Way too early.....but what are your holiday plans?

saric83

We're already getting really stressed about holiday plans with four sets of grandparents who live four hours away from each other (two here and two there) plus siblings.  Some of the parents are really great and understanding about the demands on our time, but others are not and get passive-aggressive and pissy if we're not there when they want us there.

In the future, we likely won't go to DH's hometown on actual Christmas Eve or Christmas day at all since I want DS to get to have those at home and not spend it in a car like I did growing up.  But since he has no clue what is going on yet, I feel like we need to be flexible now. 

What are you guys doing, especially if you have multiple families?  How do you decide where you'll spend your time, and how do you fit in your own immediate family-time and new traditions?

justkeeptrying

We are fortunate that both sets of parents live in our city (20 minutes away). We grew up in the same area so our parents live a few streets apart from each other.

DH's family always does Christmas Eve. He has 3 siblings, their spouses, and 6 kids. So we aren't messing with that. We will go on Christmas Eve.

My family alternates each year between doing something on Christmas Day or Boxing Day. Our festivities don't begin until the afternoon though. So we plan on doing our own family thing on Christmas Day morning. If it's a year we don't have a family thing later that day then we would have the whole day just the 3 of us.

I think it's extremely important to start making your own traditions as a family. So I'm committed to Christmas Day morning as our time.

kremerj1

DH parents are in the Midwest, my mom is in the northeast, my dad is in Alabama and we live in Louisiana. Lol my family gets pissy and the amount of visits have to be the exact same or it's a huge deal. So we are going to see DH's family for thanksgiving because it's relaxing and Christmas is at home. Everybody will just have to deal with it.

canadianmom89

Before even starting a family my husband and I agreed that Christmas would be our own family traditions spent in our own home. Luckily my parents only live a few streets over so we will still probably see them . His parents are 5 hours away and expect us to drive to them every year so they will be pissed when they find out that is not happening anymore.

CanadaMom17

Having only spent one Christmas out of the last 41 not at my parents' (because I was in the hospital), Christmas will be (t)here too.  Likely once DD is a bit older & we are doing the Santa thing we'll have Xmas morning here, and dinner at my parents'.  They live across the road, so it's not a big commute!

Traditionally, we do things Christmas eve and Boxing Day too, but those can be more flexible.

danibonello

DH and I broke the news to our families last year that we wouldn't be travelling to anyone on Christmas Day anymore (2+ hour drive for my family). His mom lives 45 minutes away and she's all alone, so we will probably do Christmas eve(s) with her, be back home in time for our own Christmas eve traditions, and then spend Christmas day at home together as well. If family wants to come over they are welcome, but they rarely do.

I know LO has no idea what's going on, but we figured it was easier to just set the standard now... that way there's no grey area as she gets older, with family trying to say "she's only 2, she won't remember", etc.

Growing up, DH and I didn't have many family traditions, so it's very important for us to have strong traditions with our family, even this young.

LadyBlood

My husband is active duty military so we're rarely close to our home state so most Christmases will be spent with just us. That said, we're only 4 hours from our hometown this year. So we will probably drive home whenever my husbands mom is celebrating (one of her kids spends every other christmas with her dad who was also active duty military so he's in a different state), possibly stop by my parents house, probably Skype the father in law and his family so they can kinda be around for the first christmas. And best part of all, spending our own time at home with my son doing our own christmas traditions like reading a book with a story a night til christmas that my mom read to me when I was growing up!!

TBsquared

My in laws are 8 hrs away and it snows here, bad. They expect us to come there every year. I'm not doing it this year I refuse. We usually go there Boxing Day. I think it's fair to go every 2nd year and we went last year so they can come to us if they want. My mom is 1.5 hrs away but she and my siblings usually come to my house because it's bigger and my brother lives in the same city as me so it's just easier. I will always have Christmas morning at home. Want to make that a tradition.

Knottie76365376

Christmas this year is going to be totally wacky! My 7 yr old gets 2 weeks visitation with his dad (my ex) who happens to be Italian and lives in Italy. So I will be going with him and LO for Christmas this year. (Fortunately my ex is responsible for most of the flight cost, otherwise it would never happen!)
My husband, on the other hand, is going to see his parents in Florida because his father's health is failing and they say this is probably his last Christmas.
It will be heartbreaking to be separated for Christmas, but it should only be for this year. Normally, the visit to Italy will be in the summer, but you all know that I was a little preoccupied this summer!

MrsElizabethPlano

We do a late morning/lunch thing at my aunt's with my side of the family and she lives about 40m away. Then we do an evening thing at DH's aunt's which is about 15m from my aunt's. Been doing this since we were good friends highschool, besides those 3 years we spent across the country.

rklinge0

I had a discussion with dh about this when we got engaged. Thanksgiving will be with his family, his dads and then his moms side. But Christmas each year will be spent with my immediate family, and alternate each year between his dad and moms. We do our own small Christmas. I didn't want us to have 4 Christmas in 2 days.

jennygirlmt

My parents live 4 hrs and DHs 10 minutes away. Something that makes our situation weird is DHs family celebrates the 12 days. So Christmas Day you open stockings and your "Santa" gift (the phone, leather coat, electronics, type gift.) then every day after they have a big dinner, a bible lesson following the theme for the year (mil is a minister) and you open one gift. It was great when they were kids but it became unfeasible for us to be there every night after we were married.

