May 2015 Moms

In laws from helllll!!! Loooong

hi all! I'm new to this board and needed a place to vent ! i don't know where to begin... I got a long just fine with my FIL until recently. We only really saw my in laws about once a month for an hour (DH cannot stand being around them for too long)... Anyhow, when I was 8 months pregnant my FIL, MIL, DH and I were talking about my fear of guns ... I explained I hate them and do not want my DD to be in a house where a gun is kept... My FIL then proceeded to his room and came back and began waving his handgun in my face! I was furious, but I did not want to start any drama so asked him to please get it away from me... Eventually he did and shortly after we said goodbye and left... I still can't believe how stupid a person can be to do something like this to anyone ! Let alone a pregnant woman! Ugggh that was strike one... Btw I never got an apology or anything but I was fine with that since I didn't make it a big deal in order to avoid confrontation... Around the same time I told DH we need to let families know not to kiss our LO on the mouth when she gets here ..: on my due date, Mother's Day, FIL walks in and says so I hear we can't kiss baby... I said that's right, no one can! He then walked away! My DD was born 2 days later ... FF to Father's Day, FIL is holding baby ... Looks up at me then back down at baby and kisses her !!! I was livid ! If he didn't know that would be one thing, but DH discussed this with him and he looked at me first before doing this! I spoke up and he denied it even though I saw him! I completely lost it and when FIL went outside and told my MIL and SIL how disrespectful he is! Now the best part! DHs cousins wedding approached... I didn't want to go as I did not want to be around his parents (mil is another story!) ... I ignored his father for the most part ... Said hello and goodbye... After saying goodbye , he grabbed my arm and in my ear says to me... "If I don't see the baby, I will kill you." I laughed and Walked away ! I told my DH I no longer want anything to Do with his father ... He says his father did not mean it and not to be scared , but I have never had my life threatened before and I refuse to sweep this under the rug !! I don't want my daughter around. This man and I definitely do not want to be around him! His mother and sister have not once even mentioned this to me or acknowledged his threat even though they have discussed with DH ... They act as if nothing happened ... I guess I don't know what I should do about DDs relationship with her only grandfather ... Should I keep her away from him? Have DH take her to visit in laws without me? Or continue keeping him out of our lives? Sorry this was so long!!!!! And thanks for reading :/

Re: In laws from helllll!!! Loooong

  • I know it's a difficult situation because it's your DH's father. But if ANYONE threatened my life or my LO's, they would no longer be part of our lives.

    That is just completely unacceptable!! If he was joking, then guess what, that's not a funny joke. He's a grown man for goodness sake and he should start acting like it.

    Aside from the other stuff you've had to deal with, the threat alone would be justification enough for me to never see him again. Case closed.
  • Girl, he threatened to KILL you. No way in hell would I want me or my baby around him. If no one took me serious or offered any type of apology, I would actually contact the police or a lawyer or something! He clearly doesn't respect you from the scenarios you posted about. Eff him. He doesn't deserve to be a part of you or your LOs lives.
    DD: Ophelia 5/18/15
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  • Wow!  If it were me, I would contact the police too and file a report because that would scare the shit out of me.  That's not even a little bit funny, especially knowing that he has guns.  

    Where the hell is your husband in this scenario?!?!  You mentioned that your SIL and MIL talked with your husband about it, but did he talk to his dad?  I think he needs to sit down and explain how that is beyond unacceptable his behavior is and he will no longer have a relationship with any of you, and that is a united choice from both you and your husband, not just you.  

