At my wits end!!!! — The Bump
Babies: 6 - 9 Months

At my wits end!!!!

We have tried everything under the sun and nothing has worked to get my 7 month old to sleep in his crib. I'm not even asking for him to sleep through the night just sleep longer than an hour because it takes 30 minutes to 2 hours to get him back down. Here's a sample of what our night looks like:
7 pm bedtime
8 wake
8:30 back down
9:00 wake
9:15 back down
10:00 wake
10:30 back down
1 am wake
1:30 back down
3:30 wake
4:00 back down
6:00-7:00 am wake for the day

We've tried nursing, rocking, staying in the room but not touching, we've even tried the Ferber method (with 2 motn feeds), we've tried bedsharing, room sharing.... Nothing works!!!!!!! The only thing he wants is for me to continuously rock and nurse him the whole duration of his sleep. That isn't possible for obvious reasons. My marriage is stressed, I'm stressed, my husband is stressed, his job is at stake because he can't focus, I'm bitchy, irritated and have very low patience and now on the verge of depression. We need help!!!!!!! I breastfeed and I've seriously considered weaning in hopes of a better night sleep. The kid is 23 lbs and clearly does not need to eat every 1-2 hours throughout the night. I'm so lost and so tired of hearing, "it'll get better" because it's not getting better. This has been 7 months of this and I've yet to hear anyone have this problem to the extreme that we do. I'm losing my mind!!! He's not sick, not teething, no reflux nothing that would prevent him from sleeping. Please someone help us!!!
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Re: At my wits end!!!!

  • Okay I have to say first that you are a supermom and you need to pat yourself on the back for all of your efforts.
    Now, I don't know if any of these things will work but here are a few ideas:
    -white noise, or any noise. We use a thunderstorm sound
    -sleep sack of some kind. I swear by the zipadee zip sleep sacks because they mimic the womb. But there are others out there
    -no footed pajamas. I have no idea why this works but a coworker told me to try it and it works!
    -timing your visits into the room. This is hard, we did a few nights of this and it broke my heart but it works. Go in at 5 min, then 7 min, then 10 min, then 15 min, etc. Go in, give baby a binky, say everything is okay and I love you, but it's time to go to sleep.

    I'm sorry, I don't have a whole lot of tips about breastfeeding. The only thing I can suggest would be setting a schedule for him with food and that includes during the day? That way you don't feel like a milk machine 24/7 and he can start to expect when meals are? It's very hard to hear your baby cry so I hope you find something that helps and you and your husband get rest. Good luck!
    BBoyd2013see8e
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  • Great tips for any baby but mine lol. Yes, we did CIO with intervals and it was a full on 4 week fail lol. I didn't think it was possible for CIO to fail?! We are using the white noise and he is crawling/standing so I didn't think a sleep sack would work for him? Does your LO get tangled up when moving about the crib? Maybe I'm just being too cautious with that and if so, I'd try it. He liked it when he was younger so, who knows? I'm just so strung out :'(
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  • We have been using the Halo sleep sack and my LO rolls, crawls, sleeps on side or tummy, and is fine. It might help. I was going to suggest the Merlin Magic Suit but if he's rolling over, you can't use it...it's too hard for them to roll back in it.

    My heart goes out to you! You and your husbands at be so stressed! Have you talked with pedi? Probably a silly question but if you haven't maybe (s)he might have some ideas. You guys need to be sleeping! Good luck!!! I hope it gets better soon!!
  • Yes, they can sit, crawl, stand and walk in the zippys. Maybe check them out!
  • My son was waking up constantly for a long time.  Once I knew that he  really didn't need to be fed every time he woke up I started lessening the amount he took (one feeding at a time) until I eventually was not feeding him at all at night.   I was still rocking him back to sleep for a while, but once he realized that there was really no point in him waking up... he didn't.   
    I haven't been on the Bump in a long time but when I saw your post my heart went out to you... I was so there a couple of months ago.   It is exhausted and oh so frustrating.  I would just try and take away his reason for waking up.  Hopefully you, you DS, and your H get some sleep soon. 
    Anniversary: 10/10/09
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    allybannanie
  • I also highly recommend the zippadee zip. My LO loves his and he can still roll, crawl, and even grab his pacifier and put it back in his mouth himself. Good luck!
    _marty
  • Is it always you who goes in when he wakes up? Sometimes it can be helpful if someone other than you, their food source, goes in because they don't automatically think about eating. This is what I had to do with my little one for about a week. My husband would calm him down and give him his pacifier and he would go back to sleep. If he didn't after about 15 minutes then I would feed him and my husband would once again be in charge of laying him back down. I don't know what it's always been about my kids but if daddy puts them to sleep they go to sleep better and stay asleep longer.
    secretbaba
  • Does he use a pacifier?  Perhaps he just needs something to comfort him back to sleep.


