can we have a vent about dumb things people say to us?

neonpotatoes

I have a friend who is adamant I didn't feel movement at 16 weeks. I just turned 18w today, with 2 more movements last week. But since she didn't feel movement with either pregnancy until after 20w, I can't possibly.

Then she went on to tell me I won't be able to handle unmedicated labor so I should just realize I'm going to need drugs now so when the time comes I won't be upset!

ariasbabyblog

People are stupid. I remind myself of this (or they remind me) regularly.

I currently have several people (family members) very upset at me because we are not sharing the sex of this baby. We only found out yesterday, chill. We have our reasons, but the one they focus on is that I get a weird enjoyment out of how upset random people get about not knowing. They are also assuming that this is MY decision and only mine. Umm, I don't know about your relationships, but DH and I don't operate that way. This is OUR decision, get mad at him too!

amargaret24

My fiancé is traveling for a month for work between my 32nd and 36th week of pregnancy....we acknowledge the possible risk and if I go into labor, well, he will just have to get home asap. He would be more sad than me!

Anyways, I was talking to a lady from work and mentioned how I hope the baby "stays inside til it's due!" And she said "oooohhh wellllll all three of my babies were early!!!! Are you sure you want him leaving?" Just like, straight fear mongering. It was so annoying. Yes, I do want my fiancé leaving if it means money in the bank. Shut it.

amargaret24

@ariasbabyblog we are waiting too and people constantly make comments about "not being able to bond with the baby" or stuff about decorating or "planning correctly". Trust me, I'm bonding and we are planning lol.

ariasbabyblog

Yeah, I had the nursery for our first completely painted, decorated and filled 4 months before we even started TRYING to get pregnant. You really don't need to know to "plan correctly" (whatever that means) and random people certainly don't need to know. Honestly, I just want to avoid all of the talk about how this sex is easier than the other and I don't want a ton of gendered clothing. The women in my DH's family LOVE to shop and I know they would purchase all of this stuff that I won't put on my child, particularly if it was a girl. I hate pink. Really, I hate baby blue too. Give me the greens, oranges, reds and browns!

cawalp

Oh geez, I totally understand you OP. Every single time I tell someone that I am aiming for unmedicated (only if they ask because I don't like talking about it) they always say 'oh you'll change your mind' or worse the sympathetic 'oh honey..' look like I'm being oblivious to the pain. Don't tell me what I'll do based on your experiences, plenty of women do it without meds and I don't think it's that weird of a goal.

shrsri

Aargh.. I hate it when people keep saying things like I'm so lucky I can eat how much ever I want right now...

gelor0979

I hate I when someone touches my belly...I mean that's so awkward. And people telling oh no no no.. don't exercise if you are pregnant

gelor0979

P.s we dnt know the gender until now and women from DH'S family keep asking if it's a boy or a girl as if I had some superpowers to know before ultrasound. I know the excitement level, as it's the first baby in my inlaws but it's overwhelming to me. And they are just not giving us any space to consider being team green. I hate being told what to do and being interogated. @neonpotatoes sorry for the rant hehe . But good discussion topic ☺

victoria2106

People keep saying God you really look pregnant now .... Erm that's because I am. Then touching my belly. One girl keeps being over friendly about bump and giving it a nickname. Stop touching me. Also everyone wants to give me advice on names. You know the gender let us keep something secret!

jencook25

Im sick of being told "wow, only 18 weeks, are you sure its not twins??!" And then 5 mins later bumping into someone else "wow, 18 weeks, youre really small for that far along!!". Change store/day, and repeat confusing cycle all over again!

nlwz123

I find it annoying (although I know they are trying to be nice) when people basically treat me like I shouldn't be doing anything at all.  Oooooh, bike riding, are you sure you are allowed to do that?!  Uh oh, vacuuming?!  You need to rest.  Don't pick up your grocery bag full of bagels and bread!  That's far too heavy for you.  Think of the baby!!

ainverso

I had someone say to me "you must be having a girl. She is sucking all the beauty out of you".

mrsgetz4000

My sister in law, husband's brother's wife (I feel this is important because his sisters are brilliant) told me that I have to be careful of putting my hands over my head as I get further along because I could wrap the umbilical cord around the baby's neck. I just walked away. I posted on Facebook about two weeks ago that I could use a pedicure. Someone warned me it could send me into labor. At 16 weeks. I said "with all due respect, that's bull s***. I can not believe people believe this nonsense. Also, people have decided since I'm pregnant they can ask about my boobs.

chillmama1518

I agree with all the PPs about people telling you not to exercise/grocery shop/ clean the house etc. In what world can a woman just take 9 months off and lay around just because they are pregnant! And who could stand it without going insane?
Sorry, not sorry, I'm going to keep working (at my standing almost all day career) til I absolutely can't, and I'm doing the normal things I always do until it isn't comfortable for me to do it! I feel like people treat you like you're an idiot when you're pregnant, like you can't feel what's best for your own body.
Whoa that came out fast...thanks for the vent ladies!

nlwz123

ainverso said:

I had someone say to me "you must be having a girl. She is sucking all the beauty out of you".

