May 2015 Moms

Do you let your baby cry?

I just spent the week at my parents' with my SIL and my 3 mo old and her 7 mo old. She has her LO on a schedule and he spent a lot of time fussing and sometimes out right crying. I am a STM and she is FTM and I remember allowing my 1st to cry but this time around I feel that i know better and babies need us to respond to their needs not the other way around. This week confirmed for me that I will not be doing any cry-it-out methods for my LO. He was a breeze all week- and now I feel bad for my nephew!

I'm just curious about what you other mommies are experiencing?

Re: Do you let your baby cry?

  • I also have my LO on a schedule. I let him cry a little when he's going to sleep. If his cry goes from a self-soothing cry to a panicked cry I go in and pick him up to calm him down. If he's up and starts to cry a pick him up almost immediately, he barely cries other than when he's going to sleep or when it's time to eat. I think some people take the CIO method a little too far.
  • If she's fussing i dont always pick her up immedietly if i'm tired or if she's about to sleep or just woke up, sometimes she goes from fussing to playing alone, but i don't let her cry, i know that she doesn't unless she needs something
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  • Agreed fussing and crying are different. LO fusses sometimes and I let her go, usually she puts herself back to sleep. But if she is actually crying I always pick her up.
  • Are you trying to spark a discussion about CIO? I don't get it... Also it's possible to be on a schedule and not do CIO. I tend to my 3 month old infant when he cries......
  • Sorry if I wasn't clear, I was kind of wandering into the subject. I think I was observing how sometimes following a schedule too strictly can interfere with following your instincts and responding to your baby's cries. As PP mentioned, fussing is one thing and crying is another. It was hard to stand by and listen to my nephew cry all week. (My SIL was NOT open for advice) In fact, my milk supply was way up and now I think it was from listening to his cries!
  • So she just let him cry all the time? I feel bad for your nephew too!! We are on a. Feeding schedule but we don't CIO. If he is crying and its for food, i feed him early.
  • Yeah. I guess she's doing CIO, because he would cry for more than 10 minutes sometimes. She kinda bit my head off when I said something, so I tried to just be supportive. My mom is way braver than me and eventually said he must be going through a growth spurt and was hungry. I think she was right! My mom raised 6 kids and I totally trust her instincts.
  • I've responded to pretty much every cry. Instead of having a spoiled brat, as my mom predicted, I have a kid that cries only when he really needs something or is startled by a very loud noise (e.g. an ambulance driving past us while we're out for a stroll).

    Now if only he would sleep through the night without being hungry (and I know it's hunger because he has a full meal twice during the night)... :/
  • chipmk228 said:

    I get major anxiety when my LO cries. I don't know why but my cortisol goes up sky high and my heart starts racing each time and I panic. So I can't let her CIO; biologically my sympathetic system goes into overdrive. It's driving me crazy.

    I'm exactly the same. I'll let him fuss, but the moment he cries I about have a panic attack. I'd take sleep deprivation over the insane stress that would come with listening to him cry and not doing anything.
  • edited August 2015
    My guys on a not so structured schedule. Eats every 3hrs, up for an hr to and hr and a half, naps for 30mins - 1 1/2hrs. Rince repete. He really doesn't cry. He will fuss when he is tired or needs a change of environment. If he cries I know something is wrong.
  • edited August 2015
    Before now I responded to every single noise (or predicted it by her movements) so that baby would only make these noises when I'm needed. It worked for the first one. This one though.....she's either really needy or turning into a brat :P Now I'm starting to let her fuss longer, but not flat out cry. Maybe after the 4 month mark when she's tired or wakes up too early I'll go somewhere I can't hear her and let her cry for 5 min....see if she calms down
  • I forgot to add--

    The other issue is that crying is a form of communication. My baby is delayed in motor and communication so by not attending to her needs more immediately, I feel that it may stunt her more. So couple that with the stress of crying = 1 frazzled mama!
  • With twin 4 mo olds, a 10 yo, 3 needy dogs & the fact that I'm by myself with all this for 12 hours most days, there is more crying going on in my house than I'd probably like to admit. So although I don't have a formal CIO philosophy going on here, I am simply unable to meet all needs of both babies immediately. Yes, I usually can identify the issue and the solution needed but sometimes just can't get to them to take care of it promptly. And although I hate the sound of them crying, especially if I'm aware of the solution, I have to face the fact that it's a reality in my house. I try to "soothe from afar" with positive words and songs and noises but we all know that only goes so far when all baby wants is to be picked up!
  • Please also remember every baby is different and there is an age gap between your 2 babies. I would be interested to hear if she just started this method or has been doing it for a while. My LO really struggles with sleep...she wants to be in everyones bussiness and enjoy the fun. Napping is hard because there is not as much of a wind down process. However...minutes of hyper ventilating type screaming would not be something I would do but sometimes she needs to fuss (wont even nurse because she is full and oh so tired). We know our LOs does your SIL.
  • @blairdavis99  You are truly amazing!  To be caring for twins must be double the joy and also triple the work!   Of course there is crying, because there is always something that needs to be done, and I think it's ok for children to realize that they are "part" of a family and not the center.  Of course, that process is gradual b/c at this stage our babies are still the center of the universe. 
    @odawg  She has been doing "sleep training" for a couple months now.  Yes, you are right that each mother knows her baby best.  I cannot judge my SIL because she was spending the week at her in-laws house which already made her nervous.  I think she wanted to show how well her baby was doing with their sleep training, but it backfired because 1: they were in a new place and 2: he was going through a growth spurt.  
    During the first half of our visit, my baby slept less than normal during the day because of all the new activity.  But, it seemed to even out towards the end and he took a couple of really long naps.

    My SIL is 10 years younger than I, and I know for a fact that I am a more compassionate person and a little wiser after raising my first LO who is now 7.  I think it was just hard for me to stand by and hear the cries and like I said, my body even physically reacted by producing more milk.  

    one last thought:  as parents there are sometimes things that we do in our own homes that we are embarrassed to do in front of other people. I think it's a sign that we should re-evaluate our methods. for example:  I experienced this with my first as he was getting to be a mischievous youngster.  At home I wouldn't hesitate to yell, but I wouldn't do that in front of other people.  I began to change my ways because I wanted to be proud of my behavior no matter where we were.  It was the classic "I will never yell at my kids" and then there I was doing just that!   Our babies raise us just as we raise them!
  • DMELDMEL member
    I can't judge your sil for this. (For the record I don't do CIO of sleep training)..,,. however
    1. Sleep training is proven by research to help babies learn to sleep through the night and it's her choice to do it or not
    2. She was with her family so she probably wasn't embarrassed as the above poster suggested
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