    If my FIL threatened me, he would never be allowed around me, any of my kiddos, nor would I ever want my husband around him either, and honestly, if my husband didn't support me 100% in that, I would truly question whether or not we have a future together.   I never want to pull apart families or make my husband feel like he would ever have to choose me over his family or anything, but something like his father's behavior is absolutely the exception.  That is so incredibly out of line. 
  • I actually told hub I would file a restraining order and he said he understood but promised that his father is just an idiot and would never do anything to harm any of us ... So I just opted to let it be... He never sat down with him and has said he rather just not have him as part of our lives ... His father told mil he was so sorry and he had a few drinks and was joking ... Coward didn't call DH himself but instead went thru his wife ...They always deal with FIL by saying don't listen to him ignore him and I told DH that he's not my family , I do not love his father and I will not ignore what he's said and done. I can't stand his mother either ... She comes over a week after wedding and doesn't say anything !!! Acts like nothing happened! Needless to say it was very awkward around her and I told DH that it's awkward and I've never been so FakE in my life .... If my husband ever did something as stupid to anyone I would be so embarrassed and extremely apologetic to the person! I will not let her watch my DD either bc she doesn't have the nerve to stand up for herself ever ... And I would be afraid that she would let FIL around DD behind our backs ...DH knows this and understands... He was never very close to them and always tried to maintain distance and when I met him I would Push the idea of spending more time with them.. How I regret that now! I guess I don't know if I should invite him to baby's christening... 1st bday .... Or just completely cut off the relationship between him and DD. I know that I am completely done with him and don't want anything to do with him! But I don't want DD to hold it against me someday :/
  • DH hasn't spoken to his father since this has happened ... He told MiL and SIL what he said to me the day after the wedding and they responded with omg that's horrible I can't believe he said that... Meanwhile not one text from them saying that to me ... These people are not normal and I truly can't stand them.
  • That's very scary u have every right to cut off contact! What a lunatic!
  • I also have in laws from hell and could write a book on it. I'm stuck in the same camp. What to do? I sure as hell don't ever want to see them again. I had to remove any pictures of them from my house I can't stand to look at them without being filled with rage. My Husband still wants some relationship and I don't ever want my baby around them. What we are doing is starting with a conversation with them, and then depending how it goes will depend on our response going forward.
  • And I think in the future when she's old enough u explain what happened to DD and how it was for the safety of ur famiky..including her safety she will tOtally understand, I certainly would if I were her!
  • Thank you all for taking the time to read and advise ! And reassuring me that I'm not overreacting !
  • I'm guessing MIL plays it off because this isn't anything super unusual for him, and he's been saying/doing stupid crap for a long time.  It's sad. 

    I personally wouldn't feel uncomfortable around them period, but I would also understand not completely cutting them off if you legit believed that he wasn't serious.  So you guys just have to figure out together where you want to draw the line.  I'm guessing not inviting to the christening or birthday might be relationship-ending moves, and as long as you are good with that, rock on.  But if you want to keep the door open, I would put severe restrictions on visits/events, such as:
    • Don't ever leave them alone with DD
    • Don't let them hold her at the bigger events (if you don't want to explain yourself, just play it off that there are so many people there, so you're not letting anyone hold her much)
    • If you want to continue to see them outside of events, meet them somewhere for a walk in a park or mall or out to lunch at a restaurant
    • Don't go to their house for visits (where he keeps the damn gun he waived at you)
    • Don't invite them to your place (so it's easy to keep it short)
  • The book would totally be on MiL !FIL never irritated me , these 3 big things were pretty much the only things he's ever done and they were enough for me...MiL however is harmless, but acts like a child is overbearing, intrusive and just crazy... She's overstepped so many boundaries ... She's loud and obnoxious... And she's so dumb I can't take it... SIL is another weirdo who I can actually stand ... But she's done some stuff as well that makes me question her sanity... I've never dealt with these kind of people before and now know why DH left at 18 and never went back ... How is he normal??? Lol
  • At least your hubby seems to be on your side and understands just how unacceptable that is too. My husband's one aunt is a lot like that and everyone in the family tells me just to ignore her, but she has full out critizied my parenting and actually made a comment when I posted about the success of DS first bath at home with a, "oh good thing he didn't drowned" LIKE WTF?!

    Everyone in the family just says she is stupid and that they ignore her but DH told me to deal with it however I want - which he knows is telling the person off.

    I have no relationship with FIL and I actually hate him. He is a shitty person and an even shittier father to his own children. If he EVER threatened my life someone would literally have to pull him off me because I would kill him myself. I would have definitely called the cops on him and filed a report, even if it was just a drunken joke. That's so disrespectful and uncalled for - I am so sorry you have to deal with such crappy in laws. It's rough.
  • He does understand ... Thank God! And his reaction was the same however I want to deal with it he will stand by my side ... I had to hold back when FIL said that to me and it was mostly because we were at his cousins wedding ... These are the nice normal family members whom I had never met before .. I just couldn't start something in such a public setting... But had it been somewhere else all hell would have broken loose! And I completely agree about ur DH's aunt ... These kind of people say and do such disrespectful things and expect to get away with it bc everyone just ignores them their whole life ... Point is we don't need to deal with it! I never knew how crazy in laws could be ... Uggggh but it's good to know I'm not alone... Unfortunate but good to know lol
  • I would contact the police before,..... Before something bad happens and/or its to late.
  • I really did consider it , but my DH has promised me he is harmless and is just an idiot. And that he's never seen him be violent towards Anyone so I do believe him. I have decided to not let him be a part of my life or my daughters life ... This happened about a month ago And we have had no contact with him at all. I refuse to see or speak to him or let my daughter be around him! I just needed some reassurance that I am doing the right thing ... Thank you all!
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