Have people forgotten how to RSVP? (kind of a gripy post)

Gingermom15

For my SIL's Baby shower I threw last year, I put "please RSVP by this date" with my phone number. Two people out of the 40 invited RSVP'd, 38 showed up. I followed up with quite a few of them to attempt a head count and never got answers. The date to RSVP by was the week before her shower, I believe that gave people ample time to know their plans.
Now for my shower (thrown by my best friend), her number is on the invites with a date to RSVP by. A few people already have, which is awesome, but most of them are calling or texting me to RSVP. I don't mind keeping a list and passing it on, but it would be much easier for my friend to keep one list.
I am by no means all about etiquette, but has RSVPing become a lost manner? Is there a way to get people to do so that I don't know about? It's nearly impossible to throw a party with no clue how many people to plan for.

Edited because I forgot a word.

VOR

This is one of my biggest pet peeves.  I feel like we live in a world where people are always waiting for "something better" to come along, so they won't commit to anything.  It's so damn rude.

Gingermom15

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/comment/12621445#Comment_12621445

I'm so glad I am not the only one. It seems so rude not to RSVP and then show up. Even more rude to ignore my request if they would be in attendance or not, and still show up.

onefootinthebayou

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/comment/12621445#Comment_12621445

This is why I AM "all about etiquette".  Etiquette is just another word for good manners and unfortunately you are now seeing what it is like to be on the receiving end of people who don't seem to have very good manners, or desire to adhere to etiquette standards.  You're right, it is inconsiderate and ungracious not to respond to a party that you've been invited to.  Hopefully you'll get a good turnout that you are prepared for.    

Designermomma

I agree it's very difficult to deal with RSVPs. I've had people not RSVP and show up to birthdays, showers and weddings. So rude. I find I usually get a better response if I email or evite as well as mail. A lot of people lose the paper copy but if they have a Facebook or evite, it can be added to your calendar and remind you.

OliveOyl2014

In my area, most invites just say regrets only. Most people don't take the time to call just to say they are coming to the shower. For my shower my mom basically assumed everyone was coming unless the called to say they weren't. That's become the norm in our area. I guess it's easier to assume people are coming then to be caught off guard with not enough space or food. It really is unfortunate because some people just don't bother responding either way. Very hard to prepare for an event that way.

missemmawoodhouse

This is so irritating. How hard is it to look at your calendar within a day of receiving an invitation and send an RSVP?

I'm sorry, OP.

claireloSC

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/comment/12621445#Comment_12621445

I definitely think this is very rude. RSVP'ing is not a lost art! 

Dannylion24

Huge pet peeve when I was planning my sister's bridal and baby shower was when some of her friends' rsvp'd to her and not the email account or phone # on the invite. I guess it's better than no rsvp, but still irritating - she's not throwing the party!

Elsa1984

VOR said:

This is one of my biggest pet peeves.  I feel like we live in a world where people are always waiting for "something better" to come along, so they won't commit to anything.  It's so damn rude.

This. It annoys the hell out of me. And I usually do the RSVP for 2 days before the event (except my wedding). Really, at that point, they should know what they have going on at that time. My hosts for my shower had to hunt down people. And at my wedding, we had tons of people that said they were coming (that didn't show up), and tons that didn't bother to RSVP at all (and showed up). Luckily, it was pretty even for those that didnt show up, and those that did, that the food worked out. But it was extremely annoying, especially since we had all of the stamps on the card and everything. All they had to do was mark it, and drop it in the mail. My DD's birthday is coming up next month and I put then RSVP info on there, and then realized that I can probably just stop putting it down at this point, because nobody is going to RSVP...but most will show. 

haylierm

Omg I was literally just about to post about this very thing!!! Haha I don't frequent this board at all so how funny the first time I come here this is the top post. This gets on my nerves so bad. Do people not throw parties of any kind? I'm just supposed to guess how much food, tables, chairs, etc to have because people can be bothered to say yes or no? So rude!

ChiccoBeanz

I think what makes it even more rude is when you contact people to follow up and they still procrastinate to give a definite response. It's obvious that the guest of honor/host want this person to attend and have made even more of an effort to get in touch with them, and they cannot give a simple yes or no. There are certain situations where it is understandable why this may not be so simple, but again, the phone number is on the invitation... people should pick up a phone and call or send a text.

I'm not stuck on etiquette, but I do agree that not RSVPing is rude as hell. Especially when the person (s) show up. What if the host hadn't accounted for you? Even though they should just in case, but still.

