@thaisac1 I didn't read the article yet but I feel much the same way about these types of decisions much like I do abortion (not for me but I don't care if other people make that decision) and I wouldn't call in vitro unnatural - more like a miracle of modern medicine. Part of my view is the way I was raised - very, very conservatively. I have a sister who is getting married next month, turning 35 the month after that, and wants desperately to have children. She and her fiancé have decided to NTNP for a year, then try for six months, then see a fertility specialist. If she is unable to conceive naturally, they won't have children. This seems a huge shame to me because, though stubborn and independent, she would be a patient, loving mother and is more than financially able to have lots of kids. In vitro is against her religion (Catholicism). It seems an awful waste to me that someone who wants kids and would be a great mom wouldn't have them, and she is opposed to the idea of adoption right now - though that may definitely change. I can't quite grasp the why behind choosing your child's sex, perhaps because I was hoping for a boy and got a girl. DH desperately wanted a girl and was immedialtely over the moon with the news. I was immediately thankful to have a healthy, developing baby but it took me a while to get used to the idea that my life will be all about pigtails and dresses for the next couple of years and I'm still trying to quell my fears that she will be exactly like me; however, I cannot imagine, now, what my life would be like even next year without this little girl. I can't wait to teach her all about volleyball and, as she grows, being a strong and independent woman. I know how difficult life can be for a woman, especially one in a man's field, and I want to be there to boost her up when she feels flat. I want to teach her to throw a strong punch straight into the face of any boy who disrespects her body. I want to teach her to love herself and to know how beautiful and incredible she is. Having a daughter is probably going to be the absolute best "dissapointment" of my entire life and I can't imagine cheating Mike and myself out of this opportunity by choosing to have a boy instead. On top of my overwhelmingly emotional personal feelings, what's going to happen if they later have a boy or if this little girl decides that she is actually a boy? Being transgender would be difficult enough - I cannot imagine the pressure she would feel to live up to her parents expectations of what a girl is and does. Would any son they have down the road feel awful for being a boy if they didn't choose his sex too? Furthermore, how is your little girl going to feel if she wants a sister and you choose to have a boy? A little girl would likely think that either her parents don't care about her opinion (and suffer from some serious esteem issues because of that idea) or that she wasn't a good enough kid for her parents to want another one just like her. If she can process those thoughts, they could have seriously detrimental consequences down the road. We all know a girl who felt dejected by her parents and did whatever it took to get attention from them or anyone else. So again, I don't care if other people make that choice but I couldn't do it. Maybe I've been drinking my mom's "every baby is a miracle" kool-aide but I really do think every baby is a miracle. I sometimes forget that at 2 AM when this one uses my bladder as a trampoline but I wouldn't trade her for anything...not even the little boy I thought I wanted. It's just not a choice that I, personally, couldn't make. To each their own!
@thaisac1 I didn't read the article yet but I feel much the same way about these types of decisions much like I do abortion (not for me but I don't care if other people make that decision) and I wouldn't call in vitro unnatural - more like a miracle of modern medicine. Part of my view is the way I was raised - very, very conservatively. I have a sister who is getting married next month, turning 35 the month after that, and wants desperately to have children. She and her fiancé have decided to NTNP for a year, then try for six months, then see a fertility specialist. If she is unable to conceive naturally, they won't have children. This seems a huge shame to me because, though stubborn and independent, she would be a patient, loving mother and is more than financially able to have lots of kids. In vitro is against her religion (Catholicism). It seems an awful waste to me that someone who wants kids and would be a great mom wouldn't have them, and she is opposed to the idea of adoption right now - though that may definitely change. I can't quite grasp the why behind choosing your child's sex, perhaps because I was hoping for a boy and got a girl. DH desperately wanted a girl and was immedialtely over the moon with the news. I was immediately thankful to have a healthy, developing baby but it took me a while to get used to the idea that my life will be all about pigtails and dresses for the next couple of years and I'm still trying to quell my fears that she will be exactly like me; however, I cannot imagine, now, what my life would be like even next year without this little girl. I can't wait to teach her all about volleyball and, as she grows, being a strong and independent woman. I know how difficult life can be for a woman, especially one in a man's field, and I want to be there to boost her up when she feels flat. I want to teach her to throw a strong punch straight into the face of any boy who disrespects