Getting DH in the mood! — The Bump
Trying to Get Pregnant

Getting DH in the mood!

Hey ladies! So I know it's been quite the weekend lol so I'm hoping this will help get things back to normal, if not then don't mind me and feel free to snark away ;) I'm wondering what everyone does to help get their SO in the mood when the time comes? My DH is a 1x/week kinda guy, two if I'm lucky! I've already talked to him about how when it does happen that we can't wait around if we want a baby. I think I may have added some pressure by doing that, so I wanna spice things up to try to make it more fun and take off some of that pressure! Ideas??? :x
mommyportz
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Re: Getting DH in the mood!

  • @ALittleCountry we've talked about how it will happen but haven't given him exact days! I've tried the outfit thing before, unfortunately if he's not in the mood, even Victoria's Secret can't help me :-/
    [Deleted User]bettertogether27
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  • When we decided to TTC, I did some research and just explained the facts (how small the ovulation window is on my end) to my husband. He likes science so he was interested. We are/were 3x a week people but with no rhyme or reason as to when. So I gave him a few days heads up that we were going to have a fun weekend (Im due to ovulate today ish and this is our first cycle) HIO. He was down. I pounced on him first thing in the morning a couple times, we knocked it out in the living room another time, and we had margaritas another night. We are definitely making it a point to do it certain days but we are still keeping it fun. This morning was 5 straight days in a row... he literally asked me if I was pregnant yet  =)) BAHAHA I fell off the bed laughing. 
    bellybabebettertogether27lovearoomrsE2015
  • @ALittleCountry we've talked about how it will happen but haven't given him exact days! I've tried the outfit thing before, unfortunately if he's not in the mood, even Victoria's Secret can't help me :-/
    *Warning: TMI*

    I feel your pain! I try touching him, BJs, lingerie, whatever but if he's not in the mood, it ain't gonna happen. TTC aside, it's extremely frustrating for someone like me who has a very healthy libido. I've been talking to him about his sex drive and he finally agreed to actually go to the doctor and talk about it. We'll see if he follows up.
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  • @letoya123 I think the margarita thing might work for him!! I'm definitely gonna try adding lots of alcohol in the mix, he knows that one drink and I am easy as hell lol! :))


    @joleri23 we went through that about a year ago. I totally understand what you're dealing with! It's especially hard when TTC because the added pressure seems to make him in the mood less often [-( A while back I started not initiating and started letting him do all of that, and honestly it helped a lot! He said that by turning me down when not in the mood it made him feel much worse and less confident. Hopefully some of this helps! :)

    **BTW the doctor didn't help at all for us. Not saying that it won't for you, just giving full disclosure
    mommyportzjoleri23
  • I think all PPs had great suggestions! TTC can create a lot of pressure so anything to make it fun, spontaneous, and different may be helpful! Good luck!
  • My DH was also a 2-4x a month person.  Outfits work like once then you just get rejected while wearing a sexy maid outfit and feel horrible.  I think for my guy he cannot get in the mood out of no where which includes an outfit.  I feel like to have to explain/justify him a little.  He loves to cuddle and we kiss every day and when we do the quality is excellent, he just doesn't feel like it that often.  I will admit now the our quantity is up the quality is taking a hit.

    For us what has worked to have more BD was to very unromantic-ally talk about timing and freq, but this is key, in advance.  Before I even went off the pill we had this talk and he said this is not sexy, but as he gets more excited about TTC he is more ok with it. This month while on AF we made a plan of what days and how we will adjust them for OPK's and temp results.  He once again said this is not fun to talk about, BUT we did BD every day we said and I did not have to initiate most of the time.  


    Little guy born in September 2016
    Next little one due June 2019


  • @babyexpress lol I'm such a clutz I won't allow myself to own anything like that! Love the idea though!!
    PrimRoseMamamrsE2015
  • Cooking dinner while naked in a cute apron always makes DH randy. ;)

    Add some cute matching lingerie & heels-- he will be falling over himself to get you in bed... Or on the floor... Table...

    Sadly, we have to reserve this one for date night when the kids are at a drop in or we can get a hotel.


