I don't like to complain, but this has been my BIGGEST pet peeve: people always hogging the time with my daughter.
My husband and I are raising our daughter in our in-laws home (since we're unable to afford a home of our own right now
). Anyways, my in-laws tend to hog my baby... They tell me and my husband that we should be appreciative of their "help" by taking the baby off our hands. However, they aren't helping us with anything other than literally just holding our baby for hours on end. It gets on my nerves because it means my husband and I don't get to bond with our daughter while she's calm and asleep... Instead we are only able to have her back when she's fussy and nobody wants to deal with her crying. Plus, I think this is really getting on my nerves because essentially she is MINE and MY HUBBY's daughter. And with my maternity leave coming to an end, I really want to spend every moment with her, the good and bad moments LOL.
In addition to feeling like everyone keeps stealing my baby away from my husband and I, I absolutely CANNOT stand when people want to keep touching her and don't even wash their hands. Absolutely kills me!! I don't like my younger siblings or my hubby's younger siblings (our siblings are in middle school and elementary school) trying to touch or carry our daughter... I think my in-laws get mad at me that I hate letting the younger siblings get too close to the baby, but kids are so easily prone to germs and need to constantly be reminded to be clean...
Do any other mommas feel the same as I do in either of these situations? It might make me come across like a b---- but I can't help it! That's just the way I feel... [-(
Re: You're hogging MY baby...
But sometimes hiding in my room isn't enough! My mother in law will invite herself in... That's another issue itself!
So, I say, since you are living with them, stand your ground. Don't let them push you around, if you want your baby. Take it.
I don't know why people think I'm being so rude by saying I want to spend all the time I have left with her. This is my first child, so regardless of my parents and in-laws are first time grandparents, they still need to lay off and wait their turn. It's very frustrating living with in-laws and feeling like I'm the outsider and still trying to have jurisdiction over my daughter.
But unless someone is waking up in the middle of the night to actually help me out, then I'm VERY reluctant to hand my daughter over to someone...
Besides, once I go back to work, I already know my in-laws are gonna be hogging her until I get back home. And even at that, I doubt they will give my daughter to me once I get home. I'll have to ask to hold my own daughter, how ridiculous is that?...
I like it in the morning I pump in the morning and then I get to sleep for another two hours uninterrupted.
So while I get frustrated that I have to share her with eveyone. My MiL does cook, clean, grocery shop, does our laundry and when she does have the baby I can nap or shower. So I feel guilty complaining.
My mom is the total opposite when it comes to feeding my daughter. She might be in the process of warming a bottle (thinking I'm asleep and can't feed baby) but my mom will immediately tell me to breastfeed if she sees I'm awake and able.
My MIL is killing me. She even is asking who's going to babysit (which will either be me,hubby, or my mom) as if she should be the sole babysitter...
Again, I live with my in-laws and this is just starting to get on my nerves. I'm praying my hubby and I can get our own place before our daughter turns 1! Ughhh
I've snatched her out if all kinds of people's arms. Especially when she's upset.
And ugh, I've also experienced that where my MIL would call my daughter HER baby and brag about her. I used to get bothered because she announced my baby to everyone and she got congratulated as a grandma, but it's like where's the credit for me and my husband actually creating this cute baby!? Lol....
MILs can be so overbearing sometimes.
But I will definitely make a point to take her for myself and console her when she gets fussy. I think the only reason why it's hard for me is because I'm considered a "young" mom at 22, meaning I "can't handle a baby". All I know is I'm so over my in laws hogging my daughter when we live in their house. I want space!
I explained it to DH as he was crying because he needed something. And (to me) it's selfish to keep a crying baby for your own happiness. A baby is a person too. Except babies can't express their needs other than by crying. Almost always he calmed right down when I took him back. Babies are people. Not new toys to pass around... And not animals at a zoo that can be visited by all at all hours of the day.
I was 23 when DS was born . You're still mommy, regardless of your age. Imagine what they'll do at Christmas, or birthdays... I'd put my foot down now and tell them who is boss. Lol. That's just more my personality though I guess.
Good Luck!
But my husband actually talked with me today, and he said if his family or my family or anybody does something with our baby that we don't like then I better say something cause I'm ultimately her mom and no one can say otherwise. I think my hubby is finally starting to see what I'm talking about lol
I regret having a good conscience that tells me I should be sharing my daughter with my in laws. Bad choice because I never get her back until it's time to feed her or once everyone in the house goes to sleep. It's so frustrating!!
I seriously just want to move out and take my daughter and hubby with me and let my in laws actually be grandparents and not try to be another set of parents. Because in reality they are only creating a hostile environment for me and making me feel like I'm supposed to compete to hold my daughter in MY arms.
My advice? Move the hell out ASAP.
I don't know why my in-laws have to act this way, especially my MIL. I understand she's excited to have her first granddaughter but give us space. Whether my husband and I live with them, they still need to act like grandparents and give us enough space to be parents! I'm dreading to see what's going to happen as my daughter gets older...
I have certain things in mind that I'd like to put into place with my daughter and the last thing I need to put up with is my in-laws trying to "out parent" me.
And the funny thing is, my parents don't do this to me and my husband. We sleepover at my parents house every weekend so they can feel included and see my daughter. But unlike my in laws, my parents catch the hint or will automatically know not to cross boundaries.
I'm anxiously praying and waiting for the moment I can afford to move out!!! >-
I also told my husband that from now on, If our daughter is already asleep, I don't want his parents and siblings to take her out of her crib or napper and interrupt her sleep. It's so annoying to see them wake her up and pass her around...
And I totally feel you about MIL saying she's "helping" by carrying baby. I don't want help either. If I did, I would ask.
Needless to say, feel your pain!!
My baby is six weeks old and we're finding that if she's held by too many people or passed around too much we're left with a screaming baby at night that can't calm down. So I've basically stopped letting people hold her in the evenings. She only wants me anyway. I do not feel bad about this AT ALL. Other people's wants do not trump baby's needs.
If none of that will help, I would start looking into the prospect of moving in with your parents maybe if possible. This will probably piss off your in laws though.
But you're so right about baby getting fussy after too much carrying by other people. I HATE when she's passed around and overstimulated by all the voices and touching and everything and everyone.
Cause at the end of the day I AM THE ONE dealing with a fussy baby (not that it bothers me). But my husband sleeps through her crying and I can only imagine how hard it's gonna be once I go back go work next week and have to keep with the late night routine of tending to baby. I'm pretty scared about that
My in laws try to make the impression of expanding the house but I'm just thinking HELL NO will I continue to live here even if they made another room. It's not the same as being completely detached and having my own home one day.
But I get away from my in laws by staying at my parents (taking baby of course) on the weekends. It makes in laws mad that baby is gone for the weekend but too bad!
Lol I'm just hoping and praying that my hubby and I can get out of here before baby turns 1!