her body. I want to teach her to love herself and to know how beautiful and incredible she is. Having a daughter is probably going to be the absolute best "dissapointment" of my entire life and I can't imagine cheating Mike and myself out of this opportunity by choosing to have a boy instead. On top of my overwhelmingly emotional personal feelings, what's going to happen if they later have a boy or if this little girl decides that she is actually a boy? Being transgender would be difficult enough - I cannot imagine the pressure she would feel to live up to her parents expectations of what a girl is and does. Would any son they have down the road feel awful for being a boy if they didn't choose his sex too? Furthermore, how is your little girl going to feel if she wants a sister and you choose to have a boy? A little girl would likely think that either her parents don't care about her opinion (and suffer from some serious esteem issues because of that idea) or that she wasn't a good enough kid for her parents to want another one just like her. If she can process those thoughts, they could have seriously detrimental consequences down the road. We all know a girl who felt dejected by her parents and did whatever it took to get attention from them or anyone else. So again, I don't care if other people make that choice but I couldn't do it. Maybe I've been drinking my mom's "every baby is a miracle" kool-aide but I really do think every baby is a miracle. I sometimes forget that at 2 AM when this one uses my bladder as a trampoline but I wouldn't trade her for anything...not even the little boy I thought I wanted. It's just not a choice that I, personally, could make. To each their own!
Profound reflection! And beautiful motivation. Your little girl will be one feisty little cutie! I think we should have an open mind for medical advances such as this (choosing the sex of the baby). I am sure Chrissy is being heavily criticized right now, but this is probably not different than the criticism people received in the early days of IVF. As Medicine continues to advance and give people more and more options, I will not be surprised if people are more and more keen on selecting the sex of their children. This does involve a biopsy of the embryo though, so I guess there is a tiny risk of losing the embryo or potential complications, but I'm not well versed on what these complications may be.
@thaisac1 I have conflicting feelings about this as well. We actually did have the conversation of whether or not I would consider going through a pregnancy again and with out having any idea of whether or not I'll be having a girl or a boy I don't feel like it would be worth it. (Might change my mind once my son arrives, but idk right now) I had serious gender disappointment and it took far longer than it should have to get past in my opinion. I'll admit this pregnancy has felt traumatizing at times because I've felt so out of control the past eight months, which has aided in that feeling. I didn't want to be pregnant. I heavily considered not remaining pregnant. I wanted a girl if I was going to remain pregnant. Now I just want the baby to be healthy, and not have colic. (Please let me have this! Lol)
Anyway. The idea of choosing the sex would make this potentially worth it again for me. I do think that it could have negative impacts though depending on the circumstances. Like what @AmadorRose mentioned about having a transgendered child. Also take cultures who generally abort children who are not the desired sex (like China) How will this medical decision affect their population? They already have a ridiculous ratio of men to women because of their population control measures.
@thaisac1I don't have an issue with it, personally. We were REALLY hoping for a girl, given my 3 stepsons, and while I wouldn't terminate a pregnancy if it was a boy or anything like that, I would have loved the assurance from the beginning that I would be having a girl. I do agree that on a broad scale, being able to choose the sex could get complicated like PPs mentioned, but I don't think we are likely to get to that level any time soon considering how expensive and uncommon (I believe) such procedures are.
@thaisac1 Personally, I'm in the camp that says no to choosing the sex. You're going to love your child regardless of what's between their legs, so let it be a thing of chance. As long as my child is healthy, I don't care. Yes, I wanted a girl so that I could have one of each, but I would never wish that I could change LOs sex. I have two boys and I'm more than ok with that. Even if I never have a girl, I'll be ok with that.
I mean, it's not like they specifically did IVF with the purpose of choosing the child's sex. That designer baby practice, I do not agree with.. but they've actually had fertility struggles and the fact that they knew ahead of time and had the option to choose doesn't bother me so much. There are no guarantees. To each their own.
I mean, it's not like they specifically did IVF with the purpose of choosing the child's sex. That designer baby practice, I do not agree with.. but they've actually had fertility struggles and the fact that they knew ahead of time and had the option to choose doesn't bother me so much. There are no guarantees. To each their own.
I would be 100% against it if someone did IVF just for that reason. If you have to have IVF and get to pick the sex, I think that's a little bit of a gray area... I still wouldn't pick. I think my major fear is that it does turn into a thing with designer babies.
