Irrational fear I suppose, anyone else feel this way?

Shana379

I'm 17 weeks and a few days, and I go to the doc for my monthly checkup this Friday, and then I have my level 2 US scheduled for the following week.  My fear is mostly around the fact that I still can't feel any kicks, so unless I am at the docs, I have no way of knowing that my baby is doing ok.  I know the symptoms of miscarriage, and I haven't had any of them, but I still get a little nagging feeling that something could go wrong, and that I won't experience cramping or bleeding, so basically I would be walking around with my child that already passed away.  Morbid, I know!  I guess it's irrational, this is my first baby, and I haven't gone through a miscarriage in the past, and I need to trust that my body would tell me if something was wrong.  Anyone else feel this way?

mamaksweez

With my first I didn't feel any kicks or anything until after 20wks. At my 20wk anatomy scan baby was like having a dance party in there and I felt nothing.
So while I don't currently share your concern, I totally understand it. Just trust that your body was made to do this and that everything is good.

maureenmce

I have felt this way my entire pregnancy.  It sucks, but I've just accepted it as my mind's way of trying to prepare myself for the worst case scenario.  I've had three ultrasounds so far (I'm a high risk pregnancy due to an autoimmune disease) and every time, 8, 10 and 12 weeks, everything has been perfect, but I still am concerned until the next one.  I think it's natural to think about the worst thing that could happen, even though it's definitely no fun!

I would just say accept that your mind may go there sometimes, but don't give it much attention.  Like if you've ever read a book about how to meditate, it says to treat all of the thoughts in your brain like a parade going by.  You can notice the different thoughts but don't pay them any special attention, just let them pass.  (I have no idea if this is helpful, since I don't actually meditate, but I did read a book on it once, haha.)  

nackie

I feel that way every day. It makes it so hard to enjoy this process. Like you, this is my first and I don't have any mc experience, so I don't know why I'm so convinced that something is going to go wrong

Shana379

@maureenmce Thank you for this. As a school psychologist, I do preach about the benefits of mindfulness, and here is a perfect example of how I should practice what I preach. Thank you for the reminder!

ChipMonster

My only word of advice would be to try and enjoy your pregnancy because it goes by too fast! Try to breathe and relax. You will start to feel the baby moving soon!

maureenmce

@Shana379 - no worries!   I know from my own experience it can be hard to practice mindfulness when it's YOU in the situation!  Not to mention pregnancy hormones flying around.    But it does seem to help if I can make myself do it.  

Hrc724

Me too! I am 17+1 and I have my level 2 scan at 20 weeks. I'm constantly wondering if the baby is still living because I don't feel anything either.

laurenmichaels

I didn't feel kicks with my first till 20 weeks. Easier said than done but try to relax and enjoy this special time.

Shana379

Thank you ladies!  Glad to know I am not alone in this feeling!

CaraBoonie

Sigh, totally feel this way all the time...but I keep telling myself that no news is good news at this point! And that my mom didn't get any ultrasounds, so at least I'm able to check up on her every once in awhile at appointments. 

My husband told me the other day that he worries about her all the time except for when we're in the doctor's office physically looking at her live on the ultrasound (I like to rewatch the video of the ultrasound or listen to the recording of her heartbeat for reassurance, even if they are both old, but he said that doesn't help him because it's not live...and it doesn't help that he doesn't feel the gnawing hunger or constipation or any symptoms that I feel even if I don't expressly feel HER yet). I thought it was really sweet and the first sign of him thinking like a parent...yet when women say it we get called paranoid, double standard much? 

I think it's normal to worry about your baby! Everybody keeps telling me to prepare to worry constantly when she's born, I figure it's just the warm up!

SummerOH

Doppler! It's the only thing that keeps me sane. Even mindfulness doesn't always work, but hearing the heartbeat always does. I completely understand. It's easy to say we aren't in control and shouldn't worry, but much different in practice!

Sully314

So glad I'm not alone thinking I might be carrying a dead baby in my abdomen! (sounds crazy morbid as I typed that) I do my best to push those thoughts away since it doesn't do me any good to think that way. 

Shana379

@Sully314 right?  I think those same thoughts, and then I start thinking, how long would it take until my body reacted to it?  Weird thoughts!

Grace213

I didn't feel DD kick until about 20 weeks.

This time was much sooner. I felt it around 16 weeks but only occasionally.

I'm the same way though! In between doctor appts I keep thinking something bad happened in there like if I bump a table or have bad cramping. I know it's all in my head.

MommyAlexia

I am always wondering if the baby is okay. It's just mother's instinct to want to check on the baby, but instead we must wait! I try to not let the thoughts consume me, and trust nature. Both my pregnancies started with threatened miscarriage - so the worry never really goes away... But enjoying this gift is much better than being worried!!

indibidule

Another FTM worrier here. I love my dopplar. Any time I'm feeling particularly worried, I just listen to the heartbeat and I feel much better. The best $20 I ever spent.

ntyravgsp

Every once in a while I have that worry, but for the most part I trust that my body knows what it's doing. I can't control whether something happens, so figure that I may as well enjoy it instead of worrying. It'll be easier to reassure yourself once you start feeling baby regularly, but in the meantime maybe it would help you to focus on preparing for the baby, so that you're envisioning a positive outcome rather than worrying about a potential negative one.

