Adoption
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adopted and willing to offer advice

i am 25 years old with a baby on the way. i was made a crown ward not long after my birth (a really strange situation), and was officially adopted at 18 months (would have been earlier had CAS not messed up on their end with loosing my papers). i lived life knowing i was adopted from the start, and i have always been grateful to my parents for not hiding the truth from me. they were supportive in my decision to try to find my biological family (CAS dragged their feet for 6 years, i ditched that course of action and went on my own and found everyone within a week of looking).

i am willing to offer answers to questions that adoptees, adopting parents, and anyone else has about ways to approach the "your adopted" talk, answer questions on basic feelings about it, and basically give a guide so that you may have the "inside info" on how an adopted person may react to anything to do with adoption.
lizerspitz

Re: adopted and willing to offer advice

  • I would love to talk to you! Our son is 4. We've read him adoption books, since he was very young. We randomly talk about adoption with him, but don't press him. He tells you that he's not adopted, so I really don't think his cognitive ability to understand is there yet. However,the topic has come up more often with him because we recently adopted a puppy. In your opinion -- Do you think we're doing the right thing by discretely talking about adoption now? Or is he way too young?
    TTC 7+ years - 3 failed IUI's; not going the IVF route; stopped treatment December 2013.

    Became licensed for Foster Care: March 2011
    Adoption Finalized: December 2013


    LISTEN TO THE MUSN'TS CHILD, LISTEN TO THE DON'TS.
    LISTEN TO THE SHOULDN'TS, THE IMPOSSIBLES, THE WONT'S.
    LISTEN TO THE NEVER HAVES, THEN LISTEN CLOSE TO ME.
    ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN, CHILD, ANYTHING CAN BE.
    -Shel Silverstein



  • Not sure if you still look here but I've been trying to convince my hubs to put the current one on the way up for adoption. We have 3 and I don't have the time it takes to care for another.
    I see you said you were trying to find your birth parents. I do not want that I want a closed adoption and do not wish to see the baby ever. I want it to obviously have a good home but I do not wish to be sought out. Do you feel that this is a natural thing for those adopted wanting to do?
  • I think it's the opposite of what the child would want. It can be semi open with just letters, emails or pix. They need to know whose eyes they have, their nose and their roots. Maybe they won't want to know til theyre adult but it's good to have options. 
  • I don't do pictures so it would be out of luck either way, I'm not really asking what the child would want, I would want closed not matter what. I'm just now wondering what the percent is that tries to search out their bio parents. I did find out in my state I just have to file paperwork and that is not an issue.
  • @soapgirl40 my birth mother did a closed adoption 30 years ago.. was told she would never be found.  Yea, ok - welcome to 2016!  I would just say, with the amount of resources available to people these days, I would always prepare yourself to be found.  I hired a private investigator to find my birth parents.  I have since found out that my birth mother wants nothing to do with me, which was extremely hurtful, but I respect her wishes and leave her alone.  At the end of the day, she has her feelings and I have mine.  Personally, I think she's missing on out, but whatever floats her boat.  Just know, its hurtful at times to see her bragging and being so proud of her three other children (two before me and one after me), but want absolutely nothing to do with me.  Quite frankly, it was not my fault she decided to sleep with the 16 year old African American neighbor (she was 28 and Caucasian).. I am the product of her actions, it's sad that it "hurts her" to live with the consequences.  All children are a blessing and deserve to know where they came from.  Maybe consider leaving as much family information as possible, including medical.
    BusinessWife
  • edited July 2016
    **Removed for TOU violation**
  • I'm starting to get things together so that my husband and I can work to foster/adopt. We have two children already how would you have felt about siblings?
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    BusinessWife
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