I mean, it's not like they specifically did IVF with the purpose of choosing the child's sex. That designer baby practice, I do not agree with.. but they've actually had fertility struggles and the fact that they knew ahead of time and had the option to choose doesn't bother me so much. There are no guarantees. To each their own.
Only somewhat related, but an acquaintance of mine is a surrogate for a couple who saved and froze five (viable) embryos when they found out the wife had cervical cancer. She is in remission and they want my acquaintance to carry not one, not two, but three babies because it's significantly more expensive to have children one by one via a surrogate. The bottom line price (I believe) is $20,000 and only $5,000 for each additional, plus they have to pay for hospital visits, maternity clothing, the whole nine - so it makes sense financially. Because they had genetic testing done to ensure the viability of the embryos, they'll know (and likely have a say in) the sex of the implanted embryos. Not much different from what I'm assuming is the case with Chrissy Tiegan minus the number of babies. Plus, I adore John Legend so I find it hard to fault that beautiful man...
I mean, it's not like they specifically did IVF with the purpose of choosing the child's sex. That designer baby practice, I do not agree with.. but they've actually had fertility struggles and the fact that they knew ahead of time and had the option to choose doesn't bother me so much. There are no guarantees. To each their own.
I would be 100% against it if someone did IVF just for that reason. If you have to have IVF and get to pick the sex, I think that's a little bit of a gray area... I still wouldn't pick. I think my major fear is that it does turn into a thing with designer babies.
I'd hate to think that people do IVF for just that reason...? IVF is not cheap, and it is a huge ordeal on the women (BTDT)...
I'm planning to go to IKEA today. Wish me luck visiting that horrible place.
This needs to go in UO IKEA = love
I'm pretty sure the Tempe IKEA was at least partially responsible for the demise of a previous relationship (7 trips in 5 days; the memory still makes me want to die), and a trip to IKEA with the husband on the day we moved in together nearly went the same way. IKEA definitely does NOT = love. IKEA = drumming up business for marital counselors.
I don't really have anything against IKEA other than it is soooo stressful and confusing so I am totally dreading the trip. It's also well over an hour away. I do have a profound hatred for Costco though and that would be a UO I'm sure.
Man, I was trying to get in my car in a parking lot and couldn't open my door that wide; I hit my belly so hard on the side of the door that I almost cried. I hope little dude is ok
@thaisac - On this one, I think I'm pretty firmly set against selecting for sex during IVF treatment without a compelling medical reason (avoiding the chance of some sort of genetic disorder, that kind of thing). Selecting for gender prior to pregnancy skirts the same ethical lines as terminating a pregnancy because of gender. While I don't necessarily think that we're in danger of turning into China here in North America, there are still ways in which women are seen as "less than" or at least valued differently than men; it's not a neutral decision in the same way that choosing your baby's eye color or hair color is. The cumulative effect of allowing people to make that decision would probably tilt in disturbing ways (even if individual couples are capable of making an unbiased decision, or what they believe to be an unbiased decision).
Whether that's a decision for lawmakers, though, is a completely different topic. I probably wouldn't be in favor of a law forbidding sex-selective abortion (because I don't tend to think that individual women whose circumstances we can't know should have their bodily autonomy constrained for the greater good); I don't know whether this is different enough to warrant different treatment or not. It's definitely food for thought.
I'm planning to go to IKEA today. Wish me luck visiting that horrible place.
This needs to go in UO IKEA = love
I'm pretty sure the Tempe IKEA was at least partially responsible for the demise of a previous relationship (7 trips in 5 days; the memory still makes me want to die), and a trip to IKEA with the husband on the day we moved in together nearly went the same way. IKEA definitely does NOT = love. IKEA = drumming up business for marital counselors.
See, I love assembling IKEA shit and OMG the downstairs is one of my favorite places in the world (when it's not insanely crowded, at least). I used to live in south Phoenix only a few miles away and we were there at least once a month. 7 trips in 5 days would be a little much, though!
Man, I was trying to get in my car in a parking lot and couldn't open my door that wide; I hit my belly so hard on the side of the door that I almost cried. I hope little dude is ok
I hate when this happens - I forget how big I am and it happens pretty often. He should be fine - kids are crazy resilient!
