Back to real life tomorrow...

DeleaJean

It was a week yesterday since we lost our baby. Luckily my husband and I are fortunate to have understanding jobs and we've both been home all week grieving together. Tomorrow we have to go back to work and I am terrified. My husband works 8 hours from home and will be gone until the first weekend in September. I'm worried about myself because without him pushing me I haven't wanted to eat or get dressed and I've dropped almost all social commitments. I've never had any kind of depression in my life, and I am (not to sound arrogant) the most positive person I know. But this loss has me feeling like I am in the bottom of a dark hole with no way out. I'm hoping work will pull me out of it (my job enables me to help people which is my passion) but I'm so dispondent I wonder if I'll be able to do my job the way I normally do. Sorry for my vent. I just needed to get all my fears out.

rachrobertson

That first week back is tough. But, in some ways getting back into your routine pulls you out of your sadness. I am a very sarcastic person, and I didn't realize how obvious my pain was until a lady told me I wasn't myself since my loss and she didn't like it (she meant it in a good way). I am now 3 months post d&c and she told me last week she is starting to see the old me. A loss changes you and getting back into a routine is hard. I hope your first day back goes smoothly!

ceclarlinetlo

The first time back at work is so hard. But it's only your first day back that once. You are strong and you can get through the it.

You'll be in my thoughts.

DrKariC

I think whether you take time from work or not, going back and acting like everything is ok is so hard. For me though, the days at home were actually harder, work let me put my energy into something else and even though I still collapse a little into sadness when I come home at night, work makes the days pass and gives me a good reason to shower and put on clothes etc. I hope it's ok but know that if you need to cry in the bathroom, that's ok too. Most of us have done it.

DeleaJean

Thanks for the kind words ladies. Just about half way through my day (I work 12 hour shifts - blech). So far it's okay. It feels good to be a bit distracted, although I'm having some work frustrations (I work for the government and they sometimes require ALOT of hoop jumping and I can't just yell at them "Today is not the day for this BS!) My two supervisors were aware of what happened and both came over to me early on in my shift to offer their sympathies and I wasn't able to keep it together... they had both suffered miscarriages of their own so they were very understanding. I went on my break to look at picking up some ovulation predictors... holy Hannah! They are not cheap considering how many of them you need haha. But anything for the rainbow baby! It's been a great comfort to know I can come on here and vent to you all.

Thanks DrKariCceclarlinetlo

MamaBish

I know this feeling! I'm so sorry for your loss.

I too have always been the puppies and rainbows type. Super positive and able to see the good in things. My loss definitely changed me. However, I am not as bad as I was right after my loss. I'm slowly coming back to life now.

Have you thought about seeing a grief therapist? It helped me a lot. 

katempar

Going back to work and putting on a happy face isn't easy. The way you feel is perfectly understandable, and you shouldn't feel bad about it. Take things one day a time. We all have faith in you and are cheering for you.

DeleaJean

MamaBish ... puppies and rainbows is exactly how my husband describes me. I just got off the phone arranging some grief counseling so I hope that will help. Thanks @katempar ... I'm trying to go easy on myself and I appreciate the cheers!

katempar

Keep us updated on how your grief counseling goes, if you don't mind. I've been contemplating if it would be helpful for me.

DrKariC

@DeleaJean I agree grief counseling sounds like a good idea and I'd also be interested in whether you feel like it helps. Also, I order my opks and preg tests (I'm going to need some soon to make sure they go back to negative) on Amazon and they're way cheap - like $20 for 50 opks and 20 preg tests so you could check that out.

DeleaJean

DrKariC ,,, are they as accurate as the more pricey ones? I guess with that many you can just try lots of times! More room for error!

DeleaJean

Hey @DrKariC, thanks for the Amazon tip. I got some in the mail today (yay - Amazon Prime!), tested and no more hcg and no ovulating yet. Glad to have the kits at home!