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    meggiemoo219babyexpresslovearoo
  • You guys have amazing sexpert advice ;))
    PrimRoseMama[Deleted User]lovearoo
  • You guys have amazing sexpert advice ;))

    Sometimes you just have to get it on! ;)


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    calfherderBostonBaby1meggiemoo219joleri23
  • I talked with dh about this before we started trying... he was not at all interested in knowing opk results or whatever and I agreed not to bring it up, on the condition that when I try to seduce him he needs to roll with it. It's worked well for us so far.
    I have found in the past that if we wait until our usual bedtime one of us is often too tired, so during our fw I'll take him upstairs right when we get home from work so tiredness isn't an issue
    meggiemoo219BornMamamrstmoose
  • Lulucooks said:
    I touch him on the penis. Works every time 


    ^ This ^

    We do it 4 to 5 times a week (I can't resist his hot beard). Works every time.




    __________________________________________________________
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  • Also, I've found that carrying these types of 'moves' all throughout the month and not just during fertile times, helps to keep things moving. Just because I'm not fertile for the next week or two doesn't mean I'll stop... This way it just keeps things flowing at all times and it doesn't feel pressured during the ovulation.
    DS Maxwell - 08/25/2009
    Wedded Bliss - 05/19/15
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  • Lulucooks said:
    I touch him on the penis. Works every time
    Bahahaha that video is hilarious. And accurate.
      

         TTC #1 --- BFP #1 5/15, loss at 5 weeks --- BFP #2 12/15, loss at 4+3 --- RE testing 3/16 normal, still trying for our rainbow    

    LulucookslovearoomrsE2015
  • I definitely don't give him any details about what is going on unless I get AF, but he probably figures it out since I'm more demanding of his...time?...than during other weeks. I try to make sure he doesn't think he's just a sperm bank and pay more attention to how he wants it.....

    He still thinks we're all crazy and that it'll just happen whenever. What do they teach men in Sex Ed anyway?? We're on month 4 so it's not been too difficult yet, but this month he is going to be gone a lot. Don't think any outfits will help us this month!
    Me:33
    DH: 34
    Married: May 2011
    TTC #1: May 2015
    DS: 10/20/2016
    TTC #2: June 2019
    #2 EDD: 2/20/2020
    meggiemoo219joleri23
  • ilawb said:
    I definitely don't give him any details about what is going on unless I get AF, but he probably figures it out since I'm more demanding of his...time?...than during other weeks. I try to make sure he doesn't think he's just a sperm bank and pay more attention to how he wants it..... He still thinks we're all crazy and that it'll just happen whenever. What do they teach men in Sex Ed anyway?? We're on month 4 so it's not been too difficult yet, but this month he is going to be gone a lot. Don't think any outfits will help us this month!
    I find it so refreshing that you don't give him any details.  I try to do the same thing, but I also like to talk about it and then my feelings get hurt when he is not into all this stuff as much as me.  Its better to just not mention the details and stick to these boards to help with that.  Its hard to not need DH when you are doing IUIs or TI.  I literally need him to perform at a certain day and at a certain hour- that makes it hard.

    Married: 8/29/2009
    TTC- since we got married (off and on)
    TTC with focus: Since July 2015
    Currently had 2 rounds of failed IUIs, failed TI monitored cycle
    December 2015: Starting 1st IVF cycle
    January 2016: Retrieval
    March 2016: Pending Transfer (I have 3 PGS tested embryos waiting for a womb)
    April 2016: BFP, the old fashioned way.

  • You might consider trying to send him a message with sexual undertones during the day.  If he spends the day thinking about sex, then he might be more interested when he gets home.  You could try a sexy text while he's at work, but if you/he are uncomfortable with that, then maybe leaving him a note at home, where he will find it in the morning before going to work.  Or even just saying something in the morning about "hey I'm feeling really horny, too bad we don't have time now, maybe if you're in the mood tonight..." wink wink.