I don't really have anything against IKEA other than it is soooo stressful and confusing so I am totally dreading the trip. It's also well over an hour away. I do have a profound hatred for Costco though and that would be a UO I'm sure.
Sounds like IKEA is our midpoint! I'm about an hour away from the IKEA in Oregon, too.
My first thought was: "This is terrible, selecting the sex of a baby is not natural, it is not up to us to decide." Then I reflected upon this and realized that, well, IVF in itself is not natural either, and if it wasn't for IVF my husband and I would never have a baby. So how much medical intervention is ok, and how much is too much?
After really thinking about it and letting go of some pre-conceived ideas, I concluded I am OK with this. I wouldn't do it myself, but in the grand scheme of things, I don't see any harm or disadvantages for them as a family.
Look forward to your thoughts.
I think if it's an option when you've already got several, why not? A friend of mine was telling me about a way that lesbians in other countries are able to have babies that are biologically their own from BOTH women (plus a sperm donor). Apparently they have a choice for some of the features, which parent they are inherited from. If they are already running down a list of making their "super baby", I guess, why not choose the gender?
To go above and beyond a traditional conception, however, JUST to choose your gender... Is silly. I'm not morally opposed to it, it's more like my feelings on choosing a c-section because you want your plastic surgeon to do a tummy tuck while he's down there. It's ridiculous, but to each their own. As others have already mentioned, health insurance would never cover this and I'm sure the cost would prohibit it from ever becoming such a trend that it tips male/female birth ratios in a population-changing manner.
@thaisac1 My gut reaction was against it primarily for the fear of future generations being able to "design" their babies. However, after I reflected on it and thought about how I would handle IVF, I don't have a problem with it. Conceiving a child didn't go the way they had originally planned so they conceived in a different way. This way just so happens to come with the option of choosing the sex in some cases. I think I would feel differently if IVF was their first step and a girl embryo was a stipulation. If a doctor gave me the choice, I doubt I would say "just pick one". It would be really interesting to make that choice, but I think everyone would choose if given the option while undergoing IVF. Very interesting discussion topic. And I must say, I love that we can discuss these "hot button" issues without getting out panties in a bunch That got a little rambly. After school brain over here.
I'm planning to go to IKEA today. Wish me luck visiting that horrible place.
This needs to go in UO IKEA = love
I'm pretty sure the Tempe IKEA was at least partially responsible for the demise of a previous relationship (7 trips in 5 days; the memory still makes me want to die), and a trip to IKEA with the husband on the day we moved in together nearly went the same way. IKEA definitely does NOT = love. IKEA = drumming up business for marital counselors.
The Tempe Ikea is it's own circle of Hell. I was there a few weekends ago and just thinking about it pisses me off. People taking up the whole aisle, strolling while holding hands. This is not an amusement park, people. Walk with a damn purpose! But I got a cute rug and frozen yogurt, soooo......
Whoa whoa whoa... trying to catch up on this thread after just one day is a challenge!! And right now I can't get past the fact that the Group B is a rectal swab... WTF?!?!
I found out that my maternity leave got approved! Now I'm just waiting to hear if I'll be getting PAID for any of it. I'm hoping I do, so then I can concentrate on paying things off.
Whoa whoa whoa... trying to catch up on this thread after just one day is a challenge!! And right now I can't get past the fact that the Group B is a rectal swab... WTF?!?!
I'm planning to go to IKEA today. Wish me luck visiting that horrible place.
This needs to go in UO IKEA = love
I'm pretty sure the Tempe IKEA was at least partially responsible for the demise of a previous relationship (7 trips in 5 days; the memory still makes me want to die), and a trip to IKEA with the husband on the day we moved in together nearly went the same way. IKEA definitely does NOT = love. IKEA = drumming up business for marital counselors.
The Tempe Ikea is it's own circle of Hell. I was there a few weekends ago and just thinking about it pisses me off. People taking up the whole aisle, strolling while holding hands. This is not an amusement park, people. Walk with a damn purpose! But I got a cute rug and frozen yogurt, soooo......
Headed to Tempe IKEA Friday- we're hoping to make some office furniture hacks. Wish us luck
Got the strangest pregnancy advice ever today. I came into work this morning looking (and feeling!) like death because I hadn't slept. The (very sweet, very well-meaning) woman in the office across the hall asked me if I had an air mattress, because apparently an air mattress is the best thing to help a pregnant mama sleep.
