Grandparents/Family Involvement

Smithy567

Suggestions/advice would be welcomed or difference in opinion as well. Since the birth of our baby, 10wks now, we've had maybe 2 non consecutive weekends where grandparents on either side or SIL isn't at our house or us at theirs. I used to see my mother 4-5x/yr(lives 2hrs away) and my in-laws (30mins away) every other month. My mom insists now on Facetiming 1x/wk and will make another phone call during the week. SIL/MIL comes 1 day during the week and then another day during the weekend the in-laws will want to do something collectively. Last Saturday my mom was over and now this weekend in-laws want us to come over for dinner (which we are never able to leave when we want to). My maternity leave ends in 1week and I just see this as a continuation once works starts that every weekend is going to be occupied and we won't feel rested or have the just immediate family/3 of us time that we don't really get during the week. This is our baby and I know family wants to love on her. But between trying to get her on a schedule, cook, clean, same us time(rare), juggle friends..... It's too much to have all the above.

karaelaine1991

I see both sides of this. As someone who lives further away from family than I'd like, I struggle with homesickness, and I would absolutely LOVE for LO to spend more time with her relatives. So I guess the first thing I'd like to say to you is how lucky you are!

But I know that's not what you probably want to hear, and I also get wanting to have some time to yourself. Does your husband feel the same way? I think I'd speak with him and plan a weekend for just the 3 of you. You can have activities planned or just plan to hang out at home, but regardless, have both of you commit to spending x amount of time with just the three of you as a family. When your relatives ask to see you at that time, say, "Sorry, we have plans!" and leave it at that. If you feel guilty doing that, you can always suggest another night to hang out with the family. But you are entitled to some alone time with baby, for sure!

ksimo6

We are close to our families too but it's well within reason for you to tell everyone that you guys are taking the weekend to yourself. Let them know that you love having them but want to spend so down time with just your DH and the baby. If they get upset, that is on them. Everyone deserves space!

This is your opportunity to set that boundary. Take it! If you don't do it now... It will be harder to do in the future.

ChardeeMacDennis

Yeah, time to set boundaries. Tell them the hours LO and you are available. Personally I'd also tell them the hours I plan on cleaning and tell them that baby is available to socialize but not me. They can come over and hold baby while you get things done.

It might also help to plan a regular weekly time to see each other so you can build it into your routine. If you are getting together every weekend might as well make it a reliable thing. This way they are also not always asking you to make plans, since it's already set. We do Sunday night dinners with my in laws, and while it's a lot the relationship my kids have with these grandparents is really priceless.

Smithy567

@kes166 Yes, DH feels the same way as I on the frequency of visits. I can see why they want to do something this weekend since they went to a concert last weekend ..... But I think it goes both ways that just as they have other things going on in their lives, we do as well and can't always be available. They want to hang out this Sunday for dinner because SIL can't do Saturday (even though she just saw/spent time w/ LO yesterday). Unfortunately we really do have plans w/ friends that day. Thinking of saying instead Saturday @ our place. Guess we'll just have to set boundaries, every week for us just seems a bit much. Plus when I'm back to work I'll be working full time plus additional 1-2weekends a month to make ends meet.

KaLikeAWind

I'm also going to suggest setting a schedule for time with the ILs. Maybe something like dinner every other weekend? Next time you see them you could bring it up and phrase it like you're intending it to be a tradition that LO grows up with. "Hey, I was thinking we should just plan to have dinner together every other Friday night." Or Saturday or whatever. And if someone can't make it the usual day (SIL or whoever) then they miss out. Every other Friday night is dinner night, no substitutions. If they ask why not every week, just tell them this way you and they can plan to spend time with friends or have a quiet evening at home on the off nights. If they try to move the night around on you after you've already established a night, sorry... we've made plans or that's quiet mom / dad / baby night.

Also, if the idea is for them to spend time with LO, do you and DH *have* to be there? Can you turn one of the nights into date night? Where they take LO for a couple of hours so you and DH can get dinner and a movie? Working something like that into a schedule would be both nice for them and benefits you two as well

jessieR358

My parents live 1 mile from our house. I see my mom several times a week and we normally do dinner on Sunday if my parents are both off work. My mom will do laundry, straighten up and watch LO so I can shower. I love it. My inlaws live 4+ hours away and they FaceTime about once a week which I don't mind. I know they want to see the baby. Now if I had to deal with inlaws and my family throughout the week every week I would be exhausted so I can see where you are coming from. I don't think my husband likes having dinner once a week with my parents but he humors me and goes along. But babies grow up so fast and I know my family would be so upset if we didn't let them see their grandchild a lot.

Smithy567

Ladies - these are great ideas! Being that I'll be working 1-2 weekends a month it'll be nice having a set schedule so I know what to expect. A day out of the week, likely Friday would be perfect for me to leave weekends for work, friends & my mom visiting. Hubby says he doesn't want his Friday consumed in that manner, but then again I don't either when I come back from work 2/4 Saturday's a month. Lol. I'm the one working extra

hjdaniels0415

Here is what we are doing. Hope this helps. I've been feeling just like you. First of all whenever possible we are now wearing our baby if out with SIL or MIL because it's going too fast and we are the only feeding her now. We are very close to our families. I'll go back to work September 1st and my husband and I with opposite schedules. So we made a decision together that Saturdays unless something like a bday party are for our family of 3. Sundays or weeknights/days can be for out extended family. Our little one is 14 weeks and it went too quick. We are taking the family time! Do what's best for you and yours!