time jobs and ideally I will have one by December. I do have a degree so...fingers crossed. 

@fitmama I actually just signed up for one. It's been nice meeting moms to be even though most of them are older than me and in different places it's been really helpful. 

You need counseling for you outside of baby related items to sort through.  You need to be physically and mentally healthy for baby and if it has been suggested that you have bipolar disorder that needs proper treatment and/or a second opinion.  It worries me that someone would so lightly throw around that you might be bipolar disorder as it is a diagnosis that should be evaluated and treated properly.  

VexedMommy

PetitNightingale said:

VexedMommy said:

You said you suffer from a psychological disorder (I forget whether it was bipolar or borderline personality.) are you still seeing a psychiatrist to maintain your med schedule to keep that under control?  If not, some of your issues may be stemming from going off of or needing a change to your meds.  I would definitely seek counseling in your situation just because you have a lot of balls in the air right now and talking to a third party might help you clarify your priorities and put your anxieties into a more realistic light.  You should be able to receive counseling services through your school. 

You also need to sign up for Medicaid so that you're not dependent on your father's healthcare plan in case he decides to drop you.  It should be a fairly quick online process to sign up. 

     I am actually in counseling right not but it's more baby related, it's part of my parenting classes because I know nothing about newborns really (save for some basic things I learned as a part time nanny in college but most of my kids were 2 or older). So I usually try to work out plans with her about what I'm going to do about LO, how to deal with his father, how to cope with the stigma (none of the yuppy rich friends I grew up with are going to want shit to do with me) etc. 

So I had a breakdown a few months ago and they told me I was bipolar, they then revised it to BPD and honestly I'm inclined to think both of those are crap and I just have situational depression/anxiety but what do I know. It's frustrating not to get a consistent diagnosis but that is the nature of psychiatry.  Thank you for your suggestions...you are so knowledgable. I'll look into Medicaid...I thought that was only for poor people. My nanny job isn't fantastic but it's enough for me right now since I'm not paying rent. I'm also in the process of applying for full time jobs and ideally I will have one by December. I do have a degree so...fingers crossed. 

@fitmama I actually just signed up for one. It's been nice meeting moms to be even though most of them are older than me and in different places it's been really helpful. 

I'm not trying to be mean here, but the reality of your situation as you've explained it is that you're not just poor - you're destitute. 

You have a part time job that you started about a week ago, you've said your housing situation is unstable, and you're going to school at least part time.  You have a bassinet and a diaper bag for your child (perhaps you have more, but those are the items I recall you stating you have.)  That's a good start, but this child will need food, diapers, clothing, a stable living environment, and (if you plan to continue with school) daycare.  I assume you are not paying for your own food, rent, utilities, etc.  Those are also very expensive and you can't count on living off of your friends forever.  Eventually that gravy train will stop.  It takes a lot of hard work for a single mother to provide all of those things if they have supportive family helping out, you do not unless your situation has drastically changed. 

The cost of medical coverage for yourself and your child is astronomically high.  To be honest, I don't understand how you're managing to make the co-pays in your situation as you've explained it.  You're lucky your father has not kicked you off of his insurance yet. I assume that is a strong possibility based on the fact you assumed you could face physical violence if he found out about your pregnancy. 

You need to immediately apply for Medicaid, Food Stamps, and WIC.  These places (especially the WIC office) should be able to point you towards other resources and help for mothers who are struggling.  You may not see yourself as struggling, but you will be soon.  Having the structure in place ahead of time will be a godsend when you finally need to rely on it.  In addition to those resources you need to see what the policies are in your state for filing for child support so that the father can help defray some of these costs. 

PetitNightingale

VexedMommy said:

PetitNightingale said:

VexedMommy said:

You said you suffer from a psychological disorder (I forget whether it was bipolar or borderline personality.) are you still seeing a psychiatrist to maintain your med schedule to keep that under control?  If not, some of your issues may be stemming from going off of or needing a change to your meds.  I would definitely seek counseling in your situation just because you have a lot of balls in the air right now and talking to a third party might help you clarify your priorities and put your anxieties into a more realistic light.  You should be able to receive counseling services through your school. 

