Is it normal

ohdearyme

Not to want your own baby?
I get depressed thinking about it...

dogsombrero

That's not a typical feeling. The hormones from pregnancy can cause or excerbate depression, anxiety etc. It sounds like you need to find a safe space to discuss your feelings (ask your Dr for a recommendation). There are many tools available to you from therapy to medication. I am sorry you are dealing with this.

MrsBwIVF

What exactly are you saying? That you don't want to be pregnant or that you don't want the baby once they come?
Either way, you should talk to a professional and not Internet strangers about these types of concerns.

adecembermom2015

nram25

Not at all! Your baby is a blessing and I pray that God remove those feelings and thoughts from your heart and mind.. I hope that you can find you someone to talk to.

fmraglio

OMFG.

katherines2ndminime

Please don't beat yourself up. And everyone above should understand that is a cry for help. And the poster is impeccably brave for saying how she feels.
Bottom line, it isn't normal to feel that way and it can be depression and pregnancy can trigger odd things to happen in your brain and affect your mood. Please go speak to a doctor. You can easily go to an emergency room and receive empathic help. It can just keep spiralling.
You are not a bad person. And these feelings are scary. I wish all the best. Don't be embarrassed to tell a professional, and don't take "you'll be fine" as a solution.

nlwz123

ohdearyme said: Not to want your own baby? I get depressed thinking about it...

I wouldn't necessarily say that's a "normal" feeling, but just know that you not wanting a baby doesn't mean there isn't a woman out there horribly wishing they had one.  Adoption is always an option, especially if you don't think you are going to be able to give this baby the life they deserve.  Definitely recommend speaking with a professional.

yl1m32015

What are the reasons you are struggling with connecting to your baby? Is it a home life situation? Problems with your SO? Financial reasons? Mental health issues? Is it that you're young and not ready for this big life change? I would definitely echo those who said to seek professional help.

rin2809

It honestly depends on what is prompting the feelings. If you are overwhelmed thinking about what life will be liketbeing responsible for and taking care of another human being, totally normal in my book. I would still recommended talking wiith someone, be it a professional or as newer mom who can give you reassurance. Not to make light, but I have a 2 year old, and I have days where I am just not sure I will be able to handle two and have a brief thought of "can I really do this?"

If it goes deeper than that and is more than fear of the unknown, I would say it is definitely something you should talk to your doctor about and likely a professional. Pregnancy is a weird time with lots of crazy hormones. It can't hurt, even if the professional tells you we are wrong and it's totally normal.

HelBelles

Sometimes I really do despair of this board. It's one thing to make fun of someone asking about gender scans or swallowing their own vomit but someone who is quite seriously having a problem and is reaching out for help somewhere, regardless of whether it isn't quite the right place, needs supporting. We are all women going through the same thing and sometimes just a point in the right direction is help enough to help someone suffering.
Please think before you type.

MrsBwIVF

HelBelles said:

Sometimes I really do despair of this board. It's one thing to make fun of someone asking about gender scans or swallowing their own vomit but someone who is quite seriously having a problem and is reaching out for help somewhere, regardless of whether it isn't quite the right place, needs supporting. We are all women going through the same thing and sometimes just a point in the right direction is help enough to help someone suffering.
Please think before you type.

A- some people did point her in the right direction - the direction of a professional
B- this isn't a support group
C- we are not all "going through the same thing". I have never once not wanted any of my babies and have actually prayed over and over again to finally have a viable pregnancy.
D- I see your comment didn't point her in the right direction. Instead, you sit and condemn everyone else who commented. Maybe you should have followed your own advice instead of trying to stir the pot.

Mother0fDragons

@ohdearyme I wish you would elaborate on how exactly you're feeling. Is this out of the blue? Have you felt like this the whole time you've been pregnant? What is causing you to feel this way? A SO? Family? Finances? Please please talk to a professional about your problem!

fmraglio

HelBelles said:

Sometimes I really do despair of this board. It's one thing to make fun of someone asking about gender scans or swallowing their own vomit but someone who is quite seriously having a problem and is reaching out for help somewhere, regardless of whether it isn't quite the right place, needs supporting. We are all women going through the same thing and sometimes just a point in the right direction is help enough to help someone suffering.
Please think before you type.

We are NOT all going through the same thing. Never once have I thought about my baby and thought I didn't want it. In fact there was a time not too long ago I thought I'd never have kids and was dreading the rest of my life without one. Dramatic? Maybe. But it was how I felt. Did I expect my hand to be held and to be babied through it? No. DH and I talked about it. Let me repeat- DH AND I. Someone in my life who it was appropriate to talk about it with.

This isn't a support group and people on these boards are free to respond however they want. When I read a post like this I automatically assume OP is trying to start drama because if I truly felt that way about my baby I wouldn't be discussing it on an board full of pregnant women, I'd be finding someone in my life I could talk to about it with where it would he more appropriate, someone who actually knows me and could actually make me feel better about the situation because while I have my close group of women who CAN help me cheer up about some things I don't really think a board of Internet strangers will help me to feel better about a situation of this magnitude no matter what they say.

djdawn29a

Sometimes I think it's much easier to talk to strangers, for fear of letting someone close to you down. I think posting your feelings is very brave.. If u have no one to talk to that is close to u then do some research and find someone to speak with.. And soon.. Best of luck

ohdearyme

@Mother0fDragons The childs father is emotionally abusive and I can't take it anymore. I don't want it because I'm struggling to fight my own suicidal thoughts. I'm not depressed, I'm angry and fed up. And I'm afraid of the hell he will put our child and me through. Don't get me wrong I love my baby to the moon and back. But i don't want this.

ohdearyme

@fmraglio if I had someone else to go to I would talk to them. But because all the family and friends this man has exhausted for me. I have no one. I never meant to stir anything up with anyone. I just needed to know if it was normal to feel that way... I'll talk to my doctor on my scheduled appointment next Friday, thanks.