    I'd also say that it's worth having a discussion with your DH about what things turn him on, and what things make it hard for him to be interested in sex.  Ie, if he's tired, or had a bad day at work, is he going to turn you down?  Maybe you can set some reasonable parameters, where, if X happens (for example, he gets home really late), you won't initiate, and then you won't both feel bad about you initiating and him rejecting.  Likewise, if he has some fantasy that you're willing to fulfill, then it's worth going for it.

    Also, some couples get turned on by watching porn together (or even just a TV drama where they typically have a bunch of sex).

    And finally, some medications can definitely reduce sex drive, so if your husband is on any meds, it might be worth checking to see if that is a potential side effect.
    meggiemoo219lovearoo

  • ilawb said:

    I definitely don't give him any details about what is going on unless I get AF, but he probably figures it out since I'm more demanding of his...time?...than during other weeks. I try to make sure he doesn't think he's just a sperm bank and pay more attention to how he wants it.....

    He still thinks we're all crazy and that it'll just happen whenever. What do they teach men in Sex Ed anyway?? We're on month 4 so it's not been too difficult yet, but this month he is going to be gone a lot. Don't think any outfits will help us this month!

    I find it so refreshing that you don't give him any details.  I try to do the same thing, but I also like to talk about it and then my feelings get hurt when he is not into all this stuff as much as me.  Its better to just not mention the details and stick to these boards to help with that.  Its hard to not need DH when you are doing IUIs or TI.  I literally need him to perform at a certain day and at a certain hour- that makes it hard.


    I turn to my girlfriends when I need an in person chat to share details with. We're all interested in this stage of life, so they're okay with discussing it!
    Me:33
    DH: 34
    Married: May 2011
    TTC #1: May 2015
    DS: 10/20/2016
    TTC #2: June 2019
    #2 EDD: 2/20/2020
  • You might consider trying to send him a message with sexual undertones during the day.  If he spends the day thinking about sex, then he might be more interested when he gets home.  You could try a sexy text while he's at work, but if you/he are uncomfortable with that, then maybe leaving him a note at home, where he will find it in the morning before going to work.  Or even just saying something in the morning about "hey I'm feeling really horny, too bad we don't have time now, maybe if you're in the mood tonight..." wink wink.

    I'd also say that it's worth having a discussion with your DH about what things turn him on, and what things make it hard for him to be interested in sex.  Ie, if he's tired, or had a bad day at work, is he going to turn you down?  Maybe you can set some reasonable parameters, where, if X happens (for example, he gets home really late), you won't initiate, and then you won't both feel bad about you initiating and him rejecting.  Likewise, if he has some fantasy that you're willing to fulfill, then it's worth going for it.

    Also, some couples get turned on by watching porn together (or even just a TV drama where they typically have a bunch of sex).

    And finally, some medications can definitely reduce sex drive, so if your husband is on any meds, it might be worth checking to see if that is a potential side effect.


    penelope4612 rings true for me being the one with the low sex drive in the relationship. I would be perfectly happy with 2x a week. I will say that Penelope hit the nail on the head with having a discussion about what affects his libido and what does/doesn't work for him. If I have a bad day at work, family stress, a lot of things on my to-do list etc. then I'm most likely going to shoot DH down. TTC has been actually really great for our sex life as it's forced me and DH to talk about my low sex drive and ways we can work on it together because it is absolutely a team approach IMO.

    You have to find out what works/what will help him get in the mood. I know personally I need at least 2 hours after work of ME TIME to decompress and relax. DH knows that if he draws me a bath, gives me a glass of wine and leaves me alone for an hour I will jump his bones no problem. I am like most men I know in that I didn't want to talk about this stuff with DH at first but the more patient and understanding he has been the more I've come out of my shell.
    meggiemoo219lovearoo
  • I learned the hard way...don't give him any details about the trying part temping, OPKS, testing, etc..  Other than telling him your forgetting the birth control and him being okay with you TTC.  The first month I made the mistake of telling him to aim for a certain day.  He got extreme performance anxiety LOL.  A few days later out of my fertile window, he was back to having no issues whatsoever.  