You also need to sign up for Medicaid so that you're not dependent on your father's healthcare plan in case he decides to drop you.  It should be a fairly quick online process to sign up. 

     I am actually in counseling right not but it's more baby related, it's part of my parenting classes because I know nothing about newborns really (save for some basic things I learned as a part time nanny in college but most of my kids were 2 or older). So I usually try to work out plans with her about what I'm going to do about LO, how to deal with his father, how to cope with the stigma (none of the yuppy rich friends I grew up with are going to want shit to do with me) etc. 

So I had a breakdown a few months ago and they told me I was bipolar, they then revised it to BPD and honestly I'm inclined to think both of those are crap and I just have situational depression/anxiety but what do I know. It's frustrating not to get a consistent diagnosis but that is the nature of psychiatry.  Thank you for your suggestions...you are so knowledgable. I'll look into Medicaid...I thought that was only for poor people. My nanny job isn't fantastic but it's enough for me right now since I'm not paying rent. I'm also in the process of applying for full time jobs and ideally I will have one by December. I do have a degree so...fingers crossed. 

@fitmama I actually just signed up for one. It's been nice meeting moms to be even though most of them are older than me and in different places it's been really helpful. 

I'm not trying to be mean here, but the reality of your situation as you've explained it is that you're not just poor - you're destitute. 

You have a part time job that you started about a week ago, you've said your housing situation is unstable, and you're going to school at least part time.  You have a bassinet and a diaper bag for your child (perhaps you have more, but those are the items I recall you stating you have.)  That's a good start, but this child will need food, diapers, clothing, a stable living environment, and (if you plan to continue with school) daycare.  I assume you are not paying for your own food, rent, utilities, etc.  Those are also very expensive and you can't count on living off of your friends forever.  Eventually that gravy train will stop.  It takes a lot of hard work for a single mother to provide all of those things if they have supportive family helping out, you do not unless your situation has drastically changed. 

The cost of medical coverage for yourself and your child is astronomically high.  To be honest, I don't understand how you're managing to make the co-pays in your situation as you've explained it.  You're lucky your father has not kicked you off of his insurance yet. I assume that is a strong possibility based on the fact you assumed you could face physical violence if he found out about your pregnancy. 

You need to immediately apply for Medicaid, Food Stamps, and WIC.  These places (especially the WIC office) should be able to point you towards other resources and help for mothers who are struggling.  You may not see yourself as struggling, but you will be soon.  Having the structure in place ahead of time will be a godsend when you finally need to rely on it.  In addition to those resources you need to see what the policies are in your state for filing for child support so that the father can help defray some of these costs. 


You're right. My stepmom let me stay on her insurance--I am assuming my dad doesn't know about this but I don't know how long she will let me stay there. And I can't live here forever. School is paid already, thank God for that much at least, that check was written a while ago and it's too late to do anything about it now .

I'll look into all of those things. I am sure the counselor will bring that up with me eventually, I've only been once and I am going again on the 18th. 

urby87

PetitNightingale said:

Kmohney1 said:

VexedMommy said:

You said you suffer from a psychological disorder (I forget whether it was bipolar or borderline personality.) are you still seeing a psychiatrist to maintain your med schedule to keep that under control?  If not, some of your issues may be stemming from going off of or needing a change to your meds.  I would definitely seek counseling in your situation just because you have a lot of balls in the air right now and talking to a third party might help you clarify your priorities and put your anxieties into a more realistic light.  You should be able to receive counseling services through your school. 

You also need to sign up for Medicaid so that you're not dependent on your father's healthcare plan in case he decides to drop you.  It should be a fairly quick online process to sign up. 

