Getting on the same page — The Bump
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Getting on the same page

NickiochNickioch member
edited August 2015 in Parenting
my husband and I can't seem to get on the same page about sleep training. I want time to read about methods and gradually work up to it, for the baby's sake but also my own, as nights effect me much more directly, not to mention the emotional aspect. Baby is 4 mo and we've always been a unit on everything in our marriage and the baby and he's such a great dad and husband, but this is so frustrating. Try to talk about it but communications are a bit down at the moment. We pick up the conversation all the time but still act independently of each others interests. It makes me sad and feeling helpless. I don't think 4am on a Monday night when I have to get up for work at 6 is the time to just put him in the crib, call me crazy. This turned into a mini rant, apologies. How did other couples here work throughout these exhausting and new issues? Thank you

Re: Getting on the same page

  • I'm confused. From your explanation above I don't quite understand the basis of the argument or the reasonings for your husbands actions. What if you just table the conversation until you can do some reading and then tell him your ideas? If you are both giving the same point of view each time then it's not surprising you keep coming to a stalemate. Whatever his position is, what are his reasons? Is he open to reading about ____ and then you can discuss it?
  • I think he's open to learning more about options and methods but is becoming impatient and thinks that we need to get him sleeping in the crib and self soothing asap. Whereas I feel that we need time to decide on a plan of action together and work up to the new routine. He is more apt to let him cry it out, I'm not interested in the drastic method and want to be more hands on with nurturing. Sorry my post was confusing, it was 4 am and I guess I just needed to vent somewhere :/
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  • It's ok to vent. All moms need to do that sometimes. I don't know if all guys are the same, but this is how it worked for me and my husband. "Hey do you want to try (insert idea for babies here) tonight and see how that plays out?" And he could say sure, or say no and give his reasons why. If we try it and it doesn't work, then we try something else. He had good ideas that we would try, too. The more ideas the better!

    One thing I think helps with babies though is not changing everything all at once. Maybe you have baby take naps in their crib, then after they get good at that for a few weeks, move to crib at night time, etc. Then after the sleeping location is more familiar, transition out of a sleep sack or whatever else baby needs. Good luck!
  • Thanks for the support @WillyBean . Things are better we talked it out the next day and decided to ease into things and try on a weekend so we're not desperately tired at work and can put on the full effort at night. Will def do more crib napping to start the transition!
  • Just an FYI, it's not recommended to begin sleep training until babies are at least 6 months old.  Your baby is only 4 months and to expect him/her to grasp self-soothing or to STTN at this age is really reaching.

    Babies this young still need a lot of comfort from their parents and if he/she is waking through the night/won't sleep in their crib, it's best to continue to tend to them.

    I'd hold off on sleep training if it were me.  My LO just turned 5 months and is still waking in the night.  I know how hard it is but it won't last forever.  There's plenty of time to sleep train.
  • NickiochNickioch member
    edited August 2015
    Thanks. We're going off if the majority of what I've read, and recommendation from hid pediatrician, who said now's a good time. Ugh who knows, so many different ways and opinions it's hard to know. We're going to start crib sleeping but still going in to comfort him when he needs it. So hopefully it'll get him used to the crib, but still not doing cry it out so he knows we're here to comfort him. We'll see how it goes and if he's not ready, bring him back in and try something else. Just going to go off his cues hopefully! So scary not having him at arms reach but I hope he sleeps well, he seems to like stretching out so I have a feeling he may like it more than me!!
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