Evil Mother

dabner911

I'm in my 19th week of my second pregnancy. My first pregnancy I was 17 and it was pure hell. I hid my first pregnancy for 7 months because I was too afraid to tell my mother, no prenatal care, multiple botched suicide attempts and those were probably the darkest days of my life. Because of that, my relationship with my mother has been strained. She pretty much hates me. She said and did so many hateful things to me, that I was a bad person, that I made a fool of her, that I'll be on welfare forever...etc. Not even thinking about what I had been through and huge factor of me still be a child myself. Fast forward 11 years later, I'm engaged to a wonderful man, I've finished high school, college and my master's degree with a great job, my own business, my daughter who's 11 is brilliant and talented but my mother is still not supportive. She doesn't have a good relationship with my daughter, she and I don't speak and she never takes responsibility for her words and actions. Although it's hard, I keep trying to accept her for who she is but she's still my mother and it's very hurtful and hard to have such a dysfunctional relationship with her. It's depressing and causes me to have terrible anxiety. She belittles and berates me and when I stand up for myself she tells me I'm disrespectful which is the sin of all sins to her. My emotions are all over the place and I guess that's why it's so hard for me. Any advice anyone can offer? I'm pretty desperate for help.

ZoeyRaeJames

The best I can give you, is to stay AWAY! I understand she's your mother, and all. But you do NOT need that kind of stress, hate, and cruelty in your life! It will only get worse, before it gets better. Take a path away ftom your mother, distance yourself, and do the best you can for yourself and your family!

P.S. I've had a personal experience with this sort of thing. Even though I HAVE to be around my mother for now, I do my BEST to keep away from her most days!

pettycrocker

I'm sorry to hear about your bad relationship with your mother. Unfortunately I can totally relate to this. My mother has been DXed with a mentall illness that she refuses to take any medication for or seek any sort of productive help, which has just made it impossible to have a relationship with her. I struggled for a long time, but after several conversations with my Priest, who has been wonderul and supportive, I have just made the decision to cut her out of my life completely. That's not to say that I am not very sad, and I still mourn the mother/daughter relationship I do not have with her, but that is what I had to do to preserve my own sanity. 

Sometimes you just have to cut people out. Even your parents. You have to protect yourself and the family you are creating. 

Good luck with your pregnancy. Hopefully you will find some peace in all of this. 

MummyTae

I'm not or never have experienced something like this but I felt sadness whilst reading your post, I agree on the terms of you have to do what's best for you and if that means to stay away then so be it but not until you are sure you have tried everything.. I'm no professional but have you tried to tell your mom how she makes you feel and how much you love and respect her and that you don't want to hurt her but if you keep on the way things are it's hurting you.. I have a relationship with my mother and it hurts me to see when people don't so I couldn't tell you to give up without trying because I'd hate to think you'd live with a sense of regret in the future if you ever look back and think you could have done more. I'm also expecting my second child, had my daughter at 19 and my mother stopped speaking to me through the whole of my pregnancy because I was her youngest child at the time and I guess it was a disappointment to her.. I dunno but it was the hardest time in my life to not be able to even call her and hear her moan even. Anyway it's been 4 years and i know I'm still young but my mum means the world to me and I can see yours means a lot to you otherwise you wouldn't care to ask. Sorry to blab on!! I wish you all the best with your mum and family.

EvaD84

Women get emotional and some just speak and not think about what they are saying.

I'm a bit like u standing up for myself. I felt that as a mother, u should bloody well act like one and ur job is to encourage ur children, even if they did wrong, its ur job to help show them how to do better. Not criticise them and call them useless.

My mum since i was 6 yrs old would say i was so ugly, useless, good for nothing, never smiled, no mother would allow me to marry her son etc.

As hurt as i was, something inside me clicked and i said to myself if she's been this person the past 40 something yrs of her life then she will never change.

I decided to change myself and learn to be independent and cook etc. i ended up being a better cook then her and her family and my dad was so proud of this...

In 2013 i met my husband ( a snr vp banker in charge of general administration) and we got married november last yr. it was a shock to mum because for once all those horrible things she said about me, i ended superceding everything she claimed i couldn't do. It pissed her off so much and she couldn't stand it and we let her be.

Even on my wedding day she tried to pick a fight with my dad for no reason and i told her to shut her mouth as she was not ruining my wedding day. Someone paid for her airfares, she is staying free in someones house because she wanted to come to my wedding so she needs to shut that mouth of hers and show some respect. She shouted back no and was quiet after that. I had to put my foot down as i felt if u were gonna be a bitch and not really want to be at the wedding, don't take advantage of a free trip and disrespect the person getting married. Well it was hard to smile on my wedding day in the beginning and in many pics mum had the angriest face.

