Joining the community

hgsurvivor

Hello! 

I'm new to everything here, TTC, the community boards, everything. I've already commented on a couple of boards and I figured it would be best to introduce myself. My husband and I have been married for 2 years but together for 11 years. We started dating when I was a freshman in college, that's the main reason for the long wait to marriage; that and the fact that he took the scenic route there  

We've been having The Baby Conversation for about year. So I've actually been taking prenatals for that long because my obgyn said as soon as the conversation starts is the time to take them. But then due to a move and change of jobs etc, we kind of put it in the back burner a bit. the past couple of months we've been going back and forth. Afraid of losing the life, and relationship, and friendship we have now as a couple. We finally feel settled in our marriage, so we are afraid to lose that. At the same time we're afraid to get older and find it's too late for kids and find ourselves in our 50s wishing we had had kids. So I guess the fear of being 50 and no kids outweighs the fear of change. Last week we decided I would not start a new pack of BC, so September will be our first month officially TTC, or as he calls it "seeing what happens". 

I do have a lot of fears and anxiety about the whole process. Now I know it's actually very common that it doesn't happen the first month. We are both afraid that for whatever reason it just won't happen. I'm also afraid of the physical changes during pregnancy, and he is scared of the emotional changes but mostly what comes after the pregnancy, you know that part about a baby and a toddler and a kid and all that, hehe. 

I'm also really excited. I feel like I have this great secret that I want to shout out but yet feel fear that it won't come true. I am also excited at the anticipation of a new adventure. 

And lastly, this process brings up sadness for me. I lost my mom to lung cancer two years ago and I have felt so sad that she never got to experience grandchildren. I felt so much regret that we waited to long to get married (7 years waiting) and then so long to have children. Part of me is angry that I didn't do this early so my mom could've had a chance to be a grandma and my children have a chance to know her. So this also brings up a lot of sadness. 

In conclusion, there's a lot of emotions: fear, excitement, anxiety, nervousness, excitement, anticipation, and sadness. 

Did I mention I'm PMSing? hehe 

Anybody else experiencing a roller coaster of emotions? 

JenandJosh1310

Hello! Im sorry to hear about your mom. Im hoping we start tcc next year if eveything works out. ever since i finally told my husband i wanted to have a kid (i previously thought i didnt) i feel like my emotions went into overdrive. Im excited, nervous about what life will be like and if we can even have a child, finances, curiousity to know what being pregnant and giving birth feels like and then more excitement haha. I think its pretty normal. Good luck!!!

Britt428

Hi and welcome! So sorry about the loss of your mother. I lost my dad 5 year ago so I totally understand where you are coming from. He never got to meet my DD and I hate it for her every single day. As far as being worried about your relationship with your husband, I think it grows even stronger after baby. It sounds so cliche but I never knew how much I truly loved DH until he held our DD for the first time. The love in his eyes that I saw he had for her was truly indescribable. Enjoy this time in your life. Babies are exciting and a totally new adventure. I think we are all scared of the unknown! Good luck on this journey you and your husband are about to embark on.

hgsurvivor

Thank you ladies! It is definitely the scary unknown that's causing so many emotions. @JeanandJosh1310 I totally hear you on the finances, that was a big reason why we kept putting it off but even now that i've got a lowly job that barely helps us make it, we finally realized: we're not getting any younger and there's been lots of couples throughout history that managed to have children on very small salaries so if they can do it, then we can figure out a way too!
I think at this point it's more of like, "why not, lets just stop thinking about it and do it (literally, hehe)". I guess we'll just have to wait and see what this cycle brings about...
@Britt428 I don't know how I will even handle the sadness that my mom isn't there to meet her grandkid with the excitement at having a baby. And I feel more confident that our love will grow stronger, DH isn't as sure about it. But as I told him, there's only one way to find out for real what happens, hehe. How was your experience?

Britt428

Actually when we first found out we were pregnant with DD, we were both totally shocked. We hadn't been married very long and definitely hadnt planned on a baby any time soon. I actually had a 5 year plan which went out the window pretty fast. He was actually the one that was totally calm and collected and I was the one freaking out. The best things always happen when you least expect it though. She's been such a blessing and even though I hate that she's never been able to meet my dad, I think she actually helped me cope with his sudden death.

hgsurvivor

@Britt428 I do imagine and would like to believe that the day I have a baby, a little bit of my mom will be there in her/him. We're now actively TTC and September comes in with the dreaded wait to see what happens.