     I am actually in counseling right not but it's more baby related, it's part of my parenting classes because I know nothing about newborns really (save for some basic things I learned as a part time nanny in college but most of my kids were 2 or older). So I usually try to work out plans with her about what I'm going to do about LO, how to deal with his father, how to cope with the stigma (none of the yuppy rich friends I grew up with are going to want shit to do with me) etc. 

So I had a breakdown a few months ago and they told me I was bipolar, they then revised it to BPD and honestly I'm inclined to think both of those are crap and I just have situational depression/anxiety but what do I know. It's frustrating not to get a consistent diagnosis but that is the nature of psychiatry.  Thank you for your suggestions...you are so knowledgable. I'll look into Medicaid...I thought that was only for poor people. My nanny job isn't fantastic but it's enough for me right now since I'm not paying rent. I'm also in the process of applying for full time jobs and ideally I will have one by December. I do have a degree so...fingers crossed. 

@fitmama I actually just signed up for one. It's been nice meeting moms to be even though most of them are older than me and in different places it's been really helpful. 

Quote fail... I'm gonna ignore how entitled and spoiled you sound by saying you thought Medicaid was for poor people...you're supposedly going to be a single mom, I'm assuming you're going to need at least 6 weeks off of work, somehow paying for school and working as a nanny. Babies are effing expensive and you're gonna need all the assistance you can get. If I were in your shoes I would be spending much less time on the Internet and much more time researching how you're going to take care of this kid.

I didn't mean offense by that. I just meant I didn't think I would qualify for it yet but I haven't looked into it. I do a lot of research and I signed up for classes. If I didn't spend time on the internet I'd go nuts though, it's my only real social activity at the moment. Trust me, I'm aware that I have a lot of ducks to put in a row. 

I think as a student who only works part-time as a nanny (correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought you mentioned that you got a new nanny gig), you probably qualify...  Qualification is based on your income.

VexedMommy

PetitNightingale said:

I'm not trying to be mean here, but the reality of your situation as you've explained it is that you're not just poor - you're destitute. 

You have a part time job that you started about a week ago, you've said your housing situation is unstable, and you're going to school at least part time.  You have a bassinet and a diaper bag for your child (perhaps you have more, but those are the items I recall you stating you have.)  That's a good start, but this child will need food, diapers, clothing, a stable living environment, and (if you plan to continue with school) daycare.  I assume you are not paying for your own food, rent, utilities, etc.  Those are also very expensive and you can't count on living off of your friends forever.  Eventually that gravy train will stop.  It takes a lot of hard work for a single mother to provide all of those things if they have supportive family helping out, you do not unless your situation has drastically changed. 

The cost of medical coverage for yourself and your child is astronomically high.  To be honest, I don't understand how you're managing to make the co-pays in your situation as you've explained it.  You're lucky your father has not kicked you off of his insurance yet. I assume that is a strong possibility based on the fact you assumed you could face physical violence if he found out about your pregnancy. 

You need to immediately apply for Medicaid, Food Stamps, and WIC.  These places (especially the WIC office) should be able to point you towards other resources and help for mothers who are struggling.  You may not see yourself as struggling, but you will be soon.  Having the structure in place ahead of time will be a godsend when you finally need to rely on it.  In addition to those resources you need to see what the policies are in your state for filing for child support so that the father can help defray some of these costs. 


You're right. My stepmom let me stay on her insurance--I am assuming my dad doesn't know about this but I don't know how long she will let me stay there. And I can't live here forever. School is paid already, thank God for that much at least, that check was written a while ago and it's too late to do anything about it now .

I'll look into all of those things. I am sure the counselor will bring that up with me eventually, I've only been once and I am going again on the 18th. 

Ok.  Again, I'm not trying to be mean but you can lose access to health care any day now.  You're relying on your brand new friends that you did not have two weeks ago to feed and house you.  I'm assuming you do not have a contract drawn up for you brand new job and you're basing it on what your employers have said they will provide you so if they decide they don't need you you're screwed again. 