I let it go. It was my special day and i have an amazing husband who cares for me.

My mum

Mum passed away in june this yr when i was 9 weeks pregnant so at least we don't deal with her nonsense. Unfortunately it runs in her family.

U should be so proud of ur achievements and i think it pisses ur mum off that u managed to achieve ur masters etc all without her help except her criticism

djdawn29a

I can totally relate..my mother never got close to me..one of four children I felt like an intruder in my own family...she never wanted to be a grandmother to my daughter either..she is such a cold and emotionally detached person..I found myself at one pointbeing the same way. I stopped quick and changed that behaviour for my daughter's sake...she is now 19 and we r sooo very close..as for mother..well we don't speak much..and when we do, its mostly about the weather.. I had to separate myself from her negativity to move forward in my life..I can't say I miss her since we were never close. I agree with above posters..stay away. U r doing wonderful in life and didn't need her to get there... Be proud!!

DrillSergeantCat

@dabner911 I agree with the PPs. Cut her out of your life. You've done amazing things without her and she's not adding anything positive to your life. I know it's hard because it is your mother and she's taught you to respect her, but respect isn't demanded, it's earned. It's earned through mutual respect and she has zero respect for you. Stop calling her. Stop visiting her. Cut off all communication. You will be happier for it. Your daughter will be happier for it. Your fiance will be happier for it. You've dealt with it for 28 years, that's enough.

khf221979

I have experienced this and it's not fun. My whole life I have felt that she hated me. It was really bad growing up between the verbal and physical abuse and many suicide attempts and running away. When I met my DH 17 years ago when I was 18 she went crazy. Kept saying he only wanted me for the family money and didn't care about me at all. I ended up leaving and moved in with him after knowing him for only 3 months. He has been the best thing in my life. He has been extremely supportive and stood behind me when cut ties with my mom. I ended up trying to reconcile with my mom a year later for it to only be worse than before. My DH witnessed her hitting me and stood between us to keep her off me. I found out a little later that she was diagnosed with bipolar. She refused to take her meds and it only made things worse. I ended up cutting all ties with her and didn't talk to her for over 12 years. I ended up being diagnosed with bipolar myself along with several other things. I ended up in the hospital several times for months at a time from suicide attempts. I have sense been out on meds and things started to get better for me. I ended up calling her on Mother's Day a couple of years ago hoping we can work things out. Call me crazy but I just kept thinking she is still my mom and I would hate for her to pass away and for me to not have tried one last time. Well it has actually not been so bad this time around. We don't talk everyday and rarely see each other bc we do live in different states now. We talk to each other about once a month and she has been ok. She still occasionally throws in a judgmental comment here and there but definitely not like before. When I do see her my DH is with me bc I still don't trust her. I guess my point is it took not talking to her for 12 years for her to turn around. You have done great things for yourself and your daughter and if your mom can't see that then maybe you should cut off all ties with her. Whatever you decide I know you will do what is best for you, your daughter and your fiancé. I know how hard it is to deal with and I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do. If you ever need to talk feel free to message me.

PrimRoseMama

dabner911 said:

I'm in my 19th week of my second pregnancy. My first pregnancy I was 17 and it was pure hell. I hid my first pregnancy for 7 months because I was too afraid to tell my mother, no prenatal care, multiple botched suicide attempts and those were probably the darkest days of my life. Because of that, my relationship with my mother has been strained. She pretty much hates me. She said and did so many hateful things to me, that I was a bad person, that I made a fool of her, that I'll be on welfare forever...etc. Not even thinking about what I had been through and huge factor of me still be a child myself. Fast forward 11 years later, I'm engaged to a wonderful man, I've finished high school, college and my master's degree with a great job, my own business, my daughter who's 11 is brilliant and talented but my mother is still not supportive. She doesn't have a good relationship with my daughter, she and I don't speak and she never takes responsibility for her words and actions. Although it's hard, I keep trying to accept her for who she is but she's still my mother and it's very hurtful and hard to have such a dysfunctional relationship with her. It's depressing and causes me to have terrible anxiety. She belittles and berates me and when I stand up for myself she tells me I'm disrespectful which is the sin of all sins to her. My emotions are all over the place and I guess that's why it's so hard for me. Any advice anyone can offer? I'm pretty desperate for help.

Cute Mother off. Do it.