We dealt with infertility concieving DS and were terrified we'd have to go through all of that again. We were more than thrilled when we got pregnant on our first cycle with this pregnancy. The thought never even crossed my mind that something could go wrong, that I wouldn't get to hold my baby in April. We went for my first appointment last Wednesday. I should have been 6w4d. I am positive with my dates as I was temping and charting so I know when I O'd. With DS, we saw a heart beat at 6w1d, however, this time there was only a yolk sac measuring 5w5d. I was told to come back in a week to see if there was any growth and not to give up hope. I just know in my heart that we won't find anything tomorrow, I am too sure on my dates for it to be almost a week off.
Anyway, I've been a wreck this past week but the worst part is the timing of it all. DS's 1st birthday is on Thursday with a big birthday party on Saturday. I feel like a terrible mom that I'm so sad and depessed right now, that I'm not giving DS "enough." How can I act okay when my heart is absolutely breaking? There are times that I already feel like I've moved on and I'm doing okay, then BAM...sobbing uncontrollably. Part of me is thankful that this is happening so early in the pregnancy that we hadn't told many people yet and we never saw a heart beat. Is it so bad to just want to move on? But then I feel bad that I'm not giving this baby the love and time that it deserves. I've been spotting for a couple of days, I just want it to happen sooner rather than later...I hate that I'll always associate DS's birthday with this...ugh. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. I've talked with DH about my feelings but he just doesn't quite get it. Thanks for letting me vent. This sucks.
TTC #1 Since October 2012
DX PCOS May 2013
Clomid 50-150mg- No Response
Moved to RE October 2013
Nov. 2013: IUI #1 Letrozole + Ovidrel = BFN
Dec. 2013: IUI #2 Letrozole + Ovidrel= BFP on 1/8/2014 !! EDD 9/17/2014
Beta #1 (12 dpo): HCG 27, Progesterone 15 (starting on supplements)
Beta #2 (15 dpo): HCG 297, Progesterone 29
Beta #3 (17 dpo): HCG 667, Progesterone 34
1st Ultrasound 1/28 (6 weeks + 1) Baby measuring exactly as it should, HB 118!
2nd Ultrasound 2/5 Baby measuring 7w4d, HB 133. Everything looks perfect!
3rd Ultrasound 4/29 (A/S) Our Baby BOY is measuring perfectly and everything looked great! HB160
Diagnosed with Pre-E at 36 weeks, placed on bed rest, induction schedule for 37 weeks.
BFP #2 on 7/30/15 EDD 4/7/16 MC @ 9 weeks
BFP #3 on 7/23/16 EDD 3/30/16