Preemie/Depression/Breastfeeding — The Bump


My name is Susanna and I just gave birth to my beautiful baby girl on August 31st at 9:56 in the morning when I was only 31 weeks. My water broke 2 nights before and they tried to get my contractions to calm down but they didnt.

It's been a Rollercoaster and a blur ever since. We live an hour away from the hospital and I feel worthless and like a horrible mother not always being there all the time. On top of that I have been pumping which I had decided before hand was something I wanted to do exclusively. Breastfeeding wasn't for me, for many reason and my husband and I decided at least I could pump for a few months and see how it went. Well I'm a new mother and never have pumped before. Nobody explained anything to me... well I was at the hospital tonight and I was pumping the nurse decided to tell me I wasn't getting enough for how many days it had been. I explained nobody explained anything to me. She proceeded to roll her eyes and in a very condescending way told me the right way to pump.... she made me feel stupid and like I was incapable of taking care of my child... I now can't stop crying and just feel worse then ever... I don't know what to do.

I'm also sick of everyone assuming I'm breastfeeding and then when finding out I'm not making it out like it's the worst thing in the world and someone should take my baby away.

I'm scared and depressed.. someone tell me I'm doing okay.

Re: Preemie/Depression/Breastfeeding

  • You are doing great! Your little girl is lucky to have such a great mom! My advice is tell the head nurse/nurse manager how that nurse treated you. That's totally not cool of that nurse and that treatment is not acceptable at all. Our local hospital has some lactation consultants that can be utilized in help with pumping. What you are doing is not easy at all. I'm sending a big hug your way.
  • blairdavis99blairdavis99 member
    edited September 2015
    Congrats on the new baby mama! I'm not gonna lie - the NICU is a very stressful time but just try to keep your eye on the prize - getting your LO home healthy. I also lived an hour away from the hospital & had to deal with nurse bullies so I totally feel your pain! Just do the best you can do & when you need a break, take it! Not listening to others' opinions and judgments is quite hard but the more you can tune them out, the better you will feel. The lactation consultants at my hospital totally bullied me - I was not planning on breastfeeding at all but had to lie to them to get them to finally go away. I ended up breastfeeding & pumping for 5 weeks because it was one of the only ways I could actually help my own babies while they were in the NICU. I'm glad I did but it was on my own terms and after fighting with the nurses and LCs. Many tears were had and I was so incredibly frustrated. The first day someone just dropped the pump off in my room. She tried to leave without explaining anything & I burst into tears then too. How the hell are FTMs supposed to know what they are doing if you dont show them? Urgghhh! Anyway, I am sure you are doing great, don't let the bullies get to you. Keep up the good work & congrats!!!!
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  • I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. He was 34 weeks but the size of a 30 weeker. The pump showed up in my room a little over 24 hours after I delivered. My experience was different in that all anyone ever said to me was "you're doing great! Just drink a lot and keep it up!" They were all supportive, just not helpful. After two weeks, I gave up pumping. I felt a little guilty at first, but now I'm confident I made the right decision! Try to tune out the bitchy nurses, and focus on your little girl! I cried for a week straight after my son was born. I can't stress how important it is for you to rest and sleep. Once I started getting enough sleep I cried much less because I felt stronger and like I could deal with anything!
  • My baby was born at 28 weeks and was in NICU for 92 days. I pumped for 2 months but hated it for all the reasons listed above. I told the nurses I was quitting and to start her on formula. Yea they were really pushy about me continuing to pump which pissed me off but I just kept saying no no no and nothing you say will change my mind.

    Quitting pumping was the BEST thing I've ever done! I was so much happier and less stressed. Scientists make formula to be just as good as breastmilk.

    I have 2 sisters and I was the only one that was fed breastmilk. One of my sisters is a scientist and MD. The other is a computer programmer. I didn't even finish college. So yea formula makes you develop just fine.

    There was another couple in my NICU room. The husband would say hi but the wife was always in a bad mood and storming around and never said anything. I saw her come in one day and hand her milk to the nurse. It was just a couple drops. The nurse said "is there any more?" There wasn't. I knew why that woman was always upset. She felt the same way I did. I wanted to tell her it's ok to quit, but I never said anything.
    So I'm telling everyone else. It's ok to quit.
  • Thanks everyone! All your stories have helped me so much!
  • I want to say I fostered a NICU baby. She had such a hard time digesting the preemie formula. We had to change her to nutramigen. If I could have purchased breast milk for her (she had some donated in NICU) I would. She struggled so much with her poops. That tiny little body passing rocks after hours struggling and even us trying to help with massage & the thermometer was so sad to watch.

    You have a valuable resource. ;) Do your best. Maybe you can pump & ff supplement.

    I'm sorry they were so mean to you. Remember it's your life; their job. They have 10 people a day to say it to & can be heartless sounding. They may want a baby too and can't conceive. Maybe they're jealous.
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