Dads feeling left out?

Kurrant

My DH was quite cold last night. I asked what was wrong and was met with a snarky "if you don't know then it's obviously unimportant." I pressed further but he ignored me like a child. He apologised this morning for being so grumpy but then commented that he feels disconnected. "Things are going to change a lot, it's already starting. Everything is all about you! It's happening to you!" He exclaimed.

I will be a FTM but he already has 4 children between 16 and 26. We planned this pregnancy and I thought it would be a cake walk for him. I'm only 5 1/2 weeks and there are issues. He insists he is happy about this but I cant help feeling that he isn't really. I am not even sure if he's feeling left out of the pregnancy or if he wants more attention from me? Not much has changed that I can see other than the occasional baby chats.

Maybe this is leftover resentment that's really directed at his ex and how she behaved during her pregnancies? Is anyone else experiencing left out daddys-to-be or other strange moodiness? How do you deal with it?

lalala2004

I would ask him what specifically was bothering him and try to get to the root of the problem. Just the simple fact of you being pregnant shouldn't be a reason for him to be pissed. Ask questions, but kindly, show him that you want him to feel validated and that you want to understand his feelings. It seems like there is some underlying issue, and you could be on to something about it being his ex.

LittleBit3042

Well, unfortunately, the pregnancy IS mostly about the mom. You're the one experiencing the symptoms, who has the biggest connection to the baby right now. It sounds like there is some underlying issue. In which case I would do as Lalala says and gently question him. 

gracefulruby33

Sorry, but it sounds like your hands are full with two kids instead of just one that isn't even born yet.

maddenmm

Sorry but that is how having a baby works!! It is one thing to be hands off because he doesn't feel an attachment to the baby yet, but to make statements like that.... um helz no!!!

I hope you can get to the root of his issues so you can enjoy your pregnancy.

bellamamma23

 

lalala2004 said:

I would ask him what specifically was bothering him and try to get to the root of the problem. Just the simple fact of you being pregnant shouldn't be a reason for him to be pissed. Ask questions, but kindly, show him that you want him to feel validated and that you want to understand his feelings. It seems like there is some underlying issue, and you could be on to something about it being his ex.

 This.  I'm sorry you are going through all of this, and hope it gets resolved so you can start enjoying your pregnancy.  Good luck!
(edited for spelling)

Kurrant

Thanks for the support ladies. I'll try and talk to him tonight. He's not one for opening up unfortunately. He likes to bottle things up till they come out like this. I hope to get to the root of this. No siblings or parents plus a "disconnected" husband could lead to a very lonely pregnancy.

DutchLucyLu

I don't think you should be too worried yet. There's still plenty of time to talk about things and for him to feel more connected. I hope your talk went well!

I have to agree with PP that his response does seem a little childish, especially this early on in your pregnancy. My H has said that it doesn't feel very 'real' to him because not is different yet and hardly anyone knows, but I'm sure that will change. There are plenty of ways for the daddy to be involved and feel connected and it probably starts with talking about what you want/need from each other during this process.

knitknit

**lurking from April BMB**

I really wanted my DH to feel included in all of the pregnancy excitement, so when I ordered my baby books, I also ordered him a copy of The Expectant Father. It's been awesome. He's reading the thing cover to cover, and he knows what symptoms to look for, why I'm feeling nauseous, etc. It's a little gesture, but it can help make the pregnancy about both of you. 

Hope things start to look brighter, OP! Sending you plenty of good vibes.

gooberdoofus95

There seems to be another problem at hand maybe he's just worried about starting over again. Sometimes it's easier to want or think about something when it's not real, like this being a planned pregnancy. Now that it is real and there will be a baby in the house might worry him or his other children. I don't know your family situation or how close you all are but maybe the kids think that he's starting a new family since they are older!

Hopefully things will get better the further along you are and the more he gets included!