    Usually going out for a nice date night or wearing some tight clothing with no bra when he comes home from work haha usually does the trick! Men are so physical LOL at least mine is :) 
    meggiemoo219
  • Sorry about the delayed response, I've been at school and work all day! If my DH's sex drive was up a bit then it would be much easier. Unfortunately none of the tricks have worked before for him; if he's not in the mood, it just doesn't happen. :( I'm gonna put to use this cycle all of these tips though and see what works! Most of the time if I just let him come to me without the pressure of me asking, he comes to me eager! Our sex life has been pretty good over the last six months or so, but I wanted to be prepared in case the day comes and he doesn't want to!
  • edited September 2015
    DH and I had trouble with him being interested because of work stress and just length of his shifts in clinic, etc. He's a doc, and he knows more about the FW than I do so he's talked with me about it before and wants to know when I'm fertile, so I'm a little differently off. I'd say I'm in the same category as @PrimRoseMama because DH knows the drill and is eager to help where he can - and she also gave me some awesome advice earlier on. Treat him like gold. Take him on dates and do things with/for him outside the FW and show him it's not just about the baby so you can help him relax. No pressure is oftentimes the best approach, along with honest discussion. Sometimes, DH has trouble finishing multiple days in a row, and that discourages him, so I encourage him to do the things he likes and I encourage relaxation. It usually helps him to initiate.

    Edit: spelling and tag
    TTC #1 - Started 7/2015
    MC #1 - 1/10/2014
    MC #2 - 10/15/2015

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    meggiemoo219
  • Lulucooks said:

    I touch him on the penis. Works every time

    LOL omg I actually snorted!!! That works for me every time! That or a blowjob. Or sucking on his nipples... You could also try maybe getting a hotel room - sometimes switching up the venue helps!
    I feel for you - a similar sex drive was a MUST for me! My husband is the best ever...
    This may be an UO, but ttc sex is the BEST. We have been using condoms and I hate those things so much! Plus BC lowers my sex drive... :(
    meggiemoo219
  • My H doesn't need much help in this area, but he really enjoys lap dances and lingerie. Bonus points if done together.
       

     
    lovearoo[Deleted User]
  • juliehollz13juliehollz13 member
    edited September 2015
    Not to be a Debbie-Downer, but has he had his testosterone levels checked? My DH used to train at an MMA gym when he was young (and stupid) and took steroids for a few months, and it took years for his sex drive to be back to normal, and even now he's totally happy with 2x per week, but will do it everyday if it's my FW (he doesn't mind TTC talk, he actually watched the great sperm race and offered to have his SA done and looked into what his insurance would cover fertility wise). I know everyone's SD is different but I just thought I'd mention it. 
    Met DH - 9/2003
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  • Just FYI, don't do blowjobs. Saliva kills sperm. Save BJ's for those days where you're not fertile. 

    Carry on. 
    DS Maxwell - 08/25/2009
    Wedded Bliss - 05/19/15
    MC - 05/15/15 & 7/29/15 & 11/25/15 (You were wished for, hoped for and loved)
    BFP#4; EDD 10/21/16 - Praying for a miracle.

    lalalorelai
  • Not really about how to get him in the mood but...Last night DH rolls over and says so I think we need to practice for when you hit your FW. HAHA all these years i thought we had this down all well practice makes perfect right

    meggiemoo219
  • I hope this isn't too TMI... I feel like I'm going to regret writing this lol but I don't see this idea was posted yet. Try watching porn with him. Its a turn on for both you. He's going to be really surprised your watching it with him. My DH doesn't really watch...not that I know of cause he's always busy at work and gets home only to eat and go to sleep. And try not to mention anything about you ovulating or its time.... just let him catch you watching it :)


    meggiemoo219calico34
  • BabyIntegersBabyIntegers member
    edited September 2015
    @ALittleCountry we've talked about how it will happen but haven't given him exact days! I've tried the outfit thing before, unfortunately if he's not in the mood, even Victoria's Secret can't help me :-/
    Maybe that's just not his thing. There is a certain type of outfit that MH does not like at all (like school girl stuff and just frilly stuff creeps him out). I take him shopping with me and he gets to pick out the stuff he likes. We look at the toys together too and got one recently that was a GAME CHANGER. Even if you don't end up buying anything, maybe you will and you'll both find something you never even considered. I also ask MH every now and then of anything that he wants to try and see if he tells me something new.
    I completely agree with this. There are certain outfit themes that creep my DH out. Just ask him. Ask him what his fantasies are one night while you're in bed, in the dark. That will give you clues but it could also get him in the mood right then and there. 