Um. I can barely get up out of a chair. I can only imagine what it would look like trying to stand up after waking up all sunk into a half-deflated air mattress. I'm thinking.... no. Is that seriously a thing?
@AGK2015 Oddly, I had my mom in town a few weeks ago and inflated an air mattress for her... And I LOVED IT!! But I agree that it's not a practical solution to pregnancy sleep, you're absolutely right. Getting up is brutal and they just deflate so fast.
Why are your air mattresses deflating? I slept on one for a year before I finally bought a bed and this didn't happen to me. I could see an air mattress being more comfortable than my bed right now but it's hard to say without trying it.
If by air mattress you mean Sleep Number bed then sure. Otherwise, no way! I had to sleep on one at Thanksgiving and that's when I swore off traveling for the rest of my pregnancy. That was the worst hip pain I've had the entire time.
Why are your air mattresses deflating? I slept on one for a year before I finally bought a bed and this didn't happen to me. I could see an air mattress being more comfortable than my bed right now but it's hard to say without trying it.
Probably bc I bought a $10 one and it's a cheap POS It's just very thin and loses a ton of air overnight so the support by morning isn't what it was at night.
Why are your air mattresses deflating? I slept on one for a year before I finally bought a bed and this didn't happen to me. I could see an air mattress being more comfortable than my bed right now but it's hard to say without trying it.
Probably bc I bought a $10 one and it's a cheap POS It's just very thin and loses a ton of air overnight so the support by morning isn't what it was at night.
Oh yeah I bought a pretty good one since I used it for a long time I bet a cheap one would be very uncomfortable!
Woot woot for not having to have the Group B swap this time around (although I don't remember it being a big deal at all the first time around). I guess that's a "perk" of already testing positive for Group B (...at 7 weeks...again at 12 weeks...)
So my SIL is due on Saturday and is being induced tomorrow. I really wish DH would ASK her why she's being induced, because when I was induced with DD1 she was soooooo adamant against it and kept advising me not to do it. And then, of course, things went a bit south (though not terribly so) during my induction. So I feel like something has to be going on for her to be induced before her EDD (even if its just a day early), when her history doesn't indicate that its needed. My niece was born on her due date and my nephew was about a week late. It just makes me concerned that something is going on that DH just won't ask about. And I don't want to be "that person" bugging her about it because I was annoyed when she gave me a hard time about it before.
On the other hand, I'm really excited to find out if I am getting a niece or nephew (they are team green since they already have one of each)! Though I was really banking on him/her coming on their own on Leap Day (only 2 days after the EDD)...
So my SIL is due on Saturday and is being induced tomorrow. I really wish DH would ASK her why she's being induced, because when I was induced with DD1 she was soooooo adamant against it and kept advising me not to do it. And then, of course, things went a bit south (though not terribly so) during my induction. So I feel like something has to be going on for her to be induced before her EDD (even if its just a day early), when her history doesn't indicate that its needed. My niece was born on her due date and my nephew was about a week late. It just makes me concerned that something is going on that DH just won't ask about. And I don't want to be "that person" bugging her about it because I was annoyed when she gave me a hard time about it before.
On the other hand, I'm really excited to find out if I am getting a niece or nephew (they are team green since they already have one of each)! Though I was really banking on him/her coming on their own on Leap Day (only 2 days after the EDD)...
Yea, why not wait two more days? Unless she's having a scheduled c/s.
This girl I work with was due 3/24 but got scheduled for a c/s on 3/21 which is only a few days to bank on not going into labor. Her baby has been frank breeched for weeks and they don't expect he'll turn.
Re: **The Everything Random Thread for April Mamas**
I have a sister who is getting married next month, turning 35 the month after that, and wants desperately to have children. She and her fiancé have decided to NTNP for a year, then try for six months, then see a fertility specialist. If she is unable to conceive naturally, they won't have children. This seems a huge shame to me because, though stubborn and independent, she would be a patient, loving mother and is more than financially able to have lots of kids. In vitro is against her religion (Catholicism). It seems an awful waste to me that someone who wants kids and would be a great mom wouldn't have them, and she is opposed to the idea of adoption right now - though that may definitely change.