  • Whatever you do, you have to be 100% consistent night after night. How long have you let him cry? At this point, you just have to leave him. It's not cruel, it's necessary and nothing else is working.
    leannamal
  • @Bigboobsmcgee We did CIO for close to 4 weeks. We were very consistent and as hard as it was I never gave in. He just kept getting worse until the point he was pulling all nighters (literally he logged maybe 4 hours of broken sleep total). My sanity was questionable so we had to pull back. That was using the graduated extinction though. Our next step is full extinction but I really never wanted to do that but I'm not seeing any other option. It's the only thing we haven't tried yet :( do you have any experience woth full extinction? @MyCousinVinny I wish he took a pacifier!! That would make our lives so much easier, unfortunately he just thinks another toy to chew on :-/
  • BBoyd2013 said:
    @Bigboobsmcgee We did CIO for close to 4 weeks. We were very consistent and as hard as it was I never gave in. He just kept getting worse until the point he was pulling all nighters (literally he logged maybe 4 hours of broken sleep total). My sanity was questionable so we had to pull back. That was using the graduated extinction though. Our next step is full extinction but I really never wanted to do that but I'm not seeing any other option. It's the only thing we haven't tried yet :( do you have any experience woth full extinction? @MyCousinVinny I wish he took a pacifier!! That would make our lives so much easier, unfortunately he just thinks another toy to chew on :-/


    I guess "full extinction" is what you would call my method. Luckily I've never had to leave either of my LO's for longer than 12-15 minutes but I always figured if I'm going to let them cry, I have to stick with it and not go back in. I've always thought that going back in just makes it worse. My husband was actually the strong one. But again, my kids didn't really fight sleep that badly. Just "normal" baby stuff.

     

    If full extinction is truly the only thing you haven't tried yet then give it a shot. You have to do what you think is best for your kid.

  • ^Agreed. It's so hard, but going back in the room always seems to make it worse. Be consistent and tell yourself you're doing what's best for baby. Good luck!
    see8e
  • If your ready to put him on the bottle it might help wean him off nursing. He will use the baba for comfort then. And he could fall asleep to that. That's what happens with my son. He LOVES his baba
  • Have you tried white noise?
    Different fitted sheet?
    A lovey?

    CIO failed for my kids. They just dig in & get so worked up that it's worse than other methods.

    I bed share & have done so since around 8 months old. Generally, I don't advocate any night weaning before a year. Baby is still a baby & may actually need the calories. A hungry baby is an angry baby-- traditionally a BF baby doesn't eat just for fun.

    I know it's awful, but I've always used the "wait it out" method. My son was up & down constantly until 8 months. Treated his crib like it was lava & was not satisfied with life without a boob in his mouth. I get it. I've been there.

    Sometimes there is no good solution but time. Can you take a weekend for yourself? See if your husband can do a night (or two) with the Breastmilk in a bottle? That way you can get real sleep & recharge. Bring your pump & pump in the morning etc.

    Then your husband can do the same if he needs to. It's survival.

    Good luck.


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    221bakerst
  • BBoyd2013 said:

    We have tried everything under the sun and nothing has worked to get my 7 month old to sleep in his crib. I'm not even asking for him to sleep through the night just sleep longer than an hour because it takes 30 minutes to 2 hours to get him back down. Here's a sample of what our night looks like:
    7 pm bedtime
    8 wake
    8:30 back down
    9:00 wake
    9:15 back down
    10:00 wake
    10:30 back down
    1 am wake
    1:30 back down
    3:30 wake
    4:00 back down
    6:00-7:00 am wake for the day

    We've tried nursing, rocking, staying in the room but not touching, we've even tried the Ferber method (with 2 motn feeds), we've tried bedsharing, room sharing.... Nothing works!!!!!!! The only thing he wants is for me to continuously rock and nurse him the whole duration of his sleep. That isn't possible for obvious reasons. My marriage is stressed, I'm stressed, my husband is stressed, his job is at stake because he can't focus, I'm bitchy, irritated and have very low patience and now on the verge of depression. We need help!!!!!!! I breastfeed and I've seriously considered weaning in hopes of a better night sleep. The kid is 23 lbs and clearly does not need to eat every 1-2 hours throughout the night. I'm so lost and so tired of hearing, "it'll get better" because it's not getting better. This has been 7 months of this and I've yet to hear anyone have this problem to the extreme that we do. I'm losing my mind!!! He's not sick, not teething, no reflux nothing that would prevent him from sleeping. Please someone help us!!!

