Introduction...bad day.

shortyjrose

Hi I've been following for a while but this is my first post.
I had a stillbirth in September of 2014 at 24 weeks due to a 1 in 3 million birth defect. The loss of my son was devastating.
I then had a Mc in January of 2015 at 6 weeks and I just had another Mc last weekend at 8 weeks with a D&C.
Everyone I know is pregnant or just had a baby and it's killing me to be around them. I can't bring myself to go to showers or hold their bundles or joy. I feel bitter and broken.
I just want to have my own baby,happy, healthy and no more holding my breath. DH has been great but I feel like I'm loosing my strength to keep this up.
I'm not sure if I can go through this trial and loss/ failure for much longer.
Have any of you had any luck after this this?
Any advice on dealing with constant questioning (pressure) from family and friends?
I need help. I feel like all of my friends have forgotten what we are going through when they are asking us to be there for them. Plan parties for them, attend parties for them, come hold their kids, watch their kids... am I being selfish? Or this skinned?
Sorry but I feel nuts
TIA

msunshine123

I am so very sorry for all of your losses. You are not being selfish or thin skinned - you are human. Each loss hurts so very much and you're doing your best. So go ahead and say no to showers, babysitting... and whatever you need. It's about doing what you can when you can. Be patient with yourself. Thinking of you and sending hugs your way.

Romano123

So so sorry @shortyjrose . Big hugs to you.

MamaBish

I am so, so sorry for your losses. You are certainly not selfish or thin skinned. Other people do not and most likely will not understand. I do not discuss ttc with anyone IRL so we don't get the pressure. Hugs to you!

Teenie16

I'm so sorry for your losses. I think you have every right to say no. I'm sure they don't mean to be insensitive but I think that unless people are unfortunate enough to go through it they truly don't understand what your going through.

kistra

Hugs to you with all that going on! No, I don't think you are being thin-skinned or selfish. I cannot imagine why somebody would ever think you would have fun at a baby shower shortly after losing your own baby. 

For any family pressuring you to have more pregnancies you could always lie and say that your doctor wants you to wait to give your next baby the best health possible (even if your doctor is okay with you TTC right away). Have you been open with your family about your early losses since your first son? I know it is none of their business but maybe that would help them understand if they aren't aware? If it is distant relatives making comments could you have someone else close to you tell them? Maybe none of this applies to you at all, but having my mother and mother-in-law tell everyone else in the family helped me and stopped a lot of insensitive comments from my family.

shortyjrose

Thank you all so much!
We got the all clear to ttc at my 2 week check up. I'm excited and terrified.

shortyjrose

They know about our still birth and 1st mc. We didn't tell anyone about the 2nd just a few really supportive friends and our parents.
I love the idea it being docs orders to wait.