Not the same

ThursdayMorning

When we got pregnant this last spring, it was so exciting. My husband was so thrilled and it felt like a whole new level of closeness between us.

The miscarriage was horrible. He was sad but I don't think he felt the intense emotion that I felt. We talked about it for a day or two but by the third day I was able to return to normal activities and it was suddenly like it had never happened. He didn't mention it and I could tell he didn't want to talk about it. It never came up again.

Now that we are TTC again, it feels different. Its not how it used to be- excitement and emotional closeness. I'm so worried that a new pregnancy won't feel as special as the first one. I was only six weeks along when we miscarried. I don't feel like I really got to celebrate my pregnancy and now I'm worried it will never feel that way.

I can't tell if he is still sad and holding it inside or if he is ambivalent to the idea of another pregnancy. It's just all so sad. I wish this were the first time.

Sarafuss

I think fear of it happening again changes things for sure. But I'm sure it will be exciting as you get farther into a pregnancy and feel more comfortable. Or maybe you won't be comfortable until the baby is in your arms. I guess you don't really know how you will feel until you are there. I would talk to him about how you are feeling and ask him how he feels. Talking about our feelings helps us with feeling connected. Hugs and good luck to you.

and_peggy

This is almost identical to my story. I miscarried around 7 weeks. My husband, while sad, was definitely not in the same boat of emotions as I was. He doesn't share feelings very often, so I know he was very sad but I was a wreck. I bled for like 5 days and then ovulated the next week, the two weeks later, had a period. It was like it never happened to me. We're ttc again as well. I'm scared it will happen again, of course, but this time I'm doing this differently. No more planning things that are not yet. Not testing until after I miss a period. I'm just going to relax, and actually enjoy it. I actually couldn't get excited last time, even though we were trying. It's almost like I was being prepared for the miscarriage, and all that comes with it. Don't try to fill the pain by just replacing your loss with another baby. They will always be your baby.. and no amount of additional children you have will change that. But be sure you're emotionally stable and ready before you start trying. Good luck! I pray that you will be blessed with a beautiful and healthy child soon!

ThursdayMorning

Thank you for both wonderful responses. I like the idea of doing this one differently. Just enjoying it.

It's funny. No one other than a few close friends ever knew I was pregnant. When we miscarried, everyone got quiet. They all said caring things over text but never offered to talk about it with me.

Yesterday I was nervous to see one of those friends that I hadn't seen yet. I had already decided I would just pretend like nothing had happened. Instead, she actually just casually brought it up and started asking me all of these questions. It was uncomfortable at the time and I tried to change the subject quickly. She persisted and we ended up talking about more than I'd ever even share with my husband.

When I got home last night I realized how good it had felt to have someone talk to me about it so bluntly and matter of fact. A pretty great friend.