    How's it going? Any better?
  • @melissa11015 Most definitely not lol. I tried the wearable blanket thing someone suggested and that was a disaster! Luckily, my husband gave me a break this weekend so I was able to rest and regroup. But unfortunately, nothing has changed :-( in fact, after a jar of baby food and 7 oz of pumped breast milk an 1 1/2 hours ago he's currently up again crying to be rocked back to sleep. I know he isn't hungry and he's dry so I'm just letting it ride out. At this point, we have nothing to lose :-/
  • melissa11015melissa11015 member
    edited August 2015
    That really sticks! I'm so sorry this has been so hard!! Have you talked to your pediatrician about this? Maybe it's something else
  • BBoyd2013 said:
    @melissa11015 Most definitely not lol. I tried the wearable blanket thing someone suggested and that was a disaster! Luckily, my husband gave me a break this weekend so I was able to rest and regroup. But unfortunately, nothing has changed :-( in fact, after a jar of baby food and 7 oz of pumped breast milk an 1 1/2 hours ago he's currently up again crying to be rocked back to sleep. I know he isn't hungry and he's dry so I'm just letting it ride out. At this point, we have nothing to lose :-/

    Exactly. Hang in there and be 100% consistent.
  • @melissa11015 We have numerous times but he's perfectly fine. If there were any real issues other than extreme sleep associations then he wouldn't sleep no matter what but put him in someone's rocking arms and he's out like a light ha-ha.
  • so i know i'm going to be a little unpopular with this suggestion but can't you just hold him and sleep with him?  Although I know that it is not recommended to co-sleep and people say you don't want to start bad habits but you need sleep and so does baby.  he won't sleep with you forever, i promise!
    lmc929PrimRoseMama221bakerst
  • @salbabe79 That's what I've been doing since he was born but it's impractical that I sleep sitting up in a rocking chair anymore. Bedsharing did not work for us either because even though he could nurse as often as he wanted he still wanted to be rocked 6 or 7 times at night. He was also trying to crawl off the bed and I didn't wake up immediately a couple times but just in time to grab him from the edge. I ended up just laying there afraid to sleep because I didn't want him to get hurt. I know it works for many families, it's just not for our family. Believe me, I only wish that worked for us lol.
  • What about sleeping in the swing? I know they aren't supposed to and you probably already tried it, but just throwing out another idea.
  • @melissa11015 Yeah we tried those in the beginning but he hated it. Along with the rock n play, bouncing seats, car seats ha-ha. Anything that didn't involve him being held was a scream fest lol. This sounds so crazy. I know that me listening to all those blogs on the internet about you shouldn't let your baby cry and things like that didn't help him any. I never let him even fuss because I read that it can lead to the feeling of abandonment so I basically grabbed him the moment his face started squishing up. That mixed with just his personality is probably why we are in the predicament we're in. I know it won't last forever, it just makes me feel like a incompetent mom because my baby won't sleep the way all my friends babies sleep. The good news is he takes good naps in the crib (2/1 hr naps and then sometimes a cat nap). So at least that's something!!
  • That is something!! I'm actually holding and rocking my LO right now because he woke up within a 1/2 hour of his nap and wouldn't go back to sleep without this. So much for my productivity time. Was going to get so much done!! And he's sleeping in such a way that I know if I put him down he'd be awake within minutes so his nap is more important that my dishwasher. Haha!! Do you sleep when he naps during the day? I know your poor husband can't cuz he's working...how's he doing? You had mentioned his job was suffering. That's so scary and stressful if that's your sole income!! I'm a teacher so off for the summer and I keep telling my husband to go back to bed if he wakes in the motn because if needed, I can nap when he naps and my husband can't. (Unless I'm in this situation where the rocking chair is not very conducive to napping
  • @melissa11015 ha-ha anything is more important than the dishwasher! Yes, I nap when he does and that has saved me from going off the deep end many times. I'm very fortunate that my DH helps out tremendously. He works so hard and then comes home and helps me get my son ready for bed. He will also take a shift in the motn for me if I ask him to and that is really nice but he's had the occasional "let's sit down and talk, you seem stressed" at work from his bosses so I don't want him not getting the rest he needs because it is our sole income. He has been doing better than I have for the most part. And I so know those rocking chair naps!!
  • It's funny how they nap the best when they are in your arms. Today was 1 1/2 hours while I just sat and rocked. I had rocking chair lines on my legs and my arm is still sore haha!! And the dishwasher is still full! We had a little hiccup tonight where LO fell over and whacked the back of his head on a toy and then vomited about 45 min later...went to pediatrician, he's fine but scary! So the dishwasher was last on the list but the clothes for in the dryer haha!
    That's great you have such amazin support! My DH is the same, works all day and can't wait to come home and hang with the little guy, will get up in the motn with him, and in the early morning to give him his bottle to give me a break.

