Does DH stand for damned husband?

concreteayngel

Excuse me for venting for just a minute, but I am having a total meltdown right now and have no one else to talk to.

My husband and I live in a smallish 2 bedroom apartment. The second bedroom is currently an office. We just recently got rid of our couch because it was a massive 7-person sectional which took up most of our living room. We sold it, and planned to downsize, and with the extra space, move his desk into the living room so that we could clear the 2nd BR to be the nursery. What does he do? Agree to take his mother's monstrous ORANGE sectional that is even larger than ours was.

I ask him what about the nursery? He says "we'll figure it out later. Right now it's not an issue." I say "But I already know it's going to be an issue, so why make another issue for later on down the road?"

Let me back up a bit. About a month ago, before the BFP, he quit his job, with my support, because he was miserable and being badly abused by his boss. (Being screamed at, called unrepeatable names in front of other colleagues, for some sketchy Chinese tech company with NO HR department!!) Fast forward to today. I'm nearly 5 weeks KU, we have no health insurance, not a ton of money in the bank, and my income is the only steady income we have. Meanwhile, he is building his own company and also doing freelance work for a couple different companies. He is owed several thousand dollars from a few of these companies, but he doesn't get paid until they get paid from the companies he's commissioned. We are waiting for Medi-Cal to come through, but until it does, I'm stuck. I can't see a doctor until then, and I'm also pretty sure I have a kidney stone to boot. He has turned town full time employment with benefits, because he enjoys doing what he's doing and is "building his empire." 

He's very excited about the pregnancy, our first, but at the same time, accuses me of "playing the pregnancy card" when I'm not feeling well. Or huffing and puffing about me asking him to pick up some Tylenol on the way home because we only have Excedrine, which isn't baby friendly. I just feel so overwhelmed, and it feels like he's doing everything he can to complicate our situation even further. I know I'm not making him sound very good. He is a wonderful, selfless man who would do anything for his family, especially me. He's always been a workaholic, I knew that from the start. He's always said "I work this hard now so that I don't have to later on when we have a family." And that's what he's doing right now, I get that. But he seems hopelessly clueless about what i'm going through. What's a girl to do?  

girlmom2018

I'm sorry your situation does sound frustrating. I know I would be super irritated about the couch situation too. Maybe you can convince your DH to sell the orange couch and use the money you make to buy a new one. I would definitely sit down and have a convo about your feelings being pregnant and what you kind of expect from him ( in a nice way). This is only the beginning and you don't want things to build up over the following months. Hugs!

Bluejay3030

I'm sorry you're going through this. Unfortunately, men can be clueless sometimes (make that most of the time). I agree with PP that a chat might go a long way. Also, guys don't usually do extensive research about pregnancy, nor do they have any clue what our bodies are being put through! So sometimes they just need a gentle reminder or education . Hang in there, girl; being pregnant is stressful enough without the extra factors y'all are dealing with, so your frustration is understandable!!

concreteayngel

Thanks ladies! Just getting if off my chest helped more than anything! I will sit him and down and talk to him and I know we'll get it all figured it out. Thanks for listening and offering kind words. It's appreciated more than you know!  

tigerfish227

Ooh sweetie! I'm so sorry! Guys deal with stuff differently. Maybe he's just having a rough time with the changes coming your way. *hugs* hopefully talking it out will help.

lest12

Juat my experience, but it might take DH a little longer for everything to sink in. There's an expression, a woman becomes a mom when she finds out she's pregnant; a man becomes a father when the baby is born (or something like that). Though for everyone's sake, I hope it clicks sooner!

lalala2004

Bluh, how frustrating! 

Men have no concept of time. It's "not a big deal" right now, but it will be in a few months. I reckon the time will fly by, and he'll be saying "Oh...right"

Kurrant

Sound frustrating!

As a bit of a helpful side note... 1/4 cup of extra virgin olive oil & 1/4 cup of lemon juice mixed. Down that twice a day and your stone will pass painlessly in a day or two. I've suffered chronic stones for years. Also it helps if you have pregnancy constipation

concreteayngel

Kurrant said:

Sound frustrating! As a bit of a helpful side note... 1/4 cup of extra virgin olive oil & 1/4 cup of lemon juice mixed. Down that twice a day and your stone will pass painlessly in a day or two. I've suffered chronic stones for years. Also it helps if you have pregnancy constipation

Wow, thanks! I'll give that a try! 

mslovesbo

Your title made me laugh. DH has been my BFF for 15 years, we laugh everyday and fight a few times a year....that being said last night he could not do ANYTHING right. I went to bed upset for all these tiny things he was doing wrong...I am still not sure if it was him or me. This is our second time around and I am trying to move along each day as normal as possible and not focus on all the early preg stuff---because I know there are bigger ones to come and I will want to save his attention for then. Maybe I was just grumpy and overly critical because of the fatigue....but I won't tell him that now, since he is in full apology mode today

princessnikkipants

I agree with what everyone has said... sometimes its hard for partners because they aren't going through it everyday... my hubby has said the "playing the pregnancy card" and we've had big chats about it... which really has helped and he is now very willing to help with things that I would normally do but shouldn't do at the moment... I also bought my hubby a book about pregnancy for dads and it talks all about what to expect