"if you dont think about it, it will happen" advice

mamma1614

Any thoughts on this one? My friend just told me this, and it sort of pinched a nerve. I haven't been trying for that long and she figured out I was trying (she noticed I stopped drinking coffee). I'm sure it came from a good place, but I don't believe this can be true....can it? can you "think" about it too much that it interferes with getting KU? :P

Lulucooks

mamma1614 said:

Any thoughts on this one? My friend just told me this, and it sort of pinched a nerve. I haven't been trying for that long and she figured out I was trying (she noticed I stopped drinking coffee). I'm sure it came from a good place, but I don't believe this can be true....can it? can you "think" about it too much that it interferes with getting KU? :P

No its not true. Unless you are some sort of alien whose reproduction is controlled by brain waves.... you aren't, are you?

mamma1614

haha no. But that comment does mess with my head. Its like telling somebody don't think about ice cream and its right infront of you.

sldp123

No, it has nothing to do with it because, science. A friend told me the same thing, and I found it really annoying because I already expect to have trouble because of a condition my husband has. Just "relaxing" is not going to cure it. Of course I don't plan to tell people about those details, so I should have just never mentioned TTC to her. Lesson learned.

callen10210

With ttc#1 my DH and I decided to start our family after buying our house April 2012 but i didn't want to start trying for a couple of months after that so I'd been in my "slow season" for leave and i would know i'd be able to take time off for their birthday. during those months of waiting i thought about it ALL THE TIME plus i'm a very anxious person...sometimes i work myself up to a point that i vomit. so you can imagine how much i thought/stressed about having a child. we conceived our first month. This time we started by NPNT and i tried to not think about it...i took up needle punch so i wouldn't obsess. Months later still trying. 

lalalorelai

Have you ever heard the phrase "a watched pot never boils"? Of course that phrase isn't true -- you put a pot of water on a hot enough stove, it's going to boil no matter how many people are staring at it. The point of that phrase is that something seems to take a lot longer if you're waiting around for it. This is true of everything -- waiting for 5 o'clock to get here so I can finally leave, waiting for my birthday, waiting for my (hopefully, someday) BFP. The more you think of it and the more "clock watching" you do, the longer it seems to take. 

This is what I remind myself whenever I hear this kind of advice. Otherwise, if I let myself think about how other people actually, honestly believe that people get pregnant more often when they're not trying to, I'd love my ever loving freaking mind. 

dixie7701

This falls into that same category with "Just relax and it'll happen". I normally just smile and nod, but on the inside I'm screaming "YOU don't know my body or my situation so STFU"

crdo

No, not true in the slightest. Add that to the pile of generally well-meaning but thoughtless and utterly illogical nonsense people will say to someone TTC. Depending on my relationship to the person who says stuff like that and how much I want to share, I take the opportunity to drop a big ol' pile of Science in their lap. Shuts that down right quick. Alternatively, giving the side-eye and changing the subject does the trick too

PugsandKisses

ALittleCountry said:

When my friend said the "just relax and don't think about it blah blah blah" :-@ I told her that scientifically means nothing, that temping and charting DOES help me to relax, and I sent her an article on why you should stop telling people TTC that they should relax and let it happen. I believe it was this one: https://www.babble.com/pregnancy/why-you-should-stop-saying-just-relax-and-it-will-happen-to-anyone-trying-to-conceive/

How did you friend response to that video?

DeePaddy24

It boggles my mind how many of my friends tell me that the key to getting pregnant is just not focusing on it. It must be so nice for everyone who has never had to "try" to get their baby...they're naive to our experiences, so to speak. And I don't say that in a negative way at all, because it's great that things worked out so wonderfully for them, but that isn't the reality for everyone. I know for many of those around me, they simply wouldn't understand having to temp, rely on charts, time sex with DH, etc...because they never had to. It definitely makes me feel a bit alone at times since I'm the only one of my friends having to rely on these things. 

BUT, that's what makes this community of ladies so wonderful! We all understand, & are in it together. 

skiingstark

Ergg, I hate those people....

mrstmoose

I never met someone who got a promotion or a raise by just "relaxing" or "don't think about it." 

Just saying. 

Lulucooks

mrstmoose said:

I never met someone who got a promotion or a raise by just "relaxing" or "don't think about it." 

Just saying. 