Don't let yourself be a victim because you're waiting around until your counselor tells you to do something.  Apply for this stuff now, it can take a few weeks to kick in.  You can open a second tab on your computer and start the process while you're chatting with us.  If worst case scenarios don't happen and you're living in the land of rainbows where your brand new friends take care of you and your child for the rest of your lives that's awesome.  At least plan to live in the real world though where shit happens and people fail us.  You're in a position where you are responsible for another life.  Don't fuck it up because you're waiting on a local authority figure to tell you what to do or afraid of the stigma of being poor.  You've made your choices, now you figure out how to put your big girl panties on and make those choices into a palatable reality for you and your son.   

Squirtgun

@PetitNightingale said: """So I had a breakdown a few months ago and they told me I was bipolar, they then revised it to BPD and honestly I'm inclined to think both of those are crap.""""

------/---------------


Sorry, I don't know how to highlight or to delete the rest of a quote like some others.

Aren't bipolar disorder and BPD the same thing?
Bipolar is not something to you can just ignore. If the diagnosis isn't confirmed, you need to get a confirmation. And treatment. I have a close family member who has Bipolar. If you are truely going to raise this baby on your own, you have GOT to get proper treatment for this, or you are setting yourself and baby both up for failure.

Also, listen to everyone else re: insurance, preparing for baby, etc...

katiedhunter

VexedMommy said:

PetitNightingale said:

I'm not trying to be mean here, but the reality of your situation as you've explained it is that you're not just poor - you're destitute. 

You have a part time job that you started about a week ago, you've said your housing situation is unstable, and you're going to school at least part time.  You have a bassinet and a diaper bag for your child (perhaps you have more, but those are the items I recall you stating you have.)  That's a good start, but this child will need food, diapers, clothing, a stable living environment, and (if you plan to continue with school) daycare.  I assume you are not paying for your own food, rent, utilities, etc.  Those are also very expensive and you can't count on living off of your friends forever.  Eventually that gravy train will stop.  It takes a lot of hard work for a single mother to provide all of those things if they have supportive family helping out, you do not unless your situation has drastically changed. 

The cost of medical coverage for yourself and your child is astronomically high.  To be honest, I don't understand how you're managing to make the co-pays in your situation as you've explained it.  You're lucky your father has not kicked you off of his insurance yet. I assume that is a strong possibility based on the fact you assumed you could face physical violence if he found out about your pregnancy. 

You need to immediately apply for Medicaid, Food Stamps, and WIC.  These places (especially the WIC office) should be able to point you towards other resources and help for mothers who are struggling.  You may not see yourself as struggling, but you will be soon.  Having the structure in place ahead of time will be a godsend when you finally need to rely on it.  In addition to those resources you need to see what the policies are in your state for filing for child support so that the father can help defray some of these costs. 


You're right. My stepmom let me stay on her insurance--I am assuming my dad doesn't know about this but I don't know how long she will let me stay there. And I can't live here forever. School is paid already, thank God for that much at least, that check was written a while ago and it's too late to do anything about it now .

I'll look into all of those things. I am sure the counselor will bring that up with me eventually, I've only been once and I am going again on the 18th. 

Ok.  Again, I'm not trying to be mean but you can lose access to health care any day now.  You're relying on your brand new friends that you did not have two weeks ago to feed and house you.  I'm assuming you do not have a contract drawn up for you brand new job and you're basing it on what your employers have said they will provide you so if they decide they don't need you you're screwed again. 

Don't let yourself be a victim because you're waiting around until your counselor tells you to do something.  Apply for this stuff now, it can take a few weeks to kick in.  You can open a second tab on your computer and start the process while you're chatting with us.  If worst case scenarios don't happen and you're living in the land of rainbows where your brand new friends take care of you and your child for the rest of your lives that's awesome.  At least plan to live in the real world though where shit happens and people fail us.  You're in a position where you are responsible for another life.  Don't fuck it up because you're waiting on a local authority figure to tell you what to do or afraid of the stigma of being poor.  You've made your choices, now you figure out how to put your big girl panties on and make those choices into a palatable reality for you and your son.   