I don't think it's an irrational worry, given that on this forum alone many of us have been exposed to a lot of other womens' losses. We're more aware of it than we might otherwise be without this community.

jennaymg13

Welcome to motherhood! Lifetime of fear and anxiety. Rational or not, you will worry worry worry about your children from this day forth.

MaMinette13

Thank you for posting this! I'm 19 weeks today, and haven't felt anything, or rather I'm not 100% sure what I've felt is baby not gas. I've been reading all these posts about people feeling kicks as early as 14 weeks and was freaking out. So glad to know I'm not alone!

tuitwo

I think it's normal to feel this way. Every momma wonders how their baby is doing, even after you start feeling kicks. When you get to that point, you worry if your baby is moving enough. Then the worry continues after your baby is born!

andreachristine81

I almost started a similar thread like this past Sunday night!!!! I worry constantly . I must must invest in a Doppler. 17 weeks and 2 days today and it seems like lately I just worry about my LO all of the time .

vaughnwedding

I'm 19 weeks and just felt baby move the other night, it was something that worried me a lot, especially since my sister is on her first as well and felt him kicking at week 15! She's three weeks ahead of me and her whole pregnancy is different then mine. I have a hard time with positive thoughts because we struggled to get pregnant in the first place, so why wouldn't something bad happen... but I've got to improve that, I've got a whole list of irrational fears to get over.

shrsri

@Shana379 - it's like you pulled the words right out my mouth.. Even I have to wait for doctor's appointments to know that the baby is still alive.. The thought something is wrong and I won't find out abt it till the next appointment terrifies me ! I'm almost 19 weeks and I haven't started feeling anything either

ultln9562

We are all just rowing in the same boat. I just got my sweetie song Doppler in the mail today and I feel so much relief hearing the LO heartbeat. It was $40 but with a couple months to go I think it's worth the investment. I'm 18weeks today and I have felt movement intermittently since last week.

babywells2016

I haven't felt movement and they said in was because of an anterior placenta, so ask if yours is. If that's the case, a Doppler may not work until 3rd trimester because your placenta is "over" your baby and cushions his/ her kicks and heartbeat. I know better than to get a Doppler because I'm insane and would freak out if I couldn't find it. So my daily freak out came yesterday. I had a soda for dinner, and my heart was beating so fast. All I could think about was hurting my baby with the caffeine. I had to call me sister for her to help me stop freaking out ( and it didn't work entirely). I've always battled anxiety, so this isn't new, but worrying so much about my baby...this is new. At least we can start talking to baby now. I do it on my way to work and it helps. I apologized to him about my caffeine intake

curly818

This is literally all I think about all day. I go tomorrow for my anatomy scan @19 weeks, and have to keep reminding myself that things don't have to be bad, regardless of some scary situations early on. I'm the not the first, nor will I be the last person to get pregnant and I just have to trust in process...which is easier to type then to do.

I read this on this site a while ago when I was dealing with a sch. A poster said she repeats this to herself every morning and it has really helped me try and start the day on a Positive note:

Today I am pregnant and I love my baby.

I find it to be an affirmation that has worked for me.

melindam91

I've had this same feeling from time to time.. But I find rest in knowing that God already knows the outcome. He's had this baby & this pregnancy planned long before I was even conceived.

Ameehan81592

I always feel this way. I've had a miscarriage before but it was so early last time most women wouldn't have even known they are preggers. I just get so scared between the doctors cuz I hate not knowing. But on the bright side, I had my 16 week appointment today and we heard the heart beat!! A little slower now i guess cuz he/she is getting bigger? Idk the doctor said its normal so I'm just a happy girl today ☺

Emott13

Worry never ever ever goes away. I used to wake up with a start five times a night and check that baby was still breathing. Now I sit and watch her eat like a hawk to make sure she doesn't choke. I'm already terrified of when she will want to play with friends outside out of my sight. And she's not even two yet. I have a retroverted uterus so I won't feel kicks for a few more weeks, too. My friend and I are due one day apart and she has been feeling kids for over a week now. Everything about pregnancy is weird and can be terrifying! I know it's hard, but just try to, like pp said, let the thoughts come and go and not ruin your day. Easier said than done.

dc072175

I second what SummerOH said! I bought the Womb Monitor by Wusic, it was around $28 on Amazon. Someone on this board posted about it months ago and being part of the "advanced maternal age" group, I've loved it! He's super active one day and then chill the next. I can not only hear his heartbeat I can hear him moving around. I love how fast the stress leaves.

cali1710

Im terrified for my anatomy scan. Its a few weeks away but I worry that Ive done something and the baby isnt developing properly. Because really how do you know otherwise. I guess thats going to be it from now on; worrying !

ladyexlibris

I feel exactly the same way, down to a T.

thepanicos

I feel the exact same way. It is morbid, I agree, yet I still feel the way day after day. I had a miscarriage my last pregnancy. I feel no movement at all, I'm 18 weeks. My next appointment is in 2 weeks and I freak out everyday until I see my OB.

WriterMama924

It's not irrational at all. I get the same feeling before every appointment. I've felt a few flutters but not very consistent, and not enough to reassure me yet. It's just part of being a mom. You'll be worrying about them for the rest of your life. so this is just prep.

I'm 17+4 and have my anatomy scan on Monday so I'm in the same boat. Just waiting to see my kiddo.