Mother0fDragons

ohdearyme said:

@Mother0fDragons The childs father is emotionally abusive and I can't take it anymore. I don't want it because I'm struggling to fight my own suicidal thoughts. I'm not depressed, I'm angry and fed up. And I'm afraid of the hell he will put our child and me through. Don't get me wrong I love my baby to the moon and back. But i don't want this.

I'm so sorry that you are in this situation! Is there a women's shelter that you can go to?

MrsBwIVF

OP, I'm sorry you're going through this but I'm sure if you reached out to family and explain that you need help leaving him for the health and safety of you AND your child, they would surely help. And if they can't or choose not to, then yes, as @Mother0fDragons said, look for shelters. I think it's a fantastic idea that you want to speak to your doctor on Friday about your feelings and needing help.

Maybe before then, if things are looking worse and not better, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline to help talk you through your feelings.

1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a week
Languages: English, Spanish
Website: www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Beckah31

There is support. I don't know where you live, but if you flip open the phone book you'll probably find domestic violence services.
Being constantly berated or put down emotionally causes physical responses. Please get out. If you're serious about getting out, reach out to your family. Ask for help. Know that you are worthy of love And respect and so is your baby.

Jennabobenna13

All these pregnancy hormones are overwhelming! That's one thing we're obviously ALL going through. Just sayin'.

nik6499

This is not hormone driven, and should not be written off as such. OP if you are having thoughts of harming yourself is very important that you speak to someone right away. If you are developing a plan you need to call someone right now. Abusive relationships are very difficult and there are many resources that a doctor can help connect you with that will help you. Although you feel isolated I can assure you, this is a time to reach out for help. There are people and places that can help you, they can help you get away from the situation, they can help you investigate all your options and may even be able to connect you with your family. Please talk to your doctor, go to an ER, find someone to help you.

fmraglio

ohdearyme said:

@fmraglio if I had someone else to go to I would talk to them. But because all the family and friends this man has exhausted for me. I have no one. I never meant to stir anything up with anyone. I just needed to know if it was normal to feel that way... I'll talk to my doctor on my scheduled appointment next Friday, thanks.

Honestly I am sorry for the way I responded, I truly thought this was MUD and as another user pointed out to me I should have waited for your response instead of jumping to conclusions.

I have a friend who is in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship and no one has heard from her for weeks except for the posts HE posts about how happy she is, he won't let her use her phone, have a job, or even leave the house unless it's with her so I understand you not having anyone to talk to and I really should have known better than to assume you had someone to talk to.

Not that it makes it right but many people come on these boards to stir up drama and I thought this was another one of these cases.

To answer your question, no I don't think it's normal to not want your baby but I 100% understand why you may feel you don't want yours. The friend I mentioned above just had a baby 3 months ago with her abusive boyfriend and I have no idea how she felt about it but I think babies are such a blessing and maybe you will feel differently if you are able to find someone to talk to.

Again I apologize for my above responses. I was a total bitch without knowing the circumstances and I'm not afraid to admit that. I really hope you get some help, OP, and are able to get away soon.

I will also add that those friends and family he pushed away still love you and miss you and I'm sure they want you home and safe. There is a group of 1,000 of us trying to get my friend back and she has no idea because he won't let her see and has her brainwashed, I'm sure there are people like this rooting for you as well. I'd almost bet on it.

HelBelles

Clearly I did not mean when I said we are all in the same position I did not mean by not wanting our babies!
We are are pregnant or have been or are trying, at least I would hope so as this is a forum relating to that.
Of course this forum is a support group of sorts, at least I would hope we can all support each other. What else is a forum where you ask advice for?
I didn't think it was worth repeating good advice that had been said already, she should definitely go and visit her doctor which is what some lovely people had already advised and now it looks like she is so thank goodness that not everyone jumped to conclusions.

hplunkett2883

My prayers are with you. I'm sorry you are going through this. I myself was in an abusive marriage for 6 years that was very similar to the one @fmraglio described. I had kids and still felt my only way out would be death whether by him or by suicide. But thank God I got out safely with my kids. Being a single parent is scary but not impossible. I found when cornered you find strengths you never knew existed. If you want you can send me a private message. Again my prayers are with you to give you strength and courage to do what you feel needs to be done for you and your baby.

SummerFall03

nik6499 said:

This is not hormone driven, and should not be written off as such. OP if you are having thoughts of harming yourself is very important that you speak to someone right away. If you are developing a plan you need to call someone right now. Abusive relationships are very difficult and there are many resources that a doctor can help connect you with that will help you. Although you feel isolated I can assure you, this is a time to reach out for help. There are people and places that can help you, they can help you get away from the situation, they can help you investigate all your options and may even be able to connect you with your family. Please talk to your doctor, go to an ER, find someone to help you.

So much this!

Can we please stop blaming everything on "pregnancy hormones"?!

dogsombrero

OP to amend my first post based on new information it initially sounded like you were suffering from depression. I think you should still bring this up at your Dr appointment (especially if you will be alone). They should take your needs seriously and help you find resources for getting away.

Abusers isolate their victims from friends and family to keep control over them. Your friends and family still love and support you even if your abuser made you feel like that's not true. For your sake and baby's start making a plan this does not have to define you and you can overcome this.