    I hope your night is less than eventful!!
  • I slept in the recliner with my LO for the first 3 months and was nursing him. It was miserable. I switched to formula because he was spitting up a lot/lots of dirty diapers (so some sort of allergy). Not wanting to lay flat is a sign of tummy issues and wanting to nurse is often for comfort. And babies with reflux like to nurse a lot because the sucking helps keep the reflux down. And reflux doesn't automatically mean spitting up. This may not be what's going on with your LO, but I think talking to your dr would be helpful. We still battle sleep problems but it's not near as bad as it used to be. Good luck!
  • @melissa11015 wow! That would be terrifying! I'm so glad everything was okay though. I worry about that every day. We've completely baby proofed and gated off the living room. It looks unsightly but it gets the job done! Lol thanks so much for your support and the support of all the other mommies. We are sooo not alone!! @themrs83 The ped has given him a clean bill of health. Numerous times lol. He doesn't have reflux and no allergies. He just has some pretty hardcore sleep associations. I just keep hoping that one night he'll decide to sleep a little more! Thanks for your input! :)
  • Darn. Good luck. I hope you get some relief soon!
  • Have you thought talking to a sleep consultant?  It's expensive so it's probably something you want to budget for but it might be worth it at this point.  Also (though I hate to suggest it because it sounds like you've probably attempted most of the methods) I found the book the No-Cry Sleep Solution to be a life-saver and we really got on track with the methods in it.  We could never do CIO because the more my LO cried, the more awake and anxious he became until putting him back to sleep would take hours.  There was no way he'd ever just cry himself to sleep.  He can stay awake all night if necessary.  Sounds like this might be the case with your baby as well.  Wish I had more to offer but it sounds like you've done a lot of things already.  Sending good sleep vibes your way!
    PrimRoseMama
  • edited August 2015
    **Removed for TOU violation**
  • @BBoyd2013 is it any better?? My son is 8 months and has the same problems on and off. We have been co sleeping since he was born though. We are in the middle of moving and my plan is to get him in his own room once we get settled in but every time he goes down for a nap I put him in his bed just to get him used to it but he wakes up within 10 minutes screaming and shaking like he is terrified. Of course that breaks my heart so I pick him up and try to rock him back to sleep but no luck so far! His naps have not lasted more than 30 minutes since he was 4 months old and he is usually up every hour wanting to nurse or be rocked to sleep. I feel like I have tried everything as well except cio I am totally against it. I feel your pain. All of my friends babies that are around the same age sleep 12 hours straight and are taking hour long naps. Please let me know when you find something that works!! My heart goes out to you and it sounds like you have a very good husband! Mine works 15hr a day so I can stay at home with our son and I barely get any help from him since he is 'tired' all the time so be thankful
    You have your husband!! :) but please, from one sleep deprived mom to the next, let me know when you find a method that works!! Thank you!! And good luck!
  • @crystalthomason We have tried adjusting bedtime and right now we are at a 7:30-8 but I've seen no difference EXCEPT that even though he's still waking as frequently his final awake time is around 8:30 so that has helped a lot. My son has been this way since birth as well so I'm not shocked we are still going through this. I have upped his meals but I haven't noticed anything yet :-/ @britaylor8 I wish I could say it's better but aside from the later wake up it's almost worse lol he is almost completely resisting his crib again and today I had to resort to a car nap because he absolutely refused to go down in his crib. This may be due to a little stomach bug though, I hope so and not a regression to the old ways :-/ I love rocking my baby but mommy's need a little rest, too!
  • For us, night weaning worked. My daughter was used to nursing and rocking to sleep, so she needed that every time she woke up. What we did was have my husband (not me so she would know nursing was off the table) go in when she woke up and comfort her until she was no longer crying. Then put her back in the crib and leave for 5 minutes (even if she started crying again). Then go back in and repeat until she was asleep. The first few nights were rough, but it did not take her long to realize there was no point in waking up if she wasn't going to get rocked and fed. After that she slept through the night. I understand that you have tried literally everything, and it sounds like you may have already done a variation of this. Whatever you try, stick with it for a while. Consistency is important. Best of luck to you!
  • Hey, I too have a 7mo who likes to be held and rocked to sleep. I had a long few months when she was born doing exactly what you are still doing now, although she has reflux so that did not help. Somehow I got acclimated to this "routine" so I'll tell you what we do and maybe it will give you some ideas...our bedroom is set up with her crib right up against my side of the bed with that touching side taken off. I shove a pillow and some large stuffed animals in between the mattress and the other sides railing so that our matresses are flush with each other, don't want baby falling through the cracks! We have a fan constantly running for sound and I like it on me when I sleep, so she feels some of it too, don't know if that helps her or not, never though about it!