Prior to kids we would alternate years for Christmas Day, spend a few days at my parents, then do a few nights with DHs family. Now that our girls get it, I'd like to be here every Christmas and go there on the 26th. Of course my parents say "well we would have Santa come early before we went to grandmas." I tell them they planned their life and we'll plan ours.

For thanksgiving we would go to DHs then leave from there and get to my parents' at 1am and then celebrate with my fam on Black Friday. But yay drive is getting harder the older we get and now with kids. So I think we will alternate years for Thanksgiving.

This year will be great though because my 2year old had a bone marrow transplant in March and hasn't been to my parents' since last Christmas. So this Christmas will be her first trip there assuming her doctors clear it (which means it will be Dd3s first time). So it will be a really special occasion!!

Overall sharing holidays is hard.

DMEL

We do Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas Day with his. This year, his family is only getting dinner because we will have our own Christmas morning traditions with our LO. His parents are divorced so we tack on his moms side with my family. It's been working so far!

Buckles0528

My husband is military as well and gets 2 weeks off for Christmas. We are tired of always being the ones to drive home so that ends this year. Home is a 6 hour drive. We agreed since that is his only time off we would take a short trip, so we are going to NYC (4 hours) for two nights the week before Christmas.

This weekend my mil visited and asked if we were coming home and DH responded, this is our home and he's having Christmas in our home. I was very proud of him for not caving in.

Kye042

We have 3 sets of parents that we typically visit on Christmas Day. And go to 2 Christmas Eve family get togethers (too busy!).

This year we are staying at our home to create our own traditions with our DS. Also DS is the first grandchild on all sides and we don't want to play favourites - so we have told everyone to come to our home if they want to spend time with their grandson

lola2bee

I'm not traveling and I don't care who is mad about it. Life is hard. They'll get over it.

LadyBlood

Buckles0528 said:

My husband is military as well and gets 2 weeks off for Christmas. We are tired of always being the ones to drive home so that ends this year. Home is a 6 hour drive. We agreed since that is his only time off we would take a short trip, so we are going to NYC (4 hours) for two nights the week before Christmas.

This weekend my mil visited and asked if we were coming home and DH responded, this is our home and he's having Christmas in our home. I was very proud of him for not caving in.

So jealous of the 2 weeks off!! I'm usually lucky if my husband even gets Christmas day off!! But I believe he is requesting it or taking leave since it's our son's first. (They usually either get christmas day or new years off, usually being the key word.)

DMEL

Guys... All the grandparents already told me they're coming over in the morning to watch LO open his gifts. He'll be 7 months old. I just want some things to be just the threes of us. Vent over

Buckles0528

LadyBlood said:

Buckles0528 said:

My husband is military as well and gets 2 weeks off for Christmas. We are tired of always being the ones to drive home so that ends this year. Home is a 6 hour drive. We agreed since that is his only time off we would take a short trip, so we are going to NYC (4 hours) for two nights the week before Christmas.

This weekend my mil visited and asked if we were coming home and DH responded, this is our home and he's having Christmas in our home. I was very proud of him for not caving in.

So jealous of the 2 weeks off!! I'm usually lucky if my husband even gets Christmas day off!! But I believe he is requesting it or taking leave since it's our son's first. (They usually either get christmas day or new years off, usually being the key word.)

It's not always this way! We've definitely put in the time as far as missing holidays goes. I'm to the point where we don't really treat any days special, its whenever we can do it we do. Last year Christmas was in March

blairdavis99

Potentially unpopular opinion warning! My mom has early onset Alzheimer's and doesn't travel or remember my kiddos very often. I would give anything in the world to have my kids celebrate any holiday with her, any time, before it's too late. She could show up at 5am, hijack all our traditions, hog LOs all day long, even hold them upside down for all I care lol. I would trade just about anything for it. Don't get me wrong - my MIL frustrates me to no end sometimes - but I have a different perspective since I would rather have a frustrating MIL around than no Grandparents for my kids to get to know and love. So, to answer the question, we are not going anywhere because we can't afford to with 3 kids. But any of our relatives are welcome to come to our house, absolutely any time and will be greeted with open arms.

DMEL

@blairdavis99 I'm so sorry you're going through this, I cant imagine how awful that is. Prayers for your mother and your family.

I get frustrated with grandparents wanting to be with us for every single event because I have them over to see LO twice a week. I host them and cook a big dinner every Sunday. Every single Sunday since he was 3 weeks old. And they each stop by at least once during the week and I order in and host them again. I agree that it's important to savor the moments with family members. I have the most beautiful memories of my own grandparents. But I also know it's important for us to make memories as a family of three. So I would still like to have just a couple of things without the audience of an extended family.