@VexedMommy has hit the nail on the head. You don't have the luxury of waiting around for someone to tell you what to do! When you decided to keep this LO you became a mother now it's time to put your child first and get it together.

Ceridwen77

Squirtgun said:

@PetitNightingale said: """So I had a breakdown a few months ago and they told me I was bipolar, they then revised it to BPD and honestly I'm inclined to think both of those are crap.""""

------/---------------


Sorry, I don't know how to highlight or to delete the rest of a quote like some others.

Aren't bipolar disorder and BPD the same thing?
Bipolar is not something to you can just ignore. If the diagnosis isn't confirmed, you need to get a confirmation. And treatment. I have a close family member who has Bipolar. If you are truely going to raise this baby on your own, you have GOT to get proper treatment for this, or you are setting yourself and baby both up for failure.

Also, listen to everyone else re: insurance, preparing for baby, etc...

BPD is borderline personality disorder.

gumby22c

As usual Vexed is spot on with what you need to be doing. It's not about you anymore since your keeping this baby. You need to get educated on your options and stop being so naive about everything.

lakesideknitter

Ceridwen77 said:

Squirtgun said:

@PetitNightingale said: """So I had a breakdown a few months ago and they told me I was bipolar, they then revised it to BPD and honestly I'm inclined to think both of those are crap.""""

------/---------------


Sorry, I don't know how to highlight or to delete the rest of a quote like some others.

Aren't bipolar disorder and BPD the same thing?
Bipolar is not something to you can just ignore. If the diagnosis isn't confirmed, you need to get a confirmation. And treatment. I have a close family member who has Bipolar. If you are truely going to raise this baby on your own, you have GOT to get proper treatment for this, or you are setting yourself and baby both up for failure.

Also, listen to everyone else re: insurance, preparing for baby, etc...

BPD is borderline personality disorder.

They are different disorders. Neither should go untreated. This is something that needs to be addressed before you try to raise a child on your own.

ash413

@PetitNightingale you seem to be living in a dream world. Delivery can easily cost $10,000 or $20,000 assuming no major complications. What is the out of pocket on your plan that you are responsible for? Not to mention if (when) you are dropped you will be on the hook for the whole thing? You need insurance for the child because he/she will NOT be covered under your step mothers plan.

Rent is f'ING expensive. I live in the Midwest were the cost of living is fairly low, and I pay about $1500/month for rent. Even in a crappy neighborhood you are looking at $500 or $600. Plus move in costs, food, and utilities. I am assuming you will need daycare, that is another $300 a week.

You will have transportation costs of some kind, which begs the question how are you going to have reliable transportation to get LO to doctors appointments?

What happens when the family replaces you while you are on maternity leave or no longer needs you?!?!

I won't even go into your mental health issues.

Preparing for a baby is a challenge for my DH and I and we have stable jobs/home, cars, savings, and support. You are trying to prepare in 10 weeks with none of this. You need to get your head out of the clouds. All of your time should be spent applying for jobs, assistsnce, looking into housing, and researching baby needs. Not playing on a message board

lakesideknitter

ash413 said:

@PetitNightingale you seem to be living in a dream world. Delivery can easily cost $10,000 or $20,000 assuming no major complications. What is the out of pocket on your plan that you are responsible for? Not to mention if (when) you are dropped you will be on the hook for the whole thing? You need insurance for the child because he/she will NOT be covered under your step mothers plan.

Rent is f'ING expensive. I live in the Midwest were the cost of living is fairly low, and I pay about $1500/month for rent. Even in a crappy neighborhood you are looking at $500 or $600. Plus move in costs, food, and utilities. I am assuming you will need daycare, that is another $300 a week.