Dafuq?  That's rude and stupid.

allisongraw

Currently on bed rest at 18 weeks with a cerclage since my cervix has shrunk to a sad 7mm... Can't tell you the number of people who've said some variation of "you should be happy because once you have the baby you'll never get to rest" yeah..
I'm totally stoked to be worried every day that my baby will not make it while laying alone on the couch.

UptownPearl

1. I hate it when people tell me they know I'm having a boy/girl. It's just annoying for some reason
2. DH and I aren't sharing the sex yet and people keep saying "but who am I going to tell?" Why does every single person think they are the exception? If it's not in you and you didn't put it there you are not the exception!

*to those of you having people make statements about your body or appearance, you should totally return the favor to that rude jerk about their flab or acne or whatever they might be sensitive about

anitamtl

People at the gym asking "so is it safe to be doing this class?" WHILE I'm doing it...What should the answer to that be? "No, it isn't safe but I'm purposely trying to kill this baby in public"?! People are so ridiculous.

mrsgetz4000

ainverso said:

I had someone say to me "you must be having a girl. She is sucking all the beauty out of you".

Really!?! I'm effin flabbergasted. So how bad did you want to slap them?

Theliops

Anytime I'm around a screaming/annoying/whiney child I get the ol' "BETTER GET USED TO THIS! TIMES TWO!"

Or people asking if we're going to find out the sexes, we say yes, and they're like "why? you should keep it a surprise?" My husband got snippy with his aunt the other day and told her we just won't tell her so she can be surprised.

Oh my god, or the dreaded "were you taking fertility drugs?" *shudder*

SummerOH

@amargaret24 Well I went 2 weeks late with DD and DS. Almost every mom I know went late with their firsts. Your coworker is stupid.

I'm just under 17 weeks and we haven't told the world yet. Just close friends and family. This is exactly why. I HATE the stuff I know I'm going to hear and am trying to delay it as long as possible!

jodieHxx

I'm getting really annoyed when, people I don't really know that well, get angry at me for wanting to find out the sex of My little one!! They always say it should be a surprise! It's my life and I want to know, it's got nothing to do with them. And why get angry? It's so weird. I wish people would just keep their opinions to themselves sometimes :-(! Xx

Theliops

@jodieHxx I totally feel you. How dare we find out something about our babies and can call them "he" or "she" instead of "it" before birth... how DARE we.

sunnydlight

Theliops said:

@jodieHxx I totally feel you. How dare we find out something about our babies and can call them "he" or "she" instead of "it" before birth... how DARE we.

This. So much this. Hubby's family is acting like it's a sin to find out and TELL people what we're having. Sorry I like to plan ahead and be prepared. Sorry you get to be disappointed in what we're having before baby even gets here.

CaraBoonie

Am I the only one who HASN'T gotten any dumb comments?

sunnydlight

MIL handed me my hubby's step sisters one year old yesterday. It wouldn't stop wiggling and weighed more than a 2 year old. I actually almost dropped it, accidently of course. She said I better get used to it. I'm like "what? over weight babies that clearly are pre-diabetic" or some one passing me a stinky, wiggly thing that isn't mine and I've never met before today. She also left it in the car, in the sun, while it was 95 degrees and humid, but with the windows roled down so it was ok. Forgot it was there till I said something and it started screaming. What the actual fuck!
Huddy looked at me and said, she's never watching our kid unsupervised. Now he knows why I don't want her watching our baby until I know she's going to follow MY rules.
I think I'm gona have a talk with her this weekend when she comes for her horse riding lesson. Cuz it's stressing me out! And her excuse for everything is "I'm grandma so I get to spoil them"
**remembering to breath**

Sully314

I showed a co-worker my 19 week ultrasound picture and she said my baby looks like me. I hod no response for her! Ummm, ok. Awkward!!! 