    Also, taking him to the toy store with you is a GREAT idea! Men are very visual creatures and the store always puts us in the mood equally. It turns him on when I browse the dildo section and tell him which one looks most like his ahahahaha It sent him on a mission once to find the most real feeling one as a surprise for me. I haven't used it since the first time, but at least it was a catalyst for a great evening :) 

    I understand what you are going through. Before my DH, a BJ offer is all that was necessary with other relationships I've had. I've never had to be this creative before lol but it does keep me on my toes. 
    bettertogether27meggiemoo219
  • Just FYI, don't do blowjobs. Saliva kills sperm. Save BJ's for those days where you're not fertile. 


    Carry on. 
    @WinchestertoPittsburgh...I have heard that before but (this may be a stupid question), if you do it for a little bit before then have sex for a while before he ejaculates would that make a difference ? Lol sounds so silly as I'm typing it.

    bettertogether27
  • Malibu45 said:
    Just FYI, don't do blowjobs. Saliva kills sperm. Save BJ's for those days where you're not fertile. 

    Carry on. 
    @WinchestertoPittsburgh...I have heard that before but (this may be a stupid question), if you do it for a little bit before then have sex for a while before he ejaculates would that make a difference ? Lol sounds so silly as I'm typing it.

    Ive heard the same thing.  When I need specimen for IUI, it clearly states to not use any lube or saliva that it kills sperm.  I'm not sure on the BJs, but I would assume same applies. Just like you wouldn't want to use saliva or lube during regular BD either.


    Married: 8/29/2009
    TTC- since we got married (off and on)
    TTC with focus: Since July 2015
    Currently had 2 rounds of failed IUIs, failed TI monitored cycle
    December 2015: Starting 1st IVF cycle
    January 2016: Retrieval
    March 2016: Pending Transfer (I have 3 PGS tested embryos waiting for a womb)
    April 2016: BFP, the old fashioned way.

  • Malibu45 said:

    Just FYI, don't do blowjobs. Saliva kills sperm. Save BJ's for those days where you're not fertile. 


    Carry on. 
    @WinchestertoPittsburgh...I have heard that before but (this may be a stupid question), if you do it for a little bit before then have sex for a while before he ejaculates would that make a difference ? Lol sounds so silly as I'm typing it.

    So I don't know how much it actually effects things... I got pregnant once and I always do that to "get him in the mood"!
  • I pretty much just force myself on DH.



    lovearoojhems776
  • @juliehollz13 yes we did, and he's all cleared! I always thought it was a confidence thing but he had to work through it.

    To the rest of you awesome gals, I tried a little bit of everyone's advice and still didn't work :( DH couldn't finish the deed tonight (which is the first time that's ever happened). He got super upset and went to sleep w/out talking. Anyways, hopefully he feels better tomorrow! And thanks again to everyone for the tips, I really appreciate it! ;)
    juliehollz13
  • BabyIntegersBabyIntegers member
    edited September 2015
    @juliehollz13 yes we did, and he's all cleared! I always thought it was a confidence thing but he had to work through it. To the rest of you awesome gals, I tried a little bit of everyone's advice and still didn't work :( DH couldn't finish the deed tonight (which is the first time that's ever happened). He got super upset and went to sleep w/out talking. Anyways, hopefully he feels better tomorrow! And thanks again to everyone for the tips, I really appreciate it! ;)
    Try it in the morning instead. My DH tells me that guys are really tired at night time and his Endo says a man's T count is the lowest at night so it could explain why he couldn't finish. Well, that along with some performance anxiety. The Endo says their T count is highest in the morning. That's why they get morning wood :D 

    P.S. Not tomorrow morning. lol
    meggiemoo219lovearooskiingstarkjuliehollz13
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