I can't quite grasp the why behind choosing your child's sex, perhaps because I was hoping for a boy and got a girl. DH desperately wanted a girl and was immedialtely over the moon with the news. I was immediately thankful to have a healthy, developing baby but it took me a while to get used to the idea that my life will be all about pigtails and dresses for the next couple of years and I'm still trying to quell my fears that she will be exactly like me; however, I cannot imagine, now, what my life would be like even next year without this little girl. I can't wait to teach her all about volleyball and, as she grows, being a strong and independent woman. I know how difficult life can be for a
woman, especially one in a man's field, and I want to be there to boost her up when she feels flat. I want to teach her to throw a strong punch straight into the face of any boy who disrespects her body. I want to teach her to love herself and to know how beautiful and incredible she is. Having a daughter is probably going to be the absolute best "dissapointment" of my entire life and I can't imagine cheating Mike and myself out of this opportunity by choosing to have a boy instead.
On top of my overwhelmingly emotional personal feelings, what's going to happen if they later have a boy or if this little girl decides that she is actually a boy? Being transgender would be difficult enough - I cannot imagine the pressure she would feel to live up to her parents expectations of what a girl is and does. Would any son they have down the road feel awful for being a boy if they didn't choose his sex too? Furthermore, how is your little girl going to feel if she wants a sister and you choose to have a boy? A little girl would likely think that either her parents don't care about her opinion (and suffer from some serious esteem issues because of that idea) or that she wasn't a good enough kid for her parents to want another one just like her. If she can process those thoughts, they could have seriously detrimental consequences down the road. We all know a girl who felt dejected by her parents and did whatever it took to get attention from them or anyone else.
So again, I don't care if other people make that choice but I couldn't do it. Maybe I've been drinking my mom's "every baby is a miracle" kool-aide but I really do think every baby is a miracle. I sometimes forget that at 2 AM when this one uses my bladder as a trampoline but I wouldn't trade her for anything...not even the little boy I thought I wanted. It's just not a choice that I, personally, couldn't make. To each their own!
I think we should have an open mind for medical advances such as this (choosing the sex of the baby). I am sure Chrissy is being heavily criticized right now, but this is probably not different than the criticism people received in the early days of IVF. As Medicine continues to advance and give people more and more options, I will not be surprised if people are more and more keen on selecting the sex of their children. This does involve a biopsy of the embryo though, so I guess there is a tiny risk of losing the embryo or potential complications, but I'm not well versed on what these complications may be.
Anyway. The idea of choosing the sex would make this potentially worth it again for me. I do think that it could have negative impacts though depending on the circumstances. Like what @AmadorRose mentioned about having a transgendered child. Also take cultures who generally abort children who are not the desired sex (like China) How will this medical decision affect their population? They already have a ridiculous ratio of men to women because of their population control measures.
Whether that's a decision for lawmakers, though, is a completely different topic. I probably wouldn't be in favor of a law forbidding sex-selective abortion (because I don't tend to think that individual women whose circumstances we can't know should have their bodily autonomy constrained for the greater good); I don't know whether this is different enough to warrant different treatment or not. It's definitely food for thought.
https://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/hpv-rates-fall-teenage-girls-following-vaccine
To go above and beyond a traditional conception, however, JUST to choose your gender... Is silly. I'm not morally opposed to it, it's more like my feelings on choosing a c-section because you want your plastic surgeon to do a tummy tuck while he's down there. It's ridiculous, but to each their own. As others have already mentioned, health insurance would never cover this and I'm sure the cost would prohibit it from ever becoming such a trend that it tips male/female birth ratios in a population-changing manner.
it's a extra blanket on the bed kinda night
Um. I can barely get up out of a chair. I can only imagine what it would look like trying to stand up after waking up all sunk into a half-deflated air mattress. I'm thinking.... no. Is that seriously a thing?
On the other hand, I'm really excited to find out if I am getting a niece or nephew (they are team green since they already have one of each)! Though I was really banking on him/her coming on their own on Leap Day (only 2 days after the EDD)...
This girl I work with was due 3/24 but got scheduled for a c/s on 3/21 which is only a few days to bank on not going into labor. Her baby has been frank breeched for weeks and they don't expect he'll turn.