What did you do with your miscarried baby?

alarragoitiy

Hi all. I was 9 weeks pregnant when we had our miscarriage. It took 24 hours from the time we found out until the full gestational sac came out in tact. I couldn't flush it down the toilet like a fish or throw it away so she's sitting in our fridge. My husband was very much upset but finds the idea of it being in our fridge odd. I'm curious if anyone has dealt with this and how you put your baby to rest.

cyntodd

We got a box and buried the remains. We also planted a tree and had a small memorial service. It helped me gain some closure. I hope that helps.

LilLambie

I was a bit further along so I was able to get him cremated. I got a heart shape urn and put him in a birth announcement bear that has all his information embroidered on it.

alarragoitiy

I appreciate your answers. We bought a nice box and buried our little bean. I wish we could've cremated, but I think I'll get a memorial bear anyways

cyntodd

Glad to hear that you were able to do something special. ♡

almostahawk

I didn't want to flush it or throw it away.  I was 9 weeks too.  But when it came to it, the experience of miscarriage was more horrific than I imagined and I wasn't brave enough in the end.  (TMI coming up...) It was hanging out for a while and I couldn't wipe it away and I was in so much pain.  I had to down a glass of port on the toilet and then wipe it and we ended up flushing the loo while I was shaking and crying.  

I regret it so much now and should have looked and done something better like a burial or something.  I've been looking to buy a replica of a 9 week foetus because I want to see what it would have been like in the palm of my hand.  But I can't find anything online.  Or all I can find is pro-life/anti-abortion propaganda models, which I don't want to fund and also are not accurate; they look more like newborn babies than my baby would have looked like. 

I've bought a glass raspberry from an Etsy seller as I think my baby would have died at between 8-9 weeks and would have been about that size. It's probably less crass than a replica foetus anyway, and I can keep it/hold it without people giving me funny looks.  I can grieve and remember in public without anyone having to know.  Also I drunk raspberry leaf tea as soon as I found out there was no heartbeat, to help with the process.  

I certainly don't think what you did was odd, and I'm glad you've had that closure.  

In deepest empathy, all the best. x

vintagevice

I had my miscarriage in the bathroom at home and was so heartbroken that I never looked, I just flushed after every 5 minutes for the hour that I sat in there before going to the ER. I now feel horrible. For any of us that weren't strong enough to look, you are not alone. We buried a pair of baby shoes we bought the week prior.

acavarretta1

@vintagevice I was too heartbroken and scared to look also. I miscarried at 7 weeks but I think the baby never past 5 weeks. I just can't even imagine how I would have felt looking down at our baby... I don't think I would have been able to get the closure I needed.

PR7777

I was eight weeks. Our peanut is still in the freezer. Waiting to go to my sister's to burry it. I know it's weird but when it caught in my pad I became historical and could not just dispose of my baby. It was our baby.

mrsmommya

I had a D&C and my hospital has a special burial area and memorial wall where all the babies are buried.  It was a very nice thing to hear after such an emotional day.

65griffin79

I lost my twins at 20 weeks. I donated them for medical research (like what Planned Parenhood is being crucified for).

It has helped me a great deal knowing that they could be helping others in the future.

catiecatp

I think I miscarried too early and missed seeing what was the gestational sac - I was measuring 5w5d a few days earlier. I'll be having an ultrasound tomorrow to confirm my miscarriage is completed and hoping that it is. 

I love all the ideas others have posted. I have some journal entries in the form of letters to the baby that I wrote before I miscarried and after. And two baby hats that I knit specifically for this baby (I've been building up a hope chest - but these were his/hers). They are what I hold onto when I get sad and/or am remembering him/her. We might create an ornament for him/her that matches the nickname we came up with - but DH is still too emotional to think about that just yet. 

ETA: and that said, I think I passed some tissue just now. But because it was with a bowel movement I didn't pick it out of the toilet, and I didn't look closely. I flushed - and although I'm wondering if it was the embryo, or sac or... - based on the size they told me a few days before I miscarried (.8cm) - and they didn't see a fetal pole - I don't think it was the embryo because it was too big. I'm ok, I think, with what I've done because to me it wasn't my baby anymore, his/her soul is in heaven.

kayham12

This is probably going to be TMI but I miscarried in the shower. I was in so much pain and wanted the cramps to stop. I laid in the shower, stand alone not tub combo, and passed tissue for an hour. I had to pick up globs of tissue out of the drain that wouldn't go down. DH had a plastic bag and I put them in there while he held it. After is was over we asked each other what we thought we should do and decided to sleep on it. It was 3:00AM by the time I got cleaned up. I actually got on here to see what other people did. DH built a small wooden box and we placed the remains in the bag in the box and sealed. We buried it in the yard right next to our dog that passed away in April. We planted a tree that will grow over and shade the graves in a few years. I agree with PP that my baby had been gone for awhile and I was at peace with that. I just didn't feel right throwing my baby away. 

MamaCoffin

I had the remains cremated and my DH had a custom urn pendant made for me. I thought of it like carrying a jar of star dust around my neck. It brought me just about as much peace as I could find during the time. And brings me piece now. I'm not sure I'll wear it forever. But I have calm in knowing that I can hang onto it for as long as I need to. I'm not ready for anyone to take my baby away. 

zrain

This thread is very helpful. My husband and I bought a little box to bury our baby in once I miscarry. I appreciate reading everyone else's experiences so I can be prepared and think about what I'm going to do ahead of time

decoycandy

Sadly I had no choice but to flush.  I felt horrible,  but pain won out. I got a tattoo as memorial.  It's my profile picture.  

ThePax89

I had a d&c. We requested that the remains be returned to us, and our request was granted. The baby was very small, and much of the baby was sent for genetics testing. We have 6 glass slides left of our child. The hospital returned them to us in a mint green "sleeping bag" and we have yet to decide what to do with them. DH wants to burn them and save the ashes. I just can't let my baby go. 

ThePax89

@jenmlangtake2
i love the idea of a wearable urn. Maybe I'll do that. I'm struggling to make a decision because not wanting to let go. 

zrain

@decoycandy Your tattoo is beautiful, absolutely perfect. I was thinking about getting a tattoo for my baby but couldn't think of anything that felt quite right. After seeing your tattoo my DH and I decided we'll get forget-me-nots together. Thank you so much for sharing.

tinypikachu

I buried my little one after I miscarried naturally. We went to a support group and the loss specialist told us the hospital buries miscarried babies in unmarked graves at a cemetery here. We opted for that and she sent us a picture of the placement once ours was buried so we know exactly where baby is. I knit a tiny blanket and buried it with baby. I also got a necklace that says "Mommy to an Angel" with baby's name on the other side and the birthstone  (would have been a July baby). Since we lost ours before the holidays we got an angel ornament and engraved it with baby's name as well.

decoycandy

Glad I could help. Not sure if you can tell, but I had the flowers start vivid on the side and fade as it gets to the middle.  The date I'm not sure about, just because now if anyone sees it they will likely ask. I have seen tattoos of angel wings and blue and pink ribbon, but this is what worked for me. 

decoycandy

I plan to get a Christmas ornament for next year to commemorate as well.  Mine was also to be a July baby. Lost officially 3 days before Christmas.