Sully314

And I feel everyone on the choice to find out about the sex before or after birth. We wanted to know before since like others, we want to plan ahead. I totally see why people want to wait, too. I think both options are great and it's completely up to the couple having the darn baby! I'm surprised how often I hear "well, you'll never get a surprise like that again". Yeah I know, and I was in total shock when I found out! 

tinne004

When I was pregnant with DD, I thought it was hilarious with all the "boy or girl" questions from strangers. I loved how people usually respond with "oh that's great, congrats!"  Like, is there a WRONG answer to that question? 

I was in a wedding a few months ago, and some of the bridesmaids (who don't have kids but are obviously baby crazy) were asking me, "So did you just... KNOW that you were pregnant?  Did you have like a special feeling?"  My answer was "Uh, no. I've been tracking my cycles so I knew what day I would have started my period.  I peed on a test stick that morning and it said positive."  That's so magical, right?

skfg

Thanks for this thread! My inlaw's are my main source of stupid and insensitive comments these days. My MIL wanted to know if my CVS results changed and if the baby no longer has down's?!?!? This followed by my SIL telling me to relax and enjoy my pregnancy. I am doing my best to, and there are a whole host of concerns - high risk of loss, and other add"l things. So flippin' frustrating!

@allisongraw - I am shocked people have the nerve to say something so unthoughtful/supportive. It's not like you are are sitting around eating bonbons all day for no reason. Sending good vibes your way.

dc072175

WTF @ainverso please tell me you verbally slapped that person!!! 

BarrettJ89

I keep getting the wonderful birth control lecture... Awesome, because that would really change things now. Thanks, random stranger. Yes, I know that I have an 8 month old and am nearly 5 months pregnant. Yes, they are going to be closer in age than planned. Got it... And really, I know what birth control is. But seriously, I get the lecture enough from people I know, let alone strangers.

mvhyde

I was choosing shoes to wear to a wedding and trying to decide between two pairs of heels (they were like 2.5 - 3 inches max). My SIL said something along the lines of 'if I was walking around with a huge belly I would wear the comfiest shoes possible.'

First, I was 17 weeks, barely popped and all the weight I have gained was in my boobs. I was like, I know you hope that this bump is all baby, but really its just fat.

Second, it's not like I was even a bridesmaid... I just sat during the ceremony and sat and ate during the reception and danced a few numbers before we decided to go home and put LO to bed.

SummerFall03

My husband and I went to visit his family 5 hours away before I had my twins. When we went, I expressed I wasn't breast feeding because I had thyroid issues, and I was having multiples. I said I would try to pump for as long as I could, but I would mainly formula feed. We got into such an enormous fight with my MIL because she said we would NEVER bond with our children, and were being bad parents for not breast feeding. We ended up leaving wondering if we would ever have a relationship with them again. A lot of horrible things were said, and now the relationship is completely strained. All because I chose to not breast feed.

For the record, I didn't produce a drop of milk after pumped for over a month.

Oh and if I have 1 more person tell me I "HAVE" to have a girl, I might lose my mind! I'll have whatever I'm having, thank you very much!

SDaniels19

Ah I was totally looking for a place to vent about this. One of my patients this morning (21 yrs old, no kids) asked how far along I was and then says "You're pretty big for 4 months, huh?" Ummm no actually I'm not, and if I were, still not ok to say that. I know this is the first of many annoying comments I will get since I interact with many patients every day *sigh*

SummerFall03

@SDaniels19, I get this every day. I'm 4.5 months, and everyone says I must be 7 months. Thanks guys!

enkb

12 year old girl I've never met coming up to me yesterday and asking me if it was a boy or girl.  When I told her we weren't finding out, she glowered at me, told me that was stupid and that she would find out because she only wanted a girl and would give a boy away.  I know you're only 12, but made me mad anyways.

SDaniels19

@SummerFall03 There are so many people who comment that way, I just dont get it. . I have never commented on a pregnant woman's size, I simply say congratulations, how wonderful and move on

mamaksweez

@SummerFall03 I'm glad you are doing what's best for you and your babies! Sometimes that is formula feeding! With my first I became a way better mom when I stopped nursing, and was not in pain, and irritable, and trying to make my baby go back to sleep so I wouldn't have to feed her, etc etc... Good work mama!

ashs88

When I first told a coworker that I was pregnant he said "Wow, again! You do know how that happens right?" Umm, yes, I know how that happens...and this is only my second pregnancy and my son is almost 3!