Gingermom15

I've considered putting something like "please RSVP by (date) to have a place at the event". But that would be starting on a rude note, as well. Just answer the damn RSVP and if you're not sure if you're able to go, let us know because that is fine too.

Court11152325

I had to get a list from my hostess of people who hadn't RSVP'd yet. There's still a week left, but come on. I know of 1 person who is still trying to get a plane ticket. Everyone else knows whether or not they're coming! My hostess and I were at work chatting with a colleague who is invited and subtly dropping hints to RSVP. We know she's coming and finally my hostess was like, "so you can just tell me yes or no in person and that counts." haha

Maybe baby shower invites need to come with the RSVP card that wedding invites come with in order for people to take the RSVP seriously?

DrillSergeantCat

Court11152325 said:

I had to get a list from my hostess of people who hadn't RSVP'd yet. There's still a week left, but come on. I know of 1 person who is still trying to get a plane ticket. Everyone else knows whether or not they're coming! My hostess and I were at work chatting with a colleague who is invited and subtly dropping hints to RSVP. We know she's coming and finally my hostess was like, "so you can just tell me yes or no in person and that counts." haha

Maybe baby shower invites need to come with the RSVP card that wedding invites come with in order for people to take the RSVP seriously?

I don't think people take those seriously either. Lots of stories about brides who got yes RSVPs and then they failed to show or they didn't get an RSVP and showed up anyway.

CharminglySouthern

ChiccoBeanz said:

I think what makes it even more rude is when you contact people to follow up and they still procrastinate to give a definite response. It's obvious that the guest of honor/host want this person to attend and have made even more of an effort to get in touch with them, and they cannot give a simple yes or no. There are certain situations where it is understandable why this may not be so simple, but again, the phone number is on the invitation... people should pick up a phone and call or send a text.

I'm not stuck on etiquette, but I do agree that not RSVPing is rude as hell. Especially when the person (s) show up. What if the host hadn't accounted for you? Even though they should just in case, but still.

But this is why etiquette is important! You can't really pick and choose which rules you will follow.

loveymay

This was such a big issue at my wedding. People can be so rude! I spent a lot of money on just stamps for the freaking invitations plus the RSVP cards. A lot of people didn't bother to send it back at all, and once the RSVP date passed, I hunted them all down. Quite a few were on my husband's side and people I had never met. I personally called these people, to make them feel super awkward about not bothering to RSVP. And then some people who said yes didn't bother showing up and didn't bother to let me know in advance. No sorry serving came up and we can't make, nothing. Others that said they weren't coming ended up showing up. I was so pissed because we had a hard enough timefinding a venue that could aaccommodate our guests and our caterers weren't cheap!

I always RSVP in a time fashion to events I'm invited to, especially when the person includes a prestamped RSVP card. Its just common courtesy.

My mom and I threw a bridal shower for my cousin, and we spent a lot of money making it really nice. Her guest list had about 30-40 people, and most didn't bother rsvping and had to be tracked down and asked. Some did though, but the day of the shower, only one of her friends showed up. The rest of the guests included me and my mom and a few aunts. About 10 people total. Talk about rude!!!!

Sorry for the long rant, this is apparently a major pet peeve of mine!

teachmegs817

This happened to me last year. One of my best friend's sisters was having a shower, so my mom and I were invited.  There was no RSVP or even "regrets only" on the invite.  I called her to say, my mom and I are coming, but I wasn't sure if you wanted a head count.  Her response was; "We didn't put one on there, on purpose." I just followed up with an, "okay." I was confused as to why people wouldn't want a head count for venue, and food purposes as well as just a general idea of how many.  

southerngirlgetsfit

I think people just don't want to break the news that they aren't coming, because they think they're expected to give some type of an excuse. I'm not condoning it at all, I just think that's why people avoid it. 

I had one person to RSVP to my shower out of 100 invites, but ended up contacting every single person because I found out several people never received theirs. Big issue with the post office. Otherwise, I would've had no clue who was coming or who wasn't.

pbandjyummies

A few of you noted having RSVP issues for wedding... for mines I intentionally went digital by using RSVPify.com to have people submit their RSVPs via the websit. I still had to hunt people down but at least I didn't have to spend the money on the RSVP card, envelope and postage.

We also had a couple people that RSVPed but didn't show up. ARGH! i'm hoping not to have to many issue for the baby shower.

Gingermom15