    Whenever she is tired for a nap it is best for us to breastfeed in the bed. She eats til she falls asleep and then when I feel comfortable with taking her off the boob I do quickly replacing it with her binky. Then I let her lay on my chest while I rock her with my leg for like 10 mins while I play on my phone or try to get ready to sleep myself if I'm taking a nap too :) Then I gently transion her to either on her bed, or on my bed between me and her bed so she don't roll off (on her tummy still, she can roll over on her own so it's safe now, although honestly she was never a back sleeper which was also my problem early on, so I have always placed her on her belly which did not come easy on my nerves at first!) At night we do the same only I can let her fall asleep in the living room before I transition her to her crib. She sleeps only in her crib until my husband leaves for work then I have her sleep with me on our bed, I'm attached to her too much! At night she is a spastic sleeper! I use the same routine as with naps: nurse, binky, rock, then transition. She was waking every 2 hours, but like someone else mentioned I went straight for the boob and then realized that was not needed. Right when I started to stop trying to nurse each time and only every other time, she started sleeping every 3.5/4 hours. I have tried every other time with this as well, but haven't had success. She is a grazer during the day, eating every hour and half-ish, so it's understandable to me she will wake up this often I suppose. Thankfully she does this in a span of 9-12 hours, so I get enough catnaps in to function. Also do you have a bedtime routine? When I first started one I was like this is not working! But after a week or two it actually started to amount to something. I don't even use it every night if she happens to fall asleep before or I'm too tired. But it seems to help her understand it's bedtime and that sets the mood somehow. Really all I do is give her some solid food to help fill her tummy then let her wear herself out in the tub before I breastfeed her to sleep.
    I hope some of this helps you! I know it's so hard to not have sleep. I was a huge sleeper myself before having her, I miss not having a full nights sleep, but I wouldn't trade it for the world! Stay positive and hang in there!
  • That really stinks. I've been using the Magic Merlins sleep suit for the past couple of weeks, grace still wakes up 1-2 times per night to eat but she falls to sleep in it within a couple minutes and stays asleep. I was skeptical so I bought it in craigslist, its great, good luck.
  • We have tried CIO with intervals and his dad doing the checks for almost 4 weeks and it seemed to make things worse :-( as it stands right now he's been up since 3am with my husband trying to put him back to sleep for the last 2 hours but now he's all worked up and unable to go back down so here we are watching the news and reading the bump at 5:30... :'(@breakinginsanity Yes, sidecarring the crib was something we tried from the time he was 4-6 months but he hated that the crib mattress felt different from our bed mattress so he always ended up back on my bed. I loved cosleeping but when he started crawling there were a couple times he almost crawled off the and I barely woke up in time to catch him. Then we cleared out his nursery of everything but his crib and dropped our mattress on the floor (that way he wouldn't get hurt) but he still woke up constantly and wanted to be rocked back to sleep aside from the fact that when he did wake up he'd go for the edge again but just cry because he wanted to be back to sleep but couldn't and that was a mess. We do have a bedtime routine but this past week I have been trying out the whole "let him ware himself out" thing and I don't know how well its working :-/
  • AHHHHHHHHHHH this is our sons currently sleep schedule. Halp!

    Me: 29 DH: 35

    Married: 9/29/12

    DS #1: 3/8/15

  • sammieleigh3sammieleigh3 member
    edited August 2015
    **Removed for TOU violation**
  • My son was having difficulties sleeping too but recently is starting to sleep through the night. He sleeps with me and I nurse him sideline at night. So basically, every time he wakes up, I just push my boob in his mouth and fall asleep. He's not to the point of crawling just yet but I remember waking up and being scared when my daughter was wandering to the edge of the bed. I would try putting some pillows on the edge of the bed, or even like a toddler bed rail. I know that's kind of extreme but it seems like you need extreme solutions because you are exhausted and Lord knows you need some sleep. Also, my son was sick last week and wanted to be held at night. I would hold him but then put a pillow under my arm so his weight was supported. I'd fall asleep like that but then would wake up and slide him off whenever I needed to readjust and get comfortable.

    It seems you've tried a lot of similar things. But these are the specifics that would work for me. Also maybe trying "Mommy's Bliss-Gripe Water"? Hopefully something works for you soon. We all feel for you. Good luck.

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