Baptism advice

fireflydancer

Primarily a lurker but looking for some advice. I had my 2nd baby in June 15. My closest family is 13hrs away. With my first we traveled to them as it was the holiday time and had baptism with them. I am leaning towards not traveling this time around. I don't want to do a long car trip with two kids nor do I want to pay for airfare. My question is how can I incorporate my family or make it more special for them. I know it's important to them and don't want them to feel left out. I was thinking of video taping the ceremony and sending it to them to watch. I would have stand in godparents as the actual god parents won't be able to travel to me. I want to acknowledge them in some way. Thoughts? Ideas?

karaelaine1991

I think your videotaping idea is nice. It also might be a nice gesture to invite them anyway, even knowing they probably won't be able to make it. We also live far enough away from my family that relatives often are going to miss events, but I know my relatives appreciated being given the option of coming, as it let them know we were thinking of them and wished that they could be there for our LO's special day.

LaurenAnn0405

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/comment/12619230#Comment_12619230

Like @kes166 said inviting them still is a nice idea. We had our LOs baptism on the 16th and we knew there was family who wouldn't be able to make it (for example my cousins in Georgia and Florida) but we sent them an invitation anyway just so they knew they were thought about and we want them to be a part of our baby's life.

DolphinLover2002

I'm sure this won't be popular opinion, but it's mine. I think having stand in Godparents isn't the way to go. If I was asked to be a stand in Godparent, but told I wasn't good enough to be a real one, that would really hurt my feelings. I would just video tape the event as you said, and during the ceremony tell them the Godparents weren't able to attend, and give their names. You could even have pictures of them if you wished as a way to acknowledge them. I also agree with pps, invite them no matter what. If they know you're thinking of them, it'll make them happy.

karaelaine1991

DolphinLover2002 said:

I'm sure this won't be popular opinion, but it's mine. I think having stand in Godparents isn't the way to go. If I was asked to be a stand in Godparent, but told I wasn't good enough to be a real one, that would really hurt my feelings. I would just video tape the event as you said, and during the ceremony tell them the Godparents weren't able to attend, and give their names. You could even have pictures of them if you wished as a way to acknowledge them. I also agree with pps, invite them no matter what. If they know you're thinking of them, it'll make them happy.

@DolphinLover2002 I agree with what you're saying, but it's possible that OP's church won't allow the baptism to occur without godparents of some sort, whether it's the actual godparents or a proxy. However, if the baptism is allowed to take place without proxies, I agree that that is probably the best route to take, in order to avoid hurt feelings.

DolphinLover2002

kes166 said:

DolphinLover2002 said:

I'm sure this won't be popular opinion, but it's mine. I think having stand in Godparents isn't the way to go. If I was asked to be a stand in Godparent, but told I wasn't good enough to be a real one, that would really hurt my feelings. I would just video tape the event as you said, and during the ceremony tell them the Godparents weren't able to attend, and give their names. You could even have pictures of them if you wished as a way to acknowledge them. I also agree with pps, invite them no matter what. If they know you're thinking of them, it'll make them happy.

@DolphinLover2002 I agree with what you're saying, but it's possible that OP's church won't allow the baptism to occur without godparents of some sort, whether it's the actual godparents or a proxy. However, if the baptism is allowed to take place without proxies, I agree that that is probably the best route to take, in order to avoid hurt feelings.

I guess I never even thought of that. Our church doesn't require Godparents. We had them, but not required in any way. I didn't realize that some churches require that, as none in my area do. Thanks for pointing that out.

karaelaine1991

DolphinLover2002 said:

kes166 said:

DolphinLover2002 said:

I'm sure this won't be popular opinion, but it's mine. I think having stand in Godparents isn't the way to go. If I was asked to be a stand in Godparent, but told I wasn't good enough to be a real one, that would really hurt my feelings. I would just video tape the event as you said, and during the ceremony tell them the Godparents weren't able to attend, and give their names. You could even have pictures of them if you wished as a way to acknowledge them. I also agree with pps, invite them no matter what. If they know you're thinking of them, it'll make them happy.

@DolphinLover2002 I agree with what you're saying, but it's possible that OP's church won't allow the baptism to occur without godparents of some sort, whether it's the actual godparents or a proxy. However, if the baptism is allowed to take place without proxies, I agree that that is probably the best route to take, in order to avoid hurt feelings.

I guess I never even thought of that. Our church doesn't require Godparents. We had them, but not required in any way. I didn't realize that some churches require that, as none in my area do. Thanks for pointing that out.

No problem! I honestly don't even know what my church's policy is on it, our godparents are local so it never came up. But I'm Catholic and our church has all sorts of nit picky little rules like that so it really wouldn't surprise me. When my youngest siblings got confirmed this past February, one of the other girls' sponsors couldn't make it last minute due to weather, and you HAVE to have a sponsor and it can't be your parents. So the girl's mom asked my mom to stand in, and she did. I don't know about baptisms, but for confirmations at my church it's a pretty standard thing, so I'd imagine that some churches have the same rules about baptisms.

fireflydancer

Church requires a proxy. We have no family who live in our state (which is who we'd like for godparents). While we have Christian friends they aren't practicing Roman Catholic. My proxies/friends could not be named godparents even if I wanted to use them due to church requirements. I don't think it would cause hurt feelings since the know they aren't of the same faith. My understanding is they would stand in for my relatives and my relatives would be the god parents on record with the church. I think if I don't have someone stand in they would have someone from the parish be proxy. (Although I am not 100% sure on this). I would rather have someone I know be part of the ceremony than possibly someone who is potentially a stranger to me.