Need to vent -

maddisonwallace

not looking for baby name suggestions or opinions.

Let me preface this with the fact that my mom is generally a cold person. She's never been the warm fuzzies kind of mom. She keeps getting jealous because I spend a lot of time with my MIL (who lives down the street, my mom lives 3 hours away) so I try my best to keep her updated with things when they happen like baby movement, name ideas, etc....
So today I told my mom that we had pretty much settled on a name for our baby boy. We LOVE the name Bates, even though we know it's a last name, we don't care. It's definitely our style and just feels perfect. I had told her how in love we are with it and we are so happy to finally have one that just 'fits', and I asked her to not be rude about it (because she again is pretty cold). But my mothers response is "Bates? ..... Master....Bates?" And then went on about how I'm intentionally setting up my child to be bullied for the rest of his life because I chose to name him something like that and that I will have to "answer to him, not her" whenever he comes to me upset about it, and "there's a reason NO ONE names their child that".

She really sees nothing wrong with what she said and I feel like that was really over the top. Can she not just say how she's so happy she's a grandma or something instead of bash the name we picked?! I feel like crawling in a hole and crying. Am I being hypersensitive or can y'all feel my frustration?

Edit: sentences need to make sense.

CaraBoonie

I get why you're upset. At the same time, my mom, while warm and fuzzy, also would totally be honest with me if she hated my name choice, and I do believe it's for the sake of the baby's life. There was a guy in highschool who had the last name Bater and everybody totally called him Master Bater (he was popular and a player and didn't let it get to him, but he's lucky he was attractive and athletic) and that was just his last name. Maybe she didn't say it to you in the nicest way possible, but it sounds to me like she does have her grandkid's best interests in mind, she didn't say "I think it's ugly" she said "I don't want my grandkid teased." I'd rather my mom say it to my face before the baby's born when I have time to decide what I think of her point of view than to have her secretly hate it behind my back for our entire lives, but that's just our relationship (we're the types to tell each other if we look fat in an outfit and to be pissed about it in the moment but agree it's ultimately better to know than to leave the house not looking our best, so we value that type of honesty).

Myelhsa

I know it can be hard when your parents are brutally honest, my mother is extremely honest and can hurt my feelings at times, but I can see both sides here.

Many parents pick names that they love without think about the baby that has to grow up with it. Maybe you should spend some time trying to google people born with the name "Bates" and see how they feel about it now.

claireloSC

I would be upset and have avoided telling people my name choices for this reason. That being said, I agree with Cara that I would want to know if my close friends/family thought I was making a big mistake. I would rather that than have name regret later! To me it's kinda like when you're dating someone no one likes. No one tells you in the moment, the person ends up being a jerk, and you wonder why no one said anything! So...kinda better to get an honest opinion. I have told my sisters my name choices because I'd want to hear their opinion. But rando friends or whatever, it's like yeah, don't care what you think.

maddisonwallace

I guess my other frustration that made this on just the icing on the cake is that she does this with EVERY name I've chosen even if we obviously never settled on it. She's only happy with the names she picked out. She's always been very over controlling so I just feel like I'm going to explode. I keep expecting her to have reactions that she will probably never have. So I'm wrong for that but still UGH.

SisterSunshine

Yes, she definitely could have told you the truth in a much less rude and confrontational way. It's nice that you're trying to keep her in the loop, definitely seems like she lacks tact.

ccoleeman

It sucks your mom was rude about it. I would just preface with her that she can think whatever she wants about it, but she is not to make fun of your child for it/bring it up to your child. If its going to come up, it'll be at school but not at home. If you love the name, maybe think of a full name that allows the nickname Bates. Personally I just think of Downton Abbey when I hear the name Bates, and I think it's sweet.

We have a last name that can lend itself to teasing, and the nickname version of my chosen name for our girl could result in unflattering nicknames (which my sister was eager to point out). But she can always be called by her full name, and the way I look at it, is I will do my best equip my daughter with the good humor and confidence to deal with silly teasing.

rainybabe82

Maybe I'm just slow but until I read a few responses I didn't get it. Kids are mean if they are going to pick in someone they will find a way no matter what the name. If you love it go for it.

ashhsa

I like the name. Stick to your guns. For crying out load it's not like you are naming him "moonbeam" my name is Ashley and I got called "Ashley Pashley" and "actually" for crying out loud..., kids get teased about any/everything and learning to deal with it makes them stronger people. Your mum has a right to her opinion but NO right to be so rude in her delivery of it.

willashbaby

Keeping it real I read your post to my DH and the first thing he said was "Master Bates". Your Mom may be more blunt than you would like and maybe she picks on you for being so sensitive but she's not wrong. If you knew how she would react (which it sounds like you did) you shouldn't have told her the name.

SisterSunshine

willashbaby said:

Keeping it real I read your post to my DH and the first thing he said was "Master Bates". Your Mom may be more blunt than you would like and maybe she picks on you for being so sensitive but she's not wrong. If you knew how she would react (which it sounds like you did) you shouldn't have told her the name.

My DH immediately said Norman Bates.

ChrissyD1203

Tough situation. Moms can be honest. I understand why you are upset. Would you have preferred her to pretend she liked the name, if not, how would you have liked her to tell you she didn't like it? I know how frustrating it is--- I'm just wondering other than her she happening to like the name (which she maybe couldn't control?), this might have been lose-lose for her as well. Personally, I'd rather just have my mom tell me straight up. She didn't like the name I had for a boy (ended up not mattering because it's a girl), but we told her we liked it, appreciated her thoughts, but were going to use it anyway. And that was that.

kimberlypohl

Either way if she knew her mother would react that way she's still going to tell her! As she said she is keeping her in the loop! I think she's looking for support not to be put down. I understand how you feel with having to keep your mom updated but not really wanting to because I'm in the same situation. I say if you love the name then go for it! Sadly kids get made fun of for everything so a name doesn't make much of a difference. Good luck with everything!