How about just not thinking about your broken arm? Or maybe relaxing away your heartburn?

ETA: Though I suppose if the heartburn is caused by an ulcer caused by stress.... you get what I mean though.

mrstmoose

Relaxing away a migraine?

P.S. I hate them. They are the worst. 

WinchestertoPittsburgh

Relax and money shall fall from the heavens... and pigs will fly. Just sayin.

mamma1614

My friend that told me this also took a while to get pregnant, I think almost a year. She claims she stopped thinking about it, started going to the gym and just "relaxed" and it happened. For us, with our first, we just did the ovulation kit and prenatal vitamins, timed it right I guess. I thought about it plenty while trying. A month before I was crying to my gyno out of anxiety letting her know we were about to try for the first time and asked her what do we need to do before. She actually told me- it could take a while, so just be prepared for that and you'll be fine. So we did. Did not expect for it to work right away and it did (we barely even knew what a positive stick looked like). Now the second time around its funny, we expected the opposite and now its taking a while lol. That's kind of why this comment hit a nerve with me. Its funny how things happen.... in my case not happening..

BabyIntegers

My MIL (she is in her 70s God bless her) just recently said with a chuckle, "I never knew when I was Ovulating and I had four kids. I think you just need to relax and let it happen naturally." 

Or the time my nurse coworker commented, "You really need to relax. It won't happen until you do. I remember I tried and tried and tried and tried. As soon as I graduated from nursing school and passed my exam, I got pregnant."

Well, duh, because you were trying, trying, trying and you finally caught the egg on Ovulation day! 

mrstmoose

***trigger warning not sure how to categorize***

High school sex ed class anyone?

eta: trigger warning; didn't think until after that it could be a trigger. Was just posting out of fun. Sorry if I end up offending someone. 

PugsandKisses

I am so grateful my family does not say shit like this. My mom had tons of fertility issues and my sister is completely infertile and can't have kids.
They get it, that some people need more than just sex.

Whiggrrl65

I hate people. They are mostly idiots. This crap drives me batty.

mrstmoose

kmetcalfe77 said:

I hate people. They are mostly idiots. This crap drives me batty.

This. Every day.

bpfeiff84

I'm in the same boat.  People like to tell me this all the time.  Actually, people who had no problem getting KU tell me this all the time.  I have friends who are either TTC or who have gone through infertility treatments who actually understand what I'm going through.  Everyone wants to tell you not to stress, not to think about it, and how someone who knows someone that they know got pregnant right after they gave up trying.

That's all well and good but that's not me and it may not be you.  I like charting, I like temping, I like POAS, and if that's what helps me calm down then I say why the hell shouldn't I do it?!?!    

PrimRoseMama

mamma1614 said:

Any thoughts on this one? My friend just told me this, and it sort of pinched a nerve. I haven't been trying for that long and she figured out I was trying (she noticed I stopped drinking coffee). I'm sure it came from a good place, but I don't believe this can be true....can it? can you "think" about it too much that it interferes with getting KU? :P

A) you can drink coffee while TTC & even pregnant. If you're worried then limit to 2 eight ounce servings a day (roughly 200 mg caffeine).

I disagree with your friend.

Flip60

Actually I would argue the opposite - thinking about it helps as it makes you more likely to bother tracking your ovulation etc...This is just one of the many phrases that doesn't really mean anything. It's an empty gesture that although well intentioned is more irritating than anything else. People throw around the word stressed far too casually too. Stressed from TTC is not the same thing as life altering stress that is more likely to affect your cycle. Oh and how do they explain the baby booms during wars. Ugh!

meggiemoo219

I hate when people say that! My mom insists that I need to find a way to relax or it won't happen. She said (we have the same personality) that she tried for over a year TTC while temping and charting and had nothing. She said that the one month it finally happened is the one month that she didn't want it to because of the potential birthday month lol. I get that she's just trying to help me relax, but telling me i won't be able to get pregnant unless I find a way to relax is the exact thing keeping me from relaxing now (

ArtlessIbex

This drives me crazy. There is literally NO other area in life where people tell you to stop persevering. Can you imagine if everyone was like "oh, the only way to attain your dreams in life is to not try or think about it. It will happen naturally with no effort on your part. Your efforts to attain your life goals are only holding you back."
Wtf, people?

Edited for grammar.