You will have transportation costs of some kind, which begs the question how are you going to have reliable transportation to get LO to doctors appointments?

What happens when the family replaces you while you are on maternity leave or no longer needs you?!?!

I won't even go into your mental health issues.

Preparing for a baby is a challenge for my DH and I and we have stable jobs/home, cars, savings, and support. You are trying to prepare in 10 weeks with none of this. You need to get your head out of the clouds. All of your time should be spent applying for jobs, assistsnce, looking into housing, and researching baby needs. Not playing on a message board

A to the MEN, sista!

Squirtgun

@Ceridwen77 ah, thanks! I was so confused!!

Either way, @PetitNightingale , get a proper diagnosis and proper treatment!

Cook3133

Sorry Hun but you are poor now, if your father has cut off your money supply and you're living off friends and the small amount of your nanny job you are now in this money category. Like others said now that you have decided to keep baby you don't come first. It cost a lot to live on your own and even more with a baby. Time to take your first degree and get a big girl job. Just with basics it will cost you at least $100-200 a month for your baby. Clothes, diapers, wipes, possibly formula (even if you plan on nursing there is no garuntee) even BF cost money. I assume if your in school you will need child care for baby us nursing supplies if you don't use formula. Like others mentioned you need to start figuring this all out now and not later. You have been given all the information and have no excuse to be a victim. Also bipolar is nothing the take lightly I have watched my friend struggle unmedicated, you are no good to your child un treated. You once said you didn't want the counselor to think you're crazy and get your LO taken away, well that takes action on your part to get yourself treated.

HellsAngel22

This is so confusing and things still do not add up.
When you first done your very first post you claimed you had no insurance & now all of a sudden your on your step mothers insurance?
So she's now added you to get insurance?
I'm trying to make light of this but I can not get my head around it!!
Bipolar or Borderline personality disorder is nothing to mess around with. You need help!

MoonUnitNugget

I'm just going to leave this here....

poor
po͝or,pôr/
adjective
1.
lacking sufficient money to live at a standard considered comfortable or normal in a society.
"people who were too poor to afford a telephone"
synonyms: poverty-stricken, penniless, moneyless, impoverished, low-income, necessitous, impecunious, indigent, needy, destitute, pauperized, unable to make ends meet, without a sou; More
2.
worse than is usual, expected, or desirable; of a low or inferior standard or quality.
"her work was poor"
synonyms: substandard, below par, bad, deficient, defective, faulty, imperfect, inferior; More


Hey Petit at your age I didn't have my shit together either. The difference is your having a baby and are now forced to. So stop playing the pity card and work harder to provide for yourself and your child. No one else is going to step up and foot your bills any more. That's your responsibility now and only yours.

PetitNightingale

My step mum has me on hers now that she knows I'm pregnant. My dad won't speak to me at all.

I do need to follow up on the mental health stuff, I just hate labels and don't like the idea of medication. I've functioned all these years without it so if I can keep doing that it would be good. I assure you I am taking steps to get a stable job and apartment. I've even considered dropping out of school and just making one degree work, though that would screw me for medical school since I need the science. I'm trying to figure a lot of stuff out now, I've always had other people to make my choices for me.

Points very well taken everyone. Not looking for pity---did that for the first six months. Done with it now. I am determined to do a good job with this whole parenthood thing...I know I'll figure it out.

Cook3133

It's so annoying when people say they hate labels. Seriously get over it, it is what it is like it or not and that is what it's called. (Guess that should go on the UO post, lol) Something's don't need to be sugar coated to make you (general) feel better.

Anyway, who says you have been just fine? You didn't get yourself In this situation because everything was just fine. This is why professional help is needed. Counceling helps you see the mistakes in your past, how they lead you to where you are now, how to accept them, move one, and not repeat them. Until you get this you won't be able to help yourself achieve greater things in life.

BabyIntegers

***Lurking from another board**** I apologize if I offend anyone, ahead of time. 

OP, I lived in MD for exactly one year in Edgewater. I don't know exactly where you are at, but there is a church there that I was involved in called Bay Area Community Church in Annapolis. Go there and ask for Janet or Leanne. They are located at 884 Chesterfield Road (410) 544-2222 Tell them what is going on and they will help you with everything that you need. You are going to get the most help from someone in your area who will help you come up with a plan and help you execute it. 

Also, a psychiatrist/psychologist who has only seen you a few times and who has not administered tests should not be diagnosing you with Bipolar or BPD (those things are a pervasive pattern). A lot of the symptoms that you have can be easily explained by a stress response to abuse and all kinds of other things. Since you are a Christian, go and see a Christian counselor. Go to the Church and get some help. 

Also, go to your state's health exchange to get set up with health care. Right now, without much income, with a baby on the way, without your own place, without a car, etc; you are considered poor lol jus sayin'. Call (855) 642-8572. That's the number to your state's health exchange. Ask them where to go to get help with enrolling. Services are free. 

Also, go to this charity: https://www.annapolislighthouse.org/programs https://www.annapolislighthouse.org/needs

I will keep you in my prayers. 

ash413

PetitNightingale said:

My step mum has me on hers now that she knows I'm pregnant. My dad won't speak to me at all.

I do need to follow up on the mental health stuff, I just hate labels and don't like the idea of medication. I've functioned all these years without it so if I can keep doing that it would be good. I assure you I am taking steps to get a stable job and apartment. I've even considered dropping out of school and just making one degree work, though that would screw me for medical school since I need the science. I'm trying to figure a lot of stuff out now, I've always had other people to make my choices for me.

Points very well taken everyone. Not looking for pity---did that for the first six months. Done with it now.

What do you mean you are on her insurance "now that she knows you are pregnant"?

Insurance doesn't work that way. You either sign up from the start during open enrollment, or during a life event. Getting pregnant is not a qualifying life event. Having a baby is (if you are on your own plan or a spouse's) , but just being pregnant would not qualify you. This is a national regulation so there are no exceptions based on her plan or where she works ect.

indulgentgypsy

PetitNightingale said:

I am really starting to lose it because of the nightmares ladies. Am I the only one who gets them? I have the most horrible dreams almost every night now, I get next to no sleep and end up falling asleep during the day at school or in the middle of lunch. Today I fell asleep during lunch holding a burrito and woke up an hour later. Slept right through lab. I don't know what's wrong with me. 

I dream *trigger* 

That LO will be born dead, that he will be born with two heads, that I'm a terrible person and don't deserve to have a healthy baby, that LO's father will come after me...just really irrational dreams because baby looked fine at his last appointment. I will admit for the first several months I really didn't want him but now I just want him to be okay. I worry that the dreams will hurt him though I know it is probably not true. I also saw an episode of Deadly Women where a crazy woman killed a pregnant lady and tried to take her baby...absolutely evil. I'm now paranoid I'm going to dream about that too. 

Am I the only one who has pregnancy nightmares? 

Just a lurker with a QFP.

brianna91chavez

ash413 said:

PetitNightingale said:

My step mum has me on hers now that she knows I'm pregnant. My dad won't speak to me at all.

I do need to follow up on the mental health stuff, I just hate labels and don't like the idea of medication. I've functioned all these years without it so if I can keep doing that it would be good. I assure you I am taking steps to get a stable job and apartment. I've even considered dropping out of school and just making one degree work, though that would screw me for medical school since I need the science. I'm trying to figure a lot of stuff out now, I've always had other people to make my choices for me.

Points very well taken everyone. Not looking for pity---did that for the first six months. Done with it now.

What do you mean you are on her insurance "now that she knows you are pregnant"?

Insurance doesn't work that way. You either sign up from the start during open enrollment, or during a life event. Getting pregnant is not a qualifying life event. Having a baby is (if you are on your own plan or a spouse's) , but just being pregnant would not qualify you. This is a national regulation so there are no exceptions based on her plan or where she works ect.

Things work however you want them to work in catfish lalaland, thank you very much.

PetitNightingale

brianna91chavez said:

ash413 said:

PetitNightingale said:

My step mum has me on hers now that she knows I'm pregnant. My dad won't speak to me at all.

I do need to follow up on the mental health stuff, I just hate labels and don't like the idea of medication. I've functioned all these years without it so if I can keep doing that it would be good. I assure you I am taking steps to get a stable job and apartment. I've even considered dropping out of school and just making one degree work, though that would screw me for medical school since I need the science. I'm trying to figure a lot of stuff out now, I've always had other people to make my choices for me.

Points very well taken everyone. Not looking for pity---did that for the first six months. Done with it now.

What do you mean you are on her insurance "now that she knows you are pregnant"?

Insurance doesn't work that way. You either sign up from the start during open enrollment, or during a life event. Getting pregnant is not a qualifying life event. Having a baby is (if you are on your own plan or a spouse's) , but just being pregnant would not qualify you. This is a national regulation so there are no exceptions based on her plan or where she works ect.

Things work however you want them to work in catfish lalaland, thank you very much.

Oh my God please do not let the thread devolve into this shit again. I've always been on her insurance--I just wasn't using it for the pregnancy costs, I had alternatives. However those alternatives are gone now so I'm covered in her plan. That's it. I always "had" insurance I just wasn't using it. Only issue now is I am assuming she can drop me whenever she feels like. Sorry for not clarifying that.

Anyway everyone else has been totally spot on.

thegingeravenger

Ok, admittedly I have a very limited understanding of how insurance works. I was under the impression that with universal healthcare aka "Obamacare" that you are automatically covered by your parent's insurance until you are 26 now. I'm still on my mother's plan and will be until I'm 26. LO will need his own once he arrives, but I don't think my mom can remove me from hers.

Yet again, I may be wrong. If I am please educate me

dogsombrero

PetitNightingale said:

brianna91chavez said:

ash413 said:

PetitNightingale said:

My step mum has me on hers now that she knows I'm pregnant. My dad won't speak to me at all.

I do need to follow up on the mental health stuff, I just hate labels and don't like the idea of medication. I've functioned all these years without it so if I can keep doing that it would be good. I assure you I am taking steps to get a stable job and apartment. I've even considered dropping out of school and just making one degree work, though that would screw me for medical school since I need the science. I'm trying to figure a lot of stuff out now, I've always had other people to make my choices for me.

Points very well taken everyone. Not looking for pity---did that for the first six months. Done with it now.

What do you mean you are on her insurance "now that she knows you are pregnant"?

Insurance doesn't work that way. You either sign up from the start during open enrollment, or during a life event. Getting pregnant is not a qualifying life event. Having a baby is (if you are on your own plan or a spouse's) , but just being pregnant would not qualify you. This is a national regulation so there are no exceptions based on her plan or where she works ect.

Things work however you want them to work in catfish lalaland, thank you very much.

Oh my God please do not let the thread devolve into this shit again. I've always been on her insurance--I just wasn't using it for the pregnancy costs, I had alternatives. However those alternatives are gone now so I'm covered in her plan. That's it. I always "had" insurance I just wasn't using it. Only issue now is I am assuming she can drop me whenever she feels like. Sorry for not clarifying that.

Anyway everyone else has been totally spot on.

QFP

PetitNightingale

I admittedly have never paid much attention to Obamacare because we had insurance even before. My stepmom works for an international organization in DC so I'm not even sure how her insurance plan
operates, I just know I showed the card and voila. I think the smart thing for me to do is call the company and ask if she can drop me before my 26th birthday.

I have to run to class and then work but thank you all for your suggestions and